


You're All I Need

by NinjaCheddarBiscuits



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Accidental Slaps, Amnesia, Anxiety, Attempt at Humor, Canon-Typical Violence, Dreams, Dreams and Nightmares, Drinking, Drowning, Drunkenness, Eventual Found Family, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Found Family, Gen, Hangover, Humor, Implied/Referenced Torture, Memory Loss, Nightmares, Nosebleeds, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Rating May Change, References to Depression, References to Suicide, Slow Burn, Slow Burn? More Like Sloth Burn, Slow To Update, Social Anxiety, Swearing, Tags May Change, The Unrelenting Shadow, You're All I Need (fic title), self discovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:47:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 61
Words: 142,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23171911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinjaCheddarBiscuits/pseuds/NinjaCheddarBiscuits
Summary: Sometimes the best family you can have is the one you make yourself. Surround yourself with friends, those you can trust and can place all your faith and goodwill into because at the end of the day, they’ll do the same for you.---------------------Having woken up in a dark prison with nothing but the warm voice of a Divine to set her on her way and some kind help from a lumberjack, the newly named Nara will set about on her journey to find out what's so important about Falkreath, what her nightmares mean and maybe... just maybe, find out what that damn tattoo means.Oh and maybe recover the memories of her past along the way.Apologies in advance for this being inevitably horrible.
Comments: 46
Kudos: 45





	1. Prologue

With a heavy thwack of iron splitting wood in half, the log was split in half and scattered into the two separate piles as the woodcutter yanked her axe from the block. The rushing sounds of the river paired with the loud waterfall and the mill sawing its way through yet another log drowned out everything else around her. From the breeze brushing through the trees to the birds singing their songs, everything was hidden to the point of setting her on edge. But being out in the open didn't help calm her mind either.

The Woodcutter simply took a deep breath and straightened herself up, letting the aches and pains settle into her shoulders as she looked out over the crags and distant sulphur pools. Despite her worry, her never ceasing fear of being attacked in board daylight, she allowed herself to enjoy the view as she would everyday she woke up.

"Lass!" She snapped to attention in a second, spinning around to see the Lumberjack stood at the edge of her mill. She raised a gloved hand to wave down at her, a gesture the Woodcutter returned before grabbing the long length of rope by her feet and wrapping up her day's work.

The hempen rope dug into her aching shoulder as she hauled her work onto her back, letting the wood press against her lower back as she walked her way to the ramp where her employer was waiting patiently with a content look on her face.

"Another ten pieces?"

"Yeah..." The younger woman whispered, carefully setting down her bundle as the Lumberjack quickly counted out the coin and handed it over. "Thank you—"

"What have I said about that? There's no need for it, you're helping me out and I'm helping you out."

"Right, sorry Gilfre." The younger woman mumbled as she tucked the coins away into her handmade satchel, all the while unable to meet her boss's gaze. Gilfre gave a heavy sigh and crossed her arms, posting herself against the side of her mill as she watched the Breton worry over setting her work on the side in a neat pile with the rest that she had made over the course of two weeks. It was safe to say that the stack of firewood had grown as tall as Gilfre and was twice as long if she was laid down, for the Breton certainly didn't mind hard work.

"Have you remembered anything else yet?" She asked, letting her voice carry over the river and she couldn't help but wince to herself when the Breton girl jumped just a little. But she simply calmed herself with a deep breath and turned back around to act as naturally as she possibly could despite nearly jumping out of her skin.

"No, not yet."

"Well you're probably not going to remember anything else if you stay here." The Imperial said, shifting her weight from foot to foot as she watched the way the Breton kept herself wrapped up in her own thoughts, brow furrowed and all.

"No, I guess not."

"Have you given any more thought to heading up to Windhelm?"

"A little. I think I have plenty to get a carriage to Falkreath now that I don't need to buy a bow or arrows." Gilfre gave a small smile at the mention of the weapon, of how she had seen the young woman using her spare time to sit in the sun with an iron dagger in hand, shaping herself a simple bow and quiver of arrows over the past few days.

"I wouldn't worry about the cost lass, as soon as you get the carriage you'll easily find work in Falkreath, so your coin purse won't run dry. But have you thought of a name for yourself yet?"

"No, I don't really know what to call myself..." The Breton replied as she rubbed the back of her neck, unable to help but shrink in on herself.

"Well you need to call yourself something."

"I know, I know. Do you think you could help me with that? Knowing next to nothing doesn't really give me any ideas." She managed to force a laugh from herself as she ignored the ever present tirade of disappointment and frustration swirling in her own mind.

"How about... Nara?"

The Breton froze for several seconds, letting the name mull around in her mind as she let her hand fall from the final piece of firewood she had placed on the pile. She took a deep breath, smelling recently cut wood, the smallest trace of sulfur and what was left of the petrichor from the previous day's rainstorm on the wind.

"... yeah... _Nara_... I like it. Thank you Gilfre."


	2. A New Acquaintance

Another adventurer brushed him off with another excuse, another passing grumble, another roll of the eyes and muttered insult under their breath. The young Scholar took a deep breath and decided that taking the rest of the day off from trying to negotiate a deal would be for the best. So with a small stretch, he stood up from his seat and exited the tavern for a breath of fresh air.

The Scholar stepped up to the wooden railing, leaning against it with his arms folded upon it as he watched the tiny town of Falkreath continue existing before him. All he could hear, other than the surrounding woodland, was the sound of Lod working away in his smithy and the one goat roaming the town center with the bell around its neck ringing dully with every step. So, it was just another typical day in the sleepy but grim town.

He let his eyes close for a moment, his mind straying to thoughts of home briefly before he beat back those dreaded, homesick feelings into the very back of his head. But as soon as he opened his eyes, the world around him had changed just enough to startle him a little.

A new face, a young woman seemingly of Breton descent walked from the corner of his vision to the center. Garbed in leather and thick furs, he would have mistaken her for a bandit as she walked past but there was a certain wonder in her expression as she clutched her bow string across her chest. She stepped into a slow spin, her head tilted back as a tiny smile crossed her face as she looked at the clear sky and towering trees around Falkreath like she had never seen the outside world before. And then her eyes landed on him, she caught him staring.

She froze and he couldn't help but let dread seize his heart for the briefest moment. Yet that brief moment was simply that, short and fleeting for she raised her hand in a tiny wave that had the Scholar blinking in surprise. He reacted, returning the small gesture with what he hoped wasn't an entirely confused but friendly smile. He immediately received a pretty smile from the Stranger in return before she turned around and stepped onto the Blacksmith's porch, disappearing from sight.

He stood there for a second longer, then half a minute passed of him trying to figure out what had happened as he stepped back into the tavern and closed the door behind him.

* * *

Nara let her frustration seep away with a heavy sigh as she stepped out of the Jarl's Longhouse. How a young man could feel so entitled in his position that he would order her to fetch him an expensive bottle of mead was beyond her, so much so that she decided to scrap the task and continue on her way. Jarls and their petty requests be damned, she had much more important things to do.

With her hands tucked beneath her cloak, Nara made her way towards the tavern and gave a passing pat to the wandering goat as she did. Yet as soon as she looked up she froze and waited a little longer as a fairly large group of what looked to be hunters stepped into the tavern, so she gave the goat a few more pats which earned her a friendly headbutt to her thigh. She managed a small chuckle and waited a few more seconds before leaving her new friend behind with a gentle scratch under its chin.

Warmth washed over her as soon as she opened the door to the Dead Man's Drink and the smell of old ale hit her nose in an instant to the point that the Breton nearly gagged, but she sucked a breath through her mouth and hoped her breakfast wouldn't come back up. She avoided the crowd of hunters and barely managed to see the out of place Imperial man trying to garner attention from the very same crowd. She cast a glance back over her shoulder, spotting that he had managed to snag one of the burly Nord men into a conversation. But a quick glance turned to worried watching, a habit she couldn't stop as she watched the Imperial try his best to do... Whatever he was trying to do.

"Oh bless him, he's still trying." Nara quickly snapped back to attention and looked to the source of the voice, seeing a tanned, older woman standing on the other side of the bar who stood much like she had been just a few seconds prior, watching away.

"Trying?" Nara knew it wasn't her place to ask, and maybe it wasn't the other woman's place to respond but she still got an answer.

"Oh he's been here a couple of weeks now, trying to find anyone to help him on his expedition or something. Trust me, trying to talk to him about it either ends up with him rambling away or with him getting flustered." The woman gave a chuckle as she set down the tankard she was cleaning and leaned against the bar instead. "You should have seen him last night when Narri was trying to flirt with him, he turned as red as a tomato. Anyway! Where are my manners? Welcome to the Dead Man's Drink, is there anything I can get you?"

"Er, yeah- yes, how much would it be to rent a room for—" The tavern door suddenly slammed shut, the sharp noise startling Nara beyond belief as she spun around to face the source.

The hunters were gone and the Imperial man was left behind to huff heavily before he turned on his heel and took a seat at one of the tables along the wall. She took a deep breath and forced her tensed hand to let go of the dagger on her side only to have regret seep into her mind when a hand appeared on her arm.

"I know you were spooked but make sure you keep your weapons sheathed whilst you're in my tavern, alright?" The Innkeeper gave her a knowing look with that request, and all she could do was nod and wish her heart would stop hammering against her ribs. "So, a room for the night? Food too?"

"Yes please." Nara managed to whisper and before she knew it, the trade had been completed and she was left to wait for her meal. Left to stand with her mind slowly calming from its frightened state as the Bard stood up from his break and began to fill the room with a gentle song that he played on his lute.

So with nothing better to do, she let herself sate her curiosity.

* * *

The door had slammed closed with the hunters' hasty exit and the Scholar couldn't help but feel that his luck was running out. Someone had to be at least willing to at least _listen_ to him, right? With a grumble, he sat down at a table and pulled out his notebook with the hope he could distract himself from his frustration with some pondering, academic thoughts. He quickly lost himself in it all, adding more notes and more ideas to possibly experiment upon once he had the means to do so only for a hand to suddenly appear on his shoulder.

It was the Stranger, her platinum hair was pulled back into a messy bun just as he had seen outside in the street what felt like hours beforehand. And that pretty smile was back on her face.

"Hey there, do you mind if I sit with you?" She asked with such a disarming sweetness to her tone that he couldn't stop his mind from blanking.

"Er- Hello again and of course! I mean I don't see why you would but by all means, I won't say no to the company, Miss...?" He was half way through gesturing to the seat beside him before she gave her name, even holding out her hand with that smile growing just a touch.

"Nara."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Nara! I'm Lucien Flavius."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucien's intro was swapped up a bit from what happens in his mod but it's only for aesthetic, writing purposes and because of how Nara is as a person. He's still the same sweet boi we all know and love.


	3. Thunder and Thoughts

A clear day could just as easily become a dreary, rainy day in what felt like a blink of an eye in the quiet little town of Falkreath. Yet as the rain hammered down on the tavern and the thunder remained muffled by the sturdy wood walls and the thatched roof, it was all outside which was what mattered. And it was as close it could be to being completely out of Nara's mind as she sat by the firepit with her back to the flames. She settled with it being just another background noise and another occasional startle when the storm ebbed closer with a flash and deep rumble.

Goosebumps covered her arms with another flash of lightning and another muffled growl of thunder and she groaned softly as she sat there, scrubbing her face as she tried to fight back the fear. Squash it down, throw it away into a dark corner of her mind where she hoped she could forget it. She had more important things to think about, more dire ideas and plans to weave and set into motion. All of those plans, however, she had no idea how to even begin.

The Bard, Delacourt if she remembered correctly, began to sing another song, providing another layer to the noise to drown everything else out. Another layer to make it all, _mind-numbing._ She could finally focus on her current dilemma. That dilemma being Lucien.

Sweet, curious and intelligent yet what baffled her the most was how strange it was to find such a vivid concentration of literal... _Pureness,_ in what she already knew to be a harsh, unforgiving land. A purity that had no right existing so vividly in a war-torn hellscape of snow and tundra. But to her purity brought naivete, a challenge when she had no idea what she was even doing, a possibility to either get herself killed or even worse, _Lucien killed._ She couldn't risk that. She wouldn't. But...

She couldn't fund herself on just cutting wood for the local lumberjack, she couldn't discover who she was on a gold per pierce of firewood. She only managed to save so much gold at the Mixwater Mill because Gilfre was kind enough to help her. And that gold was now gone into the pockets of a carriage driver and an innkeeper.

With a bitter sigh, Nara looked up as the Bard finished his song, spotting that Lucien had returned to his studying once again as he waited. She had told him to have patience whilst she mulled it all over and he seemed more than happy to oblige. Although she had the sneaking suspicion he was using his charm to get his way... All big blue eyes and cheery, polite smiles to make her lower her guard more than she should.

"Dammit," Nara muttered to herself as she stood up, sealing her paranoia away the best she could as she sat beside the distracted Imperial who looked up from his book with a hopeful glint in his eyes. She held up her hand to stop him from saying anything and took a deep breath. "If you want to hire me as a bodyguard, you need to agree to all of my terms, okay?"

"But of course! Wait, what kind of _terms_?" Lucien was quick to switch from brightness to tempered caution with whatever he meant with the very specific inflexion.

"Simply that you never leave my sight or step out of my earshot, that you stay right by my side when we're on the road and that you don't wear your current attire all the time," Nara answered with a slightly furrowed brow, leaning back with her elbows resting on the table to prop herself up. But it clicked in his mind and a relieved exhale left him.

"Oh, well that was to be expected but what's so wrong with my clothes that they have to be a part of your terms?"

"There's nothing _wrong_ with them per se. Hell, you look very handsome in them but you're just going to draw unwanted attention from bandits." She paused for a moment, watching the tavern door open and close as a few more travellers began to filter in for a drink. Her eyes narrowed as she scanned each and every one of them, and once they moved past she continued but didn't take her eyes off the group which left Lucien to breathe a sigh of relief that she didn't see his flushed face. "I'll go get you some armour from Lod in a little bit and when we get to Whiterun we'll find something better for you, something warmer. It gets cold at night outside of a tavern, believe me."

"Very well but you'll have to wait 'til morning to go to the blacksmith." He said with a matter of fact air before he sipped from his cup of tea.

"And why's that?" She tore her gaze away from the strangers to raise her eyebrow at him, smirking just a little as she did.

"You do realise that you've been staring into space for a good four hours, right?"

"Oh... No, I guess I didn't. Well, shit that's my plan ruined." She muttered only to hear Lucien scoff with the most offence she had ever heard in a single noise.

"Well excuse you! And here I thought you were at least respectable." The Breton gave a chuckle and tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling for a moment before looking at him with mirth in her eyes but a well-meaning note to her voice.

"Sorry, I'll work on that, can't have you getting huffy with me."

"I do not get 'huffy'." He shot back with a small glare and Nara couldn't help but snort and shake her head.

"Lucien you just did and you currently are." She shifted on the bench and crossed one leg over the other as she leaned back a little more against the table, returning to watching the group of travellers and relaxing when they remained around the bar and focused on their conversations and drinks. "Sorry, I'll stop it with the teasing as well if you want me to." 

"How about instead I tell you if your teasing gets out of hand in the future. But honestly, I'm glad that you're at least a very sociable person even if you're a little crass. Goodness, if you weren't I can imagine that travelling with you would be very dull." Lucien admitted, taking a sip from his cup to watch her turn her head back to him with her brows knitted in a deep furrow.

"Sociable? I wouldn't say that."

"Then what would you call yourself?" He shot back with genuine curiosity which was something she knew she'd have to get used to as soon as she could. There was almost something, puppy-like, about the young Imperial and she couldn't help but quickly shake that comparison from her mind as she returned to watching the tavern for just a few more moments.

"I don't know, but I guess I'll figure that out soon enough. Anyway, I'm going to get an early night, I'll see you in the morning." Finally standing back up, Nara gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder before leaving him there with his supper and nary a chance to even bid her goodnight.

He was left to ponder what she meant by 'figuring' out an aspect of herself, yet that was something he could do as he ate the rest of his meal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly should not have chosen a slow-burn type fic to write, 'cause honestly I'm starting to lose my mind with this but oh well. I opened this can of worms now I must lie in them.


	4. Naps and Nosebleeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forewarning: mentions of drowning, blood and slapping. I don’t want to upset anyone and we can’t be too careful when it comes to these matters but I hope you enjoy either way!

Chains, clattering and dragging along the floor. Metal against stone. The smell of roses and sweet perfume hung heavy in the cold air only for it to quickly change to a vicious brimstone that once breathed in made the back of her throat itch and her eyes water. She had no choice, no other option but to keep breathing as she was dragged along across the endless ocean of stone.

She didn't fight back despite her chains being broken, hanging uselessly from her shackled wrists. She couldn't. How could she? She had no weapons, no means to defend herself.

'What's the point...' She thought to herself, hearing a deep voice simply chuckle behind her as they finally reached whatever destination they had set.

The dull stone had shifted to a glowing blue ocean that no doubt went further beyond the horizon than she could have ever imagined. She felt no pain as she was dropped to her knees, only feeling the pain when a foot kicked out and connected between her shoulder blades, forcing her face-first into what wasn't water like she first thought.

It was thick, almost congealed like blood but still liquid enough that it could seep through her nose and mouth. She finally began to struggle, to fight back. With death so close to her and her lungs burning with the breath she desperately wanted and needed to take she had no choice. Had no thoughts other than...

She had no choice than to try, her own body giving out whilst her mind held onto such an iron-like will. Her hands weakly tried to find purchase against any solid surface but her body was simply giving up as the clear tar began to fill and weigh down her lungs.

* * *

The poor weather had only stayed the night, leaving them to travel via carriage under a cloud patched sky. Lucien didn't mind it either way that his new travelling companion and, more importantly, bodyguard had insisted on their current mode of transport. There was a certain quality to adventuring that he knew he was missing out on, the idea of walking the roads with Nara by his side. But after such a horrible storm he really didn't want to slog through wet grass and thick mud, especially not in his new gear which consisted of light leathers and a linen cloak. It was all temporary of course, according to the Breton. She supposedly had plans to hunt and fashion him a better cloak and he couldn't help but wonder if her plans entailed their garbs to be matching.

It was a silly thought but one that made him smile to himself, the idea of being true adventurers in matching silvery-white and grey hoods and capes that sent whispers throughout taverns and villages upon their arrival. Whispers of valiant tales and heroes braving caves filled with monsters that would make even the most well-trained guard turn tail. He chuckled quietly to himself, sparing a glance to his napping companion.

She sat with her back pressed firmly to the corner of the carriage with one foot planted on the floor and the other on the seat to keep herself from falling out when they travelled up sharp hills. Hunched in on herself with her arms folded tight across her chest, she dozed away in her space across from him as peaceful as he had ever seen her, which was rather peaceful considering how little time they had actually been within one another's company.

He was just about to return to his book just to keep himself occupied with some light reading only for his gaze to shift once more when he noticed some movement. Yet not the kind he expected. Just a small trickle of blood that had begun to pour steadily from Nara's nose as she sat there sleeping, completely unaware.

"Nara? Wake up you've got a nosebleed- Argh!" As soon as Lucien touched her shoulder to shake it, she snapped awake with a blur of movement and he was knocked back. The only thing he could register as he slumped into his seat was his stinging cheek and the utter disbelief that Nara had backhanded him. The silence was heavy with shock and he watched as the realisation slowly seeped into her expression, her face turning red with embarrassment as she let her raised hand fall limp to her side.

"Shit! Lucien–"

"What was that for?!"

"- I am so sorry–"

"Honestly there was no need to slap me like that–"

"Hey, I just said that I'm sorry! I was asleep for Mara's sake–"

"Will you two, _respectfully_ , shut up back there?!" The Carriage Driver suddenly snapped over their heated bickering from the front seat. The pair quickly looked away from one another as the embarrassment settled into sheepishness with the fact that the Driver was acting more like an adult than either of them.

With a tender cheek and slightly wounded pride, Lucien looked ahead over the front of the cart and decided that ignoring his companion for the moment would be for the best as he regained his composure. He heard her heavy sigh and saw her shift in her seat out of the corner of his eye, so he dared to steal a glance at her, seeing her pinching her small nose with a bloodied hand.

Dark eyes flitted up from the void and met his for a moment and she quickly looked away, shifting to the end of the carriage with her water skin in her lap. Nara carefully let go of her nose, checking to see if the blood flow had been staunched before quickly washing her hands. All the while, the palomino mare kept pulling the carriage and it's contents along, the world and forest road went along whilst the anger and shame remained so tightly compacted in a bubble in the back of the cart. She had no idea if she had a sense of pride, but she was damned if she was ever going to let it get the better of her.

"I mean it, Lucien, I am sorry. I won't make excuses for it either." With a heavy thud, Nara sat down beside him and wiped the last streak of crimson from her lips on the back of her wet hand. With a few shakes and a quick rub on the inside of her cloak, she dried a hand and twisted to face him. "Lemme see- Lucien don't pout, let me look at your cheek."

"I am not pouting." The Imperial huffed as he turned to face her, yet he couldn't help but tense when she brushed his blonde hair out of his face with one hand and held his chin with the other.

"Uh-huh, of course you're not." She muttered under her breath and before he knew it he was nearly blinded by the sudden glow of brilliant gold light. But his eyes quickly adjusted and he let her channel the soothing magic through her hand and into him. It only lasted for a moment, but a moment of magic was all he needed to not feel as bitter as the warm glow settled into his body and healed both his slightly wounded pride and a stinging cheek. She pulled away and tilted her head to the side as she assessed her work, eyes narrowed in thought. "Better?"

"Yes, thank you. And, I'm sorry for snapping at you. But the next time you have a nosebleed in your sleep, I'm waking you up from _behind_ a shield." He tried his best to lighten the mood, to pull it away from the bitterness and shock from before and to his surprise he succeeded when she gave a tiny laugh.

"You'd be best smacking me with a broom to wake me up, I'd rather not break my hand mid-flail by bashing it against a shield."

"Speaking of which, do you typically get nosebleeds in your sleep?" She raised an eyebrow at him for a brief moment, leaving the confused Imperial to become even more so at her rather dismissive aura. "What? It's a cause for concern! And anyway you can never be too cautious about these things."

"Well, I guess that was the second or third time I've had one and from what I can tell they seem to only happen when I have really weird dreams but I don't know. Doesn't really bother me that much to be honest." Nara replied, slouching in her seat with her head tilted back so she could watch the sky and the few clusters of clouds that hung overhead. "But before you start worrying, if it becomes more frequent or worse I'll tell you straight away."

"Please do, I'd definitely prefer that you'd stay alive instead of just suddenly dropping dead from unknown causes."

"Yeah well I'll be sure to try and not forget that promise, but enough about me, what about you, _boss?_ What have you got planned for the world? Or is this just an 'on a whim' kind of situation, this whole, studying Skyrim thing?" And almost within an instant, Nara had Lucien chatting away about all of his plans, his ideas and interests. She kept providing more questions and he was all too willing to give answers to the ones that she phrased properly.

She finally had a reason to not fall back to sleep and kept herself sat beside the excitable Scholar with a small smile on her face as the carriage rocked and shifted over the uneven cobbles of the road along Lake Illinalta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so mean to Lucien but I’m just doing my part of sticking to the canon of what happened in Nara’s play through. That being in the middle of a brawl she accidentally punched Lucien and not Mikael in Whiterun but I didn’t want to go over everything, and wanted to make it more character relevant than just a “oops, sorry bud” moment.


	5. Brawl-room Dance

"Wait, so if your family is mostly from the Imperial City and never really left, then is this your first time out of Cyrodiil?"

"Well, yes actually, I’ve never been past the border into any of the neighbouring Provinces but I can’t help but be excited by it all, seeing new lands and learning more than what you’d find in a library or in an academic environment. And anyway, with the Dwemer having never built any cities in Cyrodiil before their disappearance in the First Era, what else was I supposed to do to study them? Wait around for applications and stacks of paperwork to be checked and stamped just so I can look at half of an Automaton? Believe me I’ve been through that process enough to be utterly sick of it.”

Nara couldn’t help but give a brief snort of laughter, shaking her head as she walked alongside Lucien in the warm sunset light. The smallest breeze swept through Whiterun’s outer bulwark, their arrival drawing the eyes of the stationed and patrolling guards as they stepped over the drawbridge.

“So in actuality, you’re here because you’re impatient?”

“What? No, of course not! My ‘impatience’ has nothing to do with me coming to Skyrim. Like I said before, this expedition is academic.” Lucien explained only to spare a glance at his bodyguard, seeing the mirth in her eyes as she walked shoulder to shoulder with him and the way she was suppressing a smirk. “Oh alright, I guess I was and am a _little_ impatient, but it's all the more reason for me to even be here! What if we find more answers as to why Dwarven technology still functions to this day? What if we discover the real reason as to why they disappeared all those years ago?”

“Well, I can’t and won’t fault you for that, boss.” Nara mumbled softly to herself as she nodded to a stationed guard in passing as they both stepped up to the main gate. With her shoulder to the birch wood and her hand on the large iron handle, she shoved open the gate and stepped inside. “So, thoughts then? Little bit of supply shopping or shall we head straight to the tavern?”

“After half a day stuck on the back of a rickety carriage? I think a nice sit down and rest is in order.” Lucien replied with a chuckle, managing to coax a smile from Nara as she closed the gate behind them both. With a gentle pat on his arm, she led the way up the stone street towards a still bustling market square.

Yet just like the very first time he had ever seen her, only a day prior, Lucien found Nara to be staring at everything like it was something brand new to behold. He couldn’t understand why. The architecture of the buildings was uniform but nothing completely special, there was no change to the dusk-lit sky yet she looked at it all as if it was new and intriguing, that there was some hidden mystery to it all. Not dissimilar to the confused look he remembered her making in the midst of his hypothesis on what the use of a Soul Gem would have within a Dwemer Automaton. “Nara? Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, why not.”

“I’ve noticed that when I’ve mentioned something, that in actual fact should be common knowledge, you get this incredibly baffled look- There! Exactly like that.” She shot him a look of confusion that quickly swapped to suspicion when she found him pointing exactly at her face, something she was to correct with a small tap to his hand as they passed by an lonely and empty house. “I guess what I’m trying to ask is, if it's not too… er, _forward_ of me, what do you know about the world? About Tamriel? Because from where I’m standing it seems like you don’t know much- And before you say anything I do not mean that as an insult! Far from an insult in fact- Let me say it loud and clear, I’m just curious.”

Nara paused for a moment in her stride, bringing Lucien to a halt at the opening to the market square. He watched as her dark eyes focused on an unknowable point right in front of her, all expression and emotion falling from her face before she took a deep breath and turned to him.

“How about this, you head on inside, I’ll get the lay of the land real quick and after, whatever, in the tavern I tell you why I’m like that, alright?”

“Nara you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to一”

“Yeah well get over it you’re my boss and you asked, I’m not just going to keep shi一” She bit her tongue and grumbled wordlessly beneath her breath before restarting without swearing. “I’m not just going to keep secrets from you, especially not when there’s the possibility you can help. Anyway, I’ll meet you inside in like, fifteen minutes tops, alright?” With not a moment to spare to let him reply, Nara gave him another pat on his arm before she wandered away and left him to wonder how she vanished so effortlessly. He could hardly understand how a woman with bright platinum hair could just so easily disappear into a crowd. Maybe it was because she was rather short? Either way, Lucien simply shrugged his shoulders and weaved his way through the few gathering crowds and up to the Bannered Mare, pondering all the while on what she meant.

A rush of warm air and a strange mix of woodsmoke and stale ale and mead hit him as soon as Lucien opened the door, but to feel like he could well and truly relax for an evening was more than welcome as he closed the door behind him and quickly found the bar and what he hoped was the Innkeeper. After a brief but pleasant enough conversation with Hulda which led to the awkward realisation that he had rented the one and only available room in the tavern, he followed her up the stairs and soon found himself sat on the balcony overlooking the main area and entrance. So he patiently waited not only for his travelling companion but also the meal he ordered for the evening and wondered all the while which would arrive first.

The doors swung open and he looked down to see Nara step inside and scan everywhere for him. She quickly found him and before he could wave, she held up her finger before practically storming into the tavern and up to the Bard stood before the fire who played his lute. Lucien couldn’t help but try to strain his ears to listen to their conversation down below but the general hub-bub of the tavern masked it effortlessly until:

“I don’t have to take that from you!”

Lucien watched with wide eyes as Nara hopped back into view and simultaneously dodged a fist and raised her own hands in preparation to continue fighting the Bard of all people. Yet despite the Nord man’s physicality compared to the Breton’s short standing, the Bard landed a quick jab straight to her mouth as she was mid glance in a search to find a better spot to stand that wasn’t on the lip of the firepit or on a patron’s foot. She recoiled, dazed and bloodied with one hit but just sneered through her busted lip and lashed out with a solid gut punch leading to a sharp slam of her elbow into his chin, all before she grabbed him by his shoulder and yanked him down so she could bring her knee to his stomach.

The Bard immediately coughed up both blood and spittle as the wind was viciously knocked out of his chest with such a blow but Nara wasn’t finished as she grabbed his arm and dragged him across the room, tripping him up over a bench before slamming him down onto the bar top.

The few patrons that had been shouting and cheering at the fight drew a little quieter as Nara held her opponent down with his arm twisted behind his back. Each breath came out as a sharp and laboured pant before she swallowed and spoke.

“Sorry Hulda, just taking care of business.” Nara half heartedly threw at the Innkeeper before grabbing the back of the Bard’s shirt and slamming him back down to stop him from struggling. “Right, you listen to me, she’s sick of your shit and from what she’s told me, a lot of other ladies are sick of it too. So you leave Carlotta alone or _this_ gets worse.” To add to her point, she twisted his arm tighter and pinned it harder against his back, leaving him to yelp out in agony.

“You win! You win- I swear on my honour that Carlotta won’t have to worry about me ever again!”

With her victory quickly declared, Nara let go and stepped back as she wiped her bloodied mouth on the back of her bruising hand and it was only in that moment of quiet that she realised where she was, what she had done. She quickly tucked herself into her heavy cloak and shoved her way through the crowds and dashed up the stairs, opening and slamming the door in quick succession.

“What was that?!” Lucien snapped as he stood in the archway leading back into the bedroom to see her with her back pressed firmly against the door, her chest rising and falling with a thin sheen of sweat sticking to her brow.

“Look before you start I tried persuading him not to keep ‘pursuing’ Carlotta but he wouldn’t have it and I definitely wasn’t going to waste any gold trying to bribe him.” Nara gave a heavy huff as she stood up straight and quickly slipped past him, taking a seat on the balcony before pushing her chair flush to the wall so she was out of sight from any wandering eyes on the ground floor. As she continued explaining, it finally clicked in Lucien's mind. “Mara’s sake, Lucien, she’s got a kid to look after as well as herself, and I mean the prick also tried chatting me up too as soon as he saw me. It's just uncalled for.”

“And here I thought you just picked a fight for no reason.” Lucien chuckled quietly as he grabbed his knapsack and sat down beside her in the spare chair, casting a brief glance to his forgotten meal that he no longer had the appetite to finish upon seeing his companion bloodied and bruised.

“Wait, you’re not mad?” Taken aback, she stared at him as he fished out clean bandages and his freshly refilled waterskin which he poured into a spare goblet.

“Oh believe me I was for a moment until you explained what happened. To be honest I’m rather jealous of how much courage you have. And if I had that courage or rather a _temper_ like yours, I probably would have done the same if all else had failed. Now, hold this to your lip and give me your hand, I’m fairly certain I can recall how to properly bandage your knuckles.” With a wetted strip of cloth, he wiped away the blood from the broken patches of skin across her hand and fingers, all the while not even noticing she was sitting and staring into the void, processing what he had said.

“I guess I should thank you, huh?”

“You don’t _have_ to but it's certainly appreciated, it's not everyday I willing help someone bandage up their brawl bruises.” Lucien smarmed back with a smile and Nara simply rolled her eyes and took a moment to check her busted lip, finding it had finally stopped with little help.

“Yeah, well I appreciate that you’re more understanding than most, and that you’re pretty decent at wrapping up hands.” She admitted as she leant back into her seat, finally taking a moment to relax after such a hectic five or so minutes.

“' _Pretty decent’_?” He couldn’t help but echo with a small trace of disappointment slipping into his tone as she corrected a few aspects of his work.

“You’ve still got things to learn, like not starting from the palm and ending on the wrist or binding so tight when it's just small cuts.” And for the first time, he watched as confusion washed over her expression for just a moment at something _she_ had said yet she was quick to move on. “But the help is still appreciated, so thanks Lucien.”

“It’s no problem at all Nara, just as long as you promise to keep the brawling to the minimum.”

“Sorry boss, can’t make nor keep that one. You gonna finish that by the way?”

“Hm? Oh, no you can have it if you want, seeing you fight like that put me off.”

“Eh, waste not want not.” With the plate snatched up from the small table in front of her, Nara quickly settled with her legs tucked up onto the chair and the plate tucked between her knees and her chest. Sat as a small ball happily nibbling away on the untouched buttered bread and the few cuts of grilled leeks, she watched from her vantage point in silence and indulged in her people watching habit as a few over time left or a few more entered. All the while, Lucien focused on trying to write something on a piece of parchment. What? She didn’t know and it certainly wasn’t in her place to pry so much into her employer’s habits and tendencies, or that’s what she assumed at least.

The minutes ticked by into an hour of gentle repose. The noise of the main tavern had quietened to a soft but still ever present murmur of the patrons becoming more intoxicated and relaxed after their days of working or travel and Mikael was certain to tend to his wounded pride instead of singing for the entertainment of others for the evening.

“Nara?” Lucien finally broke the pleasant silence between them, wondering if the inevitable conversation would make him regret such a choice.

“Mhm?” She didn’t even look up from the people below them, still curled up in a ball with her eyes focused entirely on the world around her almost like a hawk searching for its next meal.

“Do you still want to explain what we discussed earlier? You did say you think I might be able to help with whatever you were talking about at the time.”

“Ah, right. That.” Finally lifting her attention from the crowd and settling back on him, Nara shifted in her seat and furrowed her brow. “Do you want the short version first or the long version?”

“Whichever you’re most comfortable with.”

“I don’t know who I am and I don’t have any memories before waking up in an empty prison in Eastmarch just over two weeks ago.” Nara said whilst Lucien was mid sip of his tea. She winced when he coughed and choked and carefully reached over to gently pat him on the back, hoping it would help him get his breath back.

“You’re- You’re joking, right?” Lucien croaked out as he set down his tea and coughed into his sleeve, clearing his throat and hoping the pain would quickly subside.

“I really wish I was Lucien, ‘cause right now I don’t know what to do with myself other than the current ‘keeping you alive’ job.” Nara gave a shrug of her shoulders as she unfolded from her ball and instead slouched so she could stare at the ceiling.

“Could you guide me through what happened when you woke up? If it's not too difficult for you of course一”

“I have amnesia, Lucien. I’m not made of glass.” A look of regret immediately swept across her face and she closed her eyes as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“I know, I just don’t want to put you through too much stress if you’ve only been, consciously awake, for only two weeks.” He explained with a small bite to his voice that he couldn’t completely hide nor shoo away, yet she didn’t seem to notice nor care as she folded her arms across her chest.

“Well, I woke up in a prison cell, there was a gold statue of Mara that… _spoke_ to me and it magically gave me lockpicks. I broke out, found a key, an axe and a way out through a sewer tunnel that came out under the bridge just up the road from Mixwater Mill. It was only about four days ago that I left the mill because for some reason all I knew at the time was that there was something important in Falkreath. I don’t know what though.” She let go of a breath she didn’t know she had been holding for so long and somehow slouched even further into her chair without falling off of the seat, letting her head rest completely on the back of her chair as she sat there.

Somehow as they sat there, both processing every word she had said, the entire building grew a little quieter as their focus shifted entirely from just a peaceful evening in one another’s company to a difficult truth. A difficult explanation that gave him an answer to nearly every question he had about her personality and her strange and somewhat mysterious nature.

“How do you know it was Mara?”

“What?”

“How do you know that statue and that whatever was speaking to you, _was_ Mara? If you woke up with practically no knowledge in your mind then how do you know?” A cold and exhausted smile appeared on Nara’s face as she mustered an echo of a laugh and sat up to put her head in her hands.

“I haven’t got a fuc一” She growled and stopped herself, tapping the heel of her bandaged palm to her forehead. “Need to stop it with the swearing… But I haven’t got a clue, it's the same reason why I don’t know why I know magic or why Falkreath is so important or why I even _think_ that statue was Mara or even how I know Mara is a Goddess or, whatever. It just _is,_ if that makes any sense?”

“Well, to be perfectly honest, it does and it doesn’t.” Lucien admitted with a drawn out sigh, finally sinking into all the information she had given so freely only to realise he needed to think more on the matter. “Listen, Nara, I don’t know how to help but I’m certainly willing to try the best I can.”

“I don’t even know where to start figuring out what to even do about it all. Don’t even know what I’m supposed to do with myself.”

“How about we return to where you woke up? See if there’s anything left behind from before you lost your memory?” He offered, watching as she let the idea bounce around in her mind for a moment before she stood up and stretched her arms behind her head.

“Yeah, it's the best lead we have so far.” Nara mumbled only to scoff quietly to herself and shake her head. “Hey, for all we know I could be another interesting experiment or something, just don’t dissect me. Anyway, I’m going to go get a drink and rent a room or something, I’ll see you in the morning Lucien.”

“Oh, er, about the renting the room idea.” He was quick to interject and before he could explain she huffed and raised an eyebrow.

“You rented the last one, didn’t you?”

“Sorry…”

“Don’t apologise and don’t worry about it, I’m resourceful so I’ll figure something out. I’m going to stay up later than you anyway so just, make sure you get some rest, alright?” With a reassuring hand on his shoulder, she waited patiently for his answer before she left.

“Alright, goodnight Nara.”

“Night Lucien.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at these dorks, getting to know one another. Also behold! A chapter I actually had fun writing considering how bloody long it is.  
> Also I like to think that Lucien really couldn't stand getting wrapped up in paperwork back in the Imperial City since there's no Dwemer presence in Cyrodiil, and that you could easily imagine that most imported Dwarven artifacts are immediately bought up by private collectors.


	6. A Blue Tattoo...

It was supposed to be simple. It was supposed to be _simple._

Wake up, find Nara sleeping in a chair at the bottom of the staircase of his rented room, wake her up and be relieved when she didn’t accidentally hit him, get breakfast, go supply shopping, get a map. But no. She had to listen to Amren and offer to find his father’s sword at Valtheim Tower, yet then again they were going to be travelling down the same road even if they had a small task to complete on the way or not.

Lucien regretted every decision he had ever made that led to that moment as he stood at the mouth of the stone bridge, concentrating on channelling so much magicka into his hands to cause some damage to the Bandit Chief that was charging at him like a mad bull. The flames only charred the Orc’s steel shield as he sprinted straight at him with his mace ready to come up and smash into his skull.

But a heavy shove had Lucien stumbling and then tumbling and before he knew it he was clinging to the edge of the wooden bridge for dear life. He was just able to quickly pull himself back up with a burst of adrenaline and see Nara finishing his fight for him.

She gave a furious yell and kicked the Bandit Chief back and drew her dagger, she hopped to the side when he leapt back with an overhead swing that just clipped the outside of her arm as she slashed. Blood splashed across her as it poured from the man’s opened neck and she grabbed the horns of his iron helmet, snapped one off in a fit of rage and plunged it into his eye. Panting for breath, she stepped over the Orc’s corpse before breaking into a sprint across the bridge, meeting the archer head on and like a battering ram she shoved him off the bridge and into the waterfall below.

Despite the fact that he was trembling from both fear and adrenaline, Lucien picked himself up and stumbled into a jog after his travelling companion and reached the other side just in time to see a another bandit thrown off the top of the tower with a final, piercing scream before she disappeared into the water below.

“Wait where’s…? Lucien…? Fuck! Lucien?!” He stepped inside to see another corpse strewn across the table and Nara staggering down the stairs, her blood splattered face painted with fear before she laid eyes on him. Relief took over her in an instant and she let herself slouch against the stone wall and take a deep breath. “Thank the gods you’re still alive.”

“Yeah…” Was all he could whisper, feeling the fear completely take hold as the last of the adrenaline faded away and in what felt like a second, Nara was stood in front of him. She took hold of his hand and he couldn’t even acknowledge or be disgusted at how wet with blood her hand was as she gently pulled him along. He didn’t even notice until much later that she had a new sword on her belt.

A hiss of pain snapped Lucien out of his thoughts and he suddenly found himself back in reality, sat on a fallen tree in the middle of a forest with Nara sat next to him. The sun was much further along in its path across the sky, casting a warm glow through the canopy of trees as the birds chirped and the wind swept through the branches. The sound of a waterfall nearby could be heard in the distance but he didn’t know if it was the White River. He had no idea what had happened, it was like he had just woken up from a horrible nightmare and was left to stare at the ceiling as he processed what had happened, what had him in a cold, clammy sweat.

“Nara?” His voice sounded so loud in the quiet despite it being a croaky whisper. His platinum haired companion didn’t say anything, just leaned into him for a moment, knocking her head gently into his arm as she continued bandaging the long cut on the outside of her left arm. He took it as an acknowledgement and looked at himself and their surroundings only to feel his stomach drop.

All of the scrapes and bruises he had taken in the fight were no longer there, the blood had been washed from his hands and she had given him _her_ cloak, something he had never seen her without. Yet there she sat, fully able to heal herself through magic but instead taking her time with cloth and cleaning alcohol whilst covered in places with dried blood that was a mix of her own and of those she had killed. She had focused on him instead of herself first.

Nara snapped him out of his thoughts once again with a grumble of pain, having moved on to treat the arrow wound on her right shoulder. She pushed the strap of her scaled armour off and muttered beneath her breath before she gritted her teeth and pulled the arrow head out of her flesh with a beastly growl.

“Here let me—”

“Lucien I can—”

“- help- you can’t just do everything—”

“- do it myself- Would you stop it?!” Her snap was loud enough to make the birds scatter and the forest to grow even quieter. The intensity of her glare dimmed like a candle flame reaching the end of its wick or drowning in wax and that familiar wave of regret washed over her face a few seconds after as he dropped his gaze to the forest floor. “I’m sorry, Lucien.”

“No, it’s fine. I just wanted to be helpful.” Lucien mumbled as he rubbed his eyes, hearing a soft sigh leave Nara before she continued to treat her wound.

“Then when I’m done with this you can pitch the tent whilst I get some firewood. We’ll camp early tonight.” Her voice became softer, filled with a strange tone that he couldn’t quite place but was most certainly welcome despite how strange it sounded when she was usually just so… _Taciturn._

“Alright… But are you certain I can’t help with that? It’s a nasty looking wound.”

“I’ve got it handled.”

They fell back into silence and the sound of the forest quickly returned to the forefront as he pulled the tent out of his knapsack and waited with it on his lap, unknowingly clutching the leather in a white-knuckled grip as Nara tied off the last bandage. Once again it felt like no time had passed at all and he found himself staring into the middle distance, trying to suppress the growing tightness in his chest as Nara cut the log they had been sat on into usable pieces of deadwood for a campfire.

But with a fire burning in front of him, Lucien looked to see her sit down beside him with a thud and with a little bit of shifting she sat shoulder to shoulder with him. She tugged her cloak securely around his shoulders before gently patting his back, managing to muster a huff of laughter as she did.

“Today was a mess, huh?”

“A disaster.” Lucien agreed, putting his head in his hands for a brief moment and feeling the tension in his chest begin to subside even if it was only a little bit.

“Eh, a disaster is a bit of an overstatement. At least neither of us died.” Nara shot back, trying to lighten the atmosphere that hung so heavily over them both only for the attempt to fall flat, useless to do anything.

“All because you’re actually a fighter, you’re actually able to _do something._ ” Lucien muttered, not even giving her a chance to say anything as he let it all pour out. “You’re capable and strong and terrifying and I was useless that entire fight and you got hurt because of that because I couldn’t do anything other than nearly get us both killed and—” She suddenly smacked him upside the head. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt, but it was enough to make him shut up mid rant and stare at her. “What was that for?!”

“Because you’re not thinking! Stop taking all the gods damn blame for yourself and fucking listen to yourself.” Nara snapped, her glare as sharp as her new sword. “Seriously that’s the most bullshit I’ve ever heard and I feel like I’ve only been alive for two weeks for Mara’s sake. ‘Oh I was useless, oh I nearly got us killed’.” She mocked in the best impression of him she could muster as she turned to glare into the fire. “Don’t you remember that if you managed to disarm that one bandit? That you weakened the Chief with your fire magic whilst I took out an archer? Or that you dodged arrows and _didn’t_ die? Or how you killed that one bandit and saved me when I was knocked down? _You’re not useless._ ”

The crackling of the fire filled the silence between them as she took a deep breath and rested with her arms leaning on her knees, watching as a few embers flew into the air.

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better, aren’t you?” Lucien asked sheepishly as he picked at a few pieces of grass in front of him to keep himself somewhat occupied as he awaited her answer.

“I meant it, Lucien. And honestly I wasn’t expecting anything of what you did earlier, so I’m actually impressed. Even if you’re not, I am. So get over it, get better, don’t wallow in all that angst and instead do something about it.” With her piece said, Nara reached behind her and pulled her bag into her lap and pulled out the salted meats to begin cooking. “You’re all about learning so bloody learn to fight better.”

He opened his mouth, the idea of asking her to train him creeping immediately into his mind only for him to stop when he watched her shuffle forward and prepare the cuts of beef to cook over the fire. He found himself staring at her shoulder that was mostly bandaged and stained crimson, yet whilst the guilt still weighed him down his intrigue was taken instead by the strange, deep blue tattoo - that seemed to stem from her shoulder - curled around her upper arm. It was like a snake of some sort but from the angle he sat at he couldn’t tell what sort.

“What’s your tattoo of?” Lucien found himself asking before he could stop himself.

“No idea. Something with horns. If I wasn’t bandaged up I’d show you but it’s difficult to even make out anything anyway.” With the speared meat resting against a stack of stones, Nara shuffled back but turned to face him and carefully traced over the stained cloth as she spoke. “I woke up with it of course, along with the massive scar across my shoulder that ruined it so I can’t even begin to imagine what it was supposed to be.”

“Must be a big scar, then.” He found himself mumbling and she just hummed.

“Yeah, probably from a sword or a big axe or something, ‘cause it’s just _‘vumpth’_ kinda thing.” With the strange noise she made, she gently brought the side of her hand down on his shoulder as a demonstration and despite it all, despite the exhaustion that gripped him, he couldn’t help but laugh quietly and shake his head at her strangeness. But she chuckled with him and patted his shoulder. “There you are, glad to have you back, boss.”

“Oh, you’re a strange one, Nara.”

“ _Duh_.”

* * *

Even though their night’s rest was fitful at best or horrid at worst, they both at least had enough energy the next day to continue on their current journey. They came to the agreement that Amren could wait a little longer for his father’s sword and decided to keep moving forward, to find the location of where Nara had woken up those weeks ago.

Yet as they both stood at the edge of the cliff overlooking the raging waterfall, the crushed wooden shack beneath a tall, felled tree and what was left of a stone fortress built into the side of the opposite cliff face, they couldn’t help but silently agree with a look. So with a carefully made descent, they waded through the shallowest section of river before pushing open the rotted wooden door.

“Do you think this is the right place?” Lucien asked quietly as he stepped inside behind Nara, looking around the dimly lit interior of what turned out to be a circular staircase. The smell of mildew and rot hung heavily in the air and yet he didn’t receive an answer as Nara pulled her bow off her back and carefully made her way down the slick stone stairs.

River water poured through a crack in the curved wall behind an open chest holding a simple iron battleaxe, sunlight streamed through the broken roof and yet the wardrobe and crates in the hallway were fresh, new. She narrowed her eyes and slowly stepped to the only available path and glanced down the torch lit corridor to see a figure sat at a table, lazily picking at a plate of food.

“What can you see?” Lucien whispered, standing close behind her just to peek over the top of her head as they stuck to hiding behind the lip of the passage. She focused her attention a little longer, managing to only pick a few elements of the man in his seat.

“High Elf in a bird helmet.”

“What?” She turned and crouched down to which Lucien did the same, following her lead as usual.

“You know, a _bird_ helmet.” Nara whispered back, setting down her bow for just a moment to try and gesture it out which only made him more confused. “You know, beak point and feather face guard made from weird gold? It’s the same with his armour, greenish yellow gold with big shoulders and gauntlets.”

“So an Altmer in full Elven armour?” He clarified, getting a brisk nod in return. “Hm, must be a guard. Do you remember there being guards when you were last here?”

“Nope.” She turned back around, bow in hand with an arrow nocked to the string. “I’m gonna shoot him.”

“Nara!”

“What?!”

“Who’s there?!” A voice echoed up the passage and they both froze as the realisation settled on their shoulders.

“Shit!”

“Oh no…”

With a mad dash to the other side of the archway, Nara silently gestured for Lucien to remain where he was as she stowed the arrow back into her quiver. The footsteps grew louder and closer the longer they waited there, and as soon as the Guard stepped in between them, Nara smacked him with her longbow.

The simple wood weapon snapped in half against his helmet but she managed to break the High Elf’s nose at the same time before she grabbed his wrists, yanking him around and slamming her knee into his plate covered stomach with a loud clang and a yelp of pain. The force and disorientation was enough to keep the man off balance, leaving her to use her weight to swing him face-first into the stone wall. He staggered back in a daze towards the first figure he could make out in his blurred vision only for Lucien to promptly startle and slam his new shield into the Guard, finally knocking him out. But before he fell, Nara caught the Guard and held him up by his arms.

“Well now what do we do?!” Nara hissed as all of her possible ideas and plans were thrown out the window as she looked around for anything and everything.

“I don’t know?! We can’t just leave him in the middle of—”

“I’m putting him in that wardrobe.”

“What?! How does that make any sense?!”

“Oh stop fussing and help me! I’ve knackered my knee so this is really difficult to do by myself!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These idiots. I love them so much.


	7. ... To Contrast The Crimson

With a limp in her step and a somewhat disappointed Imperial Scholar following her, Nara led the way further into the dilapidated fortress. A final few steps down onto the walkway and their original plan to find answers was completely forgotten at the sight of a single man chained to the wall. Nothing needed to be said as the Breton ran to the iron cell door and tried kicking it off its hinges only for the metal to clatter in the near silence, so instead she gave a low growl and crouched down with a set of lockpicks in hand. All the while Lucien searched for another way, looking on and beneath the table before finding a single key amongst the puddles and clumps of moss.

“Nara!” His voice echoed against the stone walls and managed to stir the Prisoner back to consciousness, just in time to see his cell open and two figures rush inside.

“When I get out of here… I’ll kill you all myself…” The Prisoner muttered as warm hands worked at the shackles around his wrists. He tried his damnedest to focus his vision, yet all he could see in the dim light was silver and brown leather.

“Shut up, we’re here to help.” A woman’s voice snapped in response as one shackle unlocked, but the sudden shift in the way he was held caused the links of the chains holding his other wrist to finally break. But strong arms caught him before he hit the floor and instead gently set him down, letting cold stone press against his broken body. Yet after so much pain and agony, he was left to feel numb to it all. “Hey! You need to stay awake. Come on, name, now.”

“Nara we need to get him out of here, he doesn’t look great—”

“I know and I’d heal him but healing you yesterday took everything out of me- No no no- Come on mate you need to stay awake!” A sudden, sharp slap had him snapping back to reality, stopped his head from lolling to the side as his eyes closed. “Come on, who are you, what’s your name?”

“Kaidan… my name is Kaidan.”

And then he passed back out.

* * *

A low sigh left Nara as she sat on the table, her arms folded and her back pressed to the wooden wall whilst Lucien sat on one of the rickety beds, tapping his foot all the while. They had been sitting in silence for hours waiting for Kaidan to wake back up with nothing else to do, for Nara had used what little magic she had regained to heal the cuts and burns on Kaidan’s body the best she could. She had also taken an hour to search the prison from top to bottom, bringing back everything she had found and several new injuries to add to her collection.

The silence was utterly deafening and even with the sound of the afternoon wind and the nearby waterfall muffled by the house’s walls, it did nothing to calm Nara as she sat with her chin resting in her hands. Even when her companion broke it all, she couldn’t calm down her racing mind. 

“What are we going to do with him?”

“No idea.”

A long bout of silence hung between them until Lucien broke the silence again.

“And you found nothing in that prison that had answers?”

“Nothing.”

Another stretch of silence.

“And we’re certain that they were Thalmor agents?”

“You’re the expert.”

“I’m really not, Nara.” He turned to look at her with a sigh, and in an instant he regretted every choice he had ever made up to that exact moment.

“Well you certainly know a lot more than me, Lucien!” Nara shouted, hours of frustration beginning to bubble over like a pot of stew left on the fire for too long. “You’re the one that knows shit and has a home and parents! You’re the one that knows who you are and what you want and you’re not just left to fucking exist in a shithole of a Province because reasons you don’t know or could probably never understand!”

At the end of her tirade, Nara folded in on herself with her head in her hands, her knees drawn to her chest. Even after such a fierce rant, Lucien could only sit there and silently pity her for a moment before he stood up and joined her side, sitting on the table and gently nudging her arm whilst being careful of the new, half healed cut on her forearm.

“I know you’re frustrated, maybe even terrified about there being nothing for you out there but you’ve got to remember, you can’t lose hope about this. Because right now we’re sitting in a room with an unconscious man who could know something about you that you don’t.” He finally realised what he said and couldn’t help but let doubt creep into his mind with a thought that sent chills down his spine. “Or we’re sat in a room with a man who could plan to kill us with that massive greatsword.”

A tiny laugh left the ball of Breton as she peeked out from beneath her arms with glistening eyes and wet eyelashes. “He’d be dead before he touched his weapon.”

“How can you be sure of that though?”

“Because he’d be too slow with how weak he is to make it to the other side of the room, and it’s two against one, remember?”

“Ah, fair point.” Lucien glanced at her once more, hearing her small sniffle as she remained curled up and so he reached into his pocket and pulled out his handkerchief. “Here, before Gilfre walks in and assumes the worst because I definitely imagine her being the type of woman to act before she thinks.”

He managed to muster another small laugh from her as she reached out and gently took the square of clean cloth from him, quickly drying her eyes before she handed it back.

“I’m sorry for shouting at you.” Nara mumbled, shifting in her seat before straightening up and unfolding herself from her ball. “And don’t make excuses for me by being understanding, it just makes me feel worse.”

“Alright, whatever you say, boss.”

“Pft, did you accidentally hit your head or something? You’re the one that hired me, you’re in charge.” She scoffed only to hear Lucien chuckle.

“Hardly, if anyone is in charge it’s you, Nara. You’re the one that keeps making the plans. And anyway, I’m not cut out to be a leader, much too polite. Now come on, we should still have some bandages left to get that nasty cut cleaned and wrapped.”

* * *

A low groan left his throat as soon as he woke up for his entire body ached and creaked with the small movements he made. After spending what felt like months in a prison, Kaidan opened his eyes to find himself staring at a wood and thatch ceiling and his very first thought was that he had died just after those two strangers found him. But instead, the pain from the floggings across his back was too vivid of a reminder of his mortality as he sat up and let his bare feet touch the wooden floor.

Laid on another bed was a younger man, sleeping away soundly with a heavy fur cloak draped over him like a blanket and sat on the table right next to the door with arms crossed and dark eyes sparkling in the firelight, was a familiar face.

The Breton woman didn’t say anything as she sat there, just stared directly at him with eyes as black as ebony metal staring directly into him. It was almost like she was staring directly into his soul and could hear every thought that ran through his mind.

“So you’re still alive… I thought the Thalmor had put you out of your misery weeks ago.” Kaidan broke the silence, and yet the woman still didn’t say anything. Instead she held an expressionless look and shifted only slightly in her seat. The crackling fire only did so much to keep him from losing his mind to the maddening silence. “And now you’ve gone quiet on me? Why? Don’t trust me?”

“I don’t trust anyone.” She finally spoke, snapping at him but keeping her voice low and as sharp as an ebony blade. “But you’re going to tell me everything you know about me, how you recognise me, why you recognise me, what the Thalmor wanted with me.”

“Really? And what’s stopping me from just walking on out of here?” Kaidan shot back, making sure to keep his voice as quiet as hers as to not wake the only other person in the room. He desperately did not want to be outnumbered by, whoever these people were.

The woman shifted once more, reaching to her side and lifting _his_ greatsword off the table and holding it easily in her hands, examining the curved blade carefully. “Who’s to say I’d let you walk out of here without giving me answers? So start talking.”

With a worn out sigh, Kaidan shifted and made himself comfortable on the small bed whilst taking care not to hurt his own back too much as she settled with his sword resting across her lap. He took a quick glance to her side, seeing his warbow and armour laid out on the table which settled his worrying mind only a little.

“It was about a month ago, I was ambushed at Lake Illinalta by those Justiciar bastards. They took one look at that sword, decided I’d be a good target for interrogation and dragged me off to that prison.” He gave a short huff, letting that anger settle and warm his chest as he folded his arms over his chest and he met her gaze again. “You were already there with them when they ambushed me, unconscious all the while with a massive cut across your shoulder that they didn’t care to heal completely for you. They must have found you in a right state before they came across me and thought something similar about you too, just kept you alive enough to start asking questions when you’d come back around. You never did though.”

“Is that it? Just dragged along to be interrogated?” She asked, her voice losing some of its previous bite as she let her head cock to the side with curiosity.

“It never occurred to me to ask for future reference.” Kaidan muttered with sarcasm dripping like a vicious venom. Out of everything, he never expected her to give him a crooked smile.

“I guess not.” She carefully stood up and let his sword rest against the wall beside the door before hopping off the bench and sitting on the edge of his bed. “Give me your hand, you still need healing.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not actually going to kill you. Unless you give me reason to, of course.” He scoffed quietly and placed his hand in hers.

“Fair enough.” Several moments passed of him simply watching her focus and manipulate her magic into a healing essence that quickly washed over his entire form, soothing away the final few scratches, bruised ribs and aching muscles with it. “A healer? That’s a fine gift you have there.”

“Eh, I try.” She simply shrugged and stood back up just to collapse onto the free bed in the middle of the room. “Your armour’s on the table, so’s your bow and the few bits and pieces I found in that Thalmor’s chest so have at it and get going. I can imagine you don’t want to linger.”

“Wait.” The Breton opened her eyes with a huff and propped herself up on her elbows to shoot him a questioning glare, all topped off with a raised eyebrow. “Look, I wasn’t completely out of it back in that prison, so I know I owe you my life, and I’m not a man who’s comfortable being in debt. If you ever have need of me, I’d be glad to fight alongside you ‘til that debt is repaid.”

He honestly expected a sharp answer, for her to tell him to piss off back to wherever he came from or to even just kick him out. Yet, the tiny Breton woman was full of surprises.

“Sounds good. I’m Nara by the way, that’s Lucien. Oh and if you try anything funny whilst you’re on watch, just so you know, no one will know where to look for your body.”


	8. Nope!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a brief wander into Cronvangr Cave...

_ “Where are you?” _

Despite all the time she had spent beneath the blue tar, Nara simply coughed and groaned as she laid on the sharp slate floor, like she had only been drowning for a single second. She slowly rolled onto her back to stare at the cloudy grey sky as she panted for breath, seeing only two piercing blue eyes above her as she trembled in the dull pain that wracked through her body.

“Fuck.. you…  _ monster _ .”

The Monster gave a low growl and kicked her side with enough force to send her back onto her front. A clawed hand grabbed her wet and knotted hair and held her back beneath the endless ocean of slimy, clear tar and the pain washed over her once more. But she didn’t stop struggling.

* * *

“Hey, you’ve got a little something there.”

Snapped from her thoughts, Nara looked up to see Kaidan tapping his nose and she groaned as she wiped her nose on the back of her arm to see a long stripe of semi-dry blood smeared across her skin. She tutted quietly and quickly cleaned herself up before finishing the last of her breakfast.

“Thanks Kaidan.”

“No problem. So, what are we thinking?” Kaidan asked, taking the moment to keep conversation going between the three of them as they all stood or sat outside in the warmth of the sun. Lucien never left Nara’s side, standing close to her as she sat on the wooden railing outside of the Worker’s House whilst Kaidan stuck to the other side, close but respectfully so.

“Gilfre says that spiders have been coming a bit closer from the east so if there aren't any objections, we’re gonna sort them out for her. I owe her that much.” Nara said only to let a tiny smile paint her lips at the sight of Lucien paling. “Don’t worry about it Lucien, stick behind me and you’ll be fine. And since we have a new addition, Kaidan, you can take front if you let me borrow your bow.”

“You sure you can even draw it?” The tall swordsman asked, smirking at the thought of such a short Breton trying to wield his warbow.

“Trust me mate, I’ll be fine. And anyway you owe me a new bow since I broke mine by smashing it into a Thalmor’s face before coming across you, so consider it temporarily mine until that’s sorted.”

“Nara!” Lucien gasped at her, the shock evident in his eyes yet Kaidan just laughed.

“No that’s fair, you did save me after all. We’ll head to Windhelm and grab a new bow after we sort out this spider problem.” Both Nara and Lucien immediately made a face and shared a look, surprising one another with a moment of shared consolidation in their strange partnership. But Kaidan just gave a low sigh instead, watching it all unfold. “What’s that look for, then?”

“Windhelm is gross.”

“That  _ and _ it’s cold and more importantly - just in case you need reminding - it  _ is  _ the center of a terrorist organisation that is currently at war against the rest of Skyrim that is still loyal to the Empire.” Lucien added only for Nara to wrinkle her nose in disgust as she uncapped her waterskin.

“Didn’t know all of that, I just hate it ‘cause it’s a stupid city filled with stupid people. How about we get this spider stuff sorted and then we just pop over to Kynesgrove?”

“No point, it’s only a tavern and a mine, no decent merchants that’ll have what we need.” Kaidan answered, returning the confused look that Nara threw at him. “I collected bounties before the Thalmor found me, been all across Skyrim.”

“Hm, makes sense. Still though, Windhelm is horrible, I’d prefer that we not spend too much time there even when we have to. Which, luckily, we don’t have to today.” Nara muttered before she took a swig of water and carefully hopped off the railing, landing with a puff of dust on the dry ground. “We good to go?”

“Aye, I think so. What about you Lucien? Ready to face off against some spiders?” Kaidan asked with a smirk that he kept up even when Nara shot him a disapproving glance. But the Imperial took a deep breath and stood up straight, tugging his leather garb to make himself look as presentable as he possibly could.

“If I must…”

* * *

“No no no no no no no—”

“Nara—”

“I am not dealing with those…  _ monstrosities!” _ With a wave of her cobweb covered arm, Nara glanced out from behind Lucien to vaguely gesture towards the hacked up, burnt and shot corpse of what was once a Frostbite Spider. Yet even the sight of the hacked up arachnid had her hiding back behind Lucien and clutching the back of his armour. “They’re horrible and disgusting and I am not going any further—”

“Huh, and here I thought you were tough as nails.” Kaidan teased with a laugh in his voice as he used the tip of his nodachi to move the wolf sized spider onto its side at the exact moment she peaked out from behind her human shield.

“Oh fuck you!”

“Nara, I thought you were going to do better with your swearing—”

“Sorry.”

“- It’s alright. But please can you stop that Kaidan? It’s honestly really unsettling.” Lucien asked with a grimace as the corpse slopped and thudded back into place once Kaidan pulled his sword away with a sigh.

“Yeah yeah, not my fault you’re both squeamish. Come on, I doubt that’s all of them.”

The two shorter members of their trio shared an unimpressed glance before finally stepping away from their protective spot behind a strategically placed boulder and began their search. Nara took a deep breath but failed to stop herself from shuddering as she took a wide berth around the cluster of dead spiders. She paused for a moment to light a torch only to throw it at a large wad of webs which quickly burnt away, revealing a strange portion of wall that didn’t connect with the surrounding stone. With her previous worries buried beneath her curiosity, Nara stepped closer and dusted the ash off of what turned out to be a button that she immediately pushed, because how could she not?

“Whoa…” The portion of wall quickly pulled away and revealed a second passage that she glanced into before taking a careful step forward, not even noticing that she had stepped on but not activated a pressure plate.

“So, you and Nara, what’s the story behind that?” Kaidan broke the silence as he watched Lucien set fire to a spider egg sac that  _ luckily _ didn’t unleash more tiny venomous spiders for them to deal with.

“Oh she found me in Falkreath and I hired her to be my bodyguard whilst I’m on my expedition here in Skyrim, there isn’t much else to it other than that.” Lucien replied easily only for it to click in his mind and he whirled around to face Kaidan with a faint blush on his cheeks. “Please don’t tell me that you were actually trying to assume anything with that question.”

“What? No, well. Maybe. She’s a strange one though, isn’t she?” Despite the embarrassment caused by an insinuation, Lucien couldn’t help but scoff quietly at the Swordsman’s question.

“Believe me you do not know the half of it. She doesn’t know anything about herself and yet two days ago I watched her snap a horn off a man’s helmet and stab him through the eye with it. She’s…”

“Brutal?”

“I was actually going to say barbaric but brutal definitely works—”

“Lucien! Kaidan! HELP!”

Running footsteps on the stone echoed out along with the scream and they both whirled around at the same time -  _ just in time _ \- to see Nara sprinting out of a previously hidden passage, a sudden bout of flames that didn’t come from Lucien’s spells and three  _ actual  _ vampires chasing her.

Kaidan was quick to spring to action, charging forth and cleanly slicing off the first Fledgling’s head with a single swing whilst an arrow flew under his arm and slammed into the second’s stomach with enough force to throw her back. The combined assault of arrows, blades and spells reduced the three night creatures to ash and brought the cave back to silence for several, impossibly long seconds.

“You alright, Nara? You weren’t bitten, were you?” Kaidan spun around to face his Ward panting for breath, his warbow slung haphazardly over her head as she stood with hands on her knees. She croaked out an unintelligible noise before throwing up a shaky thumbs up.

“How about next time you  _ don’t _ disappear and wander off?” Lucien offered as he carefully took hold of her arm, helping her stand up straight only to make a noise of disgust at the web strands still clinging to her arm that now clung to his hand.

“Yep. Lesson learned. Mara’s mercy, vampires are terrifying.”


	9. The Beginning of Beautiful, Friendly Antagonism

“Whatcha up to?”

Cleaned up and a giddy mess after two cups of wine, Nara kept her hands on the back of Lucien’s chair as she peered over his shoulder. As soon as he felt another person’s presence behind him, he had snapped his notebook closed and immediately regretted such a quick action with the fresh ink he had placed on the paper.

“Just writing a letter back home. Why do you ask?” He glanced over his shoulder at her and immediately stopped himself from laughing at the sight of the drunken blush on her cheeks.

“Curiosity? I dunno. Can I ask who you’re writin’ to?” With a heavy thud, she sat down in the free seat beside him before scooching her chair closer, even letting the chair scrape obnoxiously on the floor as she did. She framed her flushed face in her hands in some misguided and drunken attempt to look as innocent as she possibly could. Lucien simply gave a sigh and decided to try and ignore the crooked smile she was giving him as she waited.

“To my mother.”

“D’aww—”

“Please don’t start with that, I get enough grief from you as is.”

“Pssh you know the teasing rule you just never use it. But whatcha tellin’ her? Have you written anything about me?” Lucien took a moment to think, wondering if it was worth the torment to ignore her or if it would be just quick and painless to tell her.

“I was actually about to before you interrupted, now I’m deciding whether or not I should.”

“Were you gonna tell her about how beautiful and amazingly smart I am?”

“Actually I was going to just tell her that you’re surprisingly short, especially for a Breton.” Her smile changed, brightening just a little as she pressed her cheek against her fist.

“Yeah but that just means I’m super cute though, dunnit?” Nara slurred as she stared him down with a sparkle in her black eyes. And it was in that moment with the correct angle in the tavern firelight that he noticed that there was no difference between her irises and her pupils. But he stopped himself from staring before it was too late, before she took his silence as an answer.

“I am not falling into that trap.” She gave a snort of laughter and tried to reach for his notebook that he quickly pulled out of her reach.

“Smart man.” With a tiny sigh, she folded her arms on the table and used them as a pillow for her chin as she let herself become distracted. “‘M alright to sit with you, yeah?”

“You don’t have to ask, Nara.”

“I just wanted to make sure is all… you okay though? ‘Cause you didn’t go quiet on us earlier with the vampires an’ I just… fuckin’ worry. You know? I dunno why but I just do. Don’t know a lotta shit but no change there, amirite?” Nara scoffed at her own question, mustering a crooked grin once more only to grimace and bury her head in her arms with a grumble. “Forgot about no swearing. Sorry Lucien.”

“You don’t have to apologise so much, what matters is that you’re trying. And anyway you’ve been drinking so it’s expected for you to slip up.” He gave a smile even if she couldn’t see it. Despite her drunken state, it warmed his heart to hear her concern. “But you don’t have to worry about me, boss. But I’ll be sure to let you know if something is wrong.”

She hummed softly and shifted just a little, getting herself comfortable before returning to watching him finish writing his letter. Little else needed to be said as they sat in one another company, for Kaidan was propping up the bar and drinking himself very slowly into a buzz and the tavern, much like the rest of Kynesgrove, was quiet save for a few murmurings of conversation here and there.

Yet it didn’t take much for Lucien to be distracted, a passing question from the Innkeeper to lift his eyes from the parchment and a sudden pair of hands on his shoulders when Nara leapt to her feet not thirty seconds later with her face painted with a big smile as she bid him goodnight and stumbled away. He returned the gesture and hoped she wouldn’t fall over as she disappeared into her room for the night and looked back at his letter, and sighed.

He had spent enough time writing it, so her addition of a hastily scrawled ‘hello!’ would just have to stay in the corner of the page. At least it would be something to tease Nara about when he would inevitably get his reply from his mother. So he carefully folded it up and placed it in the back of his notebook with a mental note to inquire about a courier the next time they were in a city, and promptly made his way to his own room for the evening.

* * *

With her hood pulled up to block out the bright sun, Nara sat in the back of the carriage beside Lucien who was happily dozing in the sun across from Kaidan, who kept his watchful gaze on the world around them as they left Eastmarch behind in place of the Rift.

It didn’t take much to make the hungover Breton sleep through her pain. The gentle rocking and constant movement lulled her mind to calmer thoughts paired with the fact she no longer had to be completely on guard with another capable person now in her company. But that slumber could be easily broken by any slight adjustment: a lurching stop, a sharp cough, someone tapping her foot with their own.

“Hey, Nara.”

A low groan left her as she shifted in her seat, slowly peeking out from beneath the large fur hood to spot Kaidan looking at her from across the way. She slouched a little further into her seat and lightly kicked his foot back as she closed her eyes. “What?”

“When we spoke back at the mill, you asked about yourself, not me—”

“I have amnesia. Don’t know who I am, only been aware for about three, maybe four weeks now? I dunno, the days blur together.” She cut him off with a mutter, shivering in the sharp breeze and shrinking further into her silvery-white cloak for warmth.

“Oh…” She peeked out just for a brief moment, watching the understanding wash over his face. It seemed to weigh him down as his brow furrowed and he sank into his seat. “That, makes more sense than it should… Stupid question but you alright?”

“No.”

“I guessed as much. We’ll figure something out though, even if you don’t trust me or him.” Kaidan said with a nod to Lucien who was still quietly napping away in the sunlight.

Nara spared a brief glance to the dozing Imperial beside her, hoping with all her might that he wasn’t actually pretending to be asleep (he was).

“I was bullshitting that night, Kaidan. You know, acting tough and all that. And so far, I’ve been pretty good at picking up on other people’s bullshit, I guess you could say that I’m walking, talking lie detecting spell. You two seem pretty decent for what you’re worth, well, Luci is more than you of course, no offence like but you’ve clearly seen some heavy shit in the past.”

“I have… But seriously though, ‘Luci’?” The black haired man across from her asked with a laugh and she kicked his knee, not even getting a flinch from him.

“You tell him I called him that and I’ll make good on that promise that no one, and I mean  _ no one _ , will be able to find your corpse.”

“Yeah yeah, stop trying to act so big for your boots.” Nara huffed, laughter echoing through her chest quietly as she closed her eyes.

“Pft, twat.”

“Whatever, lightweight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan is such a bad influence on Nara regarding her 'no swearing' promise.


	10. The Cycle Repeats

“Mara’s mercy this place is gorgeous…” A rare smile gracing her newly scarred lips, Nara jumped off the carriage and focused on the autumnal colours of the tree tops surrounding the walled city before returning to the present with a question and that smile remaining on her face. “So, tavern?”

Kaidan immediately laughed and yanked her hood up and over her face as he walked past, leaving her to struggle and finally succeed in freeing herself with Lucien’s help.

“You two are so strange around one another.” Lucien couldn’t help but point out and Nara just shrugged.

“You know how it is, everyone acts differently around other people. So you know, I tease you, I lightly antagonise him. Come on, ‘cause it looks like it’s gonna start raining, and I still need to figure out a cloak for you.” A hand around his wrist for just a brief moment and she tugged him into following.

They easily called the Guard out on his shakedown, easily ignored the steel armoured man posted on the side of the path leading into the dank and bustling city as the market closed up for the evening and just as easily found and made their way into the tavern amongst the crowds of fellow travellers and townsfolk. But despite it all, from how Nara had recovered from her hangover and seemed to be in a particularly chipper mood, she was quick to suddenly revert to something quieter and stuck even closer to Lucien as they filed into the building for the evening and hopefully the night.

“Are you alright?” Lucien was quick to quietly ask, noting the way her dark eyes scanned every single person in the main room and how her face scrunched up into a faint look of disgust.

“Crowds aren’t my favourite.”

“Ah, I understand. Well just remember you’ve got me and Kaidan now. You’ll be fine.” She gave a small huff of laughter and gently took hold of his hand which almost startled him. But instead, he gave a sweet smile and squeezed her hand with the hope it would provide her some comfort. She acknowledged it by returning it in kind before finally sighing in relief when Kaidan appeared, towering over the crowd with his imposing height and waved them over to a quiet table tucked away in the table that he had claimed for them.

Even with the crowds, the noise and general overbearing sense of feeling unsafe, Nara finally managed to calm herself as soon as she sat down with her companions, that and a tankard of weak mead helped her nerves. Yet two tankards were quickly emptied as Lucien waited for his tea to finish brewing and Nara mustered the courage and the coin to get herself and Kaidan another round before she made her way to the bar.

Arms folded on the bar top, Nara waited patiently for the Argonian Innkeeper to finish with her current customer. Several busy seconds passed, filled with chatter and laughter that masked the Priest of Mara’s incessant preaching from the center of the tavern and the sound of someone taking a seat beside her on a barstool as she read a note she had found that spoke of someone waiting for someone else in the Riften prison. It wasn’t until someone moved her cloak off her right arm that she dropped the note and spun around to face who it was.

Sat beside her was a lithe but beautiful Nord woman with short blonde hair and sharp blue eyes. Scarred and tall, garbed in worn black leathers. Yet Nara couldn’t understand why the pit of her stomach suddenly felt heavy, why every single aspect of her body was filled with a sinking, slowing dread at the sight of the woman that just smirked at her.

“Hey Ela.”

Like a wildfire, every part that was filled with dread became alight with a kind of fury Nara had never felt before and before she could think a single thought, she threw a punch and felt her fist connect with skin and bone with a satisfying connection that sent the vibrations back up her arm. The woman dropped to the floor, pressing her fingers to her bloodied nose as she stared up at her assailant with a truly wicked smile only made worse by the blood pouring over her lips. In a split second she sprung back onto her feet and returned the gesture, missing by just a few inches as the tavern drew silent save for the scrape of a sword leaving its sheath, footsteps on the floor and the door closing.

“I’d stop that if I were you.” Kaidan had jumped into the fray, nodachi pointed at the Nord woman who wouldn’t stop smiling, wouldn’t stop staring at his Ward with… He couldn’t describe it. It wasn’t malice, it wasn’t mirth and it definitely wasn’t friendly in any sense of the word.

“Kaidan, put your sword away and let me deal with this.” Nara growled through her teeth as she kept her hands in white knuckled fists at her sides. He hummed quietly and did as she said just as the doors slammed open to allow three guards to charge in to witness the fight returning in full force.

“By order of the Jarl stop-” A jab back with an elbow that connected into someone’s throat in her mindless anger and before she knew it, Nara was slammed face first onto the bartop with her arms quickly shackled behind her back. But like a wild animal, she lashed out and struck with a strong kick as she tried to break the strong chains around her wrists only for darkness to take her with a hefty punch to her temple.

* * *

_ “You’re back sooner than I anticipated.” _

A ragged gasp for breath left her as the hand came away from her hair and she forced her head out of the tar. Nothing held her down, nothing restrained her. The agony that held her lungs in a permanent state of burning vanished beneath the strange fury she couldn’t accept to be her own, but maybe it was her? Maybe that was all she was meant to be? A woman absorbed with what her past was and unaware of the barbaric madness that overcame her when she was in battle, the maddening anger that felt alien and wrong but… Comforting.

Despite the pain, the broken chains around her wrists that clattered obnoxiously on the slate floor she stood to face the Monster. And then she started walking, ignoring the Monster’s ever present chuckle as her footsteps echoed endlessly in the void of stone and grey-blue skies. Then she blinked and she was back at the edge of the sheer drop into the ocean of endless, glowing blue tar.

The laughter became louder as the Monster watched on with a lipless grin that somehow grew in the plight of her would be madness.

She took a deep breath, and kept trying.

* * *

“You’re lucky your friends bailed you out, we would’ve had you in here for a few months for assaulting a guard like that.” The Guard commented as she guarded the door and let the Breton get dressed in peace. “But honestly, you hit Skjar so I can’t complain.”

“Skjar’s a dick, huh?”

“Yep.”

“I can punch him again if you want.” The Guard gave a stifled laugh before correcting and stopping herself, clearing her throat and crossing her arms.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”   


“Fair enough. I’m good.”

With a nod given and returned in kind, the Guard stepped out of the way and shut the small office door behind them before returning to her patrol as the two men that had been waiting all the while stood. One looked ready to burst at the seams with disappointment and anger whereas the other just looked so bored.

“If you ever do that again I am not spending all my gold trying to get you out of jail, got it?” Lucien snapped and Nara just rolled her eyes.

“Yeah yeah I know, not like you can blame me though, I told you I wouldn’t be able to make or keep that promise of ‘no brawling’. And anyway, you wouldn’t get it if I tried explaining.” Nara muttered as she set her backpack down on the small table in the center of the sizable hallway just to rummage through her things in search of something to wrap her sore fists.

“Try us.” Kaidan was quick to shoot at her, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he stared down at her and eventually wore her down under his heavy glare.

“I dunno, I just took one look at her and for some reason I just immediately knew I…  _ Hated  _ her… Well, it wasn’t hate at first, it was like seeing those Frostbites for the first time.” Nara explained to the best of her ability as she wrapped her hands, wondering all the while if she’d have enough energy to soothe her headache with some magic. “I don’t know, then she said “Hey Ela” and then I, snapped.”

“Wait, you’re saying that she recognised you and your first immediate instinct was  _ to punch her _ ?” Lucien reiterated, eyebrow raised in disbelief to top off the sudden weight of guilt that fell on her shoulders with a cherry of annoyance.

“Like I said, you wouldn’t get it. And so what? If she has answers then big deal, we’re not getting them from her. She gave off something, horrible, and I’m not dealing with that. Call me an idiot all you like but I am not dealing with something that, uncomfortable.”

“I’m not calling you an idiot, Nara—”

“Okay before you two start arguing, what Lucien’s trying to say is that what you did was rash and I agree with him, it was. But it's ultimately up to you how we go about finding out who you are, it’s not our decision to make.” Kaidan was sure to place a hand on Lucien’s shoulder when he opened his mouth to interject, even sending him a cautionary glance to keep him quiet before he continued. “And anyway, you have a point. That Nord was something... strange. Something wasn’t natural about her.”

“I know right?” Nara scoffed before throwing her backpack onto her shoulder. Yet she froze half way through her step towards the door, her gaze focused on a piece of paper she hadn’t noticed on the table. Without a glance around nor a second thought, she picked it up and quickly scanned the contents before looking around.

“Oh gods, what now?” Kaidan muttered but he didn’t get a response as his Ward spun on her heel and stepped into the room behind her, up to the hearth where she reached into the strong box on the mantelpiece to take out a key.

“Be back in a minute.” She muttered as she quickly scurried past, too fast for even Lucien to stop her when he wasn’t weighed down by heavy armour like Kaidan was.

The two men shared a glance and a withered sigh before following her, finding that she had opened the first cell on the top floor and stepped inside to be face to face with a blue furred Khajiit. The same Khajiit who looked so surprised to see her, a moment of relief washing over his scarred face before it turned into a heavy look of guilt, his ears folding back as he turned to look at his feet.

“Come to kill me at last have you? Thank the Gods, I can bear the guilt no longer.”

Nara just never expected to feel her heart break so quickly.


	11. Maddening Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Tiny references to suicide due to, well, Inigo's intro to the player and such.

It was an utterly maddening thought to think that over the course of one week, Lucien had gone from hiring a bodyguard who then in turn shocked him with the lack of her past, fought some bandits with her, saved a mysterious Swordsman from Thalmor interrogations, killed a brood of spiders and three vampires all before making their way to Riften and happening on two figures that could have held secrets to Nara’s past and letting one join their rag-tag group.

Yet despite her clear need to discover herself, who she once was, what that would mean to her, Nara didn’t completely seem all too convinced by Inigo’s explanation as to how they knew one another. But Lucien wasn’t going to ask, not yet anyway, and especially not in earshot of the blue Khajiit and not when she seemed so distant.

Both Lucien and Kaidan had heard the entire conversation she had with Inigo in his cell, they had heard every plea for death from Inigo before she pried into their supposed past with all her questions. They saw the broken smile on her face when she stepped back out of the cell with a new friend in tow with his ebony weapons on his back and a new sense of purpose making his ears face forward and his orange eyes shine with new light. A light that somehow seemed to have been sapped from Nara as she walked ahead of the two human men and the talkative Khajiit.

Kaidan quickened his pace to catch up to Nara, finally sick of her silence and he fell in time with her strides and saw why. She had been crying. For how long? He had no idea, and they had been walking a few hours on their way to Ivarstead and it was barely even midday.

“Rough day?” She didn’t say anything for the fear of her voice breaking against the strain of holding back more tears and gave a small nod as she wiped her cheeks on the back of her hand. “‘Cause of Inigo?”

Another nod and Kaidan gave a low sigh as he briefly glanced back to see Inigo and Lucien chatting away about the Rift’s beauty and how it reminded them both so much of Cyrodiil with its birch trees, vibrant colours and scents. He couldn’t help but silently agree with them. “Look at this way, you saved a man from suicide, gave him a new purpose. Not a lot of people can say that.”

“It’s just horrible though… listening to him beg for me to kill him back there.” She swore quietly under her breath and sniffled before clearing her throat and scoffing when more tears fell. “Mara’s sake, it’s stupid. Shouldn’t be bloody crying but here I am.”

“It’s not stupid. You feel how you feel so own that, don’t hate it. Honestly we should all be glad you didn’t lose your empathy along with your memories or we’d be screwed, ‘cause think of it this way. You wouldn’t have let Lucien join you, you wouldn’t have saved me, you wouldn’t have saved Inigo from rotting in self imposed, repentance for whatever he may or may not have done to you.” Nara gave a small laugh at that and wiped her face clean once more. It wasn’t a laugh he shared in, but one he hoped to hear again. “Bet you’re glad you didn’t have to outright tell him about your amnesia though, huh?”

“Gods you would not believe how grating it is. Should just have ‘amnesiac’ tattooed on my forehead to make it easier for myself.”

“Yeah but it’s best you keep it close to the chest though.”

“I know, world’s rife with people looking to con and trick whoever they can. Gilfre told me before I set off on whatever,  _ this, _ ” She gestured all around her, “is.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure out what you’re doing in time.” Kaidan reassured, giving her a strong pat on the shoulder knowing she could handle it. “And if not? I’m sure me and the others can figure something out, I mean, Lucien is on an expedition after all, he’ll probably want to head into some Gods forsaken ruin to ponder at the walls and architecture or something.”

“Yeah probably.” He gave a deep sigh and glanced at the road ahead. Maybe one or two more hours of walking from his estimation.

“It’ll be interesting either way…” He mumbled, hearing her tiny huff as she sniffed and smirking when she wrinkled her nose from him gently poking her cheek. “Your face is leaking.”

“I  _ hate  _ it.” She grumbled, wiping her eyes on her cloak before clearing her throat and speaking at the same time as him.

“I won’t tell anyone.”    
  
“Don’t tell anyone.”

Kaidan gave a chuckle as he patted her shoulder once more, leaving her to clean herself up before slowing his pace once more to find a happy medium between the chatting Imperial and Khajiit and the Breton who just needed a little more time to herself. He knew at the end of it all that they all needed someone to keep a watchful eye on the woods around them, just in case anything dangerous happened upon them. But the Swordsman was pleasantly surprised to find that their journey went a lot faster than most, maybe it was the eclectic company he was now keeping or the distraction of two of them talking away, he didn’t really know.

They crossed the bridge over into Ivarstead and it was almost as if Nara was just letting her feet control her actions, for she naturally immediately went for the tavern and didn’t even wait and hold the door for her companions. She immediately stepped inside, booked the rooms for the night only to realise that they’d have to bunk up or someone would have to sleep in a chair, yet that was something to worry about when she wasn’t…  _ suffering. _

She closed her room door behind her and grabbed the chair to prop it under the handle, just for extra security before she sat on the bed and stared at the wall across from her in the tiny room. The longer she sat in silence, the worse it all became when all she wanted was peace of mind but it was impossible. It developed from small things, realising that Lucien had still yet to send his letter back to the Imperial City, that he’d spent all his coin getting her out of prison, that he bailed her out, that he helped her and then she didn’t even acknowledge that fact and didn’t even say anything didn’t even—

She ran her hands through her hair, pulling it out of its messy bun to just sit and grip onto the roots to try and ground herself as she stared at nothing.   
  
What was she doing with herself? Who was she? What was she before it all? Why did she have nightmares every single night? Why wasn’t she keeping the promise about her nightmares to Lucien? Why did she act how she did when Kaidan first woke up? Why did she lie to Inigo about there being a chance that they actually knew one another? What was she doing?

_ What was she doing? _

The sudden knock at the door hours later snapped her out of her mind and she looked up, expecting something bad and yet she didn’t know why as she stood with her hand clutching the steel sword that wasn’t hers and yanked the chair out from beneath the handle.

“My friend? Are you alright?” It was Inigo, orange eyes peering through the crack in the door when she took a moment to glance out. Instead, Nara took a breath and let go of her sword and opened the door fully.

“I’m fine Inigo. Just tired.”

“Ah, getting a well earned nap?”

“Yeah. How long was I asleep for?”

“Long enough that it’s nearly dinner time, come on my friend. We can figure out how to repair my old lute for you whilst we wait if you want?” Inigo stepped back and held out his hand, a pleasant smile appearing on his face when she took his hand and closed the door behind her.

“Sure, sounds like a plan Inigo. Think you’d be up for reading that book you wrote?”

“‘Inigo the Brave’? Of course! If you want to hear it I’ll read it, but I will warn you it’s not very good.” He pulled out a chair for her before handing her the punctured lute, letting her settle in her seat as he rummaged through his bag in search of anything to help her.

“Don’t sell yourself short.” Nara mumbled as she pulled her feet up onto the chair and settled cross legged with the lute settled in her lap. Despite the three arrows Inigo had fired into it before she ever knew he existed, the structural integrity was fine and it definitely didn’t seem like it was going to cave in on itself or anything of the sort. She hummed quietly, finding solace in the distractions around her before gently strumming the strings and wincing at the mismatched noise it created. “No wonder you don’t like lutes, it’s not tuned properly.”

“Oh, that would make more sense.” Inigo said aloud, not really with any aim as he focused on her for a moment, finally coming to realise more than others the faint marks on her freckles cheeks and the exhaustion in her poise. “Have you been crying?”

“Migraine.” Nara explained with a tiny laugh as she plucked each string after finishing her tuning, bringing out a more delicate noise from the instrument. “Probably from being knocked out yesterday by that guard.”

“Yeesh, that sounds bad. Do you feel any better?” A spark of relief rolled through her and she relaxed into her seat a little more just as he finally found his book. He accepted her lie for a truth, one that she didn’t have as much shame in telling.

“Yeah, that nap did me a world of good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, Nara isn't healthy but here's hoping she gets better


	12. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so it slowly begins.

Dark clouds loomed on the horizon and left the air feeling heavier and thicker than it had the previous day. No one in Ivarstead was particularly inexperienced with an oncoming storm except for only one of their guests who toiled away working at the lumber mill so early in the morning before any of her companions woke up for the day ahead. Despite the Stranger’s presence and her interactions amongst the few villagers for possible work, she kept to herself in the early hours of the morning. From cutting and selling firewood to helping the local farmers, she worked up a sweat and earned her coin before vanishing into the woods only to return scratched and bloodied with a selection of fresh pelts strewn over her shoulder.

And so she remained to herself with a handful of Septims weighing down her coin purse and a strange, sapphire dragon claw ornament added to her backpack after helping the Innkeeper figure out the mystery of the local Nordic Barrow. She sat on the porch to the Vilemyr Inn, thoroughly cleaning each pelt and waited either for the clouds to pass or for someone to stumble upon her in the midst of her task.

“Where is she? Ah, there you are! Kaidan! Lucien! I found her!” With a questioning hum, Nara looked up to see Inigo part way through calling over his shoulder to their companions and in a moment she was sat with the three of them standing around her in the heavy humidity with her.

“What… happened to you?” Kaidan asked with a confused smirk slowly crossing his face as he watched Nara wipe her cheek on the back of her hand, accidentally smearing some blood across her face in the process.

“Fought a bear.” Nara replied as she slowly stood up and shook out the largest pelt she had been working on before turning to Lucien and holding it up to his shoulders and comparing his height to its length. “Yeah that’ll do you fine. Anyway, we good to go?”

“I thought that we were going to go investigate Shroud Hearth Barrow?” Lucien was quick to fire back and only got a shrug in response.

“Couldn’t sleep so I did that myself. It was just some guy using a potion to make himself look like a ghost and he drove himself mad thinking that he  _ was  _ a ghost. And all I got was a stupid claw from Wilhelm.” With a huff, Nara quickly rummaged through her backpack and pulled out the sapphire and silver ornament just to glance at it before holding it out to Lucien. “You can have it since it’s not my thing. Thought it’d be yours though, something for you to research or, something? I dunno.”

“Are you sure? I mean you did do what we were asked of by yourself so it’s yours by—”

“Just take the damn thing, Luci.” Nara grumbled under her breath as she forced it into his hands, leaving him shocked for several moments as he weighed the claw in his grasp and let his eyes go wide. His mind suddenly flooded with so many ideas about the item that he didn’t even recognise that she had used his ‘supposed to be secret’ nickname.

“I don’t know what else to say than thank you so much Nara! This will be a wonderful start to my research.” The bright grin on the Imperial’s face was infectious enough to make a tired half-smile appear on her lips for just a moment, but then she turned away and threw her bag onto her shoulder, letting that same smile fade quickly fade away as she stepped out onto the road.

“No problem. Anyway, we need to get going before that storm kicks off. I’d rather not be stuck here any longer than we have to be.” 

“Agreed, but even Ivarstead seems to be a lovely place, it is very quiet here. Not enough adventure in my opinion.” Inigo piped up as he followed his new best friend onto the road with Kaidan following close behind and Lucien taking the end of the chain.

“I can take or leave adventure, but the fact that there’s nothing to do? It's not good for my head. So, I think we’ll head ‘round the Throat of the World on the southern side, quickly cut through that pass and then we’d be able to take a stop in Helgen if we need to.” With a spin on her heel, the bruised Breton walked backwards across the bridge for just a moment to see the order of which they all walked together. She sighed heavily and shook her head to herself. “Come on Lucien catch up!”

“Don’t worry—”

“Mara’s sake.” Kaidan muttered under his breath before he reached back and grabbed the Imperial by the back of his leather garb and hauled him to the front of their line. Lucien gave a yelp as he was nearly lifted clear off the ground, and all the while Inigo chuckled at the sight before he was plopped down beside the de facto leader of their strange group. “Better?”

“Much better, now we don’t have to worry about our wizard getting left behind.” He wasn’t given a chance to say or do anything when Nara suddenly linked arms with him and even patted him on the hand, holding him close as she picked up the pace once more and dragged him along with her fellow fighters in close pursuit. “Come on then.”

Several minutes passed and they all settled into a comfortable pace as they headed south just as Nara had planned. She still held onto Lucien who easily kept speed with her and had relaxed into the hold she had him in, not thinking anything of it other than her simply being in a better mood than usual. He didn’t even notice how she would occasionally shoot glances over her shoulder at Kaidan and Inigo.

“Lucien?” She finally broke the pleasant silence between them both as they turned on the road, turning from south to west to continue on their path.

“Hm? Is everything alright, Nara?” Lucien asked in return, glancing at her to see that she wasn’t even looking at him, nor at the path ahead. Simply staring at the floor with several loose strands of her hair hanging as a veil to hide her face from him.

“I just want to apologise for what happened in Riften. I know I messed up and I… I shouldn’t have let my anger get the better of me, but because I did you had to pay off my fine to get me out of jail. So, I did some work in Ivarstead this morning to get some extra gold, but here.” She unhooked her coin purse from her belt and opened his hand, placing the tanned leather and gold into his grasp. “There’s about two hundred and fifty gold pieces, and I mean, it’s not the entire seven hundred that they had you pay for me but it's at least a start and you can send your letter off to your mother now when we get back to Whiterun or somewhere with a courier who can go over the border back to Cyrodiil. I wouldn’t want you keeping out of touch with your family because of  _ my _ mistake.”

Realisation settled on Lucien’s shoulders as he slowed to a halt and vaguely heard a mutter behind him from Kaidan, but he didn’t take notice as he processed what Nara had just done for him as the coin purse remained as a very heavy, very real thing in his hand. He watched as he tried to find the right words as she let go and stood in front of him, shoulders hunched and head down with her hair still hiding her face.

“Nara, I really do appreciate it but I can’t accept this.” A low sigh left the Breton as she shifted her weight from foot to foot and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Please don’t let this turn into an argument, Lucien, because I’m not gonna take that coin purse back no matter how hard you try to convince me that you ‘can’t accept it’. I am not taking no for an answer.” She finally looked up at him, revealing that her face had been flushed the entire time but whether it was out of embarrassment or anger or even the slightly cold breeze that blew through the trees, Lucien didn’t know. But with that look of determination set on her face, he knew he could only back down sooner rather than later  _ with  _ his dignity intact.

“Thank you, Nara. You really didn’t have to but I really appreciate it.”

“Yeah well, don’t mention it. Seriously, don’t, it's awkward enough as it is for me already.” Before he could say anything else, Nara had quickly pulled up her hood and continued on leading the way for her collection of strange companions. As she did, Kaidan and Inigo finally caught up with Lucien, the two sharing a look as the young Imperial tried to process what had just happened.

“Leave her to it, she’s been planning that ever since we set off.” Kaidan explained, giving Lucien a strong pat on the back that may or may not have knocked the breath from his lungs in the process.

“Wait, she has?”

“What do you think we were doing hanging back whilst you both had your little chat?” Inigo asked with a smirk. “But we should catch up to her before she leaves us behind and gets herself mauled by another bear.”

* * *

“Oh Gods, of course there’s bloody two of them now,” Kaidan muttered as he walked beside Nara behind Lucien and Inigo who, without a care in the world, both shared in a duet variant of Ragnar the Red and became such fast friends because of it. “we really shouldn’t let ‘em sing like that, Gods know what’s in these woods.”

“Let them have their fun and be glad they’re not tone deaf.” Nara shot back only to yawn loudly behind her hand as her companion tutted to himself.

“I am glad but if we get into a fight because of the noise they’re making, I’m gonna hit them.” Despite everything, his worry, the quiet and encompassing forest that surrounded them as they waded through the fresh snow on the path towards Helgen, she chuckled and threw him a smirk.

“You sure you’re not jealous?”

“Oh piss off.” He tried his damnedest to grab the back of her cloak, to throw her hood over her head and to maybe even trip her since she seemed to be in a decent mood. But she was nimble just enough and wise to his ploy and hopped just out of reach before he could. He simply shook his head and muttered about her not being weighed down by steel armour as he caught back up to her. “So, you feeling any better yet?”

“I dunno.” Nara simply shrugged in reply, tucking her arms under her cloak and keeping her gaze on the road ahead.

“What do you mean ‘you don’t know’? Gods, you gave Lucien all your coin and lied to Inigo last night, how’re you not feeling any different?” 

“Look at it this way, Kai. I don’t… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Everything but my anger and fucked up thoughts just feel,  _ numb _ . I don’t know why, I don’t know how. So, I don’t…” She trailed off and narrowed her eyes, squinting at the path ahead with a furrowed brow and he stopped with her. “I’m not imagining smoke, am I?”

“No you’re not- Nara!”

She was already gone, sprinting down the road towards the Helgen’s southern gate before any of her companions could stop her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy fu... I hated writing this chapter. Six full days trying to get through it and I'm just so glad I finally got it over and done with 'cause I hate writers block. So apologies if its super garbage more than usual.


	13. Ribbons and Reality

Ruins.   
  
Ruins were all that remained of Helgen, from burnt down homes and buildings to a collapsing fortress that had no right to still be standing after whatever chaos had laid everything else to ruins. The humidity seemed greater as they all stood there with Nara standing in the center of it all. Inigo, Kaidan and Lucien had finally caught up to their group’s leader to see her standing in the center of what once must have been the town square with her back to them, her hands in tight fists that trembled by her sides.

Slowly, Kaidan led the way only to come within ten feet of her and for her to quickly turn on her heel and head towards what remained of the stone fortress in the center of the ruins. She ignored them all, refused to say anything as she scanned the courtyard and found a charred corpse of an unlucky soul tucked away in the corner. She barely even needed to touch the remains for them to scatter into ash, leaving behind a single, tattered journal that she snatched up and flipped through.

“Nara—” Lucien tried to speak up, to step forward only for Kaidan to quickly guard but block him with an arm across his chest.

“Don’t.” The Swordsman said with his voice barely above a whisper as he carefully pushed back the younger man.

Tension held the air in a vice and paired with the humidity of an oncoming storm, each breath was deeper than the last as they waited. Torn between bated breath and the heat in the still warm, burnt ruins, the three men finally let themselves relax when she stuffed the journal into her backpack just as the clouds began to pour.

“Fuck…” Nara whispered under her breath before running her fingers through her hair, pulling it out of its messy bun just to clutch at the roots and try to focus on anything else than what she had read, what she had seen. “Fuck!”

She whirled around with fist raised, about to slam her fist into the nearest stone wall only for strong hands to grab her shoulders and yank her back. She tried to fight against Kaidan, but his clear mind gave him an advantage that she didn’t have with the fury and fear ever present and prominent that felt like a crushing weight on her shoulders.

Kaidan held her back and didn’t let go, not even when Lucien stepped forward and swallowed his own fear to try and help. He took hold of one of her trembling fists as Inigo took the other, small gentle gestures that slowly broke past her roiling anger and before any of them knew it, she had tipped into Lucien with her face buried into his chest in some sort of attempt to hide away from the world as she gripped the back of his leather armour.

“It’ll be alright, Nara.” Lucien said softly, glancing to Kaidan who gave him a brief nod whilst Inigo rubbed gentle circles between her shoulder blades. He took a breath, a little more certain now that he knew his efforts could help as he wrapped his arms tight around her, giving her the strongest squeeze he could muster (which wasn’t very strong at all). “Whatever happened, whatever caused all of this, we will figure it out, and the three of us will be right there with you.”

She gave a reply, one that none of them could understand with her voice muffled against Lucien’s chest.

“Pardon?”

She pulled back just enough to let her voice be heard and repeated herself: “Dragon.”

“Oh…” Lucien froze, letting her return to having her face hidden against his chest as he looked up to Kaidan who was still in the same process of acknowledging that one word. That one word and what it meant.

“Well… shit.”

* * *

Thunder broke the silence in the Sleeping Giant Inn, the storm still raged beyond the walls of the building and yet it had followed the troop of adventurers from Ivarstead to Riverwood as three of them sat in a quiet corner. They had long since told the Blacksmith about Helgen and how Nara had seen an actual dragon fly away from the ruins. Her reliability, whilst never questioned, was backed up by the journal she had recovered that Lucien was sat poring over, almost trying to memorise every detail contained within.

The door suddenly opened to reveal Inigo’s return from the Trader’s store holding a small sack of new items that he had bought. He gave a heavy huff as he dragged a free chair from the middle of the room to their little gathering and gave Kaidan a nod that was returned in kind before he sat down behind Nara.

She hadn’t moved an inch from her seat and still remained in a tiny ball, her knees tucked up to her chest as her cloak dried over the central fire in the room. Her dark eyes focused on an unknowable point with not an ounce of emotion on her still damp face. The Khajiit gave a low sigh and reached into his bag, pulling out a comb before he untucked her long platinum hair. The motion was enough to make her snap out of her reverie, flinching at the gentle touch as she looked to face him.

“What’re you doing?” Nara asked with a croak to her voice before she swallowed and cleared her throat with a quick cough.

“Your hair is very knotty, my friend. I just want to help.” Inigo explained with a small shrug, almost as if it was the most normal thing for him to do as he returned to his current task by pulling the wet strands that had stuck to the back of her neck. “And, I think with everything that has happened, you need to know what normalcy is like. Losing your memory, seeing a dragon, these are not normal things.”

“Right…” Nara whispered before turning back around, wincing only slightly as she stretched out her legs and firmly placed her feet on the floor. But she still remained as still as she possibly could, fearful that one wrong move of her head would disrupt the careful strokes of the wooden brush through her wet hair. “… what’re we going to do?”

“We have to go to Whiterun like Alvor said. We can’t just leave this village defenseless, the Jarl will have to send more guards to protect the people here and—” Lucien finally spoke as he closed the burnt journal to look at Nara who was still staring into the void. Yet instead, all he got was a look from Kaidan who shook his head. Just a simple and silent ‘no’ to make him stop, to reconsider not only the larger stakes but the smaller ones too. Either that or Lucien was inferring too much from a single gesture.

“Lucien has a point, we have to do something, but we need to take it slow and think it out.” Inigo joined in as he finished untangling the last knot in Nara’s hair and collected it all just to reach into his bag and pull out a clean ribbon that was a shocking shade of pink. “So, maybe we wait out the brunt of this storm, I can help Nara finish Lucien’s new cloak. I even bought myself and Kaidan something to shield us from the rain—”

“Thanks Inigo.”

“- it’s no problem. But we wait for the storm to die down and we set off, get to Whiterun before nightfall, tell the Jarl, get a reward and spend the night in the Bannered Mare and then we’ll plan tomorrow out then.” Inigo continued as he started to make something akin to a bun for Nara, spinning her hair around with the ribbon.

“Prospect and peril do go hand in hand.” Nara mumbled to no one in particular.

“Exactly! And these are very strange times, so who knows what might come of it all?”

“Don’t know. But what on earth are you doing to my hair?” Nara finally snapped completely back to reality, twisting in her seat and forcing Inigo to drop her hair as he still held the bright pink ribbon in hand. She furrowed her brow and tilted her head to the side, utterly baffled with the Khajiit who barely acknowledged the look she was giving him.

“I’m just trying to bun it up like you do.”

“Then let me do it.” She held out her hand, waiting for him to give her the ribbon.

“No because you’ll make it all messy.”

“It just has to be functional, not pretty.”

“Why can’t it be both?”

Nara gave a low sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose, unable to stop a small smile from appearing as she slumped back into her seat with a small shake of her head. “I’m not even going to bother trying to argue with you, Inigo.”

“Because you know I’ll win?” The Khajiit asked with a grin that she couldn’t see.

“Because I know we’d just go around in circles. Just, try not to do anything to fancy ‘cause I want to get a drink.” At that, Kaidan smirked and quickly stood up.

“Oh I can get us a round, you just sit there whilst Inigo does your hair.” Kaidan leant down with a hand on Inigo’s shoulder, still smirking. “Make it as fancy as you can.”

“You’re a bastard Kai!” Nara shouted after the Swordsman, managing to pull herself out of Inigo’s hold to reach into her bag and pull out a broken arrow shaft to throw at his head. The piece of wood clattered pathetically against his pauldron as he walked to the bar, casually flipping her the bird over his shoulder at her with a chuckle.

“You two really don’t get along, do you?” Lucien asked, quickly facing away as the Innkeeper shot their group a foul look for throwing things in her tavern.

“Already told you, Luci, I tease you, I antagonise Kai.”

“Antagonise isn’t the word I would use.” Inigo piped up as he returned to tying up Nara’s hair. “You act more like siblings.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at these guys, being best buds. It warms my heart.  
> As does getting out two chapters in one day, 'cause holy shit yo, this chapter was infinitely more fun to write since I jammed it out in under three hours and got it proofed by my awesome sister almost immediately as soon as it was done.


	14. Reckless

“Pink really suits you, Nara.”

A tiny huff of laughter left her as she led the way with her hair pulled back into a simple ponytail made with a neat bow that Inigo had spent too long trying to make perfect. Simply put, it was a completely different look to her usual hastily thrown up bun and whether or not it would remain as such was to be seen. But despite the change, the incredibly eventful day they all had, she managed to pull through as she walked beside Lucien with Inigo leading the way and Kaidan holding the end of their troupe.

“Thanks… and I’m sorry if I scared you earlier, back… back in Helgen.” Nara said, tugging her cloak around her to fend off the bitter wind that blew against them all. Yet at least they knew to be grateful that it had stopped raining.

“You know you apologise more than you really should and there’s certainly no reason to be sorry for acting how you did back there because you definitely didn’t scare me… well, not as much as you have in the past, at least.” Lucien mumbled towards the end, becoming just a little distracted when he thought he saw something on the other side of the road watching them only to see that it was just a passing wild rabbit that quickly disappeared into the grass. 

“Yeah well, I just don’t have the heart to be cruel to you, even accidentally.”

“I definitely hope not! I did pay you to keep me alive on this expedition, not for you to be mean to me.” He gave a chuckle whilst she frowned and thought for a moment.

“Wait… Oh holy shi… You paid me—” She ran her hands down her face with a groan and looked at the cloudy sky for a moment almost as if it held the answers. “Mara have mercy, it’s been a long Gods damn day. Remind me to never pull another all-nighter again.”

“Well if we weren’t on our way to tell the Jarl of Whiterun that there maybe an actual dragon problem, I would insist that we’d stop at the Bannered Mare immediately for the fear of you passing out. But unfortunately, we actually  _ have  _ to go tell the Jarl of Whiterun that there’s a dragon problem.” Lucien said with a heavy sigh, swinging his arms by his side for a moment as he basked in the warmth of his new cloak and the appreciation he held for Nara and Inigo for finishing it so quickly. Although, there was a small part of him that wished it was a silvery-white as to match Nara’s, but he was quick to try and stifle that childish fantasy about his new adventuring life after seeing it smashed so many times over his time knowing her. “You know, we’ve actually only known each other for six days.”

“You’re joking…” He was sure to shake his head when she glanced at him, trying to see if there was anything to give away a joke on his face. But he was serious, and the exhaustion increased by tenfold. “Oh my Gods either I’m losing my mind or this has been the longest week in all of existence.”

“I’m fairly certain that it’s just been a long week. But maybe you should start writing a journal? It might help you keep track of time. Or you know instead you could actually sleep instead of staying awake all night again.” Lucien said with a pointed glare, one that was easily betrayed by the smile he gave her. Nara simply chuckled, ignoring the faint flush of heat that crossed her cheeks as the smallest trace of embarrassment stabbed her heart.

“Yeah, probably for the best. But depending on what happens, what reward we get, I can have a look at seeing how much a book and some ink would cost… it’d be nice to keep track of new memories.” Nara whispered at the end, musing more to herself than as an answer to Lucien’s idea. She quickly shook her head, casting aside the stray, horrible thoughts that crept into her mind as they turned the corner in the road, finally stepping out into flat open planes to see the familiar sight of Whiterun standing proudly in the distance. “But how’s your new cloak anyway? Does it need altering or anything?”

“It’s perfect, Nara. And thank you, again.”

“Don’t mention it, I’m just glad I can do something right for once.” She winced at her own words, how her own truth stung more than any arrow strike. “Sorry, didn’t mean to let that part slip.”

“I can imagine. But please don’t think so little of yourself, you’ve done more than you give yourself credit for. And we may not get along all the time but from what I can tell, you mean well with what you do.”

“Psh, you’re just saying that to make me feel better.” Whilst she wasn’t looking, Lucien rolled his eyes before gently nudging her arm with his elbow to try and get her to look at him.

“I am, but I believe every word of it. But all I can do is hope that maybe you’ll come to believe it too, even just a little.” Nara finally glanced up at him, seeing the hope in his eyes and his smile, leaving her to sigh quietly before she turned her gaze back to the world ahead of them. His words held more weight that she ever expected, more than he clearly knew. But it didn’t slow her down, simply settled on her shoulders like a warm, heavy blanket after a cold day outside.

“One day, maybe. Just need to wait and see what the world has in store for me first.”

“Well, here’s hoping that day comes sooner rather than later.”

The rest of their hour-long journey was taken mostly in silence with the occasional passing comment on the day, the chilly afternoon weather and the strange sight of a farmer leading a painted cow along the road. A break in the heavy clouds eventually appeared in the sky, allowing a few rays of dull sunlight to shine across Whiterun as the four wound their way up through the city before they came to the doors of the giant palace. The large doors closed shut with a heavy thud behind the four of them, the noise echoing across the tall ceiling as they all stepped into the entryway.

“Well, here we are, Dragonsreach. Let’s talk to the man in the big fancy chair.” Lucien broke the silence between the four only for Nara to give a nervous laugh.

“About that, I really don’t like this. It’s… it’s messing with my head.” Nara whispered, reaching up to grab onto her hair only for a much larger, gloved hand to take her own and pull it away. She glanced up to see it was Kaidan, and he firmly squeezed her hand.

“It’ll be alright. You’ve got the three of us and I’m sure Inigo or Lucien will be able to help you along with it.” 

“Exactly, we’ll be right there with you no matter what, so there’s no need to worry, my friend.” Inigo gave her a comforting pat on her shoulder, so with a deep breath she slipped her hand out of Kaidan’s hand and led the way.

* * *

“She’s insane.” Lucien muttered as he stood between Kaidan and Inigo. They had long since returned to the Bannered Mare after receiving a pitiful reward from Jarl Balgruuf and the promise of another if they retrieve the Dragonstone from Bleak Falls Barrow. After such a hectic day, the three were expecting a quiet night to relax in the tavern but instead they were left to sit or stand and watch Nara pick a fight with the tallest, most heavily armed and armoured woman in the entire room.

“I’m guessing that this is a common occurrence?” Inigo asked as he leant against the bar, watching his friend quickly but carefully wrap her hands in preparation for her fight as Uthgerd evened the playing field by taking off her steel gauntlets and chest-piece.

“Yep.” Kaidan replied before he took a drink from his tankard. “She’ll probably lose.”

“Heard that!” Nara snapped over her shoulder, still wound tight with the anxiety that she was hoping to violently shake off as she tucked the ends of her bandages away and flexed her hands against the wraps as Uthgerd finally stood up and towered over her. The shorter woman gave a grin and rolled her shoulders. “Ready?”

“Aye, just don’t start crying when I win.” Uthgerd shot back as she finished cracking her knuckles before she led the way to the clearest space in the tavern to begin the bout.

“She’s going to get herself killed, isn’t she?” Lucien wondered aloud, running his hand down his face as he spared a glance to the other patrons that were beginning to crowd in front of the main entrance where there was the most space for a brawl to take place.

“Nah, but I’d ready the healing potions if I were you. Just gimme a shout if it gets outta hand.” With that, Kaidan turned away to find himself a spot to sit down and left Inigo and Lucien to watch their friend either beat someone into a bloody pulp or  _ be _ beaten into such a state.

Both Nara and Uthgerd stood across from one another in a face off, waiting for the other to make the first move whilst all the while they sized each other up. Without her cloak draped over her shoulders, Nara stood in her brand new Ranger armour with its form fitting dark leather and thinner but secure straps over her shoulders that showed off the strength in her arms but also the nasty scar that cut through her blue tattoo.

Uthgerd finally broke the silence that held the entire tavern with a shout as she lunged forward with a right hook that Nara quickly slapped out of the way before jabbing at her gut, forcing a shock of air from the tall Nord’s lungs as she hopped back. Hands still raised, waiting and patient, Nara watched carefully as the crowd grew louder in their cheers and the betting that was beginning to surface. She spared a quick glance behind her, hoping to throw a grin at her companions only for her heart to sink at the sight of Lucien looking utterly worried about it all, Inigo simply watching with an unreadable expression on his face and Kaidan nowhere in sight.

A growl left Uthgerd as she slammed into Nara who was caught off guard in that single moment and she was tackled and thrown back into the wall by the bar and only just managed to fall and dart out of the way of the fist that slammed into the wall where her head had previously been. Yet with no heavy breastplate or gauntlets to slow her down, Uthgerd was quicker on her feet than she usually would have been and her second swing finally connected just as Nara spun around to guard herself.

The strike struck her scarred shoulder and a choked out gasp of agony left Nara as she reached up to grab the wrist, twisting it away the best she could only to feel another punch directly to her sternum.

“Kaidan!” She heard Lucien shout as she was forced through the doors and stumbled down the stairs only to trip over her own feet and fall down the slope into the empty market square. She tried to push herself out of the dirt only to feel the pain spread across her ribs and seep into her clavicle bone. Her arms trembled as she got onto her feet to look up at the open doorway to see shadow shrouded figures staring down at her.

She forced a breath that made her chest sear with the pain but sprinted back up the stairs, back into the thick of the fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #GiveNaraABreak2020  
> I mean I would but, she's doing this to herself XD  
> But still I love my Trash Breton Girl, she's the worst but she's Trying which is at least something.


	15. Healthy Habits

Sleep was a tricky thing for the blue furred Khajiit. The first night he had spent in everyone’s company was the first time he had slept well in weeks, and yet the second night had him returning to a restless slumber. He already knew the plight of waking up and falling back asleep and was already exhausted of it, but to hear someone gasp for breath the third time it happened made him immediately lurch up from his bedroll to look around, hand resting on the hilt of his ebony sword.

“Nara?” He whispered into the dark, watching the way a faint outline of the Breton on the bed froze in her shaking, becoming completely still but he simply blinked and focused, letting his vision clear to sharp, varying tones of grey to see her sat up, rigid and staring directly at him. “Are you alright, my friend?”

“Nosebleed.” Nara whispered back after a few long seconds of pure silence, her voice slightly nasally with the way she was pinching her nose.

“Ah, nightmare too then?” He quickly and very carefully got up as to not make too much sound, setting down his sword on his bedroll before plopping down on the bed beside her before she could even think about moving out of the way for him. “You don’t have to worry, Lucien warned me about them.”

“...’course he did…”

“Was he not supposed to?” Inigo asked in return, quickly rummaging through his knapsack in search of a few things.

“I mean, I don’t know. Never really thought of it until now… shouldn’t have put it past him though- oh, thanks.” He had handed her a ripped piece of cloth that was, mostly, clean. But she didn’t mind either way as she cleaned her nose the best she could and relaxed, sitting beside him with her legs crossed and her eyes focused on the darkness in front of her. Kaidan gave a grumble in his sleep as he turned over, leaving the pair that were awake to take a moment before continuing their conversation with the fear of waking him up. “What do you think though?”

“About what?”

“Everything, I guess?” Even though she couldn’t see him tilt his head to the side in confusion, the lack of an answer was enough to fill her in on that aspect. “You know, _this_. Wandering with Kai and Luci, heading back to Riverwood in the morning. The fact that we clearly don’t know what we’re even doing with ourselves.”

“Well, I don’t think you realise that me and Kaidan know what we’re doing. We’re here to keep you alive whilst you do whatever you want to do. Lucien? He’s… finding his way, I guess. But you? You’re the one that doesn’t know what they’re doing, maybe after Bleak Falls we will figure that out.” Inigo whispered, shrugging to himself as he leant back on his hand for a moment, glancing to Nara who hadn’t moved an inch. So he took that moment to pull the loose ribbon from her hair and tie it back up for her.

“What is it with you and my hair?”

“You don’t look after yourself enough, so, if I help with something other than just keeping you alive, then maybe you will pick up some good habits and drop some bad ones, like getting into fist fights.” He gently jabbed her side with his finger, making sure not to press too hard with his claw as she chuckled and batted his hand away.

“Yeah well at least I won.”

“But was it really worth cracked ribs and a bruised shoulder?”

“I mean a hundred Septims seems pretty worth—”

“Nara.” Inigo said with a pointed look that he knew she couldn’t see, but the sharpness to his voice was enough to get his point across only to hear movement, the sound of a tiny snore leaving the Imperial Scholar in their strange rag-tag group.

“I mean… I guess not? I don’t know… I guess I’ve got to get better at having healthy habits, huh?” Nara asked quietly, giving him a tiny smile over her shoulder that left the Khajiit to gently pat her on her uninjured shoulder.

“That you do, but I know you’ll get there and all three of us will be there to help you along the way.”

“Thanks Inigo.”

“It’s no problem, my friend.” Instead of retying her hair, he picked up the comb from his collection of new items along with a small bottle that he pressed into her hand. “To start off with healthy habits, you need to look after yourself so drink this healing potion - and before you try to worm out of it, it’s only a small one. You’ll probably sleep better too.”

“Alright…”

They continued quietly whispering and chatting their way through the quiet hours before they passed out, listening to the few stories that either one was willing to share at such a late hour. Inigo told her the tale of how he had tried to ride a mammoth and they both succeeded in not waking up either Lucien or Kaidan with their stifled laughs and Nara had shared the very short tale of Cronvangr Cave which got her a chuckle and an impressed pat on the head when he had finished plaiting her hair. Yet to their surprise the next morning, they both woke up to little questions as to why the pair were sleeping on the same bed, top to tail with Nara’s leg strewn across Inigo’s chest as the poor Khajiit somehow slept half-hanging off the sizable bed. 

And so they all left the Bannered Mare that morning and took a peaceful carriage ride back to Riverwood, beginning their new quest.

“So, you and Inigo—”

“Mara’s sake Kai.” Nara whirled around to shoot a glare, knowing that the peace wasn’t going to last for long or that neither Lucien or Kaidan’s curiosity couldn’t be smothered for very long. But luckily, the Swordsman just chuckled as he walked beside her across the bridge and up the winding path towards Bleak Falls Barrow whilst Inigo and Lucien trailed behind.

“Ah I’m just trying to get a rise outta you. But seriously, you’re good right? ‘Cause if Lucan was right back there about there being bandits up the mountain, we need all of us to be a hundred percent in case there are a few too many of them.” Nara gave a tiny sigh and rolled her right shoulder slowly for despite the healing potion Inigo had given her, the muscle still twinged with pain as she moved it which made her wince.

“I feel mostly fine, shoulder’s acting up. So you can have your bow back for today, not going to be able to draw it as well as I usually can.” With a shrug, she pulled the massive warbow over her head and held it back out to him, letting him take it before he could realise she was now without any weapon after returning Amren’s sword before they took the carriage back to Riverwood.

“Old wounds?”

“Yep.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to deal with it, eventually. Though do me a favour, borrow Lucien’s sword. I’d rather not have you heading into a fight without a weapon.” Kaidan worried for a moment, watching how the short woman glanced back over her shoulder and scrunched her face in disdain.

“And I’d rather not. I’d prefer it if he had something to fall back on when he can’t use his spells, and as we all know.” She made a show of cracking her still wrapped knuckles and flashed him a cocky grin that was definitely the first of it’s kind that he had ever seen. “I’m really good with my fists.”

“Just as long as you grab something off a bandit when you’re _done_ using your fists, then I’ll feel a lot happier.” Nara gave a tiny laugh and paused for a moment, stopping in her tracks to let Inigo and Lucien catch up as they finally stepped into snow and ice which slowed their movement.

“Yeah well we’ll see. For all we know, I might be better with my fists than with sword or bow. Might be some muscle memory stored in my head from whoever I was in the past like Lucien was rambling about earlier… speaking of which, how are you two holding up? Cold yet?” Nara asked with a smirk only to get a laugh from Inigo and a glare from Lucien as they all stood in the snow and the biting wind that was channelling down the mountain side to push against them.

“Oh har-har. I swear if I’d have known it would have been this cold, I might have made the choice to sit by a fireplace in a warm cozy tavern instead of letting my feet go numb.”

“Hm, remind us next time we’re back in Riverwood or Whiterun and we’ll pick you up some better boots. But come on, before we all start getting cold.” Before Lucien could say another word, Nara snatched up his hand and with a helpful tug, pulled him through the snow alongside her when in reality with how short she was compared to everyone else, the rest of the group should have been the ones helping her wade through the snow. But with Imperial in hand and Inigo and Kaidan trekking up the snowy path behind them, they finally reached the top of the hill and the watchtower ruins that overlooked all of Riverwood and a small part of Lake Illinalta.

The bandit stood beneath one of the few, sparse fir trees looked up at the sight of a Breton woman in a silver fur cloak running up through the snow straight towards him, and then with a shout of pain he was knocked out with a fist to the face. Pain rushed through her arm and into her shoulder but with the added protection of properly wrapped bandages, the ache was numbed even more as Nara spun around with each heavy breath creating a cloud of steam to rise from her lips. She leant back out of the way on instinct when an arrow _thunked_ into the tree beside her and she turned to focus on the woman stepping out of the watchtower to investigate who shouted, her cocky smile crept back up on her as she ran out onto the snow covered bridge, ducking under a second arrow before grabbing the longbow the bandit was holding and yanking it.

The bandit held onto her weapon in an iron grip but let herself be pulled into a sharp knee to the gut, the force to her diaphragm making her expel all the air in her lungs before the bow was twisted from her grasp and slammed across her temple, knocking her out cold. Nara dropped the bow with a sigh and quickly glanced inside the watchtower and began just a quick search. A quick wander up the stairs, a rummaged through the few containers that were kept and she was back down the stairs and leading the way once more.

She shot another smug grin at Kaidan as she passed.

“Don’t say—”

“Told you so.” He could only roll his eyes. “Better with my fists than sword or bow—”

“Nara, what did we say last night about healthy habits?” Inigo was quick to pipe up, immediately popping her cocky bubble to which she visibly deflated with the way she slumped her shoulders and put on a small scowl.

“Alright _fine_ , I’ll go grab one of their weapons but we’ve got to be quick, I don’t want to hang around when they wake back up.”


	16. Bleak Battle

“Gods sake, when does this bloody ruin end?” Nara muttered under her breath as they all turned the corner. They had spent over two hours wandering the silent corridors, facing bandits, spiders and draugr only for the selection of hostile creatures to simply remain as the ancient undead. But with three of the four able to fully pull their weight, they suffered only minor injuries from scrapes and scratches to heavy bruises and some lighter cuts.

“Hopefully soon…” Inigo said, shuddering at the thought of facing anymore draugr that were possibly shambling about in the last few sections of the Barrow.

“Going to lose my mind if it isn’t.” With a push against the double doors, they all stepped into a long corridor to find it all submerged in complete darkness like many of the other rooms and halls they had wandered through just to get there. But with a tinder box and torch in hand, Nara quickly lit her last torch and let the fire cast long shadows down the stretch of engraved stone walls and sighed in relief when there were braziers ready to be lit.

“Now this was definitely worth the hassle.” Lucien broke the silence as he marvelled at the intricate engravings on each wall, of each one depicting a different person with a different animal insignia or theme to match. “I mean, just look at how well preserved these plaques all are! And the meanings behind them all, I can only begin to imagine what these meant to the Nords back when- whoa!”

“Come on Lucien.”

“But Nara—”

“Look, we don’t have time to be standing around looking at walls. Farengar is expecting that Dragonstone and for all we know anything could be happening on the outside right now, so we need to keep going.” With his hand still firmly in her grasp, she continued to pull him along much to his dismay. But he relented and accepted her reasoning for what it was. Yet their path was simply blocked by a large stone door that they easily figured out with the Golden Claw. Another puzzle solved and the mechanism still working, the door slid down and they all stepped into the open cavern beyond it all.

Barely any light shone through the holes in the stone ceiling, only showing a rusted dusk sky above as they walked over the bridge and ducked when a swarm of bats flew out into the night to begin their hunt. At the top it all, a carved stone wall stood beside a sarcophagus and a chest that Nara was quick to throw open in search of their target.

“Found anything?” Kaidan asked, keeping his greatsword at the ready as Nara pulled out a few items that she stuffed into her pockets or into her backpack. She was about to reply when she turned to face him, but her eyes landed on the curved wall he was standing beside.

The low chanting finally reached her ears and grew louder with every step. Rough, runic carvings were etched into the wall like they had been made with claws and yet one glowed unlike the others, creating wisps of silver and gold light that seeped from the stone. Her fingers traced over the rough hewn edges, the light searing into her eyes but in a way that didn’t hurt, in a way that she couldn’t stop staring at. Then in a blink it stopped, and she was left staring blankly at a wall as the confusion began to settle in only for it to suddenly swap to fear when the sarcophagus lid popped right off like a cork being pulled off a bottle of mead.

Nara spun around and charged towards Lucien who had been inspecting the tomb in search for any answers and hauled him back as the armoured draugr within climbed out from it’s prison. She tackled the Imperial to the ground, throwing them both beneath first attack the Undead Warrior made with its battleaxe whilst Inigo and Kaidan charged into the fray with their swords drawn—

_ “FUS! RO DAH!”  _ With a deafening bellow came a wave of silvery-blue light that sent the pair flying like dolls thrown by a child in the midst of a tantrum. Yet the noise didn’t stop, not with Nara’s furious roar as she sprung to her feet and shouldered her way into the draugr and threw it off balance just enough to pick up her new steel quarterstaff that she had dropped to the ground. She spun, landing three slams against the creature as it readied another attack, bringing it’s battleaxe over its head and down into the center of her staff when she blocked.

The force made her knees buckle beneath the Creature’s strength and with a thrust forward it hooked it's battleaxe around her weapon and yanked it from her grasp before swinging again. Yet Lucien joined the fray, channelling all his magicka into two Flames spells to char it's rotting flesh and old bones. It didn’t last long for it turned and faced the young Imperial, missing its first attack when he hurriedly leapt backwards and tripped over his own feet and the sarcophagus lid that was still on the ground.

He fully expected death in that moment, and he closed his eyes on instinct. Out of fear of death and the pain the Undead Warrior would inflict on him with one sickening swing down that would no doubt shatter his ribs and leave him dead on the ground in an instant. Instead, all he heard was a shout of pain that wasn’t his own… but Nara’s. Lucien opened his eyes and saw her back to him, how her arms trembled as she held back the battleaxe between both hands with a growl rumbling through her throat.

She gritted her teeth and wrapped her fingers around the edge and hook of the blade as her growl grew louder and louder. She wouldn’t let go, no matter how much pain it was causing her, how the frost enchantment was numbing her arms or how her own blood was pouring down her skin. She shouted and twisted, wrenching the weapon free and with one twist, one switch of her grip she slammed the axe head into the draugr’s gut and let the frost spread through its lifeless core. It spoke to her in a rasping voice, in a language she didn’t understand as she pulled her new weapon free and hacked its head from its shoulders.

Slick with blood both fresh and old, the battleaxe was dropped to the floor beside its previous owner as the Breton woman forced herself to take a deep breath. She slowly turned around and grabbed Lucien’s hands before he could say or try to do anything and easily pulled him to his feet, pulling him away from the ruined, rotted corpse.

“If you say anything about you being useless I won’t be happy.” Nara muttered as she let herself lean against the taller Imperial, her head resting against his shoulder as she pressed her bleeding hand against his chest and cast Healing Hands on him for a few seconds, healing what little injuries he had in an instant.

“But—”

_ “Stop it.” _ She snapped in a low voice, stepping back so she could look up and meet his gaze just to glare at him. And for such a small woman, she could hold a lot of anger. “I mean it now and I meant it back before we met Kaidan. You’re not useless.”

With her piece said and her worries settled, knowing that her employer was uninjured and only just a little shaken, Nara turned away to search the sarcophagus as Kaidan and Inigo finally rejoined them after being thrown across most of the cavern.

“Are you both okay?” The Khajiit was quick to fret, scanning each of his companions and finding one in a sorrier state than the other.

“We’re fine, and you two are allowed to smack Lucien upside the head for me if he starts saying that he’s useless in a fight. Especially since he saved my life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof this one felt like a chore to write but I'm just glad its done and out of the way


	17. Sweet Numbness

A moonless night held the land in darkness, leaving the rag-tag team of would-be adventurers to stagger their way alongside Lake Illinalta to rest in Riverwood for the night. Cobwebs and dust still clung to each and every one of them along with a varying amount of dried blood, but the thought of a warm bed to rent and collapse into was more than enough to keep all four of them going as they crossed through the shallowest part of the lake and onto the other side. They passed by the Guardian Stones and wandered their way down the road to the quiet little village which now had several guards on duty that patrolled the outskirts.

Despite their varying states of filthiness and exhaustion, all they got was a passing look of recollection or a nod depending on which guard they passed before they made it to the tavern. Yet as soon as they stepped inside they were only told to rest their heads on the table for the night since the Innkeeper was nowhere to be found, leaving the four to bitterly grumble and take their places for the evening. Such a task proved easier for Lucien and Inigo, simply because the Imperial was absolutely exhausted and the Khajiit was used to uncomfortable sleeping arrangements.

But a sigh left Nara as she shrugged off her cloak and carefully placed it on Lucien’s shoulders, adding another layer to keep him warm as he slept using his folded arms as a pillow. With that done, she found a chair and tugged it so she had her back to the wall and her eyes on the door along with the rest of the empty tavern. Kaidan joined her only a moment later having finally given up in trying to convince Orgnar into letting them rent for the evening, yet the Nord wouldn’t budge much to Kaidan’s dismay.

He spared a glance at the Imperial as he passed by, managing just a small smirk at the sight of him bundled up beneath two cloaks that he was just a mass of steadily breathing brown and silver fur. He didn’t say anything, taking his time as he grabbed a chair and took a seat beside Nara who was struggling to keep her eyes open as she stared at the door and the Khajiit sleeping on the table beside it.

“You’re sweet on him, aren’t you?” Kaidan’s question immediately snapped Nara awake from her dozing so she could shoot him a deadly glare and growl out an answer.

“I’m not.”

“You’re being defensive about it and I didn’t even say which one I’m talking about.” He shot back with a tired smile, chuckling when she huffed and folded her arms over her chest in such a frumpy manner that he almost mistook her for an angsty teenager.

“I don’t feel that way towards any of you. And I also don’t even know what it’s like to ‘be sweet’ on someone… don’t know much about anything, especially when everything is just so fuc… when everything is so bloody numb.” She muttered to herself before taking a deep breath and forcing herself to relax, letting herself slump in her seat.

“It’s not the first time that you’ve mentioned being numb, you know.” He mentioned after a moment’s breath, letting her take her time to think of something to say as she stared at the floor.

“Well… not numb. More like, I’m drowning. And, everything is just quiet all the time in my head and then when something does happen I don’t fully _feel_ anything and if I do it’s mostly never anything good… it’s just either anger or fear, you know?” Nara said as she ran her hand down her face, taking a moment to understand why she was even telling him. Maybe she was at her breaking point? Or maybe it was just something she had been too slow to stop herself from saying?

“You sure it’s not got anything to do with what happened before?” Nara was quick to look at him with a furrowed brow and silence, utterly baffled with what he was trying to insinuate. Kaidan gave a tiny sigh and shifted in his chair, getting himself comfortable before he continued. “When you looked at that word wall back in Bleak Falls, it was like you fell into a trance.”

“Wait so you didn’t see any light from the runes or hear weird chanting?” Nara quickly shot back with a sudden energy that had Kaidan worrying just a little more about her as she leant forward in her seat to stare him down. He couldn’t help but feel like he was back in Gilfre’s workhouse in Eastmarch again, interrogated in the middle of the night. But he quickly smothered that idea and answered calmly. He knew her now, more than he ever did on the first night he ever spoke to her. She was just… scared.

“No. All I knew about those Word Walls is that they’re usually some sort of memorial, never heard about them being magic.” She gave a low groan and quickly put her head in her hands, so he simply leant over and carefully patted her on the back. “But it’s clearly had an affect on you… are you feeling alright?”

“I don’t know… I don’t…” She forced a deep breath and finally sat up straight as she calmed her mind the best she could and gave him an exhausted look that only he could see as a cry for help in a single expression. “I just don’t know how to explain what I saw.”

“And there’s no pressure to. I’d rather you take it easy than let some old, weird magic scramble your brains.” Kaidan squeezed her shoulder before pulling away entirely, letting it all return to near silence with only Inigo’s snoring and the crackling fire to keep that maddening lack of noise away. But he was going to lose his mind to the quiet before he’d ever get the chance to fall asleep. “But, dragons huh?”

Nara gave a scoff and rubbed her eyes. “Yep.”

“We’re probably bound to see some right shit now but I’m sure we’ll be fine no matter what comes our way.”

“Just going to have to wait and see.”

* * *

She would go back to drowning any day. Anything but  _ this _ .

The maze of mirrored glass was endless, suffocating and confusing. The glass reflected her appearance back at her and yet in the corner of her vision she’d turn and see a glimpse of a dead, bloodied body with a face she didn’t recognise or if her luck when she turned a corner suddenly became sour, she’d see a friend tortured for just a brief moment, and always just out of arm’s reach.

She turned another corner, seeing the body of a young Dark Elf woman that was probably around her own age with a sundered throat and glassy eyes staring back at her. The fear struck her heart once more but with more viciousness than the last dead person she had seen and she tripped over her own feet as she kept pushing forward. The combination of a distraction and fear made her catch herself on the wall directly in front of her, but all she saw were her own hands drenched in fresh blood.

_ “Where are you?” _ The Monster demanded, a haunting echo to its voice as it towered infinitely over her and her cage. Its voice had no point of origin as she leant against the glass and held back what few tears she could. Its voice was everywhere and even within her own head, adding only to the torment as she let her legs tremble under the weight of her own body.  _ “Where. Are. You—” _

* * *

A ragged cough left Nara after she was startled from her sleep, choking ever so slightly on her own spit and blood as she doubled over in her chair and tried to calm her nerves. Someone had shaken her from her slumber and with her fist still aching from her instinctively slamming it into something metal, she carefully pinched her bleeding nose as someone sat beside her and pressed a piece of cloth into her aching hand.

“Nara.” Lucien’s voice filled her ears as she tried to blink the mix of tears and sleep from her eyes and in a moment, she came to see that he was sitting beside her in Kaidan’s chair with his face painted with so much worry that she swore she felt her heart break. “Are you alright? You were muttering in your sleep and, well… you’re having another nosebleed.”

“I literally just woke up, Lucien.” Nara managed a croaky chuckle as she tried to not taste her own blood on her lips, the metallic tang making her stomach churn with disgust as she cleaned herself up the best she could. “Give me a little bit to even think of an answer for that… also, did you actually use a shield?”

“About that… sorry.” Lucien replied with a wince as he glanced at her bruising hand, at the sore, broken skin across her knuckles. “Though to be fair, you do lash out when you’re woken up.”

“Yeah but I think after the first time it happened, you’d know not to try.” With a wince, Nara sat up and slowly stood up from her chair, letting her back crack in several places as she did. However, her faint smirk dropped when she found the tavern empty save for Orgnar cleaning a few tankards behind the bar. “Where are the others?”

“Inigo is waiting for us on the bridge and Kaidan wanted to get something from the blacksmith.”

“Right, well we might as well grab some things from the Trader’s before we set off.” Nara mumbled as she swung her backpack onto her shoulder but before she could even step anywhere close to the door, Lucien quickly but very gently took hold of her bandaged hand and pulled her to a stop. So she turned around and watched how the embarrassment flooded his cheeks with colour, leaving him to quickly let go of her hand and take a deep breath.

“Before we go, can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead, but just so you know you don’t have to ask if you can ask a question, it’s just me.” Nara replied with the smallest trace of mirth in her dark eyes, leaving Lucien to either chuckle at her words or at his own foolishness, she wasn’t sure which.

“Of course, but look, I know I'm not  _ very good  _ at… practical things. You know, combat. I rely on you to win our battles, and I shouldn't.” She let herself breathe a sigh of relief when he took the time to change his usual phrasing on his abilities but let him continue. “So I suppose I was wondering… do you think you could train me?”

“Sure, after we drop off the Dragonstone we’ll get started.” And in an instant, Lucien’s eyes lit up like she had just given him the key to a sweet shop and told him it was all his.

“Really? Fantastic! Can’t wait to get cracking!”

“Come on, before those two wander off without us.”

“Can I also take a look at the Dragonstone?” Despite how tired she felt, how a small part of her wanted nothing more than to spend the day in silence, Nara gave a laugh and held open the tavern door.

“Sure but really we need to get going before Kaidan and Inigo decide to leave us behind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy oh boy we're finally getting somewhere.


	18. Storm's Boon

The grand, lordly hall would never be anything but that for Nara. Despite Lucien’s fascination with the dragon skull hanging over the Jarl’s throne and Inigo’s strange but tempered compulsion to chase his tail, she couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched by everyone in the entire palace and that she didn’t belong. Yet she continued on no matter what and took solace in the fact that Kaidan didn’t seem overly keen on being in Dragonsreach either.

“We’re back from Bleak… falls.” Nara trailed off as she stepped into the court wizard’s study and saw him mid conversation with a woman in dark leather with a very familiar voice. So, she propped herself up against the wall and folded her arms, eavesdropping on their conversation with no shame whatsoever.

“- have no fear. The Jarl himself has finally taken an interest, so I’m now able to devote most of my time to this research.”

“Time is running, Farengar, don’t forget. This isn’t some theoretical question. Dragons have come back.” The Hooded Woman shot back in some attempt to bring the Wizard down from his lofty thoughts and wandering mind that only partially succeeded.

“Yes, yes. Don’t worry. Although the chance to see a living dragon up close would be tremendously valuable… Now, let me show you something else I found… very intriguing, I think your employers may be interested as well—”

“You have a visitor.” The Woman suddenly snapped in a hushed voice, and yet it did nothing to stop Nara from smirking slightly to herself nor from letting her eyes spy the book on the table in front of them. But Farengar simply returned to attention and looked to see the rag-tag team of adventurers waiting, crowded in the archway with their short leader at the front.

“Hmm? Ah, yes, the Jarl’s protege! Back from Bleak Falls Barrow? You didn’t die, it seems.”

“Yeah no shi—” Kaidan was quick to knock the back of her shoulder with a light punch or what he assumed to be one, and the spikes on his gauntlets didn’t help as she stumbled forward and grumbled under her breath. “Yeah, here.”

“Ah! The Dragonstone of Bleak Falls Barrow! Seems you are a cut above the usual brutes the Jarl sends my way.” She tutted under her breath and rolled her eyes only to shoot a glare over her shoulder at Kaidan when he punched her again, but a lot lighter that time instead of like the last. Yet the gesture was still enough to elicit a response from her, and when she glared the Swordsman shot her back an unimpressed look all topped off with a condescending eyebrow raised. It was all just enough to distract her away from the main conversation in front of her. “-discovered its location, by means she has so far declined to share with me. So your information was correct after all. And we have our friend here to thank for recovering it for us.”

“You went into Bleak Falls Barrow and got that? Nice work.” The Hooded Woman complimented in a dry voice, watching the lack of response from the only other woman in the room, of how dark eyes simply stared back with the smallest tilt to her head. Quiet curiosity, the smallest trace of smirk to the corner of her lips. The short woman was definitely a strange one, so the Hooded Woman quickly turned back to Farengar. “Just send me a copy when you’ve deciphered it.”

“Farengar!” The Jarl’s Housecarl suddenly shouted as she ran into the study room, seeing the strange collection of people gathered outside the archway only to push her way into the center of the room. “Farengar you need to come at once, a dragon’s been sighted nearby. You should come too.” With a pointed glance at Nara, the Dunmer woman spun on her heel and continued to lead the way, leaving the four and the stranger just stood in silence as the court wizard ran after her.

“Gods dammit, it never ends does it?” Nara muttered to no one in particular as she turned on her heel and slowly followed up the stairs.

* * *

“Hm, not even a week out of that damned prison and out of everything we’re going to fight a bloody dragon.” Kaidan muttered as they followed the Housecarl through the streets of Whiterun to the gates, yet the four all trasped behind the woman with no real intention to keep pace with her. For like a heavy blanket, apprehension seemed to hang over the entire city with no real way to pull it away, to kick it off and let the world breathe.

“It’s stupid.” Nara grumbled to herself as she grimaced at the still unrelenting sounds of a priest prattling away in front of a statue she didn’t recognise. It was just another sound for her to try and ignore when all she could ever do, all she could ever be was alert and attentive to every noise like something was out to get her.

“We’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.” Inigo piped up, taking just a moment to squeeze Nara’s shoulder as they walked a long only to spare a glance at the Imperial who seemed to be deep in thought. “What about you Lucien? You’ve been very quiet about all of this. So you must be thinking of _something.”_

“Well… to be perfectly honest I must admit I'm a little anxious about the idea of confronting a live dragon in battle. I mean, it's exciting! I’ll get to see something hardly anyone else in Tamriel has ever laid eyes on.” Lucien gave a small scoff, unable to comprehend that just about a week had passed ever since the madness had begun and yet there he was, on his way to battle a beast of old. “But equally… it might roast us alive.”

Nara suddenly froze in the middle of the path, in front of the ruined Gildergreen that sat in the center of the city with its branches and core charred by lightning from the previous storm that had only happened so recently. Wilting leaves still clung to the least damaged parts and yet it still remained on the cusp of life and death. She turned around and faced her three companions, the Imperial that she had known the longest, the Swordsman that she had saved and the Khajiit who felt utterly indebted to her for something she didn’t remember and didn’t wholly believe. All she saw amongst the three men that she felt like she could call her friends yet didn’t… all she saw was a worrying mix of calmness and fear. So she took a deep breath and took Lucien’s hand, knowing that of the four of them, he needed words the most.

“I’m not going to lie to you, I have no idea what’s going to happen, but as long as you stay close to me or Kaidan or Inigo, you’ll be just fine.” She squeezed his hand, hoping her words would leave something for him to hold onto. To find comfort in when she felt like she couldn’t do anything else to help.

“If you say so, boss. I hope you’re right.” Lucien said in a quiet voice and yet when she opened her mouth to say something, Kaidan was quick to join their conversation with a hand on Nara’s shoulder before she had her chance to say her piece.

“No, she’s right. You’ll be fine.”

“Yes and if anything does happen we’ll be alright either way, you know your own healing spell, Nara can heal any one of us if we get too badly injured and we’re stocked up on healing potions too. And we are fighting alongside the Jarl’s Housecarl and the Whiterun Guard. What’s the worst that could happen?” Inigo asked with a smile, offering more and accidentally taking away from the help all at the same time which provided only a strange mix of comfort and dread for Lucien.

“How about we _don’t_ think about that? Come on, we’ve got a dragon to kill.” Nara quickly said and with a tug, she pulled Lucien along and subsequently both Inigo and Kaidan back towards their task, to the present instead of the future even though that future very quickly became their present.

The combination of raging fire and the humidity of the encroaching storm did nothing to help anyone’s breathing. Dark clouds hung over all as the grey and green scaled dragon soared overhead, effortlessly dodging arrow after arrow as the guards that still remained kept shooting to try and bring the monster down. But Inigo took the deepest breath he could as he lined up his shot, ignoring the heat from the flames surrounding him and the thick, slurry like quality to the air and…

Fired.

The ebony arrow pierced through the scale and hide beneath the dragon’s wing, it’s gloating cut short with pain as it faltered and crashed, sliding across the dirt and rubble from the ruined watchtower. Nara shouted something at him as she sprinted past, a swear filled compliment on his aim before she charged into the fray with quarterstaff in hand and bloodlust in her war cry.

Heart and head heavy with the thrill of battle, the Breton reached the dragon just as it lifted itself from the dirt and slammed her staff down just behind its horns with a resounding clash of metal and wood against tough scales. She yanked back, quickly twisting herself out of the way when it opened its fang filled maw and lashed out with a bite only to snap down on thin air and growl when she swung again, striking its cheek as a hail of arrows slammed into its back and wings.

Pinned to the earth and suffering assault after assault from a tiny human with a metal stick, the Monster pulled back before her third strike could hit and spun, unfurling its wings and slammed its spaded tail into her side with such speed that she could never see it coming. Yet one small mortal was easily and quickly replaced with another, a taller one with a true weapon that sliced through the canvas like flesh of its wing before unleashing a war cry of his own with one final cut. A war cry that was hidden beneath the booming thunder. For the storm broke and the heavens wept.

A fire filled the beast and not the kind it was so apt at summoning with a Shout, a sudden sense of dread and pain that flooded through the base of its skull from the final strike that ended its life and revealed to it what mortality was. Flesh and sinew was wrenched from its bones in flames, its own soul torn asunder to be consumed by a creature it didn’t realise it had been fighting all that time.

“ _Dovahkiin?! No!”_

It was just a shame she wasn’t awake to witness the dragon’s final shout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohohohoho NOW we're getting somewhere


	19. The True Reflection

Cold glass boxed her in and cold slate held firm and unrelenting beneath her knees. She silently cried as she listened to the screams of torture and cackling, maddening laughter of the Monster as it watched it all in sickening glee. She ignored the blood on her hands and tried in a vain attempt to block out all the noise with her hands over her ears yet it only served to make it louder.

But it suddenly stopped. The laughter, the screaming, the begging for mercy and the sickening ending of life that played on repeat like someone singing the same song over and over again. Yet she had stopped crying, and she let her hands drop into her lap and stared at the blood as it slowly faded away. It disappeared from sight, replaced with only her scarred hands, the reminder of the reality that happened outside of the same nightmare that evolved into something worse every,  _ single, night. _ All because she realised that...

No.

No! Why should she have to put up with whatever her own mind was trying to show her from her past? Why did she deserve any of it? She wasn’t whoever she was before she woke up in that abandoned prison. That person, whoever she may have been,  _ was dead. _

She struggled to her feet, the blood still coating the mirror made it more of a challenge to stand when she felt so utterly weakened already. The Monster stared in silence, she could see the almost bewildered look in its glowing blue eyes in the reflection the mirror gave her. And she glared back as she clenched her hands into fists, pulled back her right and slammed her fist into the mirror with a resounding crack of glass breaking beneath her force.

It cracked and broke in on itself, and for a moment, just a second she saw her own reflection surrounded by many others. Faces she didn’t recognise, all of them grinning at her. A woman on her left with dark grey eyes and pitch black hair, a man on her right with salt and pepper hair and an equally greying beard. Both grinning at her, the same as her own reflection that was streaked in blood. All before the glass fell away.

She blinked and everything changed. Her reflection still stood in front of her but she couldn’t see her surroundings, only the sheer and polished ice wall in front of her. She stood in grey and soft sky blue clothes, clean and well kept unlike the tattered rags she had been drowned and tortured in for what felt like a millennia. She reached out and her reflection did the same, just a normal mirror despite it’s freezing, icy quality. It didn’t hurt, all she could feel was smooth ice and a cold winter breeze brushing against her as she stood in snow.

A warm hand was placed on her shoulder but she couldn’t see anyone in the mirror, just the smallest slither of a golden hood and the corner of a soft smile on the edge of her vision as a warm, motherly voice filled her ears.

_ “His will shall find you again, but we can provide you respite. So until he does… Rest.” _

“You’re still with me?” Nara spun around, remembering that same voice all too well as she turned to face the woman only to see no one.

Just an endless blue horizon from the top of the world, a sight she’d never could have imagined on her own.

Her feet crunched in the snow as she walked across the summit of whatever mountain top she was standing on, letting herself come to sit at the edge. She dug her hands into the snow, the frost chilling her hands but not painfully so as she let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding throughout that long nightmare.   
  
A feeling the likes of which she had never felt before filled her chest, a warmth that felt like it was going to spiral out of control if she didn’t do something. So she smiled and laughed softly to herself as she collapsed back into the snow and stared at the endless ocean of clear blue above her.

She spotted a single hawk circling above her and her mountain, and closed her eyes.

* * *

The rain hammered against the roof of the temple as the three men sat and waited for their friend to awaken. Hours upon hours they waited, either sitting down or pacing the walls or simply just wandering and listening to the raging storm. Even Inigo had taken to muttering a few prayers every so often whether to instill hope in himself or as a way to beg the Gods into helping them, to help their friend.

She slept away, still covered in mud and blood in some places, but whether it was out of being unable to return from her unconscious state or to sleep through the pain, none of them really knew. On top of a stone bed that looked unbearably uncomfortable to rest upon and yet she still slept, her chest and stomach wrapped up securely in bandages as the High Priestess took her time in healing the broken Breton’s body as to not do more harm than good. Yet when the storm grew closer, hanging above the entire city, the clash of lightning would have startled any from their sleep, it even startled all three men sat waiting.

The Breton didn’t stir from the brilliant flash of white or the deafening crack and rumble of thunder. instead her entire body tensed, her brow furrowed and her eyes closed tight as she suddenly slammed the side of her fist down into the stone making it crack and crumble beneath her sudden bout of restless strength. But then she relaxed to the sound of the second rumble of thunder that was as terrifying and loud as the first, her body slumped against the stone and her breathing deepened as her bloodied hand was caught and quickly tended to by Danica who tutted and worried about the damage to both Nara and her temple.

“You’re still with me…?” The quiet that held the temple was broken for just a moment with that whisper, the Breton still sleeping and dreaming away. Yet no nightmares plagued her as she turned into her uninjured side, curling up into a comfy ball with her arms becoming her new pillow, even beginning to snore just a touch.

Soft boots thumped on the carved stone floor as Inigo paced up and down in front of one of the main doors whilst Kaidan and Lucien sat opposite one another on separate benches, the former hunkered down with his arms crossed and his eyes closed as he lightly dozed away whilst the latter sat fidgeting with his notebooks trying to busy himself with his writings only to find no rest from his worry. A light cough tore all three of them away from their silence and they looked up to see the High Priestess stood before them, hands clasped in front of her and wizened face shadowed slightly beneath her hood.

“I know that none of you will want to, but I have to ask that you leave. The temple will be closing its doors shortly and I cannot let the three of you stay.”

“Surely you can’t make an exception, just this once?” Lucien dared to ask with a hopeful but exhausted smile. Danica was sure to return it despite her answer being completely the opposite of what he hoped.

“If I make an exception just once, then everyone else would be entitled to the same and the temple would become a tavern. I know you mean well, that you worry for your friend but she will still be here in the morning when the doors are opened again.” Danica replied before giving the three of them a polite nod and turned on her heel, returning to her evening duties but still keeping a watchful eye on the trio to make sure they left.

Not wanting to test her patience nor her goodwill, they left and quickly found their way through the stormy streets back to the tavern for the rest of the evening. None of them could think of anything else to speak of whilst the entire tavern seemed to thrum with the energy of the day’s battle at the western watchtower. Tales and rumours would spread so quickly, the tale of the supposed Dragonborn in their city spread as fast as the news of dragons reaching the Jarl’s ear.

So instead they spoke of nothing and ignored the way the patrons would spare glances to the two that stuck out like a sore thumb, even more so when the dots were connected at the sight of a blue furred Khajiit and a red eyed Swordsman. The pair were immediately jealous of the Imperial in their group with how easily he was ignored by the curious tavern goers and after barely an hour of trying to eat and drink, they retreated to the balcony of the only rented room that seemed so utterly empty without their leader.

But the night came and went, despite how restless all their sleep was as Kaidan slept in a chair on the balcony, Inigo camped on the floor and Lucien took the bed for the night. The young Imperial yawned behind his hand when he woke up the next morning, Inigo’s loud snoring immediately filled the silence to the point of it beginning to grate his ears. So he got up and decided to see if Hulda was awake so he could buy something for breakfast only to stumble down the stairs as he shook himself awake.

And there Nara sat, at the bottom of the stairs at the single table on the side with her arms crossed and her quarterstaff resting on the wall beside her. At first he thought he was seeing things until she finally moved, lifting her eyes and meeting his gaze with sharp violet eyes and a warm smile.

“Morning.” She greeted like nothing in the entire world had changed and he had to remind himself that she was unconscious for most of the previous day. That the possibility of her knowing was,  _ unlikely.  _ But Lucien just stood there and for the first time she had rendered him speechless and she had done  _ absolutely nothing. _

“You’re- when did- how—“

“You know, Hulda isn’t awake yet and Saadia is busy cleaning so you probably won’t be able to get breakfast for a while. Probably for the best though, we’ve got training to do.” With a wince, she stood up and picked up her quarterstaff to use as something to lean again and with a glance to her stomach, he saw the bandages under the edge of the shirt that wasn’t hers. He actually didn't know whose shirt that was and he had no reason to ask when he had so many more questions to rattle off.

“We have training?”

“Well, you do. I’m still too broken to do anything but like that’s going to stop me from keeping my promise. Come on, I even asked those Companion people up by the Skyforge if we could use their training ground for an hour or two.” She nodded her head towards the door, still smiling softly at him and he couldn’t help but feel like he was speaking to someone new entirely until… he recognised that no, not someone new. It was just Nara in a quiet moment trying to be as gentle as she could be but unlike all the times in the past, in the forest after the fight at Valthiem Towers and her outburst at Mixwater Mill, it was natural. Almost like when he first met her.

“Alright, what are we starting with?” Lucien asked, deciding to leave his questions until he was completely awake. Her smile turned into a smug little grin as she flexed her left arm to show off her muscle. The small amount of sleepy excitement quickly changed to dread as he let his shoulders slump. “Oh dear. You're going to make me exercise, aren't you?”

Nara chortled giddly to herself and simply cemented his dread as she wound her arm through his and started to drag him towards the door. “It’s not that bad once you get used to it, trust me. Though you’re probably going to ache for weeks until you settle.”

“Divines save me…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw soft Nara incoming


	20. Healing

The door crashed open unceremoniously and Lucien stumbled back into the room in the Bannered Mare, barely even sparing a glance to Inigo or Kaidan as he gracelessly collapsed onto the bed with a heavy thud. An amused laugh echoed from the doorway and the two looked to see Nara leaning against the doorframe with a smile on her face.

“Oh, poor city boy, can’t even handle his push ups.” Nara chortled to herself before lifting her head to see a blur of blue fur rushing towards her. “Hey boys-  _ Argh!” _

“I’m so glad you’re okay! Wait, are you alright?” Inigo pulled back from his sudden embrace, holding her shoulders in shaking hands when he wanted nothing more to squeeze her fiercely tight. But common sense held his head and his body under its control and so he took the precaution  _ not  _ to accidentally hurt her anymore than she already was.

“I’m fine, just a bit sore. What about you though? Same with you Kai, you both alright? I mean, I was knocked out of that fight against that dragon pretty quickly so I didn’t really get to see how it all ended, you know.” Nara patted Inigo on the arm as she moved for the end of the bed, carefully sitting herself down and letting her staff lay beside a quietly suffering Lucien. But she sat with her elbows resting on her thighs and with one hand pressed to her side, gently massaging the agony away from her wound with a soft golden light surrounding her hand all the while.

“We’re both fine, bit bruised, bit scraped. But you’re the one that we’re worrying about right now.” Kaidan replied, shifting in his seat to lean forward and watch her with cautious red eyes.

“I’m halfway to fully healed, give me a day or two and I’ll be fine.” Nara shrugged her shoulders, and yet neither Khajiit or Swordsman stopped staring at her and so she immediately let the mirth in her eyes fade away. “Something else happened, didn’t it?”

“‘Something else happened’, goodness you don’t know the half of it, Nara.” Lucien piped up, slowly lifting himself from the pillows and sitting with his back to the wall with a wince and a grumble. “As soon as Kaidan was finished being utterly barbaric by nearly cutting the dragon’s head off, it died, burst into flames that then turned into glowing lights that shot directly  _ into you _ . Like you absorbed something from it. The three of us think it may have been its soul.”

“Pft, you two  _ think _ , I  _ know  _ it was its soul. These two can theorise all they want but you’re Dragonborn, Nara.” Kaidan said with such a certainty that it had Nara scrunching her face up in… something. They had never seen that expression before.

“Yeah well whatever it was, I’m not dealing with it. What matters is that the dragon is dead, Whiterun wasn’t reduced to ashes like Helgen and we’ll get paid. That's the extent of my influence on the world and that’s all that matters to me.”

“Erm…” A low groan left her when Inigo broke the small pause and shifted from foot to foot.

“What?”

“The Jarl may already know… because he sent a woman in armour here earlier to check on you and she’s said that she’s a Housecarl and that you’re possibly in line to become a Thane.” Inigo replied with hesitation, watching the way that unknown expression slipped away from her face until she was left staring blankly at the wall across from the bed. She finally moved after what felt like an eternity, holding her head in her hands as she took a very deep and slow breath.

“Mara save me, I just want to find out what happened to me and travel with you three, is that too much to bloody ask for?” Nara asked no one in particular before she fell back, collapsing across Lucien’s legs and glaring up at the ceiling. “Shall we just run off? I don’t know, all four of us just piss off to Cyrodiil for a bit? Or go find a deserted island and set up shop there for a year or two and let all of this blow over?”

“I doubt you’d be able to find much of your past in the middle of nowhere.” Kaidan told her, the faint trace of a smirk in his voice making a tired smile of her own cross her face. She propped herself up on her elbows and sighed.

“Fair point, and I’m pretty sure Lucien would lose his mind in the first week if we did.”

“I would not, at least give me more credit than that, especially since I’ve survived  _ torture. _ ” The Imperial shot back and Nara was sure to tut.

“Your training wasn’t  _ that  _ bad. The only reason why it was ‘torture’ was because you spent most of it chatting away instead of focusing. Wasting precious breath complaining when you wouldn’t have ended up in a right state at the end of it all if you’d focused—”

Their conversation was cut off with a set of frantic knocks echoed from the other side of the door, leaving them to stare at it for a moment before one of the four finally said something.

“Who is it?” Inigo broke the silence, slowly moving to the door but he made no move to open it.

“It’s Jenssen, I’m an Acolyte from the Temple and I’m searching for Nara. She vanished from the temple before any of us woke up this morning…” None of them finished listening to the frazzled sounding Nord’s pleas for assistance in searching for their Breton friend, for all three men in the room slowly looked to the platinum haired woman with varying levels of disappointment painted across their faces.

“What? Oh, don’t give me that look.” She muttered as she looked at her feet instead, ignoring the heat that flooded her cheeks.

“Remember what we said—”

“Yes yes, I know, healthy habits.” With a melodramatic huff, Nara stood up and grabbed her quarterstaff to keep using it as a support before she opened the door and silenced the poor Acolyte’s worried fretting.

“Please tell me I’m not seeing things but, I swear her eyes looked,  _ purple _ .” Inigo broke the silence once more, turning around to see Kaidan still sat in his seat with his brows pulled together in thought.

“You weren’t seeing things, probably just some weird after effect from the whole dragon soul devouring business.” Kaidan shrugged before he stood and rolled the aches from his heavily armoured shoulders. “We should probably go keep an eye on her ‘cause I don’t trust her to not sneak off again.”

* * *

Cleaned up and garbed in brand new clothes, Nara let herself be swamped by order after order from the High Priestess and knew to follow them all dutifully. Yet despite the ever burning need to keep moving and her desire to skip town as quickly as she could with her friends in tow, she buried them all beneath sensible caution and did as she was told. A week’s rent was placed on the room in the Bannered Mare and the summoning shout from the world’s tallest mountain fell on deaf ears as she continued her day with Lucien keeping her company whilst Kaidan and Inigo picked up a local bounty on a bandit leader to take care of in their sudden bout of downtime. But of course, the pair made her promise and swear all the Divines that she wouldn’t do anything stupid which gave her a reason to laugh for a moment, despite how silly it was in hindsight.

“So, what do I call you now? Your Thanefullness? Your Thaneship? Thaney-pie?” Anxiety still clung to her core as she walked down the stairs from Dragonsreach, her coin purse ladened with more gold than she had ever held in a day and her belt adorned with a new, brilliantly made sword that she knew she was going to hand off to Lucien when he wasn’t paying full attention. But she managed a small laugh as they reached the bottom of the stairs and shook her head a little, missing Lucien’s proud little smile before he continued. “I’d watch out for Fjolta, though. She seems a bit weird.”

“Weird? You’re weird.” Nara shot back with a sceptical look, smothering her smirk before it could appear on her face when he huffed.

“I am not! I’m a perfectly normal, respectable person who doesn’t watch your every single move like your Housecarl—”

“Divines- she’s not my Housecarl.”

“But you’re a Thane now and if everyone is right, a Dragonborn too, though that remains to be seen.” Silence fell between them, leaving him to wonder if he may have said the wrong thing yet he never had a chance to say anything when she grumbled wordlessly beneath her breath and took a seat on a bench beside the Gildergreen. “Are you sure you’re alright? We can head back to the tavern.”

“It wasn’t just my side but also my leg that got messed up, but by the end of the week I’ll be better.” Nara replied as she settled back against the bench and folded her arms, hearing him sit down beside her. “But what about you though? I mean, I know you’re okay but, I mean after Valtheim I worry about you.”

To hear such a sentiment so blatantly from her left him speechless for just a moment, left staring at the statue of Talos that had no reason to be there after the Great War, something that he originally had planned to comment on if she wasn’t going to say anything else. “I’m alright but thank you for asking.”

“You don’t sound so sure.” She pointed out, tilting her head to the side just enough for it all to remain quizzical without being a direct question.

“Well, it has been a very busy week. I think I’m still trying to wrap my head around it all, truth be told.”

“You and me both, Luci.” Nara sighed and yet she wasn’t given a chance to enjoy any semblance of silence as the Priest prattling in front of the statue took a break from his long winded speeches.

“Excuse me?”

“What?”

“You just called me ‘Luci’.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re my friend, friends give each other nicknames.” She pointed out with such a condescending tone that he was so very tempted to stand up and walk off. But she just smiled at the scowl that appeared on his face and continued either way. “And here I thought you were supposed to be the smartest of the boys.”

“Please don’t start calling us that.”

“What? ‘The Boys’ or ‘My Boys’?” Her smile continued to grow at the same time as his embarrassment.

“Oh Divines, please don’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time off for the bois, here's hoping they use it well
> 
> 02/07/2020 - oop don't mind me just changing Lydia's name to something else because Reasons so the Housecarl isn't actually Lydia but someone else


	21. Training Daze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note on updates: Until I fix my sleeping pattern which will take who knows how long, please expect the updates to take about this long, I'm not a healthy Ninja XD

A quiet yawn left the young Imperial when he woke up the next morning, his mind quickly clicking into gear as he stared at the ceiling to listen to the quiet ambiance of the tavern. He listened to the already awake and active city beyond the building’s walls, the Innkeeper and waitress cleaning and prepping the meals and barrels of ale and mead for the on coming night and—

Nara. She wasn’t there.

Over nine days of being in the company of others, he had grown somewhat used to the sound of another person or three at night, the snoring and the shifting in their sleep if he would find it difficult or wake earlier than the others. And to hear no one else there was, _jarring._ With a sudden bout of energy and anxiety, he sat up to see the bed had been made and a book and note had been left on the pillow in her stead. He scrambled out of his bedroll and dove for the note that was addressed to him and set aside the book for the moment and read the almost completely illegible handwriting.

_‘Just gone to the Temple like Danica asked, I’ll be back by around lunch time hopefully._

_Have fun with the new spell._

_Nara._

_Also I already paid for your breakfast and lunch, so you don’t have to worry about that._

_And we’re still training later.’_

He let all the worry fall away with a deep sigh of relief, only to let the smallest pebble of dread sit in his stomach with the thought of having to try and sleep with aching limbs and sore muscles. But instead, he tried his best to ignore it and picked up the spell tome. He found it to be filled with familiar runes that he knew to be commonly used in restoration spells, yet it was so utterly dense and packed with confusing equations that he truly didn’t have the energy to even begin trying to piece it all together. So he carefully set it down and with the note before beginning his own day. Despite what he knew she would have wanted him to do - learn the spell, take care of himself, do what _he_ felt was necessary - Lucien quickly ate his breakfast and got dressed into his warmer, finer clothes that he hadn’t worn over the last few days and wandered his way to the Temple of Kynareth.

As soon as he opened the door, the quiet tune of the wind chime hanging from the ceiling filled his ears along with a few voices whispering different prayers to their chosen Goddess. A glance around the room and he immediately found his platinum haired friend talking by a shrine to the High Priestess. Their conversation was spoken in hushed voices, keeping the peace to a constant level as to not disturb those resting and those in the midst of prayer yet he found himself lucky to hear just a snippet.

“- and I just thought that with the hawk in my dream and the mural on the floor, there might be something? I don’t know, maybe I’m just grasping at straws or connecting dots that aren’t there.” Nara whispered, rubbing the back of her neck as she stood in grey and black clothes, just a simple grey shirt and black trousers and her leather boots. He quickly stepped back, giving the pair some space to let them both speak in peace. But he saw the way Danica placed her hand on his friend’s shoulder as she replied, voice soft but still loud enough to hear now that he was focused.

“I don’t know what I can offer to help you Nara, but from what I can imagine, you were scarred in your past by something, and there’s the possibility now that you’re plagued by demons of your own design or… something else.” The High Priestess squeezed Nara’s shoulder only to look to the side, at the shrine and the strongbox beside it. She opened the iron box and reached inside, retrieving an amulet that she firmly pressed into the Breton’s hand. “But if Kynareth and Mara are watching over you, then having a piece of Kynareth with you may provide comfort in your waking hours and not only in your sleep. A reminder that she’s there in not just your dreams, but in the world around you.”

Nara stared down into her hand at the grey metal shaped and engraved to look like a hawk with a heart of sapphire. She forced herself to take a deep breath which was much easier to do with the hours that had been spent healing her wounds but instead it just felt like she was stabbed in the heart over and over again, yet… not in a horrible way. Happiness, contentment, _hope,_ all emotions that she had heard of but never truly felt. So she nodded quietly, trying to find her voice as the tears pricked at her eyes and the corners of her mouth pulled into a small smile.

“Thank you, Danica. For healing me and for taking the time to listen. You’ve given me a lot to think about, so thank you, truly.” Nara managed to say, her voice barely above a whisper since it was so close to cracking.

“This is what I am here to do as High Priestess, but we do have an audience.” Danica chuckled, sparing a glance to the Imperial waiting by the exit with his notebook in his lap and a pencil ready to write down so many ideas yet none were coming to him. 

Nara didn’t follow her gaze, utterly confused by such a comment as she tilted her head to the side just enough that she saw something on the edge of her vision, something green and yellow that stuck out amongst the birch wood and white and blue stone. She’d recognise that shade of soft jade and dark blond anywhere and always in an instant. She let a laugh bubble and escape her throat, the noise snapping the Imperial from his seemingly wistful thinking as he sat on a bench. He looked up to see a grin pull at her scarred lips and she raised her hand in a familiar, tiny wave that made him smile and wave in kind, but she turned back to Danica and said just a few more words, clasped hands with her before waving over her shoulder as she wandered away.

“Morning Luci.” Nara greeted with a crooked smile, holding out her hand to which he took it and let her pull him to his feet yet before he could gather himself and put away his notebook she already began to drag him towards the exit. “So how did learning the spell go?”

“I haven’t cracked it yet, I was still too tired to wrap my head around it all.” Lucien replied, trying to not smile like a fool as she kept a hold of his hand and led the way back to the tavern. She was no longer completely taciturn, nor sharp or crude, though she did have her moments from time to time.

“Hm, well I can help you figure it out later if you’re still having trouble with it. You’ve eaten right?” She threw over her shoulder, quickly hopping down the stairs and into the market and back into the tavern before anyone could try and stop them or even notice the ‘Dragonborn’ wandering hand in hand with a Scholar.

“I have, why do you ask?”

“How long ago though?”

“Maybe an hour ago? _Why?”_ She dragged him up the stairs but didn’t step inside, simply let go of his hand as they stood on the landing. He couldn’t help but be so _paranoid_ about what she had planned, for ever since her discovery of so much energy and mischief that she had turned from slightly unpredictable to _utterly unpredictable._

“I already said why in my note! So get changed and meet me downstairs. Oh and bring my armour with you please.” Her grin grew but he did as he was told when he remembered what the very last item on her list was. He wasted no time in changing out of his finer clothes into the much simpler set that he wore beneath his leather coat when they were travelling. For after working out the previous day in his light armour in the summer sun, he didn’t want to nearly sweat to death again. And on his way out he grabbed her neatly folded ranger’s armour from the pile at the end of the bed.

He found her standing at the bottom of the stairs, posted against the wall with her arms crossed and as soon as she heard him close the doors behind him she looked up and gave him a smile before leading the way without another word. They quickly cut through the kitchen together, making sure to be careful as to not knock into the pot of stew cooking over the fire as Saadia prepared some more food for the day and stepped outside. The air changed from warm stale ale hanging in the air to the scent of the fresh summer breeze in an instant and as they walked she pulled the brown leather over her head and made sure to properly tie her hair back so her face and eyes were clear. She didn't care for the belt nor the tassets that would cover her thighs and once they reached the training grounds behind Jorrvaskr, she threw them on top of an archery target and turned to face him.

“Punch me.” Was all she said as she slipped her right foot back but kept her shoulders facing him. But the order caught him completely off guard.

_“What?!”_

“Punch me, I want to see your form so I can correct you.” Nara answered with a shrug like it wasn’t the most insane thing she had ever said, like she still wasn’t recovering from a grievous injury. He just stared at her like she had grown a second head and she rolled her eyes, planting her hands on her hips and continued speaking before he could have a chance to protest. “So what are you going to do if you run out of magicka for your spells? What are you going to do when you’re disarmed or backed into a corner with nowhere to escape and you need to buy yourself a little more time before me or Kaidan or Inigo can help? Huh?”

_Oh Divines she had a point._

“I understand what you’re trying to say Nara but I can’t, not when you’re still recovering.” Lucien sighed and let his shoulders slump just a little when she crossed her arms. She wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“Yeah which leads me into my next point, I've got my spells if you do _somehow manage_ to hurt me, and in a couple of hours you’ll have a new healing spell to help me too.” She smiled in her clear victory and let her arms drop to her sides before she waved for him to make a move. “Come on, if I can survive a dragon then I can survive whatever you throw my way.”

He let out a very heavy sigh and swallowed the fear the best he could, smothering the preemptive regret before it could well up too fiercely in his chest and make him completely back out of everything. She patted her chest, giving him a target and with a _thump_ , his fist connected and she barely _moved_. _She didn’t even flinch or wince._

“Seriously? Stop being scared and punch me Lucien.” She challenged, sparking just enough frustration in him to force him to prove her wrong even though he probably never could. The situation was too muddy like the freshly rained upon fields around the entire city. Scared to hit her? Slightly, she was a fierce woman he respected. Scared of hurting her? _Absolutely._ Scared of learning, being taught how to properly defend himself and prove himself valuable to the team? Definitely _not_. 

His second, wound up punch landed squarely in her chest again and she moved with the blow at the right time and caught herself on her back foot, giving the illusion that he had been so utterly successful that a glint of hope filled his dark blue eyes. Nara couldn’t help but feel a little guilty when she realised that she needed to shatter that hope and rebuild it again.

“A bit better, but you’ll do more damage to yourself than to someone else hitting like that.” His brow immediately knitted together in confusion only for her to grab his wrist from his side and press his knuckles to her sternum where he had struck her before in a sudden tug with no chance to prepare, leaving him to feel the shock travel back up his arm. “Feel that? It sucks, you’re not flexing and if you don’t do that you’re going to ruin your hand even if you had it wrapped like I have mine. Not only that but the throwback will knock you off in a fight, so flex, wind up and _pop.”_

“Alright… that sounds simple enough.” Lucien mumbled as she released his wrist and quirked a cheeky grin at him.

“It's the basics _of_ the basics Luci. You’ll probably never get to my level but if we can get you to somewhere where I don't have to worry about you and all the possibilities that could happen in a fight? We’ll be set. Come on, we’re not stopping till you get this right.”

She held him true to her word yet he proved himself a quick study, little less than an hour passed before he had all of the faults in his strikes pointed out and fixed to the best of his ability. Lucien wound back, twisting with the strike and readying himself for the brief flash of pain to cross his already sore knuckles as he connected.

 _“Fuck!”_ As prepared as she was, Nara still staggered back and folded in on herself just a little, her hand immediately pressed to her chest to rub away the pain. His set expression of determination vanished in a split second as he rushed forward.

“Oh Divines, are you alright?” He worried, catching her arm as gently as he could almost fearful that she’d turn to glass at any second and shatter. But she braced her arm against his chest, patting his shoulder as she gave out a puff of breathless laughter and looked up at him with pride in her eyes.

“I’m okay, I promise but… shit that’s gonna bruise, but that was a really good hit!” She gasped out only to wince when the pain settled into a numb, almost permanent ache in her ribs. But she straightened up and chuckled as gently as she could as to not cause herself anymore pain. “See? I told you we’d get somewhere with it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also these dorks, I love them so much


	22. Shackled

“What do you think it's like up there?” A gentle breeze brushed past the pair as they sat together behind the Bannered Mare, taking a moment to hide from the city and to simply enjoy a summer evening after spending the day training. They had both finally found their respite at the end of it all in one another’s company whilst they waited for exhaustion to settle in their bones and force them to bed, all the while hiding in the shadow of the tavern as the sun set. But Lucien's question got him a confused hum in response and he glanced to see her mid bite on her third and final boiled creme treat. He regretted introducing her to pastries but it was definitely worth it to watch her fall utterly in love with them. He still elaborated on his question. “At High Hrothgar?”

“Dunno. Cold?” He sighed and raised his eyebrow at her, failing to hide his own smile when her’s was so infectious. She finished off the final bite of her treat and took a drink of her mulled wine, specially made by Hulda as a treat for them both before focusing her gaze back onto the towering mountain. “I bet it’s nice at the summit, though. Lots of snow and ice, endless blue sky, the world looking so small over the edge. Or at least that’s what I dream of anyway.”

“And here I thought you only had nightmares.” She snorted at his sudden comment, letting herself slouch against the tavern wall as she laughed softly and partially listened to the music and laughter that echoed through the open windows.

“Yeah, me too. But it must be nice up there. Isolated, quiet.” Nara mumbled, leaning back and letting a shallow breath leave her lips as she closed her eyes and tried to relax. It was easier than she expected, especially with the warm tankard warming her aching hands. “They probably don’t get crowds of visitors up there either.”

“Well I doubt very many people have the courage to climb the Seven Thousand Steps to get there. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to look over the precipice and down at the world. It must be terrifying...” With a small sigh, he let his gaze fall from the mountain and briefly glanced to see that Nara had slumped in on herself just enough to make him think she had fallen asleep. “You should really go get some rest, you know.”

“Hm? What? No, I’m just resting my eyes.” Nara slurred ever so slightly as she sat up, letting her back audibly crack in several places down her spine. She didn’t wince but he certainly did as she rubbed the back of her neck and glanced at the spell tome still resting in his lap. He hadn’t opened it since they had stepped outside for the evening and seemed more than willing to leave it for the night. Instead, he seemed more than content to try and rub away the bruises across his knuckles. Despite her own exhaustion, she let the guilt seep and claw its icy nails down her spine. She shuffled around so she sat with her hip to his thigh as she faced him and tapped the cover of the Restoration spell. “We’ll leave this for tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yes, I think that might be for the best. Today has been quite tiring already, I don’t think I’d be able to focus long enough without falling asleep.” Lucien admitted with a chuckle, seeing the brief glimpse of a smile on Nara’s face before she looked away and sighed quietly with the smallest frown. “Oh I know that look, come on, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing really I just… can I have your opinion on everything?” He managed a small, curt laugh in response, setting aside the book to cross his legs and sit up a little straighter.

“On everything? I think you might have to narrow it down, Nara.”

“Well, specifically on this whole Dragonborn business, being summoned to High Hrothgar by those ‘Greybeard’ people?”

“Honestly, I think it would be worth the trip. Sure we’d have to climb the world’s tallest mountain but if it helps us figure out this Dragonborn business and this supposed ‘Shouting’ thing that you can do, then in the long run…” He trailed off, and despite his usual obliviousness, it was easier to pick up on the tension holding her in a vicious vice like grip. “You don’t want to go to High Hrothgar, do you?”

“No. Of course I don’t!” With a burst of energy, Nara jumped to her feet and stepped away, letting all the pent up energy out in one blast. “All of this smells like contrived destiny bullshit! And I don’t want a destiny! I just want to go on adventures with you and Kaidan and Inigo! I want to live my life how I see fit and fall in love with the world and learn everything I can about everything I’ve forgotten! I want to go to the north and see the ocean, I want to go to a Dwemer ruin or to Markarth with you and freak out about history or get drunk with Kaidan and Inigo and wake up with a headache or go dancing or learn how to sing and play the lute and just live like tomorrow doesn’t exist! I don’t want to be shackled by destiny or fate and this Dragonborn thing just  _ reeks  _ of it.” 

For a moment, she calmed and took a deep breath and stopped in her pacing and exaggerated gesturing as she held his gaze. “I don’t know anything about Dragonborns or dragons, but I know from how everyone speaks about them that they haven’t been around in ages, and them both coming back at the same time… it’s just stupid. I don’t want that- I don’t want stupid nightmares of being tortured by a demon or dreams of being sat on a mountain with Mara’s voice in my ear saying that I can ‘rest’ or whatever bullshit she said, I want to be...  _ me.” _

A few seconds of silence echoed out between them and all the while she took her time in getting her breath back, letting herself rest with her hands on her thighs and her shoulders shuddering with each ragged breath.

“You certainly sound like you’ve been thinking about this a lot.” Was all Lucien could say for the moment, letting so much information - that she had kept to herself - sink in. “And I have no idea what it’s even like to be in your shoes right now, having all of this thrown on you but… I think I can understand, I mean I never fully will, it’s not like the Divines are just handing out Dragonborn titles to everyone and I doubt they would for, who knows how long but.” He stood up with a wince but overall tried to ignore his aching muscles. “That definitely sounded like it was cathartic for you.”

She let out a weak scoff. “More than you realise, Lucien.”

“I can imagine, but at the end of the day, I’m following you. You’re the boss, the one with the plan and if you think that seeing the Greybeards can wait then that’s your choice. Sure, I can imagine Kaidan wouldn’t be entirely impressed but he keeps saying he owes you a life debt so he won’t put up a fight because you decided not to answer the Greybeards’ summons. And Inigo? He won’t bat an eye knowing him, he’s just ready to keep following you like the rest of us.” He carefully took hold of her shoulders and watched the confidence slowly return to her, making her straighten her posture. “It’s your choice.”

“It is… isn’t it?” She mused to herself, letting her eyes narrow in thought before she suddenly swamped him in a hug that he was only given just a moment to return before she pulled back and took hold of his hands with a brilliant smile on her face. “Then screw the Greybeards! We’re going to Solitude and we’re going to go to the Bards College or something and just have fun! We’ve got gold for days and I want to waste it and  _ just live!” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw hecking cute. But hopefully no more filler from now on!


	23. Honesty...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh heck im still alive and i don't know what time is

The soft summer breeze blew against them both as they stood in the market after spending an hour in the Temple of Kynareth. They waited and browsed the food stalls and were sure to stock up for their journey, they even had a brief glance at the beautiful jewelry presented to them by Fralia Grey-Mane. But both Lucien and Nara were quick to step away before the old woman roped them into buying something without them realising and instead moved on, briefly stepping into the general store to buy a larger leather tent and the extra bedrolls to go with it.

“Okay, so… that’s that done.” Nara mumbled, ticking off another item off her scribbled list in her brand new journal as they stepped back outside. “We’re good for potions, right?”

“Yep, Inigo was sure to stock up before the fight at the watchtower.” Lucien said, peering over her shoulder before taking just a brief glance at the road down towards the gates. He gave a chuckle at the sight trudging up the hill towards them both. “Speaking of which…”

“Oh my Gods you two look like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards. Was that bandit camp really that difficult?” Nara asked with a cheeky grin when the pair finally came into earshot, closing her book and ignoring the dirt and dust that covered Inigo who gave an exhausted groan before he collapsed into her. But she effortlessly held up the Khajiit and patted him on the back of his dented iron armour before she hauled him onto his feet. Kaidan simply shook his head at their friend’s antics and took to leaning against the well with his arms folded.

“The bandits were easy, it was coming back and coming across a bloody mammoth that wanted to throw us about like rag-dolls that was the problem.” Kaidan muttered, shifting his weight from foot to foot and rubbing away as much of the dust covering his breastplate as he possibly could.

“Ouch, well how about you both go hand that bounty in and get paid and we’ll meet you at the stables? Sounds good! Good-  _ hurk!” _ With a blur of steel, Kaidan’s hand shot out and grabbed the scruff of her armour and tugged Nara to a stop before she could make her energetic escape for the gates and almost lifted her clean off the floor in the process. She quickly pulled herself free from his grasp and turned to face him with an angry pout but before she could even let out a sound, he already began his  _ slight _ tirade.

“You’ve still got a full five days for resting and healing left—”

“But—”

“You promised you’d look after yourself whilst we were gone.” Kaidan said firmly, placing his hands on her shoulders. He held her gaze and stepped out of the typical role he held when walking at her side, stepping away from being the annoyance, the sibling, the one she could poke and jab at in an attempt to get a rise out of him in a way he wouldn’t mind. And all that stood before her was simply a man indebted to her, one who came to worry as if it was his second skin beside his steel armour.

“I did but- I just—” Nara took a deep breath and focused for a moment, figuring out what she wanted to say and sparing just a brief glance to Lucien, either out of hope or fear, he wasn’t sure which. But she found whatever she needed on her own and let her resolve shine through as she gently pushed his hands off her shoulders. “I am looking after myself, I’ve kept my promise and I’m going to try my best to keep it. I mean, I even asked Danica if I would be alright to leave this morning and she said ‘as long as I’m careful’.” Lucien beside her made a noise, debating the validity of her words to which she sighed and spared him a disappointed pout. “Alright so maybe we did some training as well but I didn’t hurt myself—”

“She made me _punch her!”_ Lucien cut her off with a desperate disbelief to his voice like even he couldn’t believe it. But the offended look she shot him was enough to make him back away.

“You didn’t even leave a bruise! And I was injured on my side, not my chest and  _ I’m fine. _ I really appreciate the concern from you all but you have to remember I’m not made of goddamn glass!” Nara snapped, letting her anger flare before she noticed where they were standing. She ignored the passing glances from several of the citizens and focused for a moment before swallowing and letting her anger come to a simmer. “There’s going to be no more…  _ lies _ from me, okay? Honesty is all it’s going to be and I’m alright but even I know I’m not in a decent state for bounties or fighting or any of that crap. So, we’re going to be taking the carriage to Solitude or just,  _ somewhere. _ ‘Cause honestly, we need a break from all of this.”

“You do have a point there, and maybe a journey and a stay in the capital would be for the best? Safe walls, the Bards College, maybe some lighter work that we could all do to keep our pockets and bellies filled.” Inigo was sure to throw in his piece as he leant against the post to Nara’s right, but he kept his brow furrowed as he watched her. “But I’m more curious about this lying you’ve been doing.”

A deep embarrassed flush flooded her cheeks as she stood there, suddenly unable to help but fidget with the cotton wraps around her hands and fingers. “I’d rather not talk about that in the middle of the square. But anyway, I guess most of us are settled on Solitude and if you don’t want to come with then Kaidan then that’s fine.”

“No, you’re not going anywhere without me. ‘Cause lets face it you all need someone with you that has at least  _ some _ common sense.” Kaidan said, trying to force the usual attitude he took with her but even she could tell it was as fake as could be. The tension had been holding him ever since he had stepped back into the city and whether it was from it just being a bad day or not, Nara couldn’t tell but wasn’t going to pry.

“Well the plan I’ve got still stands, meet you at the stables whilst you two collect your bounty?”

The decision was easily made and after a brief conversation between Kaidan and Inigo, the Khajiit ruffled Nara’s hair as he passed and made his way up the stairs towards the Cloud District whilst Kaidan stayed behind to ‘keep an eye on her’. But with only some of the tension dispersed, the trio left and were quick to make their way back out of the city.

“Well at least we now know the Jarl is serious about protecting his city from dragons.” Lucien couldn’t help but mumble as they passed through the gates to see many more guards posted on the main palisade and the outer walls around the drawbridge.

“Yeah, which is nice to hear that, you know, he isn't a pri...ck…” Nara trailed off as they passed under the most outer stone arch and past the paddock cornered by the wall. Her face immediately brightened with a big smile before letting a slew of words tumble out of her mouth so quickly that to anyone else it just sounded like an overly excited babble of noise.  _ “OhmygoodnessIwantahorse!” _

Before either of her friends could stop her, she had darted off, kicking dust up in her frantic attempt to find the Stable Master. She left behind poor Lucien and Kaidan behind and the two shared a sigh and found her a moment later, avidly chatting away to the Nord man who seemed more than happy to have company.

“Should we stop her? Y’know, before she spends all her coin?” Kaidan asked, pitching himself against the wooden fence that had no right to be able to support his weight.

“Oh don’t worry, she probably won’t have enough gold to purchase a horse, we went shopping this morning!” Lucien replied, just as chipper as ever to which Kaidan could only manage a grunt in reply. It was all just enough to let the Imperial know that something wasn’t quite right, that their Mysterious Swordsman wasn't simply being as stoic as ever. “Are you sure you’re alright, Kaidan? You’ve been a bit more intense then you usually are.”

“Ah, it’s nothing. Just, Nara being… different. Not quite used to it yet. First Word Walls messing with her head now Dragon Souls? Doesn’t feel quite right but I’m sure I’ll get used to it.” Kaidan muttered, crossing his arms and watching how Nara remained absolutely smitten with the saddled mare in her stable whilst Lucien processed the idea of it not only being Dragon Souls they had to worry about regarding their Breton friend. “What ‘bout you though? She been running you through the wringer?”

“I guess so? Though she did actually teach me how to punch which I suppose could come in handy at some point… right?” The young Imperial asked with a slightly worried note to his voice and Kaidan could only huff out a short laugh.

“Aye that’ll come in handy if you ever decide to take up what she likes to call a ‘fighting style’, but I’d stick to however you’re comfortable fighting… but better safe than sorry, I suppose.”

“That was exactly her reasoning behind it, and whilst it was nice to make her proud it was certainly not worth the hassle it caused when I tried writing in my journal, I’ll tell you that much! I’d be surprised if I could write without my hands aching before the end of the week– oh dear is she…?” Lucien let himself become distracted at the sight of Nara rummaging through her backpack to which Kaidan immediately sighed.

“She’s gonna try- Nara!” Kaidan called, being careful to not shout too loudly as to not scare any of the horses idly grazing in the paddocks or standing in their stalls. The Breton looked up with her bag up to her elbow and he just shook his head, providing some impulse control when she seemed to have none. She let her shoulders visibly slump and shrugged her backpack onto her shoulder once more, taking a few more moments to say goodbye to the Stable Master and then another minute fawning over the saddled mare before pulling herself away and rejoining them. She huffed and frowned, seemingly pouting for the added effect as she crossed her arms and ‘glared’ at Kaidan.

“Spoilsport.”

“Trust me, you’re gonna want to keep as much coin as you can if we’re heading to Solitude, it gets pricey up there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the poor quality it was a writers block kinda chapter and I just wanted it over and done with


	24. Ambush

“Yeah, and then _here_ you have the connective runes that join all _these_ together, creating a kind of barrier? That’s to stop it from letting _this rune_ draw from your own life-force. So all of this here, that’s not necessary—”

“But I learnt that these here were amplifiers to make the spell more powerful.”

“I mean, they can be but this is just honestly useless flair, though I’m not surprised since I bought it from Farengar. And anyway, Healing Hands at the end of the day is just the outwards concentration casting of Healing, so there’s no need for all _this.”_ Nara leant back in her seat as she gestured to the useless runes on the pages. She stretched her arms behind her head after being pressed so closely to Lucien’s side just to be able to look over his shoulder as she helped him learn a spell. She winced when her wounded side pinched with the sudden movement, so instead she dropped her arms and let her elbows rest on top of the backrest.

The carriage continued to travel along the road west from Whiterun, rocking over and through the craggy tundra and seemingly endless fields and hills of the Hold. Across from her Inigo sat with his feet up on the seat between her and the corner of the carriage, occasionally idly chatting to the dragonfly he carried around in a jar or simply just bathing in the warm summer sun. Beside Inigo was Kaidan, always watching the roads behind and ahead of them whilst she and Lucien chatted and ‘studied’ together. All the while, Lucien mumbled a few things under his breath as he sat by her side, trying to piece together the final few components to the healing spell as he jotted down the necessary parts to remember and practice upon just like she had recommended.

So, Nara let out a soft sigh, taking her time to let her head fall back so she could stare at the vast blue sky above her only to become distracted with counting the few small clouds that she could see or daydreaming. She was only pulled out from her thoughts on ‘what it must be like to be tall’ when a glittering, almost _shining_ sound - not dissimilar to the noise her own Healing Hands spell would make - began to echo out beside her.

“Finally figured it out?” Nara asked with a patient smile as Lucien held the orb of golden light in his left hand and clutched his journal and pencil in his right. He shot her back a curious smile of his own and sat up straighter, taking care not to move too quickly so he wouldn’t lose his balance and tumble out of the cart or give himself motion sickness with the constant rocking motions of the cart.

“I guess there’s only one way to find out?” Lucien said with a slightly worried chuckle and she just held out her hand to him, watching him focus, channel his magicka reserves and _cast._ Like the many times before when Nara had cast it, swirling trails of gold began to wrap around her wrist and swarm up her arm before seeping into her skin. "All right.. how's that? Feel good? Or at least, not actively painful?”

To test, Nara sat up straighter and pressed her hand firmly to her injured side only to feel nothing but a slightly numb ache, nothing as severe as what she was left with after three visits to the Temple of Kynareth.

“Bloody hell…” She couldn’t help but mumble to herself before meeting Lucien’s worried gaze only to chuckle. “Hey what’s that look for? You cast it perfectly!”

“What? Really? Oh, marvellous! You had me worried then because I thought that it was going to backfire, but if it works then it works!” Lucien said, practically beaming with pride in himself and Nara simply laughed and looped her arm under his.

“Exactly! But seriously, good job Luci. I told you you’d figure it out.” And almost in an instant, his smile faded all too quickly and Nara furrowed her brow at his expression that he tried to hide by looking away. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Ah… well, I’ve actually been meaning to speak to you about that.” He admitted after a moment and she was quick to raise an eyebrow as she sat up and leaned around to try and catch his gaze.

“About what?”

He simply let out a heavy breath and finally met her gaze. “Can you _not_ call me ‘Luci’?”

She didn’t even blink. “Yeah sure.”

“It's just that—” But Lucien did, and he processed her completely nonchalant response which had caught him off guard. “Oh! Wait so you’re actually not going to... put up a fight about it?”

“What? No! Why would I? If it’s been bothering you should have said something sooner, I want you to remember that.” She patted and squeezed his upper arm affectionately before sinking back into her seat again and watching the world behind Inigo and Kaidan roll by.

“Thank you, Nara.” Lucien said softly after a moment and she tutted quietly.

“No, _thank you Lucien._ I don’t want you, or either of you two feeling uncomfortable with whatever the hell we’re doing.” Nara said with a chuckle, getting a bright smile from Inigo and a mere grunt of acknowledgement from Kaidan who kept his gaze on the cliffs and slowly shrinking mountains to the south that hid Falkreath from sight. She simply hummed quietly in response and made a note to speak to the Swordsman when they had a moment to themselves before turning her head to the west and looking over the Carriage Driver’s shoulder. Her confusion only grew the further down the road they travelled, for she wasn’t sure if she was hallucinating the occasional flash of something faintly gold in the distance upon some of the taller rocks that edged the road. Then she recognised the colour. High Elven metal.

She reached forward and placed a hand on the Driver’s shoulder and muttered in his ear. “Stop the carriage.”

“Aye, but is everythin’ alright miss—” He didn’t get the chance to finish his question before an arrow suddenly pinned him to his seat. She lurched back with a surprised shout, almost shoving Lucien out of the cart with the full weight of her body against him. Instead, her wild attempt to grab the backrest was just an inch short and with a heavy thud both her and Lucien tumbled onto the bed of the carriage whilst Kaidan and Inigo sprung to action.

“You two stay down! We’ll deal with this!” Kaidan shouted over his shoulder as he vaulted out of the carriage and unsheathed his nodachi whilst Inigo took an extra moment to cut the panicking mare from her harness and sent her on her way with an encouraging shout. Nara grumbled under her breath as she tried to find a place to put her hands and feet whilst Lucien remained frozen in shock beneath her with his face completely and _utterly_ beet red.

 _“‘Stay down’_ oh har-har- _ow!_ Shit! Sorry Lucien, you need to just-” With a tumble and forwards roll, Nara finally managed to disentangle herself from her Imperial friend and land on her feet. She spun around and quickly helped Lucien to his feet before yanking her quarterstaff and Sword of Whiterun from the bundles strapped to the side of the carriage along with the rest of their gear. But just as she handed her sword to Lucien, she heard the crackling of chaotic, writhing energy behind her and spun around just in time to see the flash of violet light that sparked towards Lucien.

Quick thinking was definitely a skill she never expected herself to possess. A general lack of wit, however? It made too much sense to her.

“Ah, there you both are.” A woman’s haughty voice reached her ears as Nara knelt on the cobbled road, letting the magical lightning fade from her spasming and tensing muscles and the smell of burnt wood fill her nose. She let her hands dig into the dry, dusty dirt and let some semblance of a plan fill her mind. Just as another spell was being built up and charged in the Mage’s hands, Nara forced her way through the pain and threw the handful of dust into her face before shouldering her to the ground and meeting her black and crimson garbed companion head on.

Unlike his magic using companion, the Man's eyes were shielded by his cowl and hood and he took the fist to his chest before trying to stab down into her shoulder with his steel dagger. She caught his wrist and grabbed his neck before jumping to match his height, slamming the crown of her head into his face with a sickening _crunch,_ leaving him to crumple to the ground unconscious.

“Nara!” Lucien caught her attention immediately and he threw his sword to her. She snatched it from the air before turning just in time to dodge a wildly thrown bolt of lightning. With a flourish, she thrust the steel blade into the Mage’s chest effortlessly, _twisted_ and yanked it free with a splatter of fresh blood dripping onto the ground. “Goodness, that was definitely… _unexpected…”_

“It’s why it’s called an ‘ambush’, Lucien…” Nara mumbled as she let the sword fall from her hand and clatter on the stones. She turned away from the corpse of the Mage to face its unconscious companion, trying to make sense of their strange colour scheme and the incredibly specific detailing of a hand on the leather. Instead she quickly stepped on his throat and arm, pinning him down when he began to stir awake. “Don’t even think about it, _mate._ Lucien take his weapons.”

“Right, of course. Should I get the Driver’s hitching rope?” Lucien asked, watching her carefully as she stared at the Man beneath her. He couldn’t help but feel like he had to walk on egg-shells when she had such a dark look on her face.

“Yeah, but if there’s any leather grab that too. Want to make sure this _bastard_ is properly… seen to.”

“Oh aren’t you just a hero—” She pressed her weight down on the masked Man’s throat, making him gasp out and try to push her off, but instead Lucien handed her the rope that had been holding their gear to the side of the carriage.

“Thanks Lucien, and I know this isn’t pleasant but could you hold down his legs?” Nara asked with a small grimace, a similar look to what crossed Lucien’s face as he did what was asked off him with less trepidation than she expected. She didn’t smile nor give him her thanks, she simply knelt down with all of her weight across the Masked Man’s chest and quickly wound up at least one of his hands after taking a brief moment to punch him in his broken nose when he continued to struggle against her.

Dazed, bloodied and bound, the Man was yanked across the road to the cart by his wrist and Lucien watched silently as Nara wrapped the rope and his arm around his own neck, forcing the Man into an awkward position before shoving him against one of the carriage’s wheels. Less than a minute later and a final securing tug, she had bound him to the frame by his chest, arms and neck and stepped back, dusting off her dirtied hands as she looked around.

“Where did my staff go?” She asked, giving Lucien a much needed distraction as she kept her eyes on their surroundings, watching for their fellow companions’ return.

“Ah, well… about that. It would seem it got, _blown up.”_ Lucien replied, reaching under the carriage to pick up one the charred pieces of her wood and steel quarterstaff. At the sight of her weapon in ruins, Nara let her shoulders slump and breathed out a heavy sigh as hoof steps slowly got louder and louder.

“I was hoping that’d last me a while longer, just going to have to wait and see if there’s one I can buy in Solitude.”

“Buy what in Solitude- bloody hell what happened to you?” Kaidan was sure to ask as he, Inigo and the Carriage Driver’s mare came back into sight from around the slight bend. Nara just furrowed her brow and tilted her head at him, and Kaidan simply gestured at her chest. She glanced down, finding her leather cuirass mostly charred and a collection of fractal, arcing burns across her chest.

“Oh, right. It was just a Lightning Bolt to the chest. Don’t worry it’s not as bad as it looks, honestly. Didn’t really feel a thing when it hit me actually. Glad to see you got the horse back though.” 

“We couldn’t leave her to the wilds, and she was very good and came back once she was no longer scared.” Inigo said as warmly as he could, sparing the Masked Man a sharp glare before affectionately patting the mare’s strong neck as he held into her mane. “Good job capturing one of the assassins, though! We killed the other two, one of the cowards tried to run away after Kaidan expertly dispatched the archer with his greatsword.”

“It wasn’t the plan but that one,” Nara started only to point to the bloodied corpse of the mage still strewn across the floor before glancing at Lucien who was busying himself by flipping through his journal as he stood at the back of the carriage. “Said ‘there you both are’? And I do not want someone wanting Lucien dead.”

“Excuse me?!” Lucien yelped, stepping back into sight of everyone. His face was drained of colour and Nara was quick to step to his side, worried he’d fall over with the shock.

“Lucien, maybe you should sit down.” Inigo suggested, sharing the same worried look as Nara who stared at the Assassin as she whispered to herself.

 _“Healthy habits…”_ She took a deep breath and turned away from the blood and remnants of the battle. “Hey Lucien? Could you use your new spell to help with this?” She gestured vaguely at her chest, knowing drawing too much attention to _anything_ other than her new wound would make her friend become a stuttering, embarrassed mess.

“I was actually just looking through my notes to remind myself of the incantation and what you taught me.”

“Thanks Lucien, you’re a godsend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small interlude between 'Honesty...' and the next chapter :)


	25. Control

With a face like thunder, Nara sat opposite the restrained Assassin as Kaidan drove the cart with Lucien sat by his side. Inigo sat beside the Assassin with his ebony sword resting on his lap, his hand on the hilt just in case. And wrapped in the canopy tarp on the floor was the corpse of the Carriage Driver, left to bleed out in the white leather at their feet. A small while passed of nothing but near silence, the only noise being the sound of the mare’s hooves and the carriage wheels on the cobblestones. 

It had taken longer than any of them liked to continue travelling north as they had previously planned. Amongst finding something to repair the straps for the mare’s harness and man-handling the fuming Assassin onto the back of the carriage, Nara had spent some of that time healing the few scrapes and scratches both Inigo and Kaidan had suffered as well as reading the note they had found on one of the bodies. She had sat for goodness knows how long just rereading the same couple of lines over and over again, searing the name signed at the bottom into her memory.

_‘As instructed, you are to eliminate Lucien Flavius and Nara by any means necessary. The Black Sacrament has been performed and our client for this special contract is an old friend to our Family._

_Failure is_ _not_ _an option, we_ _cannot_ _and_ _shall not_ _let them down._

_Astrid.’_

Finally, something was said as Nara leaned into the Assassin’s personal space with her arms braced against her knees and her hands clenched into fists.

“Who wants my friend killed?” She asked coldly and the Assassin simply narrowed his eyes at her, tensing his shoulders and lowering his head ever so slowly—

He tried to pull the exact same headbutting move she had given him in their scuffle but she easily dodged out of the way of his clumsy lunge and grabbed hold of his throat, slammed him back into his seat and _squeezed_ just enough to make his breathing even more difficult with his broken nose. Inigo was sure to ‘ignore’ the outburst beside him when he saw that his friend had it completely under control and to also gently wave Lucien away when he looked over his shoulder with worry written across his face.

“Do you really want to put up a fight or do you want to get out of this situation alive? Because believe me, I can play this game all day.” Nara asked, letting her temper colour her voice with a deep growl as she squeezed just a little harder, making the Assassin struggle to even gasp for breath. She scoffed quietly and shoved him back before properly sitting in her seat. “You’d better start talking before I lose my patience and make you wish I’d killed you.”

“Oh you really don’t know, do you?” The Assassin managed to wheeze out a laugh, leaning back in his seat whilst his arms remained bound behind his back and his ankles together. He tried to puff himself up to make himself look bigger despite the odds stacked against him and glared at her.

“Of course I don’t _fucking_ know, I found out in the same day that I’m a Thane and that supposedly I’m whatever the hell a Dragonborn is. So, tell me what I want to know.” Nara pushed as she rummaged through her backpack, taking her time searching which was simply something to keep her hands busy. She had come to know her anger and did not want to end up with another dead man on their hands when she knew - _they all knew -_ that he had information they needed.

“Like I’m telling you shit.” He spat back and if they had taken off his cowl, none of them would have been surprised if he actually did spit at her. But Nara just took a deep breath and thought for a moment as her anger became so unbelievably vicious.

Just as her fury peaked, her fingertips found something cold and smooth in her backpack and she pulled out her new Amulet of Kynareth. She stared at the beautifully shaped metal for a moment, letting her thumb trace over the sapphire inlaid in the center of the hawk. She almost thought she was imagining things when a sharp breeze blew against her back, lifting her hair ever so slightly as they travelled up the hill. But just like that, her anger was gone with just a quiet, comforting reminder. She clutched the Amulet tight in her hand and closed her bag, ignoring the look and spiteful comment from the Assassin easily and watching how Rorikstead came into view up the hill.

Nara couldn’t help her confusion, she had been told in passing by Kaidan and Inigo that Rorikstead was just another little village, something akin to Riverwood but that instead they thrived on their farms and tavern. She watched as they passed through the southern gate into the small walled village and counted at least five guards bearing the Whiterun Hold insignia on their armour or shields and let the relief sink into her bones when she realised the entire town was walled and protected.

Kaidan finally brought the mare to a gentle stop to the side of the road just outside the inn and Nara was quick to stand and pat him on the shoulder before climbing over the side and jumping down only to linger for a moment, looking up and down the road for the nearest guard.

“Lucien, can I have that sword please?” She asked, feeling a strange need to continue explaining herself. She chalked it up to it being just a very long, confusing day. “You know, the whole badge of office in Whiterun.”

“Of course. Do you want me to come with you?” Lucien asked in return, easily picking up on her anxious nature after spending enough time around her. She was quiet, soft spoken and she couldn’t keep her gaze still. Always looking and scanning everything as if she was terrified that something was going to jump out at her. After a moment’s thought, she gave a gentle nod and he climbed down from the driver’s seat and carefully made his way around the mare to hand her back her sword which she quickly strapped to her belt before leading the way back up the road. “If you want, I can always do the talking for you.”

“I appreciate it, but I think I need to have… _control_ over this. And I mean come on, I’m basically the leader of our little group so, it’s basically my job to sort this kind of stuff out.” Nara said with a somewhat strained smile, trying to direct both of their attention away from, whatever had her so nervous.

“I understand, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t _not_ rely on us. We’re here to help you just as much as you’re here to help us.” He offered his hand out to her as she chuckled before placing her hand in his, settling into a comfortable pace side by side. They had barely taken a few steps forward before Lucien continued to talk. “You know, I’m surprised you held back on that man before we got here.”

“How so?” Nara asked, sparing him just a small glance before letting her hand come to rest on the hilt of her sword.

“Couldn’t you hear yourself? You sounded absolutely _furious._ I was worried for a moment that you would have killed him.”

“I could have… pretty sure I _would have_ if I didn’t get my temper under control. It’s strange to talk about without it not making much sense, and I think you can agree it’s something to not talk about in the middle of town.” Nara explained before taking a deep breath. They were only several feet away from the patrolling guard and so she squeezed his hand before letting go and leading the way. “Excuse me?”

“Hm? What do you—” The guard turned around to face the pair, and all Nara needed to do was gently bring attention to the shining steel sword on her belt and the Nord woman’s eyes widened at the sight. She straightened up a little more and squared her shoulders, taking a much more alert stance before the much, _much_ shorter woman. “Is there something I can do for you, my Thane?”

“There is actually, me and my companions hired a carriage from Whiterun and half way through our journey we were attacked, the carriage driver was killed and we managed to capture one of… what’re they called again Lucien?” Nara quickly whispered over her shoulder and the Imperial stepped forth to stand shoulder to shoulder with his friend.

“We were attacked by what we believe to be Dark Brotherhood Assassins, specifically to attack myself and our Thaneship here.” He replied with smothered fear lingering in his voice, and the Nord Guardswoman looked him up and down for a moment and then over their shoulders to carriage.

“They’re the ones, but to get to the point, we were attacked, a civilian was killed by their archer and we captured one.” Nara almost muttered, but she kept her back straight and the volume of her voice sharp and strong. Despite her clear displeasure to speak so formally, she put on the disposition seemingly required of her new rank almost effortlessly.

“You’re actually serious… please my Thane, you can wait for us in the Frostfruit Inn whilst I go get the Captain.”

“I appreciate the offer but I’d prefer to make sure myself that nothing happens whilst we wait. I’d not let an assassin escape on our watch.” The Guardswoman blinked in surprise at the reply and let a small smile cross over her face as she nodded ever so slightly.

“Aye, I’ll be back shortly, the Captain will know what to do.”

“Thank you.” With that, Nara was quick to turn away as soon as the Guard did, letting herself deflate and scrunch her face up with a look of disgust as she leant lightly against Lucien who gently patted her on the back. “Okay so maybe I should have let you do the talking.”

“To be completely honest, I doubt I would have done much better, not to say that you did terribly, quite the contrary as surprising as it was.” Lucien complimented, giving her a smile that didn’t really reach his eyes and she focused on the carriage for a moment, noting how Kaidan had turned around to face the Assassin and Inigo, no doubt to either continue interrogating or to just strike up a conversation with the Khajiit. She took her chance at that moment, gently catching the cuff of his sleeve and pulling him to a stop so he’d face her.

“Lucien, I know you’re scared about this whole, Dark Brotherhood thing. I don’t understand much of it, you know my whole deal I don’t know much of anything,” She gave him a smirk with her lighter tone, trying to alleviate some of the tension in the atmosphere that was seemingly _physically_ weighing Lucien down with how he held himself. But she carefully placed her hand on his upper arm, taking a moment to smother the bout of jealousy with how he was probably a good half a foot taller than her. She leant slightly to the side and easily caught his gaze, hoping that he’d really trust in her next few words. “I let you tag along with me, but please don’t forget that my part of the deal was to keep you safe. And you’re my friend now, I’m not going to let some bastard want you dead, they’re going to have to get through me to get to you and you should know by now that I put up one hell of a fight.”

“You do, don’t you?” Lucien said with a tiny laugh, finally letting that smile reach his eyes as most of the fear melted away. “Thank you, Nara.”

“It’s no problem at all Lucien. You’ve done a lot for me too… hug?” She opened her arms slightly in invitation and it was almost surprising how quickly he took her offer. But she just sighed in relief and wrapped her arms around his waist, briefly lifting him off the floor to squeeze him with ease which drew a small yelp from him. “Better?”

He pulled back, keeping his hands on her shoulders for a moment before taking a deep breath and nodding. “Much better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehehehehe cuteness be happening in yet ANOTHER INTERLUDE I SWEAR 'Honesty...' WILL GET ITS SECOND PART I PROMISE JUST NOT YET


	26. "... Wasn't My Forte."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the second part to "Honesty..."

It was official. Nara hated being a Thane.

Why did  _ she  _ have to suffer the forced niceties of other people that wouldn’t have even given her the respect to begin with? Why did being whatever the hell a Dragonborn was immediately give her the right to be in some Jarl’s court? Either she hated the title and all it came with or the tension of the day was just really seeping into her bones, making her itch for a fight or just  _ something  _ to take the tension out on. But knowing that Lucien was hopefully feeling a little more secure in their little group gave her a little relief as she sat at the bar with her head in her hand and a half pint of wine that she had yet to touch.

They had all long since come to the agreement with the Guard Captain stationed at Rorikstead that if Nara and her companions were travelling north to Solitude then they’d be better off taking the Assassin with them in the morning. The Captain also recommended that they take the carriage with them too, that transporting such a dangerous man by foot would be too risky. So, they agreed that they’d have the mare outfitted with a brand new harness as long as they returned the steed to Whiterun so she could be given to her deceased owner’s next of kin… so at least there was a little good to come of it in that she’d have the chance to be around such an adorable creature for a little while longer and to even look after it. And so there she sat, finally nursing her cup of  _ very weak  _ ale with next to no enthusiasm whilst ‘The Boys’ - as she had taken to calling her friends - were sat on the other side of the tavern, giving her the space she politely requested. Just because she was sitting away from them didn’t mean she wasn’t eavesdropping, keeping tabs on their conversations but just from afar.

“Mind if I ask what you’re reading there, Lucien?” Kaidan asked with more than enough bored exhaustion in his voice, he had only just begun to lose the tension that had been gripping him since that early morning conversation in the Whiterun Market Square, yet clearly not fast enough.

“Of course! It’s a collection of common creation myths that Nara bought me this morning, though honestly I’m very surprised that Belethor hadn’t kept it in good condition but from what I can tell from the cover it’s called The Monomyth. It’s just something to keep me occupied, really, the libraries in the Imperial Cities had all of the creation myths in their own books in much more detail than this but it’s still a lovely gift.” Lucien replied ever so energetically, and for probably the very first time (Nara wasn’t exactly brilliant with her memory) he let his own curiosity get the better of him as he closed his new book and turned to properly face his fellow travelling companion. “What sort of things do you like to read, Kaidan? Oh, erm… you can read, can’t you?”

Almost immediately, everything went downhill once more and Inigo was quick to stand up from his seat and step just a little closer, trying to lean inconspicuously against a load bearing beam by the now… arguing pair. He and Nara were sure to spare one another a glance from either side of the tavern and in her worn out state of mind she was sure to emphasise the roll of her eyes with a shift of her head before she looked into her cup.

“Of course I can read. I’m not a moron.” Kaidan snapped back, all of his huffy, quiet frustration from the entire day fueling his offended response and leaving Lucien a little shell-shocked, but just for a split second.

“Oh, no, of course not. I just thought, given how you… um…  _ are _ , that perhaps—”

“Perhaps what? I mightn’t have spent my life locked up in some stuffy college, Lucien, but what I do know is far more important than the fairy stories you read.”

_ “Fairy stories?! _ I’ll have you know—”

With a click of the door behind them, Inigo and Nara had made their escape before they could hear the rest of the argument unfold. They both let out deep sighs and with a grumble, Nara rubbed her eyes as she leant against the porch fence as they both let fresh air fill their lungs unlike the slight musty scent of stale ale and woodsmoke that had been trapped inside.

“Gods, it’s like it never stops, huh?” Nara asked quietly when Inigo moved to stand beside her, briefly patting her on the shoulder as they took to watching the main road as the sun set just behind the tall walls and the hill beyond the stone. She dropped her head and let her hand slip into her pocket, fingers wrapping around the pendant that had been pressing against the outside of her thigh the entire time. She took so much comfort in the weighted metal stabbing painfully into her flesh that it surprised even her. With a weak sigh, she took it out of her pocket, pulled the leather cord over her head and let the pendant settle against her faintly scarred skin only to see that the fading lightning fractals on her skin brought more attention to her necklace along with the utterly charred leather of her armour. Nara sighed just as Inigo finally thought of something to say.

“It may seem like it but this is a moment where it does stop. It can feel like it continues forever and ever but moments like this? This is a moment to relax, you just need to learn how.” Inigo replied almost sagely, leaving her to look up at him and meet his gaze for a brief moment before seeing some form of… she didn’t know how to describe it, like, expectation but patient and quiet. “But I would not worry about those two. They are just being themselves. Personalities clashing.”

“Yeah I guess so.” Nara mumbled back, letting her head turn to the side to see the stables that their temporarily on-loan horse was happily eating through the rack of hay. “Should we name her? I’m getting kind of sick of just calling her ‘the horse’ in my head.”

“I don’t see why not… though they do say that naming animals means you do get attached to them. But I don’t see the harm.” Inigo shrugged as he folded his arms, bringing to her attention to the fact that she really needed to think of some better armour for him. “But what name have you thought of?”

“I have no idea what to call her.” Nara admitted with a laugh, tilting her head up to look at the painted, sunset sky and the wisps of clouds that glowed an array of violet, pinks and oranges in the vast expanse above the entire world. It was still a tricky thing to think of, that the entirety of everything was just so much bigger than what she could comprehend.

“How about Dusk?” Inigo suggested, having easily spotted his friend’s marvelling at the sky and she tore herself away, sparing a glance at the mare with her black coat and knotty mane and forelock.

“Dusk is nice. I think it suits her.”

“I do too. Mysterious and strong just like she is.” The Khajiit chuckled, smiling even brighter when Nara quietly laughed with him.

“You’re not wrong there, Inigo. But  _ Gods _ , want to come to the Trader’s with me? I really don’t want to deal with those two back in there just yet.” With a point of her thumb over her shoulder at the door, Inigo made a similar face to Nara’s before simply nodding and patting her on the back.

“Lead the way, my friend.”

All the while, they idly chatted as they made their way from the Trader’s, picking up extra supplies consisting of bandages, a sack of apples, a needle and spool of thread as well as a handful of ribbons, five feet of fabric from a bolt of blue cotton that was propped in the corner behind the counter, a pair of shears and then all four books that the Trader had to offer. At first the price came up to an almost  _ exorbitant  _ amount for barely anything that was truly expensive until Nara made a few - seemingly out of nowhere - compliments on the Trader’s braided burgundy hair and dress, mustering a blush from the Nord woman and lowering the price down by forty Septims. So, carrying their new haul out of the shop, Inigo couldn’t help but quirk a grin at the Breton by his side as she shouldered the sack of apples and walked onto the road with him.

“I didn’t know you had such a silver tongue.” Inigo said which made Nara furrow her brow and stop walking completely just to face him.

“What?”

“You, complimenting her to lower the price.” A blush appeared on Nara’s cheeks at that, violet eyes looking down sheepishly at the floor as she fidgeted with the rough hemp strap over her shoulder.

“I er, well… it’s- erm… I was actually being… honest? She’s really pretty?” Nara tried to explain, each second and syllable making the flush on her cheeks grow even darker.

“Oh… Oh!” Inigo finally understood and just wound his arm around her shoulders, patting her arm and continuing to walk them down towards the Frostfruit Inn. “Do not worry about it my friend, she was very lovely wasn’t she?”

“Yeah… but should I go back and give her the extra cause I wasn’t trying to get a better deal on what we bought I just—”

“I wouldn’t if I was you, you’d not only be losing the coin she said to keep, you’d also be ruining her night by basically saying “Oh I wasn’t telling the truth with those compliments I’ve changed my mind!” and that wouldn’t be good for anyone.” Inigo explained, pulling away to open the door and hold it for her, getting a quiet “thanks” from her as they stepped back into the warmth of the tavern.

“Where did you two head off to then?” Kaidan was quick to ask as soon as he saw them, having taken up a seat at the bar whilst Lucien was nowhere in sight which made Nara worry for a moment.

“Just to the general store. Where’s Lucien?” The short woman shot back, ignoring the heat on her cheeks and the slightly curious look that Kaidan gave her when he saw the state she was in, but he replied nonetheless.

“He stormed off downstairs to get cleaned up.” He replied with a slight bite to his voice, still clearly irritated after the small spat he had been in.

“Right, fine.” Nara muttered back, shaking her head to herself before heading into the largest of the three rooms they had rented and sitting down on the floor to which Inigo sat with her, the pair quickly arranging their new things only to start cutting long strips from the blue cotton with the shears. Yet after a few minutes and a great amount of annoyed grumbling from Nara when her hair kept falling in her eyes, she looked to Inigo who was sewing together two long strips just as she asked… even though he wasn’t particularly the best, he was trying his damndest. “Inigo, do you know how to braid hair?”

“Unfortunately not my friend, you could always ask the lovely Nord back at the Trader’s?” Inigo teased, laughing when she choked on her own breath and dropped the shears to hide her face in her hands just as the door opened.

“Inigo I already told you I was just being honest with her—”

“I know my friend I know, I am just teasing. Ah! Lucien, how’re you feeling, my friend?” With the question asked, Nara looked up from her hands to see Lucien taking a seat at the small table between the two single beds to continue drying his hair with a small towel. He was dressed in clean but very simply clothes, a white shirt and a pair of dark pants, nothing as fancy as his very fine Imperial garb.

“Much better, thank you.” Lucien replied a little bitterly. He glanced to check he had closed the door, which he had and took a deep breath and let it all out without any prompting. “You know I really don’t understand what is with Kaidan today, he was perfectly fine before you both set off on that bounty at Silent Moons Camp but honestly! One moment he’s fine and the next he’s just impossible! I don’t know how to talk to him.”

“Yeah well like Inigo said, you’ve got personalities that clash. Just means that you’ve both got to try a little harder to get along.” Nara said with a shrug, quietly thanking Inigo when he handed over the tacked together pieces of cotton only to set them aside and begin to unwrap the dirty and fraying pieces of cloth around her hands. “And look at it this way, we went through rough patches too, probably bound to go through some more ‘cause if I’ve learnt anything since I woke up in that prison, you’re gonna disagree with some people and agree with others, but not all the time either way.”

“I know but…  _ still.”  _ Lucien mumbled, a little defeated but seemingly no longer holding so much pent up frustration after listening to her surprisingly wise words.

“But still  _ nothing _ . I’m not taking excuses, Lucien. From either you or Kaidan. You’re both adults, either apologise when you’re no longer at one another’s throats or bloody talk it out.” Nara put her foot down on the situation and sighed, finishing the final test wrap around her arm and nodding to herself when she found that the strips of blue fabric could easily cover her knuckles and her forearms with cotton still to spare. So she packed nearly everything she had bought, knowing for a fact that Lucien was trying to take a peek at the covers of the four books as she wrapped them up in what was left of the five feet of cotton before setting her bag beside the sack of apples and stretching out her back.

_ Knock knock. _

“Come in.” Inigo replied to the heavy taps on the door and unsurprisingly it was Kaidan, having come to investigate what on earth all three of them were doing in one room. “Ah! Kaidan, finally decided to join us?”

“More so just wondering what you’re all doing.” He replied, as gruff as ever.

“Well, actually now you’re here, I… should probably explain myself, right?” Nara asked, fidgeting with her hands by rubbing her thumb into her palm.

“Explain…? Oh right, you not being honest with us, I remember now.” Kaidan couldn’t help but huff as he closed the door behind him and leaned against the frame with his arms folded and posture straight. Nara took a moment to glance at each of them, seeing varying levels of expectancy from them and she took a deep breath and stared at her hands as she crossed her legs.

“To put it plain and simple, before whatever the hell happened at the Watchtower,  _ happened, _ I wasn’t honest about my nightmares. Before we fought that dragon and I was injured I had nightmares every night ever since I woke up in the same prison as Kaidan… so maybe three or so weeks. Then I didn’t tell you or Inigo about them until now.” She looked up at Kaidan just for a moment, not long enough to try and decipher his expression before staring and fidgeting with her hands again. “I also lied to you, Inigo, when we got to Ivarstead, I…  _ Gods _ , I didn’t really react well to you wanting me to kill you. It was pretty rough listening to you talk like that, especially when you’re my friend.”

She let out a heavy breath, running her hand down her face only to feel the thin layer of dust and grime on her skin rub off against her fingers. “I’ve probably lied a load more times too, I just don’t really remember all that well. And I’m sorry that I have, I just… I don’t know what was wrong with me. Honesty wasn’t my forte, but I’m going to make sure that it is from now on though. No use not doing anything to improve. And, healthy habits, right?”

“Exactly.” Inigo said, finally breaking the silence that held the three men as he seemed to beam with pride at her. “And my friend I would not worry about what happened, you’ve seemed to have… woken up a lot more in yourself. I haven’t been with you as long as Lucien or Kaidan but I can see the difference already, and I can tell that it’s for the best. You’re coming to know yourself, if that makes sense.”

“Aye he’s right, just as long as you keep being honest with us, then we’ll be right.”

Lucien was also quick to let his own thoughts be heard. Though there was a certain, exhausted sharpness that made Nara flinch and keep her head down. “I think after everything today I’ll need to think about it. But thank you for being honest with us.”

“That makes sense… I think I’m going to call it a night. Night everyone.” And with that Nara quickly stood up and left the room, leaving the door wide open behind her without sparing a glance at any of her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heck big meaty chapter with ups and downs, hopefully 27 will be out very soon or in the next couple of days depending on how it goes with proofreading. Also many thanks again to Gnewna who really helped with Lucien's reaction <3


	27. Instinct

A tired sigh left Nara as she climbed the ladder back up into the main room of the tavern. For some reason her body refused to sleep in, leaving her to wake up naturally at the crack of dawn. She remembered sitting up quietly, seeing Kaidan sleeping on his stomach in his own bed with his sword resting against the wall just half a foot away and his armour cleaned and polished with great care. The previous night after her brief escape from the group, she had returned to find that Lucien and Inigo had already turned in and that Kaidan was still at the bar, waiting for her ‘safe return’ as he said. They hadn’t said much to one another, the pair either too tired (Kaidan) or wrought with confusing emotions (Nara) to muster the energy to speak a single proper word. All they had done was nod with one another, share a round of drinks and then collapse in their beds for the night.

But with clean hair and a somewhat clean shirt on her back with a pair of rough breeches, she sluggishly padded her way barefoot back to the room and gently opened the door to see Kaidan awake, sitting on the end bed halfway through pulling a shirt on before reaching for his armour.

“Morning.” He greeted, just a little groggy as she gave her usual small wave only to completely forget about the sack of apples propped up by the end of her bed and trip in her tired state. But Kaidan once again proved himself to be a quick man and grabbed her arm before she hit the floor face first. “You alright?”

“Still ‘sleep.” Nara slurred slightly, scrubbing her face with her hand before getting back her balance and yawning behind her hand. She sat back down, unable to trust herself as she ran her fingers through her hair and tried to knot it all back into a messy bun only to hear Kaidan tut and move, and before she knew it he had his hand on her shoulder.

“Turn around, not going to do anyone any favours with your hair in your face.” She did as she was told, crossing her legs and slouching as he sat behind her and pulled her hair out of her face and sparking just a small argument he didn’t win when she tried to pull some of the strands back to hang around her face just as she liked. “Bloody hell, no use arguing with you when you’re half asleep, is there?” He had muttered and she managed an amused chortle and mumbled something so utterly incoherent that all he could do was hum in agreement as he continued to pull her damp hair back and properly put it into a rather neat and tidy bun, better than anything she would have been able to do. “That good enough?”

She gave a thumbs up and scratched her cheek, looking around for a moment only to grumble at the sight of her very charred armour on the table. It looked even worse than she remembered.

“Yeah, you’d be best off getting something much more durable than that. Come on, the smithy might be open by now, we could get you something new.” With a strong pat on her shoulder, Kaidan moved to the door with Nara slowly moving to get her belt and sword, her cloak and coin purse before finally stepping out into the tavern proper once again to see the Innkeeper having a small argument with his son. It was something to stow away for later, Nara decided before stepping out into the cold morning and immediately swearing.

“Fucking hell it’s freezing!” Nara immediately sprung awake, tucking her bare arms tight around her torso as she stood on the porch with a chuckling Kaidan.

“Finally awake then?”

“Oh, get lost.” She muttered, shoving her shoulder into his side as he walked past only to regret half way through when she clipped her shoulder against his steel armour. But she kept walking, acting off the flash of pain like nothing had happened.

“Didn’t think that one through, did you?”

“... no.”

“Thought as much. Come on.” He patted her on the back, continuing to lead the way and she was certain that this wasn’t the first time he had passed through Rorikstead. But then again, Kaidan just gave off that aura of always knowing what he was doing, so either he knew what he was doing or he was really good at faking it.

“Feeling better I take it, Kai?” Nara finally mustered the courage to ask as she stepped up to match his pace. He glanced down at her, the echoes of amusement still lingering in his eyes.

“I am, I take it you were worrying about me yesterday?”

“Kinda. I mean, I know you can take care of yourself perfectly well, I guess you being all…  _ huffy,  _ caught me off guard when you came back to Whiterun yesterday, like an unhappy rain cloud was just hanging over you for the entire day.” He chuckled softly at her surprisingly sweet metaphor.

“Yeah well, being tossed around by a mammoth will do that to anyone. But, I guess I just needed that clarification that you’re actually fine. I did swear a life debt to you for how you helped me. I just couldn’t really shake the thought from my head whilst me and Inigo were out on the plains that you were doing something…” He paused for a moment, stopping himself from saying ‘stupid’ as she expected and thought of a slightly better way to phrase it all. “Not very well thought out. ‘Cause let’s face it, you’ve a lot of heart, I just worry that someone will ruin it for you. That or someone will try and kill you whilst I’m not looking.”

“Yeah, I can imagine even more so after that assassin attack.” Nara sighed, resting her hand idly on the hilt of her sword as they passed a guard and began the ascent up the short set of wooden stairs to the elevated smithy where the forge was already burning hot and the Smith was working away on some kind of iron plating. She quickly took a hand of coin out of her pocket and got to chatting away to the young Nord man, still much too hazy from sleep to try out her supposed ‘silver-tongue’ as Inigo had called it and bought a new set of leather armour that she hoped beyond hope would actually last unlike her gifted Ranger’s Armour from the Jarl. With the coin traded for leather that would hopefully fit, they quickly departed and began the slow walk back to the tavern.

“How’re you holding up anyway? I mean I know you helped Lucien with his nerves about him also being targeted by the Dark Brotherhood but, you took it in stride from what I could tell.” Kaidan was sure to comment, watching the way she stopped in the middle of the road, thought for a moment by staring at the distant, southern mountains… and shrugged. “Huh, really?”

_ “Meh. _ It was bound to happen sooner or later to be honest. I mean, most of the time I’m not exactly the nicest person.”

“Oh piss off with that shite.” Kaidan muttered, gently shoving her head only to get a lightly smacked shoulder in return. But he succeeded in drawing a smile out from her. “Face it, Nara, you’d be a fool to try and get everyone to like you, but I’m glad that you’re not completely naive.”

“Yeah if I was then I would’ve probably gotten myself and Lucien killed long before I met you. Think the lads are up yet?”

“Inigo? Probably. Lucien’s no doubt still hugging his pillow and dreaming of whatever he bloody dreams of.”

“You two need to pack it in with that crap.” Nara couldn’t help but mutter as they stepped up onto the porch of the tavern, actually taking the time to notice the message board outside the door and scan over the pieces of pinned parchment before pulling one down with a quiet “huh.”

“I know I know, yesterday was just a rough one, is all. If he tries acting less like a git then I won’t act like that right back at him.”

“Uh-huh…” Nara mumbled, pocketing the one piece of parchment and hoping that it would help in making Lucien like her again before stepping back inside.

Waiting for the two other members of their little group wasn’t as painful as they were both expecting, letting Nara quickly change into the slightly  _ too _ tight leather cuirass and stuff the pauldrons into her backpack whilst no one could see her from the privacy of the rented room. She stepped out with her bag on her back and the sack of apples in hand, seeing Inigo and Kaidan chatting away and then a few moments later getting to watch a particularly grumpy, half asleep looking Lucien stumble out of his room. She decided not to pester the Imperial, simply leaving the conversation to Inigo as she led the way outside after buying everyone their breakfast and waiting for a guard to show up.

“So, I was thinking whilst we were up in Solitude,” Nara began, taking a swig of her water as she leant against the stable door where the newly named Dusk decided to reach over and nuzzle her platinum hair with her top lip, making the Breton  _ giggle _ which was a surprise in and of itself. But she quickly cleared her throat when she saw the confused look Kaidan and Inigo gave her and reached into her pants pocket, pulling out the crumpled note and cleared her throat for flair before putting on what was clearly meant to be a surprisingly decent facsimile of Lucien’s accent. Yet with every word she said, Lucien seemed to perk up more and more. “Ahem,  _ ‘Help Wanted. Curator Auryen Morellus is seeking able bodied adventurers to seek out and recover lost artifacts of historical relevance for the soon to be reopened museum in Solitude. Anyone interested should apply there in person. All deliveries of authentic artifacts will be well compensated - Auryen Morellus, Curtaror’...”  _ She trailed off, her smirk fading as she let out a heavy sigh and scrunched up her face, even briefly sticking out her tongue in disgust. “‘Dragonborn Gallery’... welp, good thing I’m not a Dragonborn, huh?”

Before Kaidan or Lucien could try and correct her on that fact, the same Guardswoman from the previous day stepped into sight from the direction of the southern gate with three other Guards that were leading a heavily shackled Assassin up the road without his hood and cowl, leaving them to realise that they had captured a young Breton man who couldn’t have been any older than Lucien.

“My Thane, I do hope that you’re well rested, this bastard wouldn’t stop putting up a fight whilst we were taking him out of our temporary holding cell at the barracks.” The Nord woman said with a hint of anger as she glanced over her shoulder to glare at the Assassin who spat at her feet only to receive a savage fist to the gut from a particularly bruised guard.

“Rested as well as I could, but we’ll get the carriage ready, do you mind holding onto him as we get that sorted?” Nara asked, straightening up and forcing that same strong persona from the day prior that simultaneously didn’t and did match her. The guards all nodded and stepped off to the side as she shoved the parchment back into her pocket and vaulted into the stable with Dusk, accepting Inigo’s help when he joined her and handed her the harness.

A handful of minutes and idle chatter between the Guardswoman and Lucien, they had hitched Dusk up to the carriage and sneakily fed her an extra apple when no one was looking.

“The Captain says that you’d be best stopping off in Dragon Bridge to hand him over, there’s some Commander stationed there that’s got his attention on the Dark Brotherhood so that’ll be your best bet.” The Guardswoman said after helping Kaidan muscle the Assassin into a seat and taking the extra time to secure his shackles through a gap in the backrest so he hopefully wouldn’t need constant attention.

“Thank you, truly.” Nara said, checking the final buckle on her group’s items on the sides of the carriage before facing the Nord woman who respectfully nodded only to freeze when the Thane held out her blue cloth wrapped hand. It took a moment and the pair clasped hands, letting the Guard realise it was alright.

“Glad to be of service, my Thane. Do be sure to stop by again when you get the chance, it’s not often we get members of the Jarl’s Court this close to the Hold’s border.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll be making our way through Rorikstead again in the future.” With that and a friendly smile that was returned with as much enthusiasm, Nara waved farewell over her shoulder before climbing onto the driver’s seat with Kaidan’s help. “Off we go then?”

“Off we go.” Kaidan said with a nod, urging the patiently waiting Dusk into a walk that steadied into a gentle trot as they made their way up the road. As soon as they made it beyond the northern gate, Kaidan was sure to glare over his shoulder at the Assassin, just double checking that everything was alright as Lucien sat as far away as possible from the Breton man whilst Inigo sat by his side, sword unsheathed as a precaution.

They took to keeping quiet around the Assassin, common sense mixing with a heavy amount of caution as they took the road north at a steady pace. Dusk handled the load as easily as ever, either ignoring or shaking out her mane when Nara would mumble praise beneath her breath. Even when they turned the corner after carefully making their way down the steep hill, they came to see that on the other side of the stone bridge was a well fortified wooden camp. Kaidan immediately sighed and handed the reins to Nara just to unsheathe his bow and swap with her.

“Bloody Robber’s Gorge, always swarming with bandits with those rock traps… by Zenithar, get a trade.” He muttered under his breath towards the end, bringing Dusk to a stop before she could step up onto the bridge and looked over his shoulder as Nara jumped down and reached into Kaidan’s satchel to pull out his quiver of steel arrows. He kept a hold of the reins and turned to face the three in the back, making sure to keep a pointed glare focused on the Assassin. “Someone’s gonna have to join Nara. She’s not in a fit state and I don’t want to leave  _ him _ without either myself or Inigo.”

“It’d be best if I went, we already know that I'm faster on my feet than you.” Inigo said with a light jab and smirk at Kaidan who muttered under his breath about wearing heavier armour than the Khajiit. With a thud, Inigo jumped out of the carriage and retrieved his own bow before leading the way, but Nara lingered behind for just a moment.

“If either of you two are huffy or pissed or arguing with one another when we get back, I’m having words, got it? Also if that prick says anything just punch him.”

“Aye, got it.”

“Yes, Nara…”

She gave a small nod upon hearing Kaidan and Lucien grumble their responses before she turned to jog after Inigo, finding him waiting on the other end of the bridge with his back to the wall and his eyes on the camp just ahead.

“I think the best way we can deal with this is taking out those two on the gangway. Stop them from blocking the road with boulders and take care of any that notice.” Inigo suggested, finally looking at Nara who shouldered the quiver of arrows and notched one to the strong string of Kaidan’s Warbow.

“Better plan than I would have come up with. You take the right, I’ll take the left?” He gave a quick nod before swapping to the other side, drawing an ebony arrow and readied his shot with her, the pair focusing for a moment...

Inigo struck his mark perfectly, felling the shield wielding bandit with one hit to the back of the neck whilst Nara’s went wide, sparking her temper in an instant.

Nara charged forward without another word, scaling the rocks beside the raised tower that connected to the main fortifications with a wooden bridge that hung over the road. She pulled herself up over the short wall and was met face to face with an Orc that could have been twice her size, she couldn’t and probably wouldn’t ever know since she had thrown herself so suddenly into combat.

She lashed out immediately, slamming her wrapped fist into his gut only to feel a solid wall of muscle and wince at the flash of pain that rolled up her arm. He could definitely take a punch, so instead she kneed him in the groin as he was part way through unsheathing his warhammer, making him buckle over low enough as instinct rolled through her body. She spun and slammed the back of her heel straight into his temple with a roundhouse kick, landing with a stumble just as an arrow clipped her arm and drew blood with a scratch. She hissed out in pain but quickly dropped into cover, feeling an arrow thunk into the wooden wall once, twice—

A shout of pain echoed out and she glanced up over the edge to see another bandit disappear behind the wall with a black arrow sticking out of their chest and watched as Inigo ran under the bridge just fast enough that none of the arrows could quite catch him. So she took her chance, sprinted across the bridge, grabbed the bloodstained shield and continued up the platforms to come to a stop… right in the middle of the bandit camp, surrounded by four fur armoured bandits.

“Well, shit… Inigo!” Nara shouted out over the chaos, unsheathing her Sword of Whiterun and raising her simple iron shield just in time to block an arrow that would have hit her square in the head before she turned and fought against the nearest bandit. She cut through their simple armour and slashed open their neck with a deft cut before spinning with the momentum and raising her shield again, blocking a heavy arcing swing from a mace and bashing back and thrusting her sword through a gut to hear shouts and curses behind her.

“My friend!” She turned just in time, effectively blocking the two final bandits’ escape. One managed to slip by her, having just watched two of his companions fall to her blade and so with a yell, Nara flung her sword at him, catching him square in the shoulders as Inigo effortlessly decapitated the final bandit.

“Well, that went better than expected.” Nara gasped out, dropping the shield and wincing at the ache that was setting into her left arm from using it without any preparation.

“That… felt good.” Inigo said, taking a moment to catch his breath as he wiped his sword clean on a dead bandit’s fur cuirass, only to look up and give her a big smile. “Our time together is proving mutually beneficial, I think. I am glad to be by your side, my friend.”

She let out a gentle laugh and returned his smile. “I’m glad you’re with me too, Inigo.”

“That is very kind of you… but be honest though, what was that kick?”

“Believe me,  _ I have no idea.” _


	28. Promise?

“I can’t believe that you captured one of their assassins… and you say it was in the middle of an ambush?”

“Yeah, who knew headbutting someone would actually prove useful, you know?”

“Hm, quite.” Commander Maro - a tall Imperial with dark brown hair and what Nara thought to be a  _ god-awful _ moustache and goatee - said with a small incredulous look as he focused her face once again and furrowed his brow. “Are you sure we haven’t met before?”

Nara gave a small huff of laughter. Maro had been particularly confused about her presence ever since she stepped inside. “I’m positive, Commander.”

“Well, if you’re certain, then I’ll let you and your friends continue on your way, after…” The Commander turned around, opening a strong box on the hearth and pulling out a rather sizable purse of gold that he placed in her hand. “You’ve been paid, for all we know, you could have given us the key to finally end the Dark Brotherhood once and for all.”

“Oh, thank you.” Nara tried her best to not make too much of a show of weighing the purse before she slipped it into her backpack. “Anything else that you may need from me?”

“No, nothing else. But thank you, even if it was completely by surprise.”

“Trust me, it’s no problem. Good luck getting what you can out of that bastard, and stay safe, Commander.”

“You too, Miss Nara.” With nothing more than a nod, they both parted ways a  _ little _ awkwardly and Nara simply stepped back outside into Dragon Bridge. She let out a heavy breath and quickly climbed back into the back of the carriage beside Inigo.

“You can set off Kaidan, I’m just counting the coin we got.”

“Sounds good.” He replied with a nod, urging Dusk once more to continue pulling the carriage up the hill towards the very distant city of Solitude. All the while, the sky grew darker, clouds knitting together and forming a giant blanket of grey to blot out the sun and endless expanse of blue whilst Nara counted out the gold into her and Inigo’s hands. Once the pair had reached a total, Kaidan easily accepted his share, whereas she had to convince Inigo to take his.

“- yeah well just think of it as another bounty! You helped take down a group of assassins, so what if it's just an extra two hundred gold? Better than splitting a hundred from the Jarl for clearing out a bandit camp.”

“You are not going to take no for an answer, are you?” Inigo asked, ears pinned back ever so slightly but they simply betrayed the small smile on his blue face and she just placed the coin into his hand.

“Hey, you earned it just as much as the rest of us, believe me.” With a friendly pat on his forearm, she turned to face Lucien just as the first few drops of rain began to fall against the ground and carriage. She accidentally caught his gaze and quickly looked down as the guilt began to weigh on her shoulders like the world’s heaviest blanket, all encompassing and difficult to get rid of. “There’s two hundred for you too, Lucien.”

“You don’t have to give me anything, Nara. I’m completely fine for gold at the moment.” He replied, voice weak as he shifted awkwardly in his seat. She didn’t say anything, just looked at her feet as the rain got heavier and heavier.

Low rumbles of thunder echoed around them as the storm hung over their heads yet none of them could see the source, where the flashes of lightning were striking the wilderness. Despite the tension that tried to hang over them, Kaidan gave a small huff as he corrected the hood of his brown cloak when a gust of wind tried to push it back.

“Kynareth’s really putting on a show.” He said to no one in particular and Nara couldn’t help but reach up and hold the pendant of her amulet which was strangely thrumming around her neck. She assumed it had something to do with the enchantment reacting to the storm and sat up a little straighter in her seat and took to watching the heavy clouds instead.

The two hours spent travelling were surprisingly short despite the slick ground occasionally making Dusk slip on the wet stones and something briefly clatter against the ground which made Nara look over the edge of the carriage and mutter under her breath to herself. But with the mismatched sounds of Dusk’s hooves on the road to fill the near silence and the lingering storm, they finally turned the corner and stepped down the hill onto the farm that sat just beyond the first defensive wall of Solitude. With heavy thuds and bitter grumbles from the trio of men in their party, they all stepped down from the carriage and let the surprisingly calm Nara handle paying for the stable upkeep for Dusk and a place to keep their on-loan carriage as the rain kept hammering down on them all. She left the sack of apples, snuck a final one to Dusk before the young Breton boy, Blaise, led her away and then turned to her friends with a soft smile before waving for them to follow her.

With Kaidan’s help, Nara pushed open the front gate and stepped into the new city only to be met face to face with a large crowd. She locked up at the sight, not wanting to take another step further only to feel Kaidan’s hand squeeze her shoulder.

“It’s alright, we’ll get you to the tavern. Should be quieter with these lot out here.” He muttered in her ear, getting a shaky nod from her before he quickly guided her to the Winking Skeever, grabbing the door for her and quickly shutting it behind them all before anyone could realise that they had stepped into the middle of an execution.

Almost instantly, the Breton woman relaxed at the sight of a practically empty tavern, save for the Innkeep stood behind the bar directly across the way.

“Welcome to the Winking Skeever! Please, take a seat and warm up by the fire! You all look like you need it.” The red haired Imperial greeted cheerfully, managing to drag Nara from the abyss as she stepped forward and pushed her wet hair out of her face with a bright smile to match his.

“Brilliant, what’ve you got on the menu if you don’t mind my asking?”

“Oh we’ve got all sorts, Spiced Wine made by a local vendor, imported ales and meads, the list goes on, but if you’re asking about food then tonight we’re specifically serving a nice hearty beef stew with fresh baked bread from the bakery.” Nara immediately lit up like a newly cast Candlelight spell.

“There’s a bakery?”

“Just across the street, right next to Bits and Pieces on the end near the market square, you can’t miss it. Now, is that everything that I can help you with or…?”

“Actually, do you have any rooms for rent?” With another burst of conversation that led into the Innkeeper sharing what rumours he knew and Nara finally giving him all the coin he needed whilst her friends were sat around the fireplace trying to warm up.

“Okay, I’ve paid for rooms tonight, luckily we don’t have to bunk up for once and put us all down for dinner too. Also I really want to go to that bakery, maybe when the storm has cleared up, sounds good?” With her hands on the back of Inigo’s seat, Nara lightly butted into the friendly chat Inigo and Kaidan were in the midst. A murmur of agreement and thanks rolled through the three of them and she managed a small smile. “Great! I’ll be back in a bit, going for a wander.”

“Aye, just try not to catch a cold whilst you’re out there.” Kaidan said with a smirk that she returned before leaving them there.

The hours ticked away, at first the worry was just a small distant thought. Nothing could really happen in a protected, walled city to make them fear for the Nara’s safety, but with the sound of the heavy storm almost blocking out any noise that could have echoed through the walls of the tavern to their ears. But when the Innkeeper, Corpulus, began serving out the stew for the evening to those who had placed their orders and gold down for their dinner, the three men  _ really  _ began to worry.

“We should really go and find her…” Lucien fretted, having barely touched his dinner as he sat beside Inigo who had a similar look on his face.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine, not much in these walls that could harm her.” Kaidan muttered even though the tension in his shoulders gave it all away.

“We don’t know that! What if that same woman we met in Riften is here? What if she’s gotten herself in trouble again with the guard? We need—”

Inigo suddenly stood up, the legs of his chair scraping obnoxiously across the stone as he stepped away from the table as another round of bickering began between Lucien and Kaidan, the two resolutely standing on different ends of their debacle. Kaidan stood firmly with the idea that Nara was most likely fine whilst Lucien worried for the worst. To Inigo, it felt like they were just standing on opposing sides just to argue. “Well I don’t know about you two but I am going to find her, no use sitting around and waiting and doing  _ nothing.” _

“Fair point… might as well do something even if it is pissing it down. I’ll head up to Castle Dour, see if she’s around there or the Temple.” Kaidan said, quickly standing and making his way to the door, throwing a brief comment to Corpulus to look after his untouched food whilst he was out.

“I’ll head towards the Bards College and the Blue Palace.” Was all Inigo said to Lucien who sighed quietly and nodded, leaving the markets for Lucien to search which would no doubt leave him to do a quick once over and stand outside wrapped up in his cloak under a canopy either outside of the Alchemist’s or the Tailor’s…

And a few moments later that’s exactly where he found himself, sheltered from the rain in front of the Winking Skeever, bitter and cold and wondering where Nara could have gotten to. Minutes passed of being bundled up in the mostly dry brown fur cloak, Lucien watched the street with each breath he exhaled becoming a very faint cloud of steam in front of him. He watched as a few people rushed from one shop to the next, some even quickly ducking into the tavern and giving him an odd look as they stepped inside out of the storm.

A door opened somewhere up the road, a bell ringing out faintly in the rain and he let out a sigh, wondering if it was just another person coming out of Bits and Pieces or Angeline’s Aromatics—

“- it was nice to meet you too! And thanks again for the cakes, Runa!”

No…

Sure enough, he looked up to see that from the small building tacked onto the side of Bits and Pieces was Nara, stepping out of what must have been the bakery Corpulus had told her of and she quickly hurried back to the tavern with her heavy duty box tucked under her arm and cloak only to be so distracted with protecting the box from the rain that she bumped into Lucien without realising.

“Sorry, sorry…” Nara was quick to apologise, hand briefly resting on his arm only to peek out from under her massive hood and see that it was her Imperial friend. She quickly stepped back, pulling her hand away and using it instead to scratch the back of her neck as she spoke quietly. “I guess if you’re stood out here then Kai and Inigo are out searching the rest of the city for me, right?”

“They are.” Lucien replied, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as the awkward silence hung above them both. The only noise that was there to keep it from being unbearable was the muffled bustle within the tavern and the rain. Nara finally found her voice to say something, just…  _ anything. _

“Lucien, I really am sorry for lying. I won’t make excuses, and if you want to go back to Falkreath then we can take you back.” She said softly, shifting her weight from foot to foot as she waited for his reply. The two seconds it took seemed to drag on for minutes for her, or maybe it did? She was having a difficult time focusing on anything, having been suddenly thrown back into what was a part of her reality.

“Nara I really should be the one apologising, not you. I acted out of turn yesterday, I was frustrated with the argument I had with Kaidan and I took some of that out on you, and I shouldn’t have. You’ve already apologised for what you’ve done, you’ve promised not to do it again as well and even Inigo is right about what he said last night.” Lucien took a moment, taking a deep breath and rubbing his eyes. “We may not have known each other - all of us, not just you and me - for very long and you really have started to change, to come into your own. And out of all of us you’re the one that’s probably struggling the most, suddenly being declared Dragonborn, being made Thane of Whiterun, waking up in a prison with no memories at all. So, how about we both promise to be honest with one another, alright? No secrets, no lying by omission or otherwise, okay?”

He hadn’t offered his hand out or anything to seal the promise. But Runa, the lovely red haired baker that she was definitely going to introduce to Lucien the next day had taught her one thing that she was going to make sure she would never,  _ ever  _ forget. Nara pulled back her hood enough and rested the box against her hip, holding out her free hand with her little finger sticking out.

“Promise?” She asked, testing the waters with a smile whilst it finally clicked in his head what she was going. He gave a happy little laugh and quickly linked fingers with her, shaking and sealing their deal.

“Promise.”

“Brilliant! Come on, we should get inside and out of the cold. Should definitely wait for the others too… I hope they like cake… I might have spent more than I should…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MANY THANKS AGAIN TO GNEWNA WITH THE LUCIEN SCENE AT THE END!!!!!!! <3


	29. Force

**12th Heartfire - Loredas**

Okay, writing in a journal is strange but I think Lucien will be right that writing down ‘things’ might help with my memory, maybe even my mind if I get it down right. So:

Left Rorikstead this morning, should have asked that Guard what her name was, she’s really nice. Like her a lot, she’d be a great friend to have.

Got 800 Septims (200 for everyone) from Commander Maro for delivering that assassin to him at Dragon Bridge. Weird Imperial, bit intense, seemed nice enough though. Needs better facial hair.

Speaking of, Dragon Bridge - really really nice, the bridge is weird with the carving of ~~a~~ dragon skulls on it. Funny though.

Got to Solitude, had a wander around, nice and stormy day, the amulet was kind of, echoing? With magic? I don’t know if it’s the enchantment (Lucien says it fortifies stamina, whatever that means) or just reaction between the storm and Kynareth.

Corpulus (Winking Skeever bloke) is strange but he seems nice, cheerful, bad deal on rooms, great deal on food. Makes amazing stew.

Beriand is a bit… heavy on the whole, ‘joining the army’ thing. I’d rather not, mate. Paid extra to get Dusk shod, so she’ll be good when we set off tomorrow. 

Really like Runa at the ‘Dough Re Mi’ _(fantastic name, even better cakes)._ She’s really nice, funny too, taught me how to pinky swear and I promised to come back with more tales and she promised new cakes for me to try. She doesn’t like the Bards though but has a music pun for her shop? Need to ask why the next time I see her but for now, ask about enrolling with Lucien in the morning, or see about lessons.

Speaking of, we’re on better terms now? I hope so, he seemed to cheer up a lot after we both apologised. Gave me an idea on how to start even writing this, but it’s definitely a lot easier now, I think. I don’t really know? Writing is definitely really strange but it might be another healthy habit to add to the list. I hope him and Kaidan start getting along soon, I’m worried about them both getting too angry with each other that they resort to something really bad. But they both cheered up when I showed them the cakes I got, Kaidan likes simple cakes, nothing too fancy (no surprises there, honestly) but Lucien and Inigo were a bit miffed I didn’t get any sweet rolls. But turns out that everyone in Skyrim likes them according to Runa, she sells out really quickly.

Need to go to sleep soon, the Boys are already chatting about what rooms they want for tonight, they better not start bickering.

* * *

**13th Heartfire - Sundas**

Bards College - not open on a Sundas for some weird reason - check next time in Solitude.

‘Dragonborn Museum’ - very fancy, maybe a bit too fancy? Not sure, Auryen is very nice though, handsome too. I think I might have started staring? Inigo and Kaidan were both smirking and teasing when we left, I think Lucien was too busy chatting away to Morellus to notice. But!! We have a job to do!

** Three items to collect: **

  * Bell hammer? I have no idea. Like, what?
  * A ring - Silent Moons Camp! Recently cleared!! Should be easy enough to pick it up
  * Jade statue - think Belethor tried to flog to me a dragon statue - not the same one we’re looking for but something else to look into.



Remember: Get more cake. Also new staff. And remind Beirand about shoeing Dusk.

* * *

With the gentle sway of the cart and the added breeze that kept the smell of petrichor close to them, their journey back to Whiterun was pleasant enough. Dusk hardly slipped the entire walk back to Rorikstead, leaving Nara feeling a little more comfortable in having not a single gold piece to her name after spending it all on horseshoes, cake, rooms, dinner, breakfast and an Orcish Quarterstaff that Beirand had been more than happy to sell to her.

But she sat in the back across from Kaidan, sunning herself as he kept carving away at a piece of mammoth tusk. Nara tilted her head to the side, watching him for a moment before finally saying something.

“Is that from the same mammoth that threw you and Inigo about?”

“Yep.”

 _“Ouch._ Remind me to never piss you off.” She said with a chuckle that he shared with her before returning to his work, shaving off layers of the piece of curved ivory, making the original sharp point of the mammoth tusk blunter and softer. “What are you making though?”

“A Nordic War Horn for you, I’m pretty confident that there’s going to be plenty of moments where you’re going to need me to come help you.” Kaidan replied, sitting up a little straighter and brushing off a fine layer of dust. “Just something to help keep you out of trouble. It’s not done yet but I should be done with it before the end of the day. But with luck there shouldn’t be any bandits back at Silent Moons just yet.”

“Yeah, here’s hoping.” Nara whispered, leaning against the backrest and focusing her attention on the slope Dusk was pulling them up after walking them back through Robber’s Gorge. The bandit camp was still silent, a few crows and other scavenging birds were more predominantly standing on the palisades and squawking as they rode past before finally climbing towards the crest of the hill.

She heard it before any of the others, but originally thought that she was just imagining it. The wing beats, something whistling through the air not unlike a fired arrow, the sudden heat in the air that made her hair stick to the back of her neck as she tensed up.

“We need to get ready for a fight.” Nara suddenly blurted out, sitting up and grabbing her new quarterstaff off the floor and looking up towards the top of the hill, seeing the glimpse of a silver white soar by for just a moment. All it took was a echoing roar of a familiar beast to make them all realise, let the dread set in their bones as they jumped out of the cart with weapons ready at hand.

Arrows flew past his form as he flew above the small gathering of mortals, all of them specks beneath him, both literally and figuratively. Nothing could pierce his glittering scales, nothing could quench his fierce hunger for destruction and nothing would stop him from spreading the fires of his chaos as he unleashed a second stream of flames from his maw with a mighty Shout. But something suddenly struck his cheek, not even an arrow and he glanced down to see the small rock hitting the road and the mortal that threw it.

She stood calmly before him yet her soul thrashed against her own tiny body. He sneered at the sight of a mortal so openly defying him before twisting and landing before her. Once he had landed, came face to face with the Tiny Mortal, he saw that it wasn’t her own soul thrashing, but Mirmulnir’s. His sneer grew at the sight of the fear in her eyes, the tension in her jaw and her wingless arms.

_“Ol zent, mal arhk sahlo—”_

Despite her size, she could swing that orichalcum stick like it was a greatsword, the spiked tip smashing into his mouth and cracking the scales on his lips and scratching a fang. With snarl, he lifted his head back to look at her, she was still mid swing and still burning with fury that he returned before snapping down upon her, missing her just by inches as she twisted and swung up into his throat, limiting his ability to breathe for just a moment. It was silly how such a pathetic excuse of a Dovahkiin the mortal was and with a roar, he spun, letting his tail crash through the wood of the fences that lined the road and threw her back with a strong beat of his wings.

The gust of wind threw her off her feet, making her tumble down the road as the dragon took flight once more. She rubbed her eyes clear of the dust the best she could on the back of her arm, her eyes watering as she staggered to her feet only to feel a heavy weigh tackle her back to the ground—

“My Thane!”

_“YOL! TOR SHUL!”_

The heat and light blinded them both as naught by a steel shield stood between them and the horrid, somehow deafening fire that finally stopped. With a heavy thud, the same Guardswoman that Nara had met was laid on the floor in front of her, arms burnt and shield glowing from the heat. She didn’t even think twice and wound her arms around the much taller woman’s chest and yanked her towards the nearest thing that could be considered a shelter, propping her up against the stairs that led to the Frostfruit Inn. Her hands quickly glowed with restorative magic that she poured into the Nord without any regard for the rest of the battle and her stunted magicka, and with a small relieved breath, she saw her chest rise and fall a little steadier in her unconscious state. But a second roar echoed out across the tundra and Nara swallowed down her fear the best she could before pulling away, leaving the Guard there.

“OI!”

The dragon turned his head to see the Dovahkiin once more, quarterstaff in hand and only a little charred and sooty in places which only added to his fury. But she sprinted across the enclosed farmland, over charred crops he had burnt and ruined.

Each step she took sent a burst of pain through her legs, the burns still searing through her flesh and into her muscles but she forced her way through it, picking up speed as Inigo and Kaidan let loose arrow after arrow at it whilst it remained so distracted. She skidded across the rough ground, kicking up dust and dirt as she came to a stumbling stop and felt the force of momentum try to shove her forward, the force of the air current slamming down against her as she stood beneath the flying dragon. Wait...

_Force?_

_“FUS!”_ Without a second thought, she let the word rip its way from her lips with a power she had never felt. Like a punch to the center of her back, the strange power tore her breath and something so _essential_ away from her as the wave of pale blue light flew forth, smashed into the dragon’s chest and threw it off balance for a moment. A hail of arrows from the gathering of guards finally struck true in the monster’s sudden moment of distracted vulnerability, tearing through the canvas thick skin of his wings and with a earth shaking crash, he collapsed and shakily pushed himself up to face the mortal charging at him like he wasn’t ten times her size or made to be—

Blood poured over the green metal and spurted everywhere when she twisted her weapon within his eye socket, skull fragments moving with her quarterstaff as she yanked it free with a furious shout. In an instant, before the tension even left the dead dragon’s muscles, the corpse set alight and with a rush of swirling lights, Nara was nearly knocked off balance with the sudden rush of energy. She stumbled back, feeling her entire body go numb as the world became impossibly clear and bright after holding only rage and grey for a moment. The colours of the world around her slowly settled and returned to the hue she was used to only to become blurred and distorted as something ran down her cheeks.

She shakily dried her eyes, unable to stop the trembling in her arms and legs or the wretched feeling in the pit of her stomach as she tried to step away. Instead, she tripped, stumbled over her own feet and nearly fell onto her arse if someone didn’t catch her and quickly guide her away.

“It’s alright, Nara. We’ve got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect more journal entries of just pure waffling because Nara doesn't know what she's doing


	30. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick warning: the chapter delves into Nara's anxiety a little more, beginning with a panic attack and what could possibly be described as an identity crisis/existential crisis a little later on. Just want you all to be safe and happy with reading and such (for context Nara's anxiety is based heavily on my own with how she reacts so just to clear it up before it becomes confusing and such)

“Nara, I need you to take deep breaths, okay?”

“I can’t- I can’t—”

“Can you sit up straight, please? Or focus on me?” Lucien sat in the grass opposite Nara far away from everything, to try and separate her from the chaos that was still running through Rorikstead. They sat at the top of the hill overlooking the plains of Whiterun after Kaidan had helped carry Nara - who had definitely been in shock for a few minutes - away from the small town before heading back to help the Guards control the chaos, as well as to stop any civilians from bothering the Dragonborn who they had seen in action. But after a moment of Nara not listening to him, remaining in a shuddering, sobbing ball, Lucien let his worry peak and pulled off his leather gloves before taking hold of her hands and giving them a firm squeeze. “Nara please, you have to listen to me on this because the last thing we want is for you to faint.”

“I can’t—”

“Yes you can.” With another squeeze of her hands and a firm statement, she made a weak noise and shook her head. He took a deep breath and exhaled as carefully as he could, the last thing he wanted was to let her think he was sighing at her. “What do you want?”

She didn’t reply, simply gripped his hands so tight that he tried not to wince. But it was enough of a clue to give him an idea.

“Nara, do you want a hug?” She couldn’t muster her voice in the midst of her erratic breaths but managed to force her aching neck to move her head in a nod. So he shuffled forward, being careful to not touch her half healed burns and wound his arms around her as comfortably as he could. But his own complaints could wait as he rubbed circles between her shoulder blades much like Inigo had done back in Helgen, yet after a few minutes, he instead swapped to gently petting her loose hair, hoping that it would help her more. A few more minutes passed and she finally relaxed, sinking her weight against him and allowing him to sit up when she let her legs straighten out and her arms wind around his waist. So he kept running his fingers through her hair, feeling her shoulders rise and fall with very little disturbance in her breaths. He dared to clear his throat just a little and pause in brushing her hair with his fingers to let his hand gently rest on the back of her neck. “Feeling a little better?”

Nara made a small noise and reached for his hand, placing it back in her hair and he gave a small laugh.

“Alright, but how about we go sit in the carriage? Before we both get pins and needles.” She gave a huff of faint laughter and pulled away, keeping her head down and scrubbing her eyes on the back of her hand wraps. With some help, they were both back on their feet and carefully made their way to the carriage only for a curious nickering sound to tear Nara out of her own head.

“Where are the apples?” Nara asked, her voice breaking in her throat but she cleared it the best she could, pretending it never happened as Lucien opened the hempen sack tied to the side of the carriage with the rest of their undisturbed possessions. He handed her one and watched as she gently stepped to Dusk’s side, treating the very patient mare and moving to stroke her mane for a few moments before pressing her face into the soft black fur on the horse’s neck. A few seconds later and she pulled back, rubbing her nose on the back of her arm before climbing up into the driver’s seat and taking the reins. “Come on, no point standing outside of town…”

“Do you know how to drive a carriage?” Lucien asked, trepidation hanging heavily in his voice as he took her offered hand and climbed into the seat beside her.

“I watched Kaidan on the way to Solitude, and Dusk is patient. We’ll be fine.” Nara reassured quietly, clicking her tongue against her teeth which was more than enough direction to make the sturdy mare pull them gently down the road towards the still open gate. “Lucien?”

“Yes?” He sat up a little straighter and still kept one hand firmly gripping the side of the seat just as a precaution.

“Could… could you do the talking? I’m still too…  _ frazzled, _ to deal with anyone else.” She glanced up from the road for a moment, daring to meet his gaze and he couldn’t help but feel a little bit of pity at the sight of her with red eyes and puffy cheeks.

“Of course, but first let’s find Inigo and Kaidan.” She nodded weakly in response, sniffling and clearing her throat whilst trying to not let on to any of the vigilantly patrolling guards that she was a wreck. So, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his handkerchief. “Here.”

Nara stared for a moment at the white cotton square he held out to her and furrowed her brow at the sight before taking it from him. “Didn’t you give me this when I had a nightmare the last time we were in Riverwood?”

“Yep, but Hulda was kind enough to offer to clean it with the laundry she had to do for the rooms and guests at the Bannered Mare. As it turns out, she’s used to cleaning blood stains with all the adventurers and mercenaries that pass through Whiterun.” Lucien replied with a soft smile as Nara gently commanded Dusk to come to a halt just past the tavern. She thought for a moment more, remembering the Nord Innkeeper with a smile and even let out a weak laugh as she changed the way she held the reins.

“Fucking hell, what can’t that woman do?” Nara whispered to herself only to wince and quickly bite her tongue as she turned to stare at her feet. “Sorry, Lucien.”

“It’s alright, I’ll let you off.” With a gentle lift with his finger under her chin, he gave a bright smile. “Just this once, though.” And in an instant, it dawned on him with a very dark blush flooding his cheeks as he hurriedly pulled his hand away from her face. “Ah! Sorry that-  _ ahem  _ \- that came out wrong—”

“Careful, Lucien, before you give a girl the wrong idea.” Nara teased with a chuckle, smiling a little brighter when the blush spread to his ears and a little onto his neck as his flustering grew a little more incoherent.

“I- well- it’s- before you  _ do  _ get any ideas it definitely wasn’t flirting- if you’ll excuse me I’m going to find Inigo and Kaidan now.” He quickly got down out of the carriage and turned away to try and find the rest of their group only for her to quickly reach out and grab the shoulder of his leather coat.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I know what you were trying to say, I shouldn’t have teased you about it.” Nara said softly, still smiling despite the state she was still in after her breakdown, and Lucien took a deep breath before patting the back of her hand. The heat on his cheeks wasn’t fading away as quickly as he had hoped.

“Well thank you. But I’d best actually go find Inigo and Kaidan, Divines know what they’ve gotten up to.” Lucien managed to say after a moment, rubbing the back of his neck and giving her a small wave as he stepped away. She returned the gesture and let out a heavy breath, climbing into the back of the carriage and disappearing from sight.

Lucien let out a heavy breath of his own and reached into his pocket, pulling his gloves back on before looking around for the remaining members of their party to see Kaidan rushing down the road towards them, carrying a Guard in his arms like they- no,  _ she _ weighed nothing.

“Nara! Move over, we’re bringing her with us to the Temple unless you’ve got any magicka left to heal her.” Kaidan ordered, letting Inigo help him with setting the Nord woman into the back of the carriage whilst Nara crouched up on the seat and squished herself into the corner to try and not be completely in the way.

“I’m tapped out, I used all of my magic to heal her and I’m not like Lucien, I don’t…  _ recharge.” _ Nara replied, reaching over the side of the carriage and unstrapping her knapsack to unbundle her cloak just to let the Guard use it as a pillow. The movement was enough to make the woman briefly stir from unconsciousness as she laid there and Nara carefully set a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, we’re gonna get you back to Whiterun to see Danica at the Temple, okay?”

“You…” The Guard groaned slightly and tried to clear her throat the best she could, dark blue eyes unable to focus on any one thing in particular as she laid on the bed of the carriage only to weakly lift a charred hand and lightly tap the amulet hanging around Nara’s neck. “You follow Kynareth?”

“Recently I guess, it’s a tricky thing.” Nara replied, gently taking hold of her hand and shooting a weak glare at the others, spurring them back into action. Inigo and Kaidan quickly both climbed into the driver’s seat, almost setting off without Lucien who pulled himself back up into the back just as Dusk began to pull them away and out of Rorikstead.

“Divines… I think I might have enough magicka left to help her. Just for a little while until we get to Danica.” Lucien said as he moved to Nara’s side, letting her pass over the Guard’s hand to him as he flipped through his leather bound notebook for his most recent notes on the spell. 

With a wince, the Guard let the Thane pull off her ruined hide and steel helmet and caught her by the back of her head before she collapsed back down. Carefully lowered, she let the soft bear fur become her pillow as the white haired woman above her pulled her hand away and returned to rummaging through her backpack whilst her blond Imperial friend began to cast his spell. A wave of soothing warmth washed over her, like a soft blanket had been pulled over her, making it easier to fall asleep.

* * *

A tired sigh left Nara as she stepped out of the Temple of Kynareth, her gaze settling on the ruined tree that held the center of the Wind District in Whiterun. Inigo gently placed his hand on her shoulder, giving her a comforting smile as the pair began to walk towards one of the few benches set around the Gildergreen where Kaidan and Lucien were waiting in silence.

“Come on you two, we’re heading up to Silent Moons.” Nara tore them both out of their thoughts as she passed by, heading towards the stairs that led to the market square.

“Are you sure you’re up for walking across the plains? You’ve got to remember Nara, you did kill a dragon today.” Kaidan spoke up, voice firm and concerned. She let her shoulders slump as she stopped and pushed her dirty hair out of her just as filthy face before turning to face him.

“I’ll be fine, I promise. I think I just need to walk up there and back to clear my head, you know?” She asked in return with a huff of laughter in her voice, leaving him to nod silently. So she pulled her knapsack straps and made sure everything was secure before leading the way. “Come on then.”

“How is she?” Lucien asked softly, having jogged to catch up to the short woman who shrugged.

“I mean, Danica wasn’t exactly happy, so we’re going to chat about getting the Gildergreen fixed when we come back from Silent Moons. But the Priestess said she’ll be okay, the burns aren’t as bad as we think, it’s just the exertion that they had on her or something like that. I was struggling to pay attention.” Nara said with a shrug, scratching the back of her head whilst keeping her eyes down on the stone path as they passed by familiar faces. “I’d rather not talk right now, to be honest, if that’s okay with you?”

“Of course, take all the time you need.”

So she did, staying quiet and reserved as they walked north over the rocky grasslands. The day crawled to a stop, the sun finally setting on the horizon and bathing the land in the last, warm rays and warming them just enough before finally disappearing behind a mix of clouds and mountains. But they had been prepared for the darkness and already set up camp with Silent Moons Camp just in sight, none of them wishing to rummage through a corpse strewn ruin in the dark.

The warmth of the fire soothed them all as they finally sat down from pitching the large fur tent. Inigo and Kaidan managed to keep away the boredom as they spoke about nothing in particular but making sure to keep their conversation away from the day’s events. Lucien sat near the mouth of the open tent, his journal open in front of him as he sketched from memory the silver, almost serpentine, flat headed dragon they had fought that day, making sure he had his journal tilted  _ just-so, _ keeping the contents hidden from Nara. All the while, she stared into the flames and picked at the grass around her, so withdrawn from the world that she didn’t even notice Kaidan setting a wooden plate of dried meat and bread down beside her.

“I’m going to get cleaned up. Saw a stream just over the hill before it got dark.” Nara muttered to no one in particular, breaking the silence as she threw together a torch that she lit on the tall flames of the strong campfire they were all sitting around. “I won’t be long.”

With that, she walked away with her quarterstaff in hand. She barely even registered the concerned reply from Inigo as she found her way over the small crest and sat down on the edge, her boots barely even reaching the water’s surface much to her slight annoyance. But, Nara simply quelled that tiny piece of anger and unwrapped the dirty cotton around her hands, reaching down and scrubbing the blue fabric clean by the light of the torch resting atop the rock on her right.

It was… nice. To finally feel like she was by herself once more yet not in a cruel, displeased way. No, she knew she adored her friends. She also knew she was a fool to adore them.  _ Gods, _ she had barely known any of them longer than two weeks, but it wasn’t like she could say anything in regards to even being  _ awake _ for barely a month. She sighed into the night, watching her breath turn to steam in the cold night air as she set aside the strips of cloth and instead moved to wash her face, brushing her wet fingers through her loose hair and realising her ribbon was missing. But before she could step into a panicked state once more, she rationalised and settled on the idea that one of the others had it, that it had fallen out in the fight and one of them had picked it up. With that in mind, she reached into her pocket and pulled out Lucien’s handkerchief, having forgotten to give it back to him before they rushed out of Rorikstead.

Soot and dirt clung to the once clean cloth and with the cold spring water all she had to clean it, she took her time and made sure not to damage the blue embroidery along the edges. She focused for a moment, resting with her elbows on her knees and wondered away to herself.

“I know you’re probably listening, if Danica was right that is, being a Goddess and everything. Ever present.” Nara found herself mumbling, listening to the wind as it whistled over the grasslands and past her. She thought she was imagining things when the wind felt a little sharper for a moment… maybe she was. “I’m not,  _ good, _ at this sort of thing. I don’t really know what I am good at. For all I know I’m going mad and just talking out loud but, I need answers for what happened today. I just got so mad and scared and not…” Her voice cracked as she felt the tears spring into her eyes and confusion well up so suddenly in her chest and throat. She took a moment in her frazzled state, running a cold hand down her face and focusing on the rough calluses of her hand, the swaying movement of the short grass against her arm, the sound of the wind and the small beck in front of her. “And not in a good way, not like how I’ve been feeling mad or scared recently… that really bad, dark anger and fear and I just… I don’t know what to do and it feels like whoever made me,  _ whatever I am,  _ doesn’t want me to. I think I just need to know if you’re the same, that you want me to be stuck with destiny or if you want me  _ to be, me.” _

Silence echoed out for what felt like an eternity, but the wind seemed to grow sharper, stronger, enough to make the torchlight beside her flicker and nearly peter out if she hadn’t quickly moved it to shield the flame with her body. Nara sat like that for what felt like an age, protecting the flame and waiting for something else to happen… then the wind stopped, the air became impossibly still that it felt like the entire world had been sapped of air and sound. It wasn’t until she let go of the breath she was holding, seeing it turn into a large cloud of steam in front of her that the world settled once more.

Footfalls and shadows made Lucien look up from his journal to see Nara stepping between him and the campfire. In one hand she held the torch and in the other she held her wet hand wraps and his handkerchief. She threw the torch into the fire, making a sudden burst of embers float up and vanish into the night before she sat down beside him with a heavy thud.

“Where’re the other two?” She asked softly, pulling her bag into her lap and rummaging around for a moment.

“Inigo wanted to go hunting quickly, said he saw some elk tracks and Kaidan went to go get more firewood.” He carefully closed his book, making sure to note the newest entry with a slip of parchment before looking up to see her holding her comb, brushing out the largest knots in her hair if a little…  _ violently. _ But she got the job done quick enough but didn’t take the time to tie her hair back, simply leaving it loose. So he briefly cleared his throat as she picked at the grass idly, giving her hands something to do as he dared to speak again. “I know it’s probably silly to ask but, are you feeling any better? Or still the same as before?”

She shrugged, handing back his handkerchief which earned her a quiet thanks before she could think of her answer. “I think I’ll feel a lot better when I’ve slept but, right now I’m too tired but not tired enough, if that makes sense?”

“A little. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“I don’t think there’s anything else I could say other than I don’t know what’s going on with me, and that I’m absolutely terrified.” Nara managed to force a laugh only to groan at her poor attempt at alleviating the tension that hung over them. “But can I ask you something?”

“By all means, ask away.”

“What do you know about this, ‘Dragonborn’ thing? I hate to bother you about it but I really don’t know what everyone is talking about when they mention it to me.” Lucien let out a soft sigh and sat up a little straighter, resting his hands in his lap and fidgeting with the stitching along the fingers of his leather gloves whilst he held her gaze. 

“You shouldn’t think that you’re ever bothering me, Nara. And if you ever do reach that point, I will be sure to mention it, just like you asked a few days ago.” She let a smile tug at the corner of her scarred lips yet it couldn’t quite reach her eyes. “But anyway, has today convinced you that that’s what you are, then?”

“I don’t know yet… I’m just confused about it all.” She answered with a shrug, rolling a plucked blade of grass between her fingers and keeping her head down.

“As am I, well, for the moment at the very least. But I imagine we’ll find out soon enough. Anyway, you asked me what I know. I’ll admit I’m more familiar with the Cyrodilic legends than the Nordic ones, but I’ll tell you what I’ve read, if you’d like?”

“I’d appreciate that, but one, quick thing first?” Nara asked and he raised an eyebrow ever so slightly. She hoped the orange and red glow of the campfire would hide the heat on her cheeks. “Can I use you as a pillow?”

A healthy, pink blush immediately coloured Lucien’s cheeks at the surprise question, leaving him utterly lost for words for a moment. He tried his best to quickly think of something to say, only managing to open and close his mouth in quick succession as his mind left him completely void of possible things to say. So he defaulted to the only thing that felt natural.

“I’m sorry?”

“Look before you get any ideas, it's not  _ that _ kind of thing, you know? Just, I dunno I want the company- Not ‘company’ company, just… head pats and being with my friend, you know...? Please stop looking at me like that, I don’t know what else to say.”

Lucien finally blinked, clearing his throat with a sharp cough before he finally took a deep breath before mumbling... “I don’t see why not.”

“Pardon?”

“I said-” He bit his tongue, stopping his voice from climbing higher in pitch as his heart slammed against his chest.  _ Gods what was wrong with him? _ “I don’t see why not. So, come on, you might as well get comfy.”

The way he chuckled with a timid smile on his lips was enough to let all the tension slip away from her shoulders. With a quick shuffle and faint thump, she had her head in his lap and decided against asking for head pats as she previously stated, laying there and having not only a perfect view of the stars but his very flushed face.

“Anyway, you were saying?”

“Right… er... what was I talking about again?”

“Dragonborn stuff.”

“Ah! Of course, but yes, though some scholars on Solstheim dispute it, the first definite use of the term ‘Dragonborn’ is attributed to Saint Alessia, - yes I’ll tell you about her after don’t worry - back in the First Era…”


	31. Every Little Thing

Lucien had no idea when Nara had fallen asleep - no doubt at some point when he was explaining who Saint Alessia was - but there he was, trying to remain as still as possible as to not wake her up as he sat by the slowly dimming campfire, unable to reach the stack of firewood to his left without moving his entire body. He knew he’d never be able to forgive himself if he woke her, it had been one of their longest days yet and she desperately needed her rest. He could hardly blame her for how she had reacted to it all, he could only imagine it was like being thrown into the ocean and left to drown, so to speak.

However he could, _and would,_ blame her for his dead leg.

She turned over in her sleep, making a tiny noise that he almost mistook for a whimper which made his mind immediately think ‘nightmares’ and the possibility of her lashing out in a fear-addled state. Instead, she just turned over and curled in on herself, her hand resting on his shin as she slept so soundly in the cold night, swaddled up in her own cloak and almost completely hidden beneath it as a mass of white bear fur that breathed. No doubt it would worry anyone else but at that moment, all Lucien wanted was his leg back and the chance to go to sleep as well.

A twig snapped, footsteps echoed out over the grasslands and Lucien quickly looked up, seeing a shrouded figure step closer only to let relief wash over him at the sight of Kaidan carrying an extra stack of dry branches under one arm. The much taller man scanned him and stared for a moment at the ball of white fur by Lucien’s side, finally distinguishing almost white hair from the bear fur with a quiet laugh.

“And she says she’s not sweet on you.” Kaidan muttered under his breath, making Lucien furrow his brow, thinking he had misheard the Swordsman.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Hm? It’s nowt, ignore me.” Kaidan shot back, smirking like he knew something that Lucien didn’t in that incredibly insufferable way that made the young Imperial scowl. So instead of trying to press for an answer, he scoffed and looked away.

“Gladly…” Lucien mumbled to himself, hearing Kaidan’s immediate frustrated grumble in response before he knelt down and fed the fire once more, being careful not to let too many embers rush up into the air.

A loud pop and crackle suddenly broke the quiet night, snapping the Breton woman from her slumber with a lurch. Her breath caught in her throat as she sat there, unable to focus on anything in particular with her eyes clouded by sleep and veiled by her own hair. She grumbled something incoherent before collapsing back down on Lucien’s leg with a heavy thud, making him hold back a yelp whilst she turned over with a high pitched yawn and pressed her forehead to his abdomen.

“Divines, she’s not going to move is she…?” Lucien whispered to himself, finally daring to take a deep breath and gently placed his hand on her shoulder. “Nara?”

“What…?” She tilted her head back, squinting up at him with her bottom lip stuck out adorably in an accidental pout.

“You need to go sleep in your bedroll, not on top of me—”

“Comfy though…” Nara protested weakly, winding her arms around his waist and burying her face into the soft leather coat covering his stomach. He sighed quietly and looked to Kaidan briefly, seeing the amused smirk on the older man’s face as he fed little pieces of firewood to the flames. He held up his hands in a very ‘out of my hands’ kind of way, leaving the Scholar to huff and glare for just a moment before finding a solution that wouldn’t leave him wallowing in guilt.

“Alright, five more minutes, okay?” She laughed quietly to herself in triumph, taking another moment to yawn and nuzzle her face into his stomach once more.

He kept track of the time the best he could, ignoring the happy little noise she made when he rested his hand between her shoulder blades _the best he could._ Lucien had no answer as to how or why she had become incredibly distracting and instead settled for reading one of the books he had brought with him from Cyrodiil, counting down the minutes until she put up another fight, and another… So in the end, he settled for giving up, gently petting her hair with one hand and holding his book in the other whilst she laid on her side, an arm strewn across his knees and the other coiled under and around his calf and shin.

“I’m back, my frien- oh!” Inigo suddenly crept up out of nowhere, even startling Kaidan who Lucien had assumed to be used to surprises. The Khajiit let a small chuckle rumble through his chest and set down the elk corpse he had hanging over his shoulders. “Give me a moment to clean up and I’ll send her off to bed, yes?”

Lucien simply nodded and waited ever so patiently, and soon he was free to read in peace after Inigo easily lifted up their friend and carried her to her bedroll, letting her sleep away in the shelter of their tent for the rest of the night.

* * *

Cold snow pressed against her cheek, her eyes opened to see the edge of the mountain just mere inches from her nose. A burst of fear, a quick snap to attention and she shuffled back, kicking through the snow to see the abyss below her haven.

Crawling, writhing shadows had swirled so close only to be beaten back so suddenly with the darkened clouds above suddenly lashing out with a giant lightning bolt. One so impossibly bright and large that Nara quickly flinched away, hiding her eyes behind her arms as the sheer power of the strike made the hair on the back of her neck and arms stand up on end, a sharp reminder beneath the booming crash of thunder above her that whatever, whoever gave her this sanctuary was still there.

She let go of the breath she was holding and slowly stood up, making her way to the curved wall to her left and gripping the frozen stone in one hand and slowly looking back down over the mountain edge once more. She swallowed back the fear and leaned over just a little more, seeing that the abyss had shrunk, become just a covering of dark, swirling clouds at the bottom of her mountain. Present but far enough away to feel safe once more.

She pulled away from the edge and leant against the firm wall, staring at the rest of the mountain for the first time and truly recognising what her safe haven held for her. At the few stone pillars, the burning braziers, the wall of sheer ice, the very peak of the summit that was just a short climb away. Instead of deciding on any one thing, she slowly wandered, trying to let her heart settle on something as the shadow of the ever-circling hawk passed overhead.

Her soft leather shoes crunched through the snow as she spun around, feeling the cold settle comfortably into her bones as she glanced around, wondering what she could do to pass the time. Something caught the back of her heel as she stepped backwards, making her trip and stumble. Her shoulders hit the ice wall square on, a brief flash of pain rushing through her back as she caught her balance and took a moment to gather herself. She pushed herself up, looking for what had tripped her up only to find nothing whilst something moved on the edge of her vision, leaving her briefly startled to see what she swore was a different woman, black hair and dark clothes. But in the mirror she didn’t see anything.

Just herself.

* * *

Another loud sneeze echoed off the stone walls in Silent Moons Camp and with a disgruntled cough, Nara pulled what was left of the blue fabric out of her bag and used it to cover her face as they stopped in a barrel filled, underground room of the ruins.

“Bloody hell, sooner we get out of here the better.” She muttered under her breath, checking her knapsack straps were secure on her shoulders before continuing to lead the way down the narrow passage which ended in a heavy iron door. She pushed against it only to find it wouldn’t move, grabbed one of the handles and pulled only for the same effect. “Anyone good with lockpicks?”

“Allow me.” Lucien said with a small smile, gently shuffling around her and trying his best to not completely step into her personal space. He rummaged through his pockets for a moment, finding the small leather case he carried with him since before he began his journey to Skyrim and crouched down in front of the door.

 _“Ooh,_ the city boy knows his way around a lock, huh?” Nara couldn’t help but chuckle softly to herself, leaning into the torch light just a little whilst ignoring the scoff Kaidan let out behind her.

“Only just, and luckily for us this lock isn’t as difficult as Inigo made it out to be, no offence meant of course.” Lucien quickly glanced over his shoulder to the same Khajiit that was leaning against the tunnel wall, arms crossed and waiting ever patiently.

“None taken, my friend.”

“But anyway, before you get any ideas I only decided to pick it up before I met you, it was actually something that piqued my interest before I even came to Skyrim after reading a manual on how locks work and how some can be so easily picked. One thing led to another and I had bought a locksmith’s kit and thrown together several designs for - could you just move to the side you’re blocking- ah thank you, Nara. But anyway, before I knew it I had thrown together several designs for what could possibly be an unpickable lock. So, here I am, picking a lock in what used to be a bandit den whilst you’re here, _teasing,_ me about it.” Lucien rambled slightly, listening to the lock for the moment before turning the shiv ever so carefully and- _click!_ “Aha! There we go!”

“Aw, brilliant, thanks Lucien.” With a quick ruffle of his hair, she pushed open the two large doors and let herself into the main room of the Nordic ruins only to wrinkle her nose at the sight of the half buried skeleton with a rusted sword sticking through its rib cage before distracting herself once more. “Poor sod… But anyway, don’t think I’ll let you off that easily, Lucien, I’ll _unlock_ your mysterious backstory one way or the other.”

The Imperial managed a stuttered laugh at her awful pun (which Inigo laughed and Kaidan groaned at) before turning to investigate the marked out excavation site that was set in the corner of the room just behind the double doors, picking at the pieces of rubble that had fallen from the ceiling and uncovering a set of tools that had been left behind. He simply set about continuing the work that he assumed the skeleton had begun before the poor soul passed. After a few moments of working, he came across a pinned down knapsack that he set aside before continuing on clearing away the rubble—

“Bloody hell, careful you two.” Kaidan muttered and with a glance over his shoulder Lucien watched with dread and concern as Inigo lifted Nara onto his shoulder, giving her the height boost she sorely needed to even look on top of one of the bookcases that lined the walls.

“Oh calm your pretty little head Kai, we’ll be ‘right- Found something!” Nara exclaimed, waving the dust away from her eyes and lifting up a heavy, dark iron strongbox that she handed to Kaidan before dropping back to the floor with a heavy thud. “Any jewellry of the engraved steel variety?”

“I swear if you smile any harder behind that scarf your face is gonna break.” Kaidan couldn’t help but mutter as he opened the box and tipped out the contents, revealing the same ring that both Inigo and Nara cheered at the sight of as well as a handful of Septims and a small glass bauble hanging from a long, thin ebony chain. “Gods how much stuff did this lot even steal from this collector?”

“No idea but that’s one item off the list! Now we can head back to Whiterun, check up on Danica at the Temple and head onto Orphan’s Rock, yeah?” With a small spin, Nara wove her way between Inigo and Kaidan only to step back onto something that made her head tilt to the side. So she jumped, hearing the low clang of metal beneath her feet and not the thud of her boots hitting stone like she was expecting, so she looked at her feet and mumbled to herself before jumping again to make the same clanging noise. “Well would you look at that, trap door.”

“Looks heavy duty, and like it swings inward not outward, wouldn’t be able to pry it open.” Kaidan mumbled, crouching down briefly to rap his knuckles on the metal just to prove his point about the sturdiness whilst Inigo hummed and scanned the trap door.

“No lock either, means no snapping picks or getting Lucien to work his magic.”

“Guess we’ll leave it for the time being, if we can’t get into it I doubt anyone else could. And it's…” Nara focused for a moment, brow furrowing as she stared down at the dark metal. She could almost feel the energies trying to weakly claw their way through her boots and into the soles of her feet. “It seems magic in a weird way. No one’s getting past it to whatever’s inside.” She was sure to jump once more to double check.

“Will you pack it in with the bouncing? If you’re not careful someone will mistake you for a bloody rabbit.” Kaidan said, standing up straight and making a point to hand everything they had found in the box to Inigo who had the most space in his satchel. She took an extra moment just to jump a final time, forgetting she was wearing a scarf as she made a face at her tallest friend before letting herself ramble away.

“I don’t see what would be so wrong with being a rabbit, so what you’d be really bouncy, but then you’d also get to be _real bouncy.”_ Nara shot back, getting an annoyed groan from Kaidan and a sudden laugh from Inigo when it clicked with him, and all the while Lucien tried so desperately to ignore such a terribly made joke as well as the embarrassed heat on his face. “Come on, we’ve got what we came here for. Are you ready to go, Lucien? Or do you need a little while longer?”

“Just a few more minutes please, I think I’ve almost gotten everything I can. I can certainly imagine that Auryen wouldn’t say no to a few Ancient Nordic relics to add to his museum.” With a thud, she sat down beside him and crossed her legs, carefully picking at the dusty old knapsack.

“Need any help?”

“Actually if you could just hold this, then that would be most helpful.” He lifted up one of the lanterns dotted around the excavation sight and passed it to her, taking a moment to briefly and _very carefully_ ignite his Flames spell to light the dusty candle within. She held it up as asked, letting the light cast across most of the room where the sunlight pouring through the cracks in the wooden hatch couldn’t reach. “Marvellous.”

“Great, we’ll be out in a little bit okay you two?” Nara asked, sending both Inigo and Kaidan a look to gently usher them off and up the ladder and before they both knew it, they were by themselves. “Hey Lucien?”

“Yes, Nara?” Lucien met her gaze for just a moment but she was quick to break eye contact, staring at the floor and picking at a piece of stone to roll between her thumb and fingers.

“Look, I’m sorry if I was being… clingy, or anything, last night? I only just remember you waking me up and me putting up a fight about it and if I made you uncomfortable then I really am sorry.” She shifted her raised arm a little, wincing at how her shoulder was beginning to lock up a touch. “And I’m sorry before we got in here, if I made you uncomfortable again.”

“Can I ask you something?” Lucien asked softly, setting down the chisel that he had been using to cut away at the stone piece by piece as he knelt in front of her.

“Of course, you can ask me anything.”

“Why do you always apologise for every little thing?”

She blinked at his question, violet eyes narrowing as she let herself think on his question. She pulled down the scarf, letting it hang around her neck instead and set down the lantern, brow furrowed in deep concentration as she chewed on her bottom lip.

“I’m not really sure why. But, every time before I do I always get really, _really_ scared that I’ve done something so wrong that you or Inigo or Kaidan wouldn’t want to stay and be my friend anymore.” Nara let out a very weak laugh and focused entirely on fidgeting with the stone in her hands before clearing her throat when it became almost too tight to speak through. “I don’t want to lose the only people I know because of something I did, I would never be able to forgive myself.”

“I think I understand, but you don’t have to apologise for every mistake you think you’ve made. Most of the time you haven’t even done _something_ to be ashamed of, or at least that’s how I see it. For example last night, although it came out of nowhere I understood and still understand why you asked, you were exhausted and like you said you simply wanted the company, there’s nothing to apologise for there… well, except for giving me a dead leg but that’s beside the point.” She let out a laugh, smiling meekly at him for a moment before swallowing and looking back down at the stone only to see him offer his hand out to her, and without a second thought she placed her hand in his. “We’d be fools to think that we don’t have a long road ahead of us, but since we do you have all the time you need to learn what you need to grow. I don’t expect you to stop apologising for every little thing immediately, but I know that you’ll find how to be comfortable in yourself.”

Nara let herself have a moment of thought, taking a deep breath only to quickly yank her hand away and sneeze into the crook of her elbow so suddenly that they both nearly jumped out of their skin. “Oof, ‘scuse me…” She mumbled under her breath and briefly wrinkled her nose. “But thank you, Lucien, and I’ll try my best.”

“Trying your best is what counts, Nara. Now, I’d better finish this before Kaidan gets impatient.” Lucien let himself mumble towards the end, turning back to the excavation site whilst Nara lifted the lantern and slipped the iron ring on the edge of a rung on the ladder before rummaging through her knapsack.

“Speaking of being comfortable, I’ve got something for you.”

“Oh?” He briefly glanced away to see her holding that same coin purse she had tried to hand to him on the carriage to Solitude. “Nara I couldn’t—”

“Come on, it’s only fair, and I’ll only have three hundred gold left to pay you back for that mess I got myself into back in Riften, especially since you refused any of that gold from the Jarl. This you earned helping with that assassin, and if you even try to worm out of it by saying you did nothing to help, you healed me and I don’t even have any lightning scars because you did such a good job.” She took his wrist, making him drop the chisel once more and firmly placed the coin purse in his hand. “Don’t make me sneak it into your bag whilst you’re not looking.”

“Oh Divines you actually would, wouldn’t you?”

Nara let a big smile pull at her lips. “You know me so well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know I don't know why I bother trying to stop writing the filler when its the most fun, so here have more filler, whoops XD


	32. Bloodline

The wind chimes swayed gently in the breeze, the metal and wood tubes creating a soft cacophony of untamed music to fill the silence, to provide comfort when there was only pain for those under the Priests’ care. The newest addition to the array of soldiers and sickly citizens slowly opened her eyes and furrowed her brow as she stared at the ceiling for a moment, at the light that poured through the slats in the open hatches in the roof. She pushed herself up onto her elbows, looking down at the soft, clean cotton she had been changed into in her unconsciousness and the thin bandages around her arms.

The Guard took a moment to swing her feet over the healing altar she was laid upon, letting her feet touch the cold stone floor as she gazed at the mosaic of the Hawk of Kynareth. She remembered the dark blue amulet that hung over her as they travelled on the carriage, she remembered the rocking sensation of the cart and the warmth of magic passing into her wounds and soothing her to sleep.

“Ah, I’m glad to see you’re awake. How are you feeling?” She looked up, seeing the soft blue robes and the older face of a Nord woman she had only ever seen in passing on the trips to the Whiterun market with her family, long before she ever joined the Rorikstead Guard.

“I’m feeling fine, a little sore. But thank you for taking care of me.”

“Oh, most of your healing was done by the young Thane, I simply took care of what she could not handle before you were brought here.” The Priestess said with a smirk on her face, one that brought back the memories just shortly after the fire, the sudden relief from the searing agony across her arms and legs, the respite that came with it in a haze of darkness and incoherent noise. “If you wish to thank her, you’ll be waiting a while. She has gone to Orphan Rock and mentioned passing through the Rift on another errand before returning to Whiterun. But in the meantime, Commander Caius was looking for you, said something about the Jarl wanting to speak to you. But of course only when you’re feeling well enough.”

“Thank you… do you happen to have any parchment I can use?”

* * *

Ma,

I’m alright, the healers in Whiterun have taken care of me. The Thane, Nara (I think she’s called?) should be returning to the city in the next day or so. Don’t worry I’m not in trouble, rather the opposite. I’ve been promoted.

I’ll explain properly the next time I see you, that may take a while but Commander Caius promised that he’ll get this letter and gold to you. Don’t worry about how much it is, treat yourself and Da to something nice, okay?

All my love,

Lydia.

* * *

The cold water felt sharp against her hands as Nara knelt just within an arms’ reach of the waterfall. It had been just another tiring day of hunting down the Bell Hammer, the second artifact on their list. After spending the morning fighting a Hagraven and a coven of witches at Orphan Rock and travelling through the Rift, they had found the hammer in a hidden room in Broken Helm Hollow, the weapon splattered with the blood of the Nord man laid beside it. She had to keep reminding and grounding herself in reality, but those moments of something that she had been unable to prevent hit just a little too hard. She carefully dried the Bell Hammer with her swath of blue cloth as she knelt by the entrance to the cave, just underneath the mountain’s rocky overhang to shelter from the rain whilst just a little ways down the path her friends were taking care of the tent for the evening.

“Hey.” Nara nearly jumped out of her skin, too lost in her own thoughts to even hear Kaidan’s footsteps up the path or him crouching down beside her. She gripped the hilt of the Bell Hammer and took a moment to take a deep breath when she recognised her crimson eyed friend.

“Hey, Kai, what’s up?” She asked, shifting from her knees and crossing her legs instead and letting the weapon settle in her lap.

“Just checking on you. You’ve been a bit out of sorts recently, and I know you talk to Lucien about that stuff but…” Kaidan let out a heavy breath, deciding to sit down beside her with one knee pulled up to rest his arm across it. “It's just good to know where everyone’s head is at, you know?”

“I know, I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about that actually, that and well… that I don’t know much about you or Inigo, and I need to change that, you know? We’re friends and yet here I am, barely even knowing a single thing about either of you.”

“You do know you can ask, right?” Kaidan asked with a smirk pulling at his lips, making her scowl for a moment as she let her fingers trace over the engravings on the head of the hammer.

“Oh yeah,  _ totally, _ ‘oh hey, Kai! Whilst we’re out on the road why not tell me your whole life, yeah? Totally won’t be distracting from the fact that there’s dragons and assassins and bandits or owt!’” She let the sarcasm fall heavily from her tongue, managing to work a brief laugh from him and a shake of his head, the few strands of his black hair that framed his face becoming stuck to his cheeks with the movement and the spray from the waterfall. He simply pushed them back and huffed.

“Yeah well, what do you want to know?”

“How about… why you’re in Skyrim?” Nara asked after a moment’s thought, watching how the smile became just a small smirk.

“I’ve spent a long time wandering, this is where my feet led me.”

_ “Bullshit.” _

His laugh was much stronger that time, the smile lingering for a lot longer than before as he moved, getting comfortable as he sat beside her. “Well to own the truth, I’ve come back to Skyrim to learn something of my heritage, my bloodline. But the few clues I have only pointed me here, and the rest take time to decode, you know? So in the meantime, I’ll continue paying my way with the bounties I collect.”

“Not a bad plan…” Nara mumbled more to herself than anything, staring at the hammer and letting the amusement from their strange little bantering fall away entirely. “The way you say it though, makes it sound like you’ve got no family to ask.”

“No, not anymore. But maybe I do have bloodkin out there. But I don’t know, never known of them, might  _ never  _ know them.” Kaidan watched her for a moment, spotted that her pink ribbon was missing from her hair and replaced with another, rougher dark red cotton strip that wasn’t as well suited to her hair as the pink silk had been. “What about you? How do you know you’re a Breton? First time I saw you I nearly mistook you for a short Nord.”

“Gilfre helped me figure it out, that and the ears are a big clue, though at this point it’s still just an assumption really.” She brushed back the hair that hung around her face and over her ears, showing the short but sharp pointed shape to the tips of her ears and for a moment he understood little more about what Inigo meant about her looking Elven in one light and Nordic in another. “Which reminds me, when we get to Riften to get the carriage back to Whiterun, don’t let me forget to go see her.”

“‘Course, if you want to take the time to check in on her then we’ll go see her. Might be able to find a few people for her to employ whilst we’re wandering Skyrim.” Nara managed a chuckle at that, running her hand down her face and rubbing her eyes.

“We’ll see. But back to you though, if you want we could have a proper look into finding answers for you? I mean I wouldn’t know where to start but you’ve got an idea, right?”

“You’d do that?” Kaidan shot back, his voice somewhere between reverent and surprised as she gave a nod. “I supposed I could use the help. The best clue I have is my sword, but I’m certain we can find out more in our travels. But first we should really focus on getting you and the Greybeards figured out first.”

Nara immediately looked back down, letting her hair fall into her face and hide her away as she started to pick at her nails. Kaidan let out a breath, trying his best to make it sound like he wasn’t bearing down on her.

“You don’t want to go, do you?”

“No… but I think I need to think about it more. I still haven’t gotten to grips with what happens when I’m around dead dragons.”

“Fair enough, won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to, but I feel better now knowing why.” He patted her shoulder firmly, knowing she could take it and like always, she didn’t buckle under his hand and instead gave him a punch to his upper arm, light and friendly.

“Glad to hear it, but let's get back to those two before one of them starts cooking, ‘specially Lucien, I get the sense he could burn water.”

Kaidan couldn’t help but laugh and nod at that.

* * *

The ever bustling city of Riften was a welcome and unwelcome sight for the group. Nara wasn’t entirely keen on the idea of popping in and gathering provisions when they could just as easily just grabbed the carriage back to Whiterun. But Lucien let her stick to his side and keep her hand in his for the added comfort of having one of her friends right by her side whilst Inigo stayed at her back and Kaidan led the way to the busy market. 

They spoke to the Argonian jeweller, Madesi, after Lucien had confirmed for them that the ebony chain and the glass bauble connected to it was definitely not enchanted and got a good, couple of handfuls of gold coins for it and the few, rough hewn gems they had completely forgotten had fallen to the bottom of their packs. Whilst they bartered away or made idle conversation with Madesi, Kaidan bought them more arrows after having lost so many to the wilderness around Rorikstead after trying to bring down the dragon that had been very keen on  _ not dying.  _ Minutes turned into an hour, wandering around from stall to stall and chatting to each vendor. Despite the underlying fear that she would come across the Nord woman whose nose she had broken the first time they were in the city, Nara really came to understand why Inigo loved the capital of the Rift so much—

“Running a little light in the pockets, hey lass?” She turned to face the voice, seeing a very tall Nord man with red hair and a rather well kept beard. She narrowed her eyes at him, suddenly unsure as to why he was particularly familiar and he immediately gave her a similar look, tilting his head to the side as he let a smirk pull at his lips and his arms cross over his chest. “Oh now I’m surprised you’re back here, lass. Thought you were dead set on getting as far away from Skyrim as quickly as you could.”

“I’m sorry but what the hell are you talking about?” Nara asked, unable to stop her temper from climbing up in her chest as her hands clenched into fists by her sides for just a brief moment only for her to quickly let go when she heard Lucien yelp. “Dammit sorry Lucien. I’ll be back in just a minute I promise.”

“Wait what?” Lucien only managed to spin around just in time to see her dragging away a man in a set of fine blue clothes.

“Whoa! Careful there lass, what’s got you so riled up?” The Nord asked, dusting off his sleeve after being dragged far away from the market by such a tiny woman who was definitely a lot stronger than she looked. She just glared up at him with those unnatural violet eyes that seemed to hold a fire behind them.

“I don’t know, how about you start explaining how you know me?” She snapped, jabbing her finger into his chest to which he smacked away her hand.

“What? Bashed your head and lost your memories?” He teased, finding his fun easily halted when she didn’t reply and kept glaring up at him with her jaw set in a heavy clench and lightly freckled cheeks puffed out just a little in her anger. “Oh…”

“Tell me how you know me. Now.” The Breton growled at him, her wrapped hands clenched in such tight fists that they were nearly trembling by her sides. He swore he could almost hear her teeth grinding together.

“I don’t just give away free information, lass. So how about you help me with business first and then we’ll see how I can help you, yeah? That and I’m sure I can throw a little extra your way, since your pockets are a little light on coin, right?” He asked, watching how she  _ somehow _ tensed even more. But she forced a deep breath and leaned on her back foot.

“Dunno, depends what it is.”

“Oh it’s simple. I’m going to cause a distraction in the market square and you’re going to steal Madesi’s silver ring from a strongbox under his stand. Once you have it, I want you to place it in Brand-Shei’s pocket without him noticing. You do this for me, I’ll tell you what you want to know.”

She immediately balked at the proposal and gave a cold laugh. “You’re joking? I’m not stealing  _ shit _ for you,  _ mate. _ You can piss right off.”

“Then I guess you’re outta luck on finding your answers, then aren’t you lass?” She had already turned away, throwing her middle finger up at him as she stormed away with a face like thunder. She barely had time to glance back and to apologise to the  _ very tall _ woman she accidentally knocked her shoulder into, seeing the same red haired Nord having quickly snatched the hooded woman’s attention with no doubt the same line he had given her. She shook her head, wondering what hell the woman in  _ very  _ scruffy leather would end up getting into by helping  _ that bastard. _

“My friend, I am not one to judge on your ideas but… maybe you should not have been so rude to Brynjolf?” Inigo suggested when she joined the trio, having watched the entire confrontation from the other side of the market as they waited for her. Nara simply grumbled and scrunched up her face.

“He’s a thief, bloody tried to bribe me into stealing and planting something on Brand-Shei- wait you know him?” Nara furrowed her brow when she realised, listening to the embarrassed little chuckle the Khajiit gave as he looked at his feet for a moment.

“I’ve spent some time in the Ragged Flagon, even tried to impress one of their thieves by picking from her pocket, but that did not go so well. Brynjolf is a member of the Thieves’ Guild from my best guess, he spends a lot of time down there. But why did you speak to him?” With ears stood on point and orange eyes filled with curiosity, Inigo wore it all much more clearly on his face than Kaidan or Lucien.

“I don’t know, he just seemed familiar and he recognised me.” Nara shrugged her shoulders before rubbing her forehead, as if she was trying to work the memories locked away to come to the front of her mind.

“What do you want to do?” Kaidan was sure to ask, watching how she chewed on the inside of her cheek and stared at an unknowable point in the air as she thought… and thought. She finally came to a decision and stood up a little straighter.

“How do you get there, Inigo?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop is that a possible Nerussa I see??? WOO THE UNRELENTING SHADOW BY GNEWNA IS FANTASTIC Y'ALL SHOULD READ IT
> 
> Also many thanks once again to Gnewna for letting me include their character in my writing, I love Nerussa a lot and The Unrelenting Shadow is super worth the read like, its brilliant.
> 
> But thus begins the Humble Hearth's Multiverse, because on the Discord we are massive nerds who love Skyrim so much


	33. Put Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy heck, that was not a good impromptu hiatus. Sorry for the delay! My sister, who does proof reading for me, her phone decided to brick itself after the last chapter, but I've got like, four other fully written chapters ready to be posted soon!!

They had spent half an hour trekking through the sewers - after Kaidan had refused to throw her at the raised bridge to make their journey easier - and finally reached the Ragged Flagon. Over the main cistern in the large circular room they found the wooden decking where a hooded Bosmer woman sat. Nara couldn’t stop her feet from carrying her onto the platform, slowly coming to a stop with a heavy weight settling on her shoulders as she let that strange feeling of déjà vu cloud her head for a moment.

“Back again, are you? If it’s about your tattoo I’ve already told you, I can’t remove it.” The Bosmer woman simply folded her arms at the sight of Nara and Kaidan, waiting patiently for one of them to say something.

“What?” Nara couldn’t help but furrow her brow, feeling like she was going to drown in all the confusion as she pressed her hand to her scarred tattoo. The Bosmer in front of her huffed heavily and had no doubt raised an eyebrow beneath the hood and so Nara filled the silence with a heavy sigh. “I’ll be honest with you, I’ve lost my memory. Do you think you could help me?”

“Well, even if you don’t remember, you still paid me much more than I would have ever asked, so I’ll tell you what happened.” The Elf said coolly, taking just a moment to scan the much younger woman up and down only to tut loudly. “Though I thought you would have been courteous enough to leave my work  _ alone. _ For a start adding scars on top of my masterpiece and changing your eyes? Rather rude of you to be quite honest.”

Nara let out another sigh and leant against the wooden railing, folding her arms and staring at her feet. She couldn’t believe so little time had passed and yet there she was, standing in front of someone who had answers. “Please can you just tell me?” 

“Hmph, very well. You came here just over a month ago, asking for me to  _ completely _ remake your face, specifically you wished to become the opposite of what you were. So I made you into what you are now, and from what I recall, you were particularly adamant as well on covering up your face before you let your Nord companion see you.”

“Nord? Wouldn’t happen to be a blonde woman, short hair and a wicked look about her?” Kaidan quickly interjected, watching the way the hooded head turned to assess him for just a moment.

“In worn black leather armour and cruel blue eyes? The very same. But as I was saying,” The Bosmer sat up a little straighter, turning her head back to the surprisingly patient Nara who was subconsciously rubbing the bare tattoo on her arm. “I certainly do not remember your decoration looking like  _ that.” _

“What did it look like?” Kaidan couldn’t help but look at Nara with surprised eyes, he had never heard her sound so small and desperate before. He was tempted to reach out, provide some comfort yet he decided against it, knowing there was the chance to scare her.

“Certainly nothing like  _ that. _ I remember it to be a collection of roses and thorns… or was it lilies? I’m not quite sure, but I’m certain that it was a particularly pretty, if gaudy, piece of artwork, may I see the rest of it? Just to be certain that isn’t the rest of it.” Nara simply nodded, shrugging off her knapsack and setting it at her feet before working at the buckles of the leather gorget that came with her leather cuirass. She let Kaidan take it from her before she stepped closer, sitting on the woman’s left side as the woman raised her hand and let small motes of silver light dance across her fingers before casting a simple light spell, letting the orb hover above them. “Goodness… that is certainly quite the scar. But yes, it was certainly nothing like this when you first came to me.”

“You said you couldn’t get rid of the tattoo, why is that?” She asked softly, almost unable to even produce the words in her throat. She kept her eyes on the floor, refusing to look at anything other than the damp wood slats beneath their feet.

“Because, your tattoo is  _ still _ altered with some form of magic. And before you ask, no I do not know what kind. You’ll have to find someone better suited than I to tell you. It’s something I’ve never quite seen before in all my years of working across so many salons and manors across Tamriel’s great and good.” The Bosmer more so mumbled to herself towards the end before suddenly taking hold of Nara’s arm to closely inspect the tattoo for herself and with the way she immediately flinched at the touch, Kaidan stepped forth with his hand reaching for the hilt of his nodachi.

“Kaidan it’s… it’s fine.” Nara managed to mumble, taking a moment to breathe before looking back to the Face Sculptor by her side. “Any ideas on where would be best to go?”

“I’d recommend either a court’s wizard in any one of the more  _ protected  _ holds, either that or you could travel to the College of Winterhold. Though to be quite frank, I wouldn’t recommend staying here and asking Wylandriah at Mistveil Keep, that woman does not have her wits about her.” She muttered under her breath and finally let go to which Nara quickly stood up and yanked the leather gorget back from Kaidan’s hand, easily buckling it back into place around her neck and shoulders. “But dare I ask before you leave, as simply an inquisitive mind, if you require my services?”

Nara froze for a moment, staring off into the middle distance before mustering her voice once more. “Just one more thing, when you say ‘the opposite of what I was’, what do you mean by that specifically?”

“You had short black hair, high and sharp cheekbones an Altmer would die for, strong jaw, sullen cheeks, blue eyes, thinner lips and a slightly broken nose.”

“Right…” With that whispered word, the Breton stood up a little straighter and nodded more to herself than anything. “Thank you, for helping me…?”

“Galathil.” The hooded woman finally introduced herself, the faintest smirk crossing her face as she turned her head a little more into the magical light hovering silently above her. “If you ever need my services again, you know where to find me.”

No other words were spoken, Nara simply turned on her heel and left without another word, leaving Kaidan to try and catch up to her. When she didn’t stop at his gentle questions, he carefully reached out and took hold of her hand when they stepped out onto the stone walkway around the cistern. She almost stumbled to a stop, like her body was moving without her mind entirely present.

“Nara.”

“Yeah?” She barely met his gaze, eyes focusing on a point just to his side. She hadn’t been listening at all.

“Nevermind, let’s just get you out of ‘ere.” She managed a weary nod, rubbing her forehead and turning around just as the door to the cistern opened and quickly closed in front of her and she met with a solid wall of body and Nara immediately let out a surprised squeak and a guilty apology.

“Sorry! Sorry…” She stepped back and watched the hooded woman do the same, only for Nara to focus a little more and realise who it was.

“No no, it’s my fault, I wasn’t entirely looking where I was going, my head isn’t…” The woman waved her hand a little, trying to find the right way to phrase it. And when she did, she tilted her head to the side just a little as if she was peering down at the much smaller woman with curiosity. “Exactly all together right now. But are you all right? And I really,  _ truly, _ don’t mean to be rude when I say this but you look… put out?”

“I’m fine, I think… wait.” Nara immediately let her brow furrow as she looked up at the very tall woman in front of her, she was at least just a few inches shorter than Kaidan and was clad in the same scruffy leather garb she had seen and bumped into in the market. “Oh my goodness I am so sorry! I bumped into you earlier and I don’t think you heard me when I apologised then- I’m so sorry for that.”

“Please! Don’t apologise- it’s my fault after all, I was wearing my hood like I am now and I shouldn’t have been so rude-”

Kaidan couldn’t help but sigh a little as he watched the two go back and forth, wondering why and how there were suddenly  _ two of them. _ But he watched them continue on a little longer, wondering at what point he could finally interject and pull his small friend away before they both ended up permanently reeking of the sewer or before something much worse happened—

“Well, well… colour me impressed, lass.” A familiar voice cut across their apologetic conversation and Nara immediately whirled around, glaring at the sight of Brynjolf standing on the walkway in a different outfit, dark leathers adorned with many pouches. She scrunched up her face and shook her head before looking back up to her new… acquaintance? She wasn’t entirely sure, but at least talking to someone new and  _ kind _ had helped distract her from her own personal damage, even if it was just for a moment.

The tall woman gave a very low sigh and fidgeted with her hood, making sure it was both pulled low enough and secure on her head. “He’s talking to me I believe, I’m sorry but I have to go.”

“That’s okay, but, I’m Nara by the way.” She was sure to introduce herself, managing to sneak a peek beneath the peak of the hood, catching a glimpse of warm brown skin and silvery eyes.

“Nerussa…” The word felt a little, off, on the woman’s tongue, as if she was getting used to the name herself and Nara didn’t pry, she had no right to. She just offered the strongest smile she could and stopped herself from swinging her arms by her side or rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet.

“It’s lovely to meet you Nerussa! Me and Kaidan need to go but it’s been lovely chatting to you, I’m feeling a lot better for it. I hope you feel better too! But we shouldn’t keep you. Stay safe!”

Despite the exhaustion clinging to every inch of her, Nerussa let a small smile pull on her lips and gently stepped out of the way, returning the small wave that the tiny Breton gave her over her shoulder before disappearing through the door. She swore she saw the very tall man glance over his shoulder at her for a moment, an odd look in his… red? No, surely he didn’t have red eyes... She suddenly realised that her hood had slipped back and she quickly pulled her hood back into place, before he could see beneath the shadow it cast. But the door clicked shut and she was left on the stone walkway, feeling a little cross with that little slip up only to be snapped out of it all with a call.

“Lass!” She sighed bitterly and looked back to the Ragged Flagon, remembering the reason why she had even stepped into the sewer in the first place and continued on with her little task.

* * *

The door to the tavern opened and both Inigo and Lucien looked up from their late lunch to see Kaidan and Nara stepping back inside, the shortest of their group chatting avidly to their tallest despite the slight stench of the sewer that they brought with them.

“- I’m telling the truth Kaidan! Big eyes like silver! And come on it’s not like we’re  _ not used  _ to seeing people with different eyes, like, I have my purple ones and you have your red ones! She’s really pretty!”

“Hm, shame she had the hood up. Saw a bit of her chin, though.” Kaidan mumbled to himself only to wrinkle his nose at something and poke her cheek which made her gently bat his hand away. “You could really do with cleaning yourself up, brawling those two in the entrance to the Ratway has gotten you all,  _ grimy.” _

“Oh wow thanks a lot Kaidan, not my fault that I don’t have a five foot long sword like you do.” Nara scoffed quietly, shaking her head as she placed her quarterstaff next to Lucien’s seat and rummaging through her knapsack that had been left on a chair.

“So, how did it go?” With one innocent question from Inigo and she was broken once again, her mind left to quickly fade away as she stared at the wooden table and gripped the back of the chair a little too tight. “Nara—”

“It’s not my real face, okay?” She snapped a little too sharply, knuckles straining against her bloodied hand wraps only to growl wordlessly at herself and spin on her heel, storming away with her knapsack in hand and quickly speaking to Keerava and following after her into the cellar. Inigo was left to sit there, staring at where she was standing only for his ears to slowly fold back as he thought a little more on what she had said in her anger.

“What does she mean by that Kaidan?” Lucien asked gently, unable to muster any of the frustration he held towards the much taller man who took the seat and leant his nodachi against the table.

“The Sculptor, Galathil she calls herself, said that Nara was down there over a month ago or so. Threw a lot of coin at her to completely remake her face from whatever it used to be. That and her tattoo can’t be moved because of some magic within it. I get the sense that before she lost her memories, she was running from somethin’.” Lucien’s eyes widened at the answer, his brain almost running too quickly through it all. He glanced over to Inigo who was being uncharacteristically quiet, finding that the Khajiit was staring into his stew with a furrowed brow and indescribable look to his orange eyes.

“Are you all right, Inigo?”

“I’m fine, my friend. I think I need to take a walk. I’ll be back in a little while, I promise.” And with that, he stood up and walked out of the tavern entirely. He left them both in awkward silence, unsure what to think or say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo y'all should read the Unrelenting Shadow, its really freaking good and Nerussa is just so fantastic???? I love her a lot!!!  
> Many thanks to Gnewna once again!!! They write the Unrelenting Shadow and helped out so much with getting Nerussa's interaction with Nara proper and good and ARGH <3


	34. Be Good

**Something of Heartfire - don’t remember the days at all**

Silent Moons - done, got Denstagmer’s Ring.

Orphan’s Rock - done, got Nettlebane. Ugly thing. Hate touching and looking at it. Hopefully Auryen will want it after we’re done helping Danica.

Broken Helm Hollow - done, got the Bell Hammer. Chatted with Kaidan about his heritage. Need to tell the Jarl about the body we found. Do it before we leave tomorrow.

Spoke to Galathil - face sculptor, completely changed my face before I lost my memories.

Spoke to Brynjolf - thief, said something about me wanting to run as far away as I could from Skyrim.

I don’t know what to think right now, let alone write. Scared, angry, confused. Whoever I used to be, she must have done something really bad to be this precautious. Need to try to sleep tonight, but I'm scared that Nord woman I punched will show up again like the first time we were in Riften. But I need to spend the night in the tavern, it’s only fair for the others.

* * *

Nara shut her journal and stared at the wall across from her, at the door that led out of the room she was staying in for the evening. There was something utterly daunting about staying there, above the tavern room where she had met someone from her hidden past. She felt like there was nothing she could do as she sat there, placing her book aside before winding her arms around her shins and curling up in a ball. She wanted nothing more than to find one of the others so she could talk, to at least feel protected in their company and yet she was terrified of the thought as she let her head hit the pillow.

Nara dreaded to think about what Kaidan thought of her now. She knew of his distaste for magic, always able to catch a glimpse of him ever so slightly wrinkling his nose at the sight of Lucien casting the few spells that he knew. He knew now that she had a bloody magical tattoo that did _something,_ that she had visited Galathil and completely remade herself to escape something. She also dreaded to think what Lucien thought, simply because she had no idea how he would react. And Inigo—

“Shit!” With a sudden lurch, Nara fell off the bed in a mad attempt to get to her feet, yelping at the flash of pain that rushed up her hands and knees before she scurried to the door and threw it open.

It was almost as if she had impeccable timing, for there he was, right across the way from her with his knapsack on his back and a sad look in his orange eyes.

“My friend are you all right?” She completely ignored his question. 

“Inigo I am so sorry for snapping at you earlier I really shouldn’t have acted like that towards you I’m so sorry—”

A tired chuckle left the tall Khajiit as he stepped closer, gently covering her shoulders with his hands and giving her a smile. It wasn’t all there though, it was just as sad as his voice, as the look in his eyes. “It is all right my friend, I understand that earlier you were not feeling very well about what you had learned. I cannot judge you for how you reacted, I’m sure I would have felt similar if I was in your shoes.”

“What are you doing though?” She knew exactly what he was doing, how his knapsack was on his shoulders and his armour nowhere in sight. She just didn’t want to believe it, not with the way he sighed and squeezed her shoulders carefully.

“I am sorry, my friend. But I’ve been thinking since earlier, after you came back from the Ragged Flagon that maybe you’re not the person I think you are… Kaidan explained a lot… Told us the description the Face Sculptor gave you.” He lowered his head, ears lowering but not angrily, just to match the sad note in his voice. He took a deep breath and rubbed her sleeved arms, managing a small smile as he met her gaze again. “You have done so much in the little time we have known one another, and you _are_ my friend, do not think otherwise. But I need to wait for, or find, the person who I did hurt. So I will be returning to my cell tonight.”

The words were impossible to find, her voice impossible to muster as she stood there and stared at his chest. So Nara managed a nod instead, not even noticing that the tears were already falling down her cheeks and wetting the fabric of her tunic.

“Do you still have the ribbon I bought you?” Somehow it hurt even worse than before. The idea of a friend leaving and she didn’t have the one thing that had become so precious to her in all of her time being awake to the world. She shook her head, the tears steadily pouring down her cheeks as he took her face in his hands, being careful with his claws as he wiped away her tears the best he could. She had to clench her jaw and hold her breath to stop a sob from leaving her throat. It hurt _so much._

“I- I lost it after the fight in Rorikstead and I’m so sorry—”

“Hey. That is not important. We all lose things, that is what life has in store for us. But you have one thing you can never lose.” He gently squished her cheeks, smiling as brightly as he could at her. “You have your healthy habits now, they are more important than a pink piece of silk. Will you promise me that you keep to them, and make more?”

She nodded her head, hearing the pleased hum through his chest when he suddenly leaned and pulled her into a hug she wouldn’t have to reach for. With his chin on her head and her face buried into the soft fur on his neck, she stifled the sob she was holding onto the best she could and squeezed him tight, feeling him return the gesture when her feet briefly left the floor.

“And promise me you will stay as safe as you can, yes?”

She couldn’t believe it was happening. But she had to accept it. “I’ll try my best.”

“Good. And that you will continue looking after Lucien?” Nara let a broken sob mixed with a laugh leave her lips as she gripped the back of Inigo’s tunic and closed her eyes tight.

“I mean it is _literally_ my job but, I will. But, can _you_ promise me something?” 

“Of course.”

“Promise me you’ll be good to yourself.” Inigo sighed softly and nodded, pulling back and taking her face in his hands again.

“I promise I will try my best. Can you promise me the same?”

“Of course.” His smile brightened ever so slightly, orange eyes filled with, something? She couldn’t really see past the tears blurring her vision but with one brief but incredibly strong hug on both their parts, he finally stepped away and headed towards the stairs. He glanced back over his shoulder and she gave the best wave that she could muster which was so _tiny_ , smiling as brightly as she could and he returned it all the same before disappearing down the stairs. 

With that, Nara stood, staring at the doorway to the staircase and listening to the doors beyond that close quietly in the dead of night. Then it all hit her with a sudden force that had her stumbling back on shaking legs, her hands clasped over her mouth as it all broke loose in her heart and mind.

She felt so... _weak._ Broken and useless. She wondered if this was what it was to feel like a child, stranded and alone with no one to be there for her, to guide her and protect—

“Nara…?” She didn’t look up from her ball, remaining against the doorframe to her own room with her arms wrapped tight around her legs once more as she sobbed into her knees. She didn’t even remember moving. She didn’t even hear who’s voice it was, only recognised that it was familiar and as comforting as could be. “Come on, pet. Let’s get you inside, hey?”

She nodded, finally realising that it was Kaidan who had found her out in the hallway. With his hands gently taking hers, he helped her onto her feet and guided her into his room for the evening. He pulled out the chair next to the small table and picked up the rag he had been using to clean his armour, watching as she pulled her feet up onto the seat and crossed her legs, keeping her head down and scrubbing her face clean on the sleeves of her grey tunic.

“I’m not going to tell you how to feel about it, Nara. But I do understand a little about what you’re feeling.” Kaidan said softly, reaching into his satchel and pulling out the piece of carved mammoth tusk and holding it out for her. “I know right now is probably not the best time to give you this but, it might help you feel a little more assured, ‘bout me still staying with. Bit of... proof for it, you know? And I know he didn’t leave because it’s your fault, pet, because it definitely _isn’t_ your fault. But I do understand why he did. I’m just worrying that even if you parted on good terms, and you’re like… _this...”_ He gently gestured towards her once she had taken the war horn, watching her fidget with it as she sniffled quietly. He let out a soft sigh, hating to see her in such a state. “What I’m trying to get at is that me and Lucien, we’re sticking by your side, and Inigo’s still your friend even if he isn’t here. Don’t forget that, and definitely don’t ever be ashamed about it hurting so much.”

She took a very deep breath, managing to calm her shuddering breaths somewhat before she looked up. She met his gaze, seeing the concern that had been so heavy in his voice painted across his face. She struggled to find a way to say what she wanted, to be as clear as he had been with his words—

“Can I stay in here tonight? And don’t you bloody dare say that I can take the bed.” That fire returned to her voice and he smiled gently at her with a chuckle to match.

“‘Course you can, best go get your bedroll then, hadn’t you?” She dried her eyes one last time before standing up, mumbling about needing a minute and returning not long later and collapsing in a heap on her bedroll with her knapsack strewn across the floor beside her. 

Kaidan gave a heavy sigh, not entirely surprised that she was so exhausted to pass out right then and there. So he grabbed her cloak, pulling it gently out of her bag and throwing it over her, before returning to cleaning his armour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if y'all got sad over this one but yeeep it had to happen?  
> Again, very sorry


	35. Safe

The journey back into Eastmarch had been simple enough. Just a quiet day losing a friend - which had left them all a little worse for wear - after what they had discovered about their small leader. Lucien had fretted as much as he was allowed, so much worry swirling about in his head that when it became too much he had no other choice but to voice those concerns whilst Kaidan was quick to gently quieten him. He knew (or rather hoped) that what Nara needed was just some peace and quiet to let it all settle, and Lucien’s fretting was only going to make that next to impossible to achieve.

“And you’re definitely going to think about going up to Winterhold about your tattoo?” Lucien asked, wanting to be sure for the fourth time that day as he sat opposite Nara and beside Kaidan in the carriage. She had long since crossed her legs on the seat after getting just a touch annoyed with Lucien’s feet tapping on the carriage floor. Yet she couldn’t blame him for it, he was just worrying away…  _ again. _

“Lucien, I promise I will. But, not right now though... please?” Nara looked up and met his gaze with a quiet pleading note to her voice and he had no other option but to nod.

“Of course, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have—”

“Don’t fret about it, Lucien. Just give her time, yeah?” Kaidan said, not caring that the ‘her’ in question was right there in front of them both. He only cared about the faintest curl of an appreciative smile that appeared on her lips for a moment before she looked back at the road ahead. 

They had long since passed by Shor’s Stone and were nearing Darkwater Crossing according to their maps and the Carriage Driver’s mumblings. But unlike the last carriage ride they had taken from Whiterun to Solitude, Nara was on full alert, never letting her eyes fall from her surroundings for more than a few seconds at a time. She was usually the one to keep a conversation going, rambling off questions to catch herself up on the world around her, yet she was uncharacteristically silent and for a good reason.

However, Kaidan was sure to keep the silence at bay with a question neither himself or Lucien had asked. “So, visit Gilfre and walk back to Whiterun or shall we just hire another carriage from Windhelm?”

“Walk. It’s a nice enough day, and we’ll get there in the early afternoon if Valtheim is still empty.” Nara replied, taking a moment to quickly scratch her cheek only to make a face at something in her mind. She had started making that expression since she had woken up, that every time she had touched her face or hair in any way she felt some need to be disgusted with herself.

“You know, we really could give less of a shit about that not being your ‘real face’ or whatever, Nara.” Kaidan suddenly spoke up again and she shot him a quietly confused look. “What I mean to say is that it’s the only face we’ve ever seen you have. I’m not one for magic, you know that. Not entirely keen on whatever Galathil had to do to you but it’s no fault of  _ your _ own. You’re a different person now, and whoever  _ that  _ was that Galathil met, definitely weren’t you. Not as you are now, at the very least.”

Lucien was also quick to say his piece, that same worry straining to break free into his voice. But he remained as calm as he possibly could. “And really, at the end of the day the most worrying thing about all of this is the fact that you were running from something whilst being branded with an enchantment! I don’t mean to jump to assumptions but with everything we learned yesterday, it makes a lot of sense as to how that woman recognised you, it might even possibly explain why you were attacked by the Dark Brotherhood. But other than that, enchanted tattoos are practically unheard of! For all we know it could be something either incredibly powerful or dangerous!”

“Aye, what Lucien said.” Kaidan said with a nod, sparing the younger man an almost appreciative look whilst Nara glanced around at their surroundings with a particularly cold look on her face.

“Look, boys, I appreciate the concern I really do but one thing at a time? Please? First Gilfre, then Whiterun, depending on what happens there we’ll head to the Reach and get that jade… thing.” She rubbed her forehead for a moment, her face aching just a touch from frowning so much and yet she couldn’t stop, unable to shake the feeling that she was wearing a mask that she could never be rid of. But they both nodded and left her to quiet brooding which slowly fell away as she listened to them speak to one another…  _ nicely. _

“So then, Kaidan. Are we speaking to one another again?”

“I guess we are.”

“Well then, if we are, why don’t you tell me about your… warrior upbringing?” A low huff left the Swordsman as he leant against the backrest and kept an eye on the road they were travelling on. Two sets of eyes were always better than one.

“Are you actually asking, or are you just looking for another way to insult my intelligence?” He shot back, keeping his voice as light as he could of the previous frustration that had long since faded since their argument in Rorikstead. But he saw the way Nara raised her brow ever so slightly, only to remember that she had stormed out of the Frostfruit Inn those nights ago in a huff of her own. She hadn’t had the chance to learn about the full extent of their spat. Better late than never, he supposed.

“Oh… look, I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot before. Please, I’d like to know.” 

She seemed to relax just a little, the smallest smile on her scarred lips as she watched Darkwater Crossing pass by and the rocky topography of Eastmarch finally come back into view once more. It was a relief to finally not be stuck between two friends that were seemingly at war with one another, of course, that being an exaggeration. Yet she couldn’t help herself, sinking into her seat and losing focus on the world around them for a few moments, just until they were done talking. Huh, Kaidan had a rather soothing voice the more she listened to him...

“Nara…! We’re here.” She let a tiny, confused noise leave her as she opened her eyes, having dozed off for just a few moments. She gave a smile to Lucien who looked incredibly relieved that she hadn’t lashed out in fear from being woken from her nap.

“After you, Lucien.” His smile brightened just a touch as he quickly jumped out of the carriage after Kaidan, helping him with unbuckling their things off the side. So she followed, carefully hopping down to take her knapsack and quarterstaff whilst Kaidan hoisted the Bell Hammer onto his shoulder. Nara was about to say something only for him to hold up his hand and also take her weapon from her.

“Don’t worry about it, pet. Now go find Gilfre, all right?” He was sure to say in a lower voice so that Lucien wouldn’t hear, no doubt to stop him from making assumptions. But she thought for a moment before nodding, dropping her knapsack on the floor and took off at a sprint.

She didn’t know why, but it felt so wonderful to be back where it had all truly begun for her in a strange little way. Each stride and heavy footfall sent faint shockwaves through her legs as she sprinted down the road, making her take care with the stones. It felt just,  _ wonderful _ to just stretch her legs and run down the cobbled road towards the lumber mill, past the chicken hutch, past the small hatch roofed cottage and—

“Gilfre?!”

“Oh! Here comes trouble—” Before the Imperial woman could say anything else, Nara screeched to a halt in front of her and wound her arms tight around her waist. She easily lifted her clear off the wooden decking and held her like that for at least a minute, the last thing she ever wanted was to put her down and so continued like it was nothing. “Nara, you  _ can  _ set me down now, you know. What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing! Nothing…” With a small thud, she gently set down the taller woman and stepped back, a faint blush of embarrassment colouring her cheeks as she stared at her hands as she fidgeted with her hand wraps. “Just, missed you, is all.”

“I missed you too, lass. But I doubt this is just a social call, need somewhere to bed down for the night? Still got no one to fill those beds in the cabin.”

“What? No! It’s a social call! I wanted to come see you! Especially since last time I didn’t really…” Nara couldn’t help but trail off for a moment, remembering with vivid detail how they had last seen the Imperial Lumberjack. The state that she and Lucien had found Kaidan in the prison, hauling the giant and unconscious man on her back and down the road, how she had shouted at Lucien, that dark twisting anger that was always ever present right next to an unshakeable sense of fear. She took a deep breath, trying her best to not dwell on it all for too long and looked back up to meet Gilfre’s gaze. “I didn’t thank you properly the last time we were here, or at least I feel like I didn’t. I was barely there for the night and should have really stayed longer before dealing with the spiders and I didn’t come back.”

A smirk crossed Gilfre’s face as she placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing her tight. “You’re here now. That’s what matters.”

“Yeah, I guess so…” Nara couldn’t help but mumble, taking a moment to look over her shoulder, watching her two friends walk into view only to immediately become distracted with the sight of a familiar goat who trotted up to her happy bleat. “Vincent!”

“Bloody hell- what did I tell you about calling her that?” Gilfre asked but the young Breton wasn’t listening as she crouched down and happily gave the farm animal plenty of love. She shook her head with a tired smile on her face and looked up just as Kaidan and Lucien joined their little gathering. “I let her read one book whilst she was recovering and she went and bloody called the doe ‘Vincent’.”

“Look, right, Vincent is a very good name  _ and  _ it suits her!” Nara was sure to defend as she fussed the goat a little more before standing up, dusting her hands on her pants as she did. Gilfre just gave a soft sigh and an amused smile.

“Go on, go make yourself useful and keep feeding the mill some lumber, would you lass?”

“On it!” With a bright smile and a thumbs up, Nara quickly dashed into the mill and grabbed the hook waiting on the side to be used.

“Are you sure she’s able to- oh.” Lucien didn’t get a chance to finish his question, watching with the others as Nara easily lifted a log onto her shoulder and hauled it onto the track, giving it a strong kick just to make sure. He wasn’t entirely sure why it was such a surprise to him, he had seen her in the midst of combat and kill a  _ dragon  _ amongst a few other things with some varying levels of ease. He was more confused about how and why his face felt a little warmer, but he was sure that had something to do with it being a summer day combined with the hot springs nearby.

“Don’t worry about her, stronger than she looks, I can tell you that!” Gilfre said with a good natured chuckle before finally facing them both properly. “So, have you two been keeping her safe?”

“Safe as we can when we’re following her into fights with dragons and the like.” Kaidan said with a smile, watching the surprise flood Gilfre’s eyes and the information click into place in her head. She sighed and shook her head just a little, but that smile never faded.

“Of course she’s the bloody Dragonborn that people have been muttering about in Windhelm.” Gilfre said with a tut before meeting Kaidan’s gaze and thinking for a moment before looking between the two men, the Imperial of having just crouched down to introduce himself to the friendly goat that had been pestering him for attention. “Anyway, can’t have just one of you working, might as well put you both to work too, hey? Oh don’t give me that look, Lucien, love, you can keep our lass company in the mill. And, Kaidan, wasn’t it? You can do what you like as well but I wouldn’t mind some help with having some old saw blades sharpening.”

“Aye, I’d be glad to help, return a favour in kind since you let me stay the night when these two found me.” With that, Gilfre led the way towards the cottage and Kaidan left Lucien there with Vincent and Nara who was still busily feeding massive log after massive log into the mill. He finally stood up straight and made his way towards her with Vincent following closely behind, her bell clanking dully around her neck with every step she took.

Nara finished throwing the sixth log onto the tracks and changed her grip on the hook, feeling something suddenly begin to tug on the cuff of her boot. She glanced down, seeing it was Vincent having a nibble and so she gently pried herself away only to finally see the shadow being cast over them both. “Let me guess, Gilfre couldn’t think of anything for you to do?”

“Well, other than keep you company, which of course is something I don’t mind. It’s  _ much  _ better than helping Kaidan with sharpening blades and accidentally hurting myself.” Nara gave him a smile, bright like the sun shining down and gentle like the faint breeze sweeping across the land. He was sure to return it, watching as she stepped over the log and quickly pulled the lever, letting the mill pull the log along into the moving blade which was loud enough to make them both wince. He took that moment to sit down, to bathe in the sun for a little while as the mill churned away. But it was done in a moment, the halves clattering onto the pile which Nara was sure to check before deciding to sit down opposite him, crossing her legs and petting Vincent some more when she came over for attention.

“Lucien?”

“Yes?” He glanced up from his notes as he cycled through all the spells he knew. He was simply forming the basics in his hand and taking the extra time to get used to Healing Hands, remembering all she had taught him and familiarising himself with the somatic component. The certain movements of his fingers, how he was supposed to hold his hands, all similar to Healing but just a little different.

“Did you ever send that letter to your mum?” It was a question he wasn’t expecting, but he had an easy answer for it.

“Yes, don’t you remember? When we were in Whiterun for those few days, I took the time to find a courier whilst you were… doing whatever you were doing at the time.” Lucien replied with a small chuckle, he still wasn’t entirely sure what she had been up to after that first encounter with a dragon other than her checkups with Danica.

“Oh right, I remember now, I was probably either in the Temple or helping Adrianne at the forge at the time. Can’t remember which exactly, but I’m glad you managed to get it sent off in the end.”

He chuckled again, remembering something she may have forgotten. “As am I, but I’m certain that she’ll be rather intrigued about your little addition.”

“Addition…?” Nara echoed softly, tilting her head ever so slightly to the side with such a curious look on her face.

“You added a small ‘hello’ to the bottom of the page when we were in Kynesgrove.”

“Oh…  _ oh.”  _ Realisation filled her eyes and colour flooded her cheeks, leaving her to cover her eyes with a hand. “Gods, when I was drunk? I’m sorry, Lucien. You should’ve told me not to.”

He waved his hand a little, still smiling and moving his notebook away when Vincent gave it a curious sniff. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it, if anything it’ll be something else to write about when she replies. That and you did sneak it onto the page when I wasn’t looking.”

“Well… if you say so. Could you pass me my bag please? Thanks, Lucien.” With her knapsack sat in her lap, she began to rummage away, setting aside her cloak and pulling out the four books she had purchased in Rorikstead. His attention immediately fell away from his practicing, watching as she carefully checked the spines before settling on one book bound in dark leather with no title on the spine or cover. She gave it a curious look, not even realising that he was watching her and quickly opened to the first page, a smirk forming on her lips as she tilted her head to the side. “Do you want this? It’s a spell tome for Candlelight.”

“Really? Are you certain that you don’t want to learn it? Of course, I understand if you already know it but…” Lucien couldn’t help but trail off when she simply held out the book to him with a faint smile and a raised eyebrow. So he gently took the spell tome and opened it to the first page, seeing the silver, glittering ink within that had been used to paint the runes and interconnecting lines that could be used to form all sorts of spells. “Thank you, Nara.”

“No need to thank me, I bought it and you’re better at magic than I am, you know, being able to recharge magicka and all that. And anyway, it’s Alteration, never could quite get the hang of it…” Nara replied only to make a face at her own words, wondering where on earth  _ that _ statement had come from.

“You know, there may be a chance that you were born under the Atronach. Well, of course excluding how you do have a literal enchantment beneath your skin. Though until we find out that’s only one of many hypotheses on what that magic could be, held within the ink.” He glanced away from her for a moment, spotting Kaidan sitting outside the cottage with a sawmill blade resting across his lap. As soon as he looked back, he recognised the small echo of pain in her eyes as she petted Vincent’s head as the friendly goat remained laid at her side, chin resting on her knee. He just hoped he could help distract her from that pain. “You seem to be feeling a little better now that we’re here. Do you mind if I ask why you  _ really _ wanted to come back to Mixwater?”

“Thought the answer would be obvious, Lucien.” She said softly, running her fingers through the rough goat fur and focused for a moment on the animal by her side. There was a comfort to be found in having such a friendly creature there with her, one that didn’t mind that she was petting the same place… a strange kinship in a way with how she liked to have her own hair petted, so there was some correlation there with Vincent. But then again, simple pleasures, she guessed. Gods, she was rambling in her own head again, wasn’t she?

“I didn’t want to assume, especially not when I can ask you.” 

“Fair point, I guess I just wanted to come back because there’s... certainty, here, if that makes sense? That I can come back and Gilfre will be there and I can feel a little...  _ safer.” _

“That does make sense, but you do know that even without Inigo, I’m still here, Kaidan is also still here with you. I- we’ve got your back.” Luckily, she didn’t seem to notice his slip up and have a tiny hum.

“As long as I keep you safe, you’ll keep me safe, yeah?”

“Of course! That’s what friends are for, after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hecking good nerds and Gracious Thanks Again to Gnewna for proof reading!!!!  
> Cause goodness knows I miss a fair few things even if I read it over and over again XD


	36. Bound

Snow and thunder, errant bolts of lightning flashing in the fog. Nara took a deep breath and tried to relax in the cold, watching the blizzard swirl around her as she sat atop her lonely mountain. She could barely see a few feet ahead of her, leaving her to sit surrounded by the noise, all howling winds and deafening rumbles of thunder. The fires in the braziers dotted around the summit had long since been snuffed out, leaving her cold but still curious to explore yet terrified to venture from her place in front of the mirrored wall of ice.

Nara knew it was just a dream, darker in its way without becoming a nightmare. Maybe her Safe Haven was a real place... or her mind was just conjuring things to twist it to something darker than it usually was.

A bolt of lightning suddenly struck the snow in front of her, scaring her with the sudden blinding flash of roiling blue and white energy. She pressed herself firmly against the ice only to feel nothing behind her, leaving her to fall back into nothingness whilst a hand - utterly freezing to the touch - suddenly wrapped around her mouth and another around her throat, yanking her into the dark with a muffled scream. With ease, the Thing- the Person, _whatever it was,_ threw her body like a doll across the stone floor, each impact sending flashes of pain across her body as she bounced and tumbled before finally coming to a stop. The aching pain immediately settled into her shoulders and back, leaving her to slowly roll onto her front with a whimper and push herself up whilst the footsteps grew closer and faster.

She glanced up in time, ready to see the boot that was about to slam into her face. She dodged back and scrambled onto her feet, seeing the faint outline of another person- her height, a similar build if her eyes weren’t deceiving her. But the rattling of metal echoed out, stealing her attention away and she glanced down for a moment, seeing her wrists bound in shackles, chained together by glowing azure magic. But there wasn’t time to think about it, not when the footsteps grew louder again and cold blue flames suddenly sprung to life in an upwards arc in front of her before swinging back down.

Nara quickly threw herself backwards, tripping over her own feet and falling but she recovered with a backwards roll, watching the cold flames flash vanish as they struck the stone floor with a loud clash of metal. She froze, watching the Person suddenly vanish with a flash of Illusion magic. Fear hounded her heart, making it slam against her chest and her blood rush deafeningly in her ears as she spun, trying to find the Person only to see nothing but the glow of her shackles.

She turned just in time when she heard the footsteps again, seeing the sudden explosion of fire once again and—

A broken blade of silver - a greatsword - slammed into her scarred shoulder, cutting through bone and muscle. All of it tearing a horrid cry of agony from her lips. Her knees smashed into the ground under the force of it and when she opened her eyes she found herself back in the snow storm, unharmed and staring at the ice with a ghost of a woman with short hair staring back at her in her reflection… bound and shackled with so much pain on her face and a tattoo curled around her right arm. Nara glanced down at her own wrists, seeing the same chains still there, the edge of her own tattoo across her bicep in the exact same place.

_That was her. Whoever she was before… before…?_

There was nothing to finish it, just a blank space where the information should have been and a fierce, terrifying bolt of anger lodged in her chest twisted with the gut wrenching fear of what she didn’t know.

With no thought, she took the length of chains in both hands, coiling the magic around her knuckles. Taking a deep breath, she tensed her arms and began to pull and pull and **_pull_ ** with the corporeal magic becoming taut so quickly _._ The winds howled around her, whipping her face with sharp lashes of cold air and strands of her own partly frozen hair. She gritted her teeth and kept trying, feeling the magic thrum in her hands and the exhaustion claw its way into her bones.

There was nothing to keep her bound like that. She wouldn’t allow it. She didn’t care what it would do to her if she broke free but she wouldn’t end up like the Woman in the Ice, kneeling there and watching with eyes so full of fear, with hands and broken greatsword covered in blood.

Exhaustion finally took over, leaving Nara panting with every breath and struggling to even keep the strength in her arms. She let out a ragged gasp and felt her hands touch the freezing snow around her, struggling with each inhale as the cold winds made her tears sting her cheeks—

**_Patience_ **

A whisper in the wind, leaving her to look around for the voice that could have just been a trick her mind was playing on her. But she thought for a moment, dwelling on the word, the voice that spoke it. It wasn’t warm or motherly, just sharp and quiet, like someone who didn’t like to speak but had to when… when there was no other option. It was difficult to interpret. But she slowly stood and let her feet carry her through the dark, finding her way to the curved wall and hiding herself within it’s shelter. She crossed her legs and waited, closing her eyes and listening to the wind and the bursts of rumbling thunder around her.

* * *

It could never be an easy walk to and from Eastmarch and Whiterun, Nara was just going to have to accept that fact as she let instinct clear her mind and fuel her attacks within the first tower of Valtheim. She shoved the archer off the platform with a strike of her quarterstaff before quickly jumping down the stairs and joining the fray, finding Kaidan and Lucien in the thick of it at the center of the bridge. So she ran, quarterstaff behind her and a shout on her lips.

“Duck!” Instead, Lucien dodged out of the way and gripped the stone arch before he fell off the side whilst Kaidan followed almost on instinct. Though neither of them were expecting her to springboard off Kaidan’s shoulder and slam feet and knees first into the first bandit, knocking him down and out. She rolled over the top of him and - whilst still post tuck and roll - swung her quarterstaff out, tripped and tipped the second bandit over the edge of the bridge. She let out a small breath and grin but kept going, springing back to her feet and charging into the next tower whilst an arrow whizzed by her head. She was pretty sure she heard Kaidan grumble about archers as she finally found the Chief.

Stood in heavy plate armour, the taller woman simply raised her shield and shifted her grip on her mace before moving forward with a surprising amount of dexterity to clear the gap and swung—

With a step and twist, Nara dodged the attack and brought the end of her Orcish Quarterstaff up into her arm only to miss and hit the steel gauntlet instead with a resounding _clang!_ She twisted once more, keeping up her momentum as she jumped and kicked at her face instead only to find the Bandit Chief’s shield was strapped to her arm. The Bandit snatched hold of her calf and yanked her forward. With steel meeting her skull and a flash of white blinding her for a moment, Nara was knocked unconscious and dropped to the floor.

A moment passed and she snapped awake, feeling the warmth of a familiar healing spell surround her body. She took a moment, stopping herself from lashing out on instinct with the last few remnants of adrenaline still coursing through her veins and tried to sit up.

“Careful- careful…” Lucien said softly, his hands on her shoulders as she groaned and lowered herself back to the floor… no, not entirely the floor, his lap had become her pillow at… some point. Gods, she hated being knocked unconscious. Time became so tricky to keep track of. “That was quite the heavy hit you took there, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re concussed.”

“Feels like it… head’s swimming…” She raised her hand to her forehead, wincing when she touched the fresh cut. He tutted and carefully pulled her hand away.

“Stay still and don’t move.” Lucien mumbled, ignoring how she stuck her tongue out at him before closing her eyes, wincing a little more. “Honestly, what were you thinking charging on ahead like that?”  
  
“Dunno? ‘Keep you safe’, most likely. Like last time we were here…” Nara grumbled, listening to the… she couldn’t really describe it properly, but ‘glittering’ seemed like the only word she could think when it came to Healing Hands. Healing was more, _shiny?_ “What happened to the Chief, then?”

“Oh, turns out her chest plate was damaged long before the fight, just took one well placed thrust with your sword to kill her.” Lucien replied quietly, his voice a little strained and she blindly reached out and found his forearm. She gripped the leather sleeve and hoped her head would finally stop spinning.

“Thank you, for protecting me.” He hummed softly and gently patted her hand before prying her away and settling her hand on her stomach.

“Yes, well, you would have done the same for me.” She immediately made the best serious face that she could with her eyes closed, grumbling quietly at the pain that came with moving her eyebrows. She couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for everyone she had ever headbutted, well, except the Assassin she had caught, of course.

“Damn right I would, and damn right _I will_ . You’re my first ever friend. I’ve _got_ to keep you safe.” Lucien had to take a moment to stop his concentration on the spell from slipping with that reply. He’d almost forgotten that she hadn’t been awake for very long, that all sorts of things were just so utterly new to her. Nara was sure to snap him out of his thoughts. “You’ve gone quiet…”

“I’m concentrating.”

“Pretty sure I’m fully healed, Luci. Shit- sorry, sorry, slipped up twice there. _Lucien.”_

He gave a small chuckle, the emphasis she used to remind herself making him smile. She really did care. “You can be never too careful with head trauma, _Nara.”_

She huffed at that but stayed still for a little while longer, listening to the footsteps echo out on the wooden floor above her and on the stairs back down towards them both. A small snort echoed out and she opened an eye, seeing Kaidan stood with a hempen sack in hand that looked to be filled with all sorts that he’d found.

“Having fun in the lap of luxury, there?”

“I mean, Lucien makes a very comfy pillow, but I already knew that.” She replied with a cheeky smirk, looking up at her blond friend to see a faint blush on his cheeks and a bit of an annoyed look in his eyes. “Are we good to go yet? Or are you going to keep fussing over me?”

Lucien sighed, albeit _weakly_ , and waited a few more moments before finishing casting the spell. _“Now_ we can go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyy a double chapter day woo!!!


	37. Sanctuary

“I wonder what Kynareth will make of us slicing into her tree. Hope she understands why we need to do it…”

Nara let out a worn out sigh, hating the feeling of Nettlebane strapped to her belt. A couple hours work for Hulda when they got back to Whiterun, a night’s rest in the Bannered Mare and now she was leading the way once again on the next leg of their journey. And that  _ thought  _ from Lucien made her want nothing more than to throw the dagger into the deepest, darkest pit to never be found again.

“I really hope I don’t have to, it’s the last thing I want to do.” Nara couldn’t help but mumble, rubbing the back of her neck as they walked down the path towards the main gate, passing the Barracks and—

“My Thane!” A familiar voice rang out and Nara nearly forgot to look up, remembering at the last second that it was her title. She saw the same Nord woman that had taken the brunt of the dragon’s fire attack back in Rorikstead, the same woman she had helped haul into the Temple of Kynareth. She had to blink and shake her thoughts back into order at the sight of The Guard on her own two feet, clad in heavy steel armour no less, not the typical uniform she had grown used to seeing.

But she let a small smile appear on her face as she stepped away from the gate. “Feeling better?”   
  
“A lot better, and thank you for helping me.” The woman replied as she reached into a pouch on her belt, procuring a silver amulet along with a sealed letter. “Here, the Jarl told me to give you these, your  _ actual _ badge of office and an official document, he didn’t say what about, though.”

“Right…” With the letter and amulet handed over, Nara quickly broke the wax seal and read the contents, spotting out of the corner of her eye how Lucien looked very tempted to read over her shoulder whilst Kaidan simply  _ did _ with his impressive height to aid him. “Oh…  _ oh! _ Come on then Lydia!”

“Wait what?” Lydia blinked and was left behind with the Imperial and… Kaidan, if she remembered his name correctly. She couldn’t help but wonder where the blue Khajiit was.

The Imperial gave her an almost apologetic look and a sigh. “You’ll get used to that.”

“Are you three coming or what?!” Nara’s distant shout reached their ears and with another set of sighs from both men, they waved Lydia along and caught just a brief glimpse of platinum hair disappearing over the drawbridge when they stepped outside.

A brief jog was all it took to catch up to the Thane, and they found her already standing in the back of the carriage with her quarterstaff laid across the seats. She turned around, holding out her hand to Lucien who quickly grabbed hold and let her help him up into the cart with her before she turned around to the driver.

“Darkwater Crossing all right for you, mate?”

“Aye, it’ll be eighty gold for all four of you.” With a nod, Nara took the coin purse off her belt and tipped out the coins she had left into the Driver’s waiting hands. Whilst the Nord man counted away, she looked back to see Kaidan throwing his bag onto the seat before joining them and holding out a helping hand for Lydia. The Housecarl ignored his offer, sitting opposite the Breton with her shield stowed at her feet but her longsword still strapped to her hip.

“Wait!” A heavy sigh left the Driver and he turned around to see yet another person rushing up to the carriage before glancing at Nara who looked just as annoyed as he felt at the sight of the red faced Breton running to catch up to them.

“Another one of yours?”

“Nope.” Nara muttered, ignoring the look that Lucien gave her as she looked over the side and scowled down at the man who came to a stumbling stop. He took a moment, catching his breath with his hands resting on his knees before standing up straight and looking at the Thane. Just as he was about to speak, mouth opening and lips beginning to form words, Nara quickly stopped him. “Look, I know you’re wanting to hitch a ride with us to Eldergleam, mate. But I already told you back in the temple, you being that disrespectful to the Priestess about her work is enough for me to say no.”

“But- you’ve only just devoted yourself to Kynareth! How are you going to—”

“To do what? You think you can teach me how She wants me to be? How to revere Her? I can do that by myself just fine. And listen, right, you need to be able to pull your own weight when it comes to travelling with this group and you don’t even have a weapon to defend yourself with.” Nara snapped over him, glaring for a moment before looking to the impatient Driver and giving him a look to not set off yet. “I get that you want to see the Eldergleam, but I’m already looking after three others, all right? I don’t need a fourth.”

With that, she turned around and patted the Driver on the shoulder. He nodded and gently tapped the reins across Dusk’s back, making the black coated mare set off at a steady pace and pull the carriage and its occupants away, leaving the Breton Man in their wake before heading on the road heading east.

“That was  _ slightly  _ uncalled for, Nara.” Lucien said with a somewhat disappointed look, watching how she rubbed her eyes and sighed.

“Not one for pricks like him, you should know that by now, Lucien.”

Out of everything, Lydia was the one to speak up after, giving the young Breton a confused look. “And if anything, you’re not looking after me, I’m here to look after you, my Thane.”

Nara was quick to fall silent at that, her face quickly losing the annoyed flush that she had given herself from snapping at Maurice Jondrelle. She shrunk just a little in her seat and looked away, mulling over those words carefully and remaining quiet.

* * *

Birdsong and the sound of the waterfalls filled the massive cavern, bouncing off the stone walls as the last few warm rays of sunlight streamed through the gaps in the ceiling. The smell of fresh…  _ everything, _ filled their noses. The smell of flowers, rich damp earth, the small trace of minerals that drifted from the hot springs above ground and the sweet scent of the few pine trees within the Sanctuary. It was unlike anything two of their group had ever seen before.

Lucien had spent a little bit of the journey to Darkwater Crossing sharing fond memories once he had forgotten his disappointment with Nara. He shared with her a few stories of exploring parts of the Great Forest in Cyrodiil with his parents when he was younger, of how he and his father would never stray too far from his mother’s side, knowing that the Retired Captain could take on anything with ease if they strayed too far off the path. Of tall towering trees, lush verdant hills and clearings filled with light and life, of all sorts of hidden caves and ruins for brave souls to explore.

But the Sanctuary was different. So  _ incredibly  _ different. Like a slice of spring forever contained in the autumn month of Heartfire and no doubt for the entire year and… however long the Eldergleam had existed.

“You two done gawking yet?” Kaidan asked with a lightly mirthful tone. Lucien shook his head just a little, returning to reality and looking away from the towering tree with its enormous, curling roots that blocked the only path up to where it sat. They both looked at Nara still leaning against her quarterstaff, her eyes filled with tears as she stared at the marvellous sight before them. “Nara?”

“Hm? Gods—” She sniffled quietly, quickly drying her face on the back of her hand and managing a tiny laugh. “Sorry, got lost in my head there for a second, didn’t I? I’m okay, I just… I’ve never seen anything this beautiful before… well… no, that one doesn’t count.”

“What doesn’t count?” Lucien asked softly, so much concern held back in his voice as she cleared her throat and roughly dried away the final few tears.

“Doesn’t matter right now, if you remind me I might remember to tell you. But anyway!” She set aside her quarterstaff against the cavern wall behind them. They had only just stepped inside and had yet to move from the mouth of the passage. But Nara simply clapped her hands together and rubbed them, an amused little smile on her face. “I’m not cutting into that tree!  _ No one  _ is cutting into that tree or I’m going to punch the first person who suggests a reason as to why we should.”

“Then how are we going to help the Gildergreen, my Thane—” Nara was quick to shoot Lydia a small look, a reminder that had the Housecarl sighing slightly. “Nara.”

“I have no idea!” The small Breton exclaimed, quickly shrugging off her knapsack and unstrapping Nettlebane from her belt and shoving it down into the deepest depths of her pack. With that done, she looked around the massive cavern once more before leading the way across the bridge, finding two other people sitting together and quietly chatting to one another in the very center of the Sanctuary.

They shared a few words with the two Nords that were already within the Sanctuary, a pair of worshippers that were visiting the Eldergleam. So with their bedrolls set out in the temperate cavern, they decided to devise a plan of some sort. What else could they do to help Danica? To help the Gildergreen all without hurting the Eldergleam? 

All the while, Nara sat there listening to Kaidan and Lucien go back and forth as she fidgeted with her Amulet of Kynareth. The magic tied to the pendant was always thrumming gently with life but at that moment, it was a constant, intense hum that only she could hear, only she could feel. It made sense in a way, it was attuned to the magic of Kynareth and yet there was always that underlying confusion that she still couldn’t shake.

Lucien let out a heavy sigh, rubbing the back of his neck and remembering the reminder Nara had given him an hour prior and looked to her. She was still staring at the tree, violet eyes trained on the pink, blossom covered branches and the golden bark that was said to be stronger than any metal. “Nara?”

“Mhm?” She met his gaze for just a moment before looking back up at the Eldergleam with just…  _ so much _ in her expression. Wonder, reverence, confusion, to name a few that he could make out.

“You said earlier that something ‘didn’t count’, about seeing something as beautiful as this.”

“Oh…  _ oh, _ yeah, that. I remember…” Nara gave a small, embarrassed laugh and cleared her throat just a little. She stared at her hands for a moment, pulling at a piece of thread that was fraying from cotton wrapped around her palms. “Well, remember how I said I used to have nightmares? All the time, every single night? After fighting that dragon at the western watchtower, they just…  _ stopped.” _

Nara let herself take a small breath, it all sounded so ludicrous now she was saying it out loud, giving herself to process what was actually going on in her sleep. “I had a nightmare that night, whilst I was still unconscious, that I was still being tortured by that...  _ monster _ . And then I broke through the glass, there was some kind of mirror box or maze that was keeping me trapped and then I was suddenly somewhere else. A mountain, covered in snow, a curved wall like the one we saw in Bleak Falls, a wall of ice.” She focused on the hazy memory and was thrown back once more to the most recent dream. Sharp blue chains sprung to her mind’s eye and a flash of pain shot through her scar.

She took a moment, rubbing her shoulder and shook that dream from her mind, forcing herself to stay within the present and not her own head.

“It’s been weird these past few weeks, a few odd dreams here or there of being on that mountain. Finally being able to sleep without being exhausted or scared of everything when I wake up… Just the occasional bit of just endless blue horizon and clouds, some kind of darkness hidden at the bottom and trying to claw its way up to me? Actually- you were there, waiting for me in the temple when I spoke to Danica about it. She thinks that it’s Kynareth and Mara are watching over me…” Nara furrowed her brow, running her thumb over the sapphire within the center of her amulet. She couldn’t find the words to continue and just shrugged.

“I remember that you briefly mentioned your dreams the night before we left for Solitude.” Lucien filled the silence, letting her words mull around in his head for a moment. The idea that two Divines were possibly watching over her so carefully… it wasn’t unheard of, there was no surprise to be found in it all when people could have so much faith in the Gods. It was the fact that it was happening to Nara which was what made it a little jarring. She was already supposedly Dragonborn, why else would she need to have strange nightmares and dreams on top of that? “And I can certainly imagine why that would sound just as beautiful as this, but whether it’s by Kynareth and Mara’s design or your subconscious just trying to find you respite from those nightmares, I definitely think those dreams should count. That and it slightly sounds like you’re second guessing yourself? But that’s just my thoughts on it though...”

She didn’t answer, not verbally at the very least. Just shrugged her shoulders and thought for a moment, still fidgeting with her necklace and leaving Lucien to worry just a little more about her. But finally she said something in such a small voice that he almost mistook her for someone else. She just sounded so uncharacteristically  _ not _ Nara. “I’m… going to go find out how to fix the Gildergreen, before it starts bugging me too much.”

“Of course- ah! Wait! I just remembered, I’ve been meaning to give you something.”

“Oh?” Despite her sudden need to get away from the conversation, Nara stayed just a little while longer and willed herself to not feel so desperate to escape. All the while, Lucien rummaged through his bag and with a quiet “ah- _ ha!”,  _ he finally found the leather pouch he was looking for. With a flick of his fingers, he unbuttoned the flap and carefully poured out the contents. 

A small, brass coloured ball rolled out onto his hand - no bigger than his palm - and he smiled softly at the intrigue in her eyes only to remember that she had no idea what it really was. He’d barely had the chance to teach her anything about the Dwemer, but hopefully this could mark a start for them though.

“It’s a Dwemer Resonance Sphere, my father gave it to me before I left home, for when I found myself someone to travel with.” He reached into a pouch on his belt, showing a matching ball before carefully handing over the first, placing it in her hand. It looked so much bigger in her palm, small fingers immediately taking to delicately tracing over the patterns in the metal and-  _ click! _

Nara startled just a little when she ran her fingers over the central band around the Sphere, hearing the internal mechanism suddenly click and whirr… and a moment later, it’s twin buzzed once. He couldn’t help but chuckle a little at the wide eyed look that appeared on her face, at all the wonder and curiosity in her eyes.

“When activated like that, it will resonate with its twin which I will always keep here.” Lucien said, patting the pouch on his belt before carefully placing his Sphere away. “So, if we’re ever separated, we’ll be able to find each other, no matter how far apart we are!”

Nara sat there in silence for a moment, staring at the ball in her hand before suddenly shuffling forward and wrapping her arms around him. He froze for a moment, his mind taking a moment to catch up and with just a swift, mental kick to himself, he returned the embrace.

“Thank you, Lucien.” Her voice, quiet and gentle, cracked ever so slightly even when it was muffled against his shoulder, leaving him to squeeze her the best he could.

“Don’t mention it! Hopefully we won’t need to use it that often, because I’ll be there by your side, and so will Kaidan, if you need us of course. And honestly, I think you’re more than strong enough to look after yourself, but we’ll always be here to watch your back.” She slumped into him a little more, face completely hidden in the soft leather of his coat and her fingers digging in just a touch harder for a moment longer. It felt like she didn’t want to let go, that she was clinging onto him until she finally felt safe enough like when they found the state Helgen was in. But Nara pulled back after a minute, carefully picked up the pouch and added it onto her belt.

With Kaidan’s war horn on her left hip and her half of the Resonant Sphere Set on her right, Nara took a deep breath and dried away the tears before they could continue falling. She was expecting to feel so weak in that moment, tired and useless like when she said goodbye to Inigo. But instead - out of everything - she felt renewed, a little stronger.

“Really though, Lucien, thank you.” She said a final time, getting a soft smile from her friend that brightened when she squeezed his shoulder. With that, she stood up and walked towards the path.

As soon as she was gone, Kaidan was quick to glance at Lydia, the pair sharing an understanding look and a smirk that Lucien caught a glimpse of.

“What’s made you two so cheerful?”

Kaidan was quick to snort at that, chuckling away to himself a little before replying. “Don’t worry about it, Lucien.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hecking good support hugs and spheres doing me a smol happy. Also gracious thanks again to Gnewna for proof reading!!!


	38. Chatting to the Wind

Searching around the Eldergleam yielded nothing. An attempt at prayer didn’t elicit a response from anything, neither from the tree nor Kynareth, if they were even listening. So Nara spent hours and hours, trying to think of something as she paced back and forth in front of the Eldergleam until her feet started to hurt and the sunlight vanished from the gaps in the ceiling. With only slivers of moonlight and the faint glow of Lucien’s Candlelight orb in the distance to light the cavern, she finally took a breath and sat down with her back against the tree.

Nestled between the roots, Nara let go of the tension in her muscles the best she could. She let her fingers dig into the damp earth and let her head fall back and rest against the strong bark. The light of the moons - Secunda and Masser, Lucien had told her - contrasted wonderfully with the pink blossoms, making the small flowers seem so ethereal with the silvery white glow as they swayed in the small breeze.

Gods, she didn’t know what she was doing.

“... hello? Again...? Gods, this feels so stupid…” Nara couldn’t help but mutter, but it was probably better than doing nothing as she slumped against the tree and rested her arms on her knees. “I still have no idea what I’m doing, that much is just obvious though, especially if you’re here, well, everywhere being the Goddess of Nature… this is one of your places, right? Everyone says that this is one of yours, that it’s important. I know it is, and it’s beautiful here, it really is. But I just don’t know what to do? How am I supposed to help you, help the Gildergreen, help the Temple in Whiterun when the idea of hurting this tree makes me feel sick to my stomach? I just want to help and I just don’t know how?”

Nara took a moment, grumbling wordlessly to herself and feeling just a little strange for patting the nearest root affectionately without thinking. So she just shrugged and sighed, fidgeting with a piece of old twig she had found beside her. Dead, the bark long since peeled and whatever remnants of leaves or blossoms had since rotted into the earth. “Taking sap just seems stupid, you know? I mean, if the Gildergreen is dead then it’s dead, just move it on and get a new one or something, I don’t know.”

There was no answer, just the breeze shifting through the Eldergleam’s crown.

“Preserving something that you killed yourself with sap just sounds really fucking dumb... Kind of like… wait, why did you even strike the Gildergreen? Or was that just out of your hands, fury of the unpredictable storm or whatever?”

Another shift of the leaves against themselves, a warm gust of air that smelt like the hot springs outside. That felt a little more… present? Almost like someone had just wrapped her up in her cloak after it had been warmed by the fire.

“I get it either way, I think? No one can control the storm, no point in trying. Let it pass and what it destroys it will destroy, and what it waters it will water. That weird balance of destruction and life...? Gods, I’m rambling to a bloody tree…” Nara mumbled with another sigh, feeling the exhaustion seep into her mind, making her yawn and sink in her seat a little more. She should have felt cold without her cloak or her bedroll, but instead she was comfortable in just her leather armour, nestled within the nook the Eldergleam provided. “You… also answered that question I had, in that dream after fighting that dragon in Rorikstead, didn’t you? Then you recently told me ‘patience’, which I still have no idea what I’m supposed to be patient about, by the way, but I guess I’ll figure that out... But that second dream, after Rorikstead, I remember the lightning, and the shadows and then… my reflection? You just want me to be  _ me, _ don’t you?”

Still no answer, but the cavern grew a little warmer, enough to leave Nara to wonder whether she was imagining things in the midst of her exhaustion. So she hummed and sunk a little further in her seat, feeling the steady thrum of magic that resonated within her amulet and focusing on it for just a moment longer. A final yawn and she closed her eyes, deciding that sleeping there would be better than trying to make her way back to the camp in the dark.

“... I’ll try my best though… figure out how to be me… and thank you…” And she fell asleep.

There were no dreams in the night, just a restful, quiet darkness that she stirred from to the sound of echoing birdsong and the waterfalls. A pained groan left Nara as she rubbed her eyes with one hand and tried to rub her neck with the other… but she couldn’t move her left hand. She frowned and looked down, wondering in her sleepy state when she had ever found a golden bangle in her travels. Then she blinked and scrubbed her eyes of sleep and saw it was actually one of the thinner roots of the Eldergleam.

Despite the fact that the tree had decided to coil around her wrist in the night, that she was technically trapped, she just shrugged and carefully wriggled her hand free. She had absorbed something from a dragon, for pity’s sake, a tree being weird wasn’t going to phase her… well,  _ not too much, _ at the very least. But she took stock of her surroundings, patting her cheeks in an attempt to wake herself up and stretched her legs out in front of her- oh! A sapling!  _ Wait... _

She blinked, staring at the young tree that had sprouted up between her feet for a moment, wondering if it was there before she fell asleep… No, she definitely did not remember anything being there at all. So, she hummed quietly to herself and carefully shuffled closer, crossed her legs and rested her elbows on her knees, leaning closer with her chin in her hands. After a little while of simply observing, she finally moved, standing up and quickly clambering back over the roots to the camp where her friends were still sleeping. She glanced around, wondering where Lydia was only to see her wandering back into the Sanctuary.

Nara rummaged through her bag, knowing it wouldn’t be long until they woke up and quickly fished out the blue cloth before sprinting and climbing the roots once more.

“Wakey wakey, eggs and bake-y, you two!” With a cheery exclamation, Kaidan and Lucien were subjected to Nara frantically shaking them both awake.

“You’re awfully chipper this morning…” Lucien couldn’t help but grumble, his voice still full of sleep as he sat up, rubbing his eyes and wondering what time it was as Nara sat down between their bedrolls with a big grin on her face.

“‘Course I am! Because we can finally head over to Markarth after Whiterun! Don’t have to be stuck here for Gods know how long trying to figure out how to help the Temple of Kynareth when we’ve got to get this little friend to its new home!” With a twist and a rustle of leaves, Nara carefully placed the sapling in her lap. Kaidan and Lucien spared one another a glance whilst Lydia watched on with a curious eye. They barely needed to wait for the inevitable explanation for Nara had already begun to rattle off with wild abandon everything that had happened whilst they were asleep. “So! That’s what we’re doing and if Danica isn’t happy with the sapling then she’ll just have to, well, get over herself I guess.”

“Probably for the best either way, wouldn’t be surprised if this place was filled with Spriggans. Would’ve been attacked as soon as we’d have tried to break through the Eldergleam’s bark.” Kaidan said, casting a weary eye around at the other trees in the Sanctuary for a moment before looking back to see a very confused Nara staring at him expectantly. Waiting for answers, for an explanation to a question she didn’t even need to ask. “Remember the corpse we found at Orphan Rock that the Hagraven was tearing apart with Nettlebane? That was a Spriggan, they’re guardians of nature and protect places like this.”

She thought for a moment, letting her expression settle onto something faintly angry. “I knew I hated Hagravens for a proper reason, other than being horrible, dangerous things.”

“Speaking of horrible and dangerous things.” Lydia piped up, rolling her shoulders as she glanced to the mouth of the cave for just a moment. “I was checking the surroundings outside at the end of my watch, just making sure that nothing was lurking outside the Sanctuary. Instead there’s a dragon flying up around the crest just north-east of here.”

“Kynesgrove is also in the same direction.” Lucien mumbled, quickly pulling out his map and setting it down, just to double check. “Awfully close to Mixwater Mill too—”

“Right that settles it, we’re going dragon hunting.” Without another word, Nara packed her things away with determination set in her expression, pulling her knapsack on and the strap of her quarterstaff over her head. “What? Can’t just leave a dragon nearby that could attack Gilfre  _ or  _ Kynesgrove.”

* * *

_ “FO! KRAH—” _

_ “FUS!” _

It was her second ever use of the Shout and with the added bonus of  _ knowing  _ it before the fight, it worked to Nara’s advantage. The dragon’s Shout was knocked off balance, the stream of freezing ice aimed away from Lucien and Lydia who kept up their onslaught from the sides with Kaidan and Nara taking the front. The beast was quickly brought to its demise. 

A scale was dislodged with a sounding  _ crack  _ of Nara’s quarterstaff against its neck along with two strikes of her fists before it whirled around on her, lashing out with its wing against her tiny body only to find that another mortal had taken her place. With a well placed stab with the Sword of Whiterun, Lucien ignored the splash of hot blood across his hands and blade before yanking it free with both his strength and the adrenaline coursing rapidly through his veins. But he didn’t give himself time to watch the dragon die and spun around to find his friend.

“Nara?!”

“I’m okay!” Came the shaky reply, echoing up to their ears from further down the path with a brief wave of a hand popping into view over the edge of the hill to prove it. But before they knew it, the dead dragon behind him suddenly burst into those familiar flames.

It was odd watching it in effect as the corpse rapidly decayed away, scales and flesh dissolving into pure light just to rapidly rush forward like a jet of Flames or Frostbite. It completely ignored the fact that Lucien was directly in its path, parting around him to curl around Nara instead as she stumbled into view. The sudden rush knocked off her feet with the burst of energy wrapping around her like a cloak of pure light. As soon as it settled and vanished, she rolled onto her back, face scrunched up into a look of abject disgust.

“Are you all right?” Lucien couldn’t help but fret, quickly kneeling by her side and hearing her annoyed grumbling.

“Not having as bad a moment like last time but it’s still  _ the absolute worst.”  _ Nara whimpered in return, groaning with both annoyance and pain as she tried to sit up. Instead she stopped and simply laid back down as the world around her spun and wobbled. “Oh gods I definitely need a minute.”

“Take all the time you need.” She nodded and rubbed her face with blooded, frost covered hands only to wince and instinctively stop. So he patted her shoulder and channelled what little magic he had left into a burst of Healing Hands to start healing her wounds only to realise he had left a bloodied hand print behind. She quickly glanced at her shoulder and the worry immediately shot through her. “Ah, sorry about that.”

“Wait- this isn’t your blood is—”

“Oh no, don’t worry. I’m fine, just a little chilly after that fight if anything!” He replied with a faint smile, the pair of them letting it sink in as they sat - or in Nara’s case, laid - there. A small chuckle from the Breton was just enough to get them both shaking their heads, laughing and wondering what on earth they were actually doing.

“I _ punched  _ an actual  _ dragon _ ... what the fuck…” Nara couldn’t help but mumble, running her hands through her dusty hair and taking a moment to stare at the open blue sky.

“I  _ stabbed  _ a dragon. Divines, at least you certainly keep it entertaining... in a terrifying sort of way.” She gave a tiny giggle at that and paired it with a grin before finally sitting up to fix the red ribbon in her hair.

“Glad to hear it! Wouldn’t want to bore you.” She sprung back onto her feet, quickly dusting her hands off on her legs before offering her hand to him. With the world’s easiest lift and another proof of her incredible strength, Nara helped him off the floor and turned to see that Kaidan and Lydia were waiting and staring at the skeleton of the dragon. So together they stepped closer, taking their time to see the bones of the dragon limply laid across the ground, at the lingering damage that they had left behind from the fight. “It looks so strange, doesn’t it?”

“How do you mean?” Lucien asked, sparing her a small glance to watch her wrap her arms around herself, a small frown appearing on her face.

“Almost… sad…? I don’t know.” She shrugged her shoulders and sighed, frowning a little more as she glanced up at the curved wall and made a face. “Gods damn it, fucking chanting again. I’ll be back in a minute.”

She didn’t give any of them a chance to say anything or stop her and stormed straight for the source of the chanting. She had long since lost her patience for any of the ‘Dragonborn Business’, as she had taken to calling it, and was truly ready to be over and done with it all even when it felt like she had no choice in the matter. But she reached the wall and ran her fingers along the one word calling out to her over and over again, just to get it all  _ to stop. _

It felt like the dragon was still alive and bearing down on her with its frost as she ran her hands over the carved word. Each jagged line that felt so frozen to the touch as the chanting reached its crescendo and the meaning became unlocked to her. The beginning of the Shout the dragon had used against her and her group, ‘ _ Fo’, Frost. _

Yet there was no sudden tearing of her reality, no sudden anger or reversion to how she  _ used  _ to be. The world was still bright and colourful, and she was still calm. It made sense, there were two ‘souls’, one from Rorikstead, one from a few minutes prior. Maybe—

“My Thane?” Nara spun around, finding Lydia standing not even six feet away from her with reserved concern painted across her face.

“Please, Lydia, don’t call me that.” Nara had to repeat, pinching the bridge of her nose and feeling a little worse for wear with the reminder of her status in one of the Nine Holds.

Instead, she focused on what was around her and immediately settled on looking in the chest not too far away. She threw open the massive lid and looked inside, finding a layer of dust coating all the items within and… It was almost like a hoarder had decided to set up shop atop the crest… maybe the dragon was a hoarder. She didn’t know and so only shrugged as she took the items out one by one, finding a leather pouch, a staff and plenty of gold to boot.

With a hop, Nara sat on the chest lid with her legs crossed and investigated the pouch first, pouring out an odd set of purple glass dice and a few cards. She rolled the dice in her hand for a moment, trying to figure out whether it was just glass or carved amethyst. She decided either way that selling them wouldn’t be worth the effort, not when fidgeting with them was soothing to her. So with a handful of dice in one hand and the pouch held between her knees, she picked up the staff, examining the enchanted silver rod with a hunk of ruby set at it’s point. She wondered how it worked, twirling it in her hand like it was her quarterstaff, trying to figure out it’s enchantment that hummed within the silver.

All the while, Kaidan and Lucien set about dismantling the skeleton, or rather Kaidan did whilst Lucien tried his best to help. Though with some work, they finally manage to break the spine of the dragon and take a good chunk of it’s vertebrae away, leaving Lucien to grin and happily pay the taller man for his help—

A sudden burst of fire caught them all off guard, a smattering of pebbles and ivory fragments exploded out from the spot where the chaotic ball of fire had struck the pile of mammoth skulls not too far away from where Nara had been sat. Dust and smoke hung in the air for a few moments as the trio tried to spot her in the cloud. But a moment later they heard her coughing and eventually saw her stumble into view, patched with soot and carrying the staff in one hand and a large hunk of mammoth tusk she just swiped off the ground.

“Gods, that was crazy! Who knew dragons hoarded Staves of Fireballs? So! Lucien you can have this, I don’t have the impulse control to stop myself from going crazy with it. But anyway, lunch in Kynesgrove and split the loot whilst we’re there?”


	39. Catching Up on the World (And Failing Miserably)

**20th Heartfire - Sundas**

I think I need to start regretting the fact that I gave Lucien that Staff of Fireballs. Not that I _don’t_ trust him with it, I do… _I think.  
_ I’m more worried about it than anything. More worried about him. Will have a chat with him about it when we get back to Whiterun.

Had a chat! He’s smart (but already knew that) and he knows not to use it around the group, more for long distance attacks and when the battle has already kicked off. Glad I don’t have to worry about him going crazy with it… though I am still regretting it. Just a little bit. Will keep a closer eye on him about it all. Not sure why, might just be overly protective or something. I’ll figure it out.

Delivered the sapling to Danica, had a good talk about how it happened and she’s grateful but surprised? And also not surprised? It’s strange. I don’t know how the Divines really work but I know they exist, I mean, who’s to say they don’t? I think this might just be something to have ‘patience’ with. Maybe faith too? Well, no, not _that_ exactly. Maybe just gratefulness. Kynareth must be listening in her own way, and I haven’t had a nightmare in a while now which is nice. Wonder what happened to Mara being there too, maybe she still is, I don’t know.

Either way, the sapling isn’t strong enough to be placed where the Old Gildergreen is, and it’ll take them time to completely clear the ground. But it’s gotten me some good Restoration Training from Danica which is nice. Feeling a little more competent in healing now, still room for improvement, will teach Lucien tonight what I learnt so we don’t have to pay anymore gold for a little while.

Travelling over to the Reach tonight (by carriage as usual), I think we’re stopping in Old Hroldan for the evening when we get there? Kaidan said something about ‘Tiber Septim’s bed’, as if I’m supposed to know who that is or why it’s so important.

**21st Heartfire - Morndas**

Okay so that was harrowing. Forsworn are right bastards. Everyone is all right though, mostly. Kaidan in his fancy engraved plate- don’t look at me like that you Tall Git it’s _fancy_ with its bloody tigers and stop reading over my damn shoulder whilst I write.

_Anyway,_ glad we’ve got both Kaidan and Lydia with us, the heavy steel they wear is pretty fucking good turns out. Shame I hate sleeves, and heavy armour in general. Lucien’s coat definitely could either do with repairs or just chucking altogether. He took a nasty hit from a Forsworn with a horrid looking axe that I’ve healed, though I’m bloody exhausted from it though, stupid magicka not recharging.

It’s what I get for not being there to protect him. Should have stayed by his side instead of running off into the thick of it.

* * *

Nara sat by the campfire for a moment longer, staring at the page as she sat by the fire for her part of the watch. She was rather proud of herself for keeping up to her journal and of the terrible drawings and doodles she had made, like when she saw Dragon Bridge for the first time and added silly eyes to the sketch of the stone dragon skulls. But she couldn’t help but let out a tiny sigh as she closed her journal for the night, tucking it away and pulling out the three remaining books she had. She still had a couple of hours left of her turn on watch, so she had to while away the time somehow before the boredom became all encompassing.

The first book - _The Cabin in the Woods_ \- she easily skimmed through. It was just a short horror story that fell flat to her, leaving her to put it away and move onto the next. 

The second - _A Brief History of the Empire - Volume One_ \- she couldn’t help but balk at for a moment. It was so baffling with its names and ideas that she had no choice but to put it away before she gave herself a headache. It was immediately clear to her that history was not going to be her forte but she was definitely not planning on making it a skill, not like how she was practising being completely honest with her friends and herself.

Her final book left her sitting there for the longest time reading through it, her attention having slipped away easily from keeping watch in the quiet evening to mulling over its contents. _Children of the Sky_ \- it was a somewhat dull read but it detailed something about a ‘Thu’um’ which seemed to be what she was able to do. It even spoke of a type of warrior called an ‘Akaviri’ and their ability called a ‘Kiai’. But she couldn’t help but feel useless without knowing things that felt like they were supposed to be common knowledge, but she closed her book and stretched her arms behind her head.

She glanced at the moons, finding that they had travelled further in their path than she had realised. Just a few more hours until dawn, Nara estimated, and Lucien was supposed to take the third shift before Lydia. She furrowed her brow for a moment and mulled it over, glancing into the tent behind her and seeing her three companions still sound asleep. Spotting how Lucien was laid with his back to the fire to keep his weight off his bandaged shoulder.

A shiver rolled over Nara as she faced the campfire, not because she was cold, but because she couldn’t shake the guilt that was clawing its way up and down her spine. It left her feeling hollow and worried, unable to shake away the sense that it was _all her fault._ Just enough money and maybe…? She stowed that one thought away for later, wondering if another search around the Forsworn camp would yield anything else of value for her to flog to the next merchant they met.

With a piece of resolve settled comfortably in her heart, Nara packed away her book before carefully stepping into the tent. Just a brief shake of Lydia’s shoulder and the Nord woman nodded, easily waking up. Nara wondered if being a guard for goodness knows how many years made taking shifts a walk in the park. 

Lydia stood and quietly mumbled “My Thane” before taking a spot by the fire outside, leaving Nara to make an annoyed face in the darkness of the tent for a moment. She simply resolved herself to trying a little more, to find where the warmth she felt for the Nord had gone when they first met. But she took to her own bedroll with exhaustion prevailing over her hectic thoughts and wrapped herself up in her fur cloak, falling asleep for the few final hours of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof short chapter, starting to lose my mojo again with this but hopefully it'll come back at some point


	40. New Introductions and Really Good Cake

After a long journey from Markarth to Solitude, they settled on visiting Auryen in the morning after they had rested for the night. Time was still a funny thing to Nara, but in that moment, she didn’t care about treasure hunting or dragons or how the world made little sense to her and bolted for the Dough Re Mi with the Bell Hammer still strapped to her back beside her quarterstaff.

The door was still unlocked and the bell signalled her arrival as she stumbled to a stop inside, immediately met with the smells of cakes and pastries filling her nose and the gentle warmth of the bakery, giving it a very homely atmosphere. “Runa?!”

“Just a minute!” Came the muffled reply and a moment later, the door behind Nara opened again, the bell ringing out in the quiet with a few quiet  _ dings! _

“Give us a bit more warning next time, hey Nara?” Kaidan asked with a small sigh, patting her on the back when he reached her side whilst Lucien squeezed past to step into the tiny building… that was nautical themed? 

Overall, it was an odd combination for a bakery. A ship’s wheel hung on the right wall over a collection of items held in a display case, ranging from a brass, handheld telescope to a variety of coins and beautiful trinkets made in a kaleidoscope of styles that no doubt came from so many different cultures across Tamriel. The main counter was specifically rustic and curved, giving it the air that it was taken directly from a ship’s hull and placed beside a glass counter that showed what was left of sweet treats on display. Riggings, ropes and sails were carefully hung across the ceiling, the sail canvas painted in places with patterns of starfish and shells.

And in the center wall, directly behind the counter and mounted above the door further into the bakery was a cutlass. It’s ebony blade was well kept and polished, the general wear and tear of scratches and scuff marks made less obvious with the strange, green ink like sheen across the metal. The handguard was made from wrapped, curled vines of gold and silver that almost seemed to  _ move  _ in the flickering candlelight.

The door beneath the cutlass opened and out stepped a tall Nord woman who gave a small smile at the sight of Nara standing on the other side of her counter. But that smile quickly disappeared at the sight of two of her three companions. Her vibrant green eyes narrowed just a touch as she scanned them both up and down, her cold gaze warming back up with a smirk.

“These two are your friends then, Kiddo?” Runa asked as she pushed open the sliding door to the glass counter. Nara followed her and pointed at what she wanted without touching the glass for a moment before turning to face Kaidan with a bright smile, beginning to introduce them.

“Yep! This is Kaidan! He’s really brave and really nice and really very sweet and wears really fancy armour.” Runa was quick to snort as she set aside the piece of chocolate cake, her eyes taking in every detail of his steel plate and then his face before chuckling a little more.

“Not wrong there. And this one?” She asked, gesturing with her cake knife towards Lucien who was particularly perplexed about the red haired Nord on the other side of the counter. She had a very strange presence, her eyes were just a little too…  _ off.  _ The scars on her hands and across her left eye and cheek were a little too deep and almost _ fresh looking _ yet were incredibly well healed. It felt as if she was permanently studying both men, and Nara simply didn’t notice.

“This!” Nara began, suddenly taking Lucien’s hand and bringing him forward a step, still smiling so brightly at her new friend who added a slice of marble cake to the box. “Is Lucien! He’s very smart and very kind and I’m teaching him to be a better fighter and he’s doing really well and I’m very proud of him! Oh! Which is something I was actually wanting to ask you about!”

Runa raised an eyebrow, her smirk having grown into a grin at the sight of the blush that had appeared on Lucien’s face from all the compliments that Nara so easily gave. She set down her cake knife and stepped away from the glass, folding her arms on top of the wooden counter and lowering herself to meet the much shorter woman’s gaze head on. “Ask away, Kiddo.”

“Well, I’m only sort of ‘all right’ with a sword and I’ve already taught Lucien everything I know. But you said you used to be the proper swashbuckler type when you were a captain so I was just wondering if you could maybe help out?” Nara asked, her voice filled with a mix of reserved hope and trepidation. Runa simply folded her hands together under her chin, giving her a thoughtful look but not saying anything, so the Breton continued. “We’re staying here for probably about a week, and we’ll be getting paid in the morning by the curator at the Museum for the work we did for him so paying you won’t be an issue if that’s what you need in return.”

A long pause stretched out at the red haired woman mulled over the idea. She spared a brief glance towards the window to her right, looking out onto the market square and seeing how far the sun had set out of sight before humming low in her throat.

“Tomorrow, at noon, at the Solitude Lighthouse. If you don’t show up on time then I’m not giving you training. I don’t like having my time wasted.”

“That sounds great! We’ll see you then, yeah?” It wasn’t a question directed at the Baker, but rather at Lucien. He stood silent for just a single second, slightly confused and baffled as to how Nara had talked a woman - that he and Kaidan had just met - into  _ training him. _

“I don’t see why not, like you said we’re staying the whole week, might as well catch up on training when we’ve been so busy travelling.”

“Brilliant! Oh! Runa, can I also try those lemon cake things there?”

The Baker gave a soft chuckle, her smile finally softening into something sweeter as she nodded, even briefly reaching over the counter and ruffling Nara’s hair. “‘Course you can, Kiddo.”

* * *

With an early start to the day, they all made their way up to the Dragonborn Museum to drop off the artefacts they had gathered. In return, they were paid a hefty sum of gold and offered a partnership that Auryen was more than willing to explain as he escorted them around the Museum. All the while Nara could hardly pay attention, too busy letting her gaze wander and scan over every empty pedestal or displaying hook as they passed by. It was all rather bare, though she wasn’t surprised, just more curious as to whether or not she’d be of any use finding anything to add to the Museum’s collection.

“So is there anything else you think we could pick up for you on our travels, Auryen?” Nara asked once they reached the end of the tour, easily grabbing the tall Altmer’s attention with her question. He was just as quick to give a polite smile and an answer.

“Oh yes actually, I’ve been in touch with Morthal’s resident wizard, Falion, about a particular artefact in his possession, a Daedric Sanctuary Amulet. Of course, the details about the payment for such an item have already been discussed in great detail, I just need someone I can rely on to collect it and safely return it to the Museum.” Nara nodded, looking only just a touch crestfallen as she scratched the back of her head.

“I actually meant more along the lines of cake or tea or something, I don’t know. Anyway! I think that’s everything, right?” She was quick to spare a glance at her group, a faint slither of desperation in her eyes that quickly turned to relief when they settled on not needing anything else. “Right okay! We’ll see you when we next see you, Auryen!”

Muttering under her breath about ‘needing to get out of there before she died of embarrassment’, Nara shoved Lucien and Kaidan out of the door whilst Lydia smirked and followed along. They stepped out of the Dragonborn Museum and down the stairs, through the gate and out onto the street into the early morning sunshine.

“Got a thing for blonds, haven’t you, Nara?” Kaidan was quick to tease, smirking at the short woman’s flushed cheeks and how she flustered for a moment. Unable to think of a decent response to snap at him with, Nara settled with a direct jab at his tricep since it wasn’t guarded by his pauldron. Even though he hardly expected the strike, he barely winced and grumbled, rubbing the spot through his clothes before it could bruise.

“Don’t be an ass, Kaidan, or I’ll be sure to start talking about how pretty Nerussa is  _ again.” _ Nara snapped, pouting angrily up at her tallest friend who settled on weakly glaring back at her.

“Don’t see why you would—”

“I saw you staring at her arse when we met her last week, Kaidan! She might have had her hood up but even I know she has hips for days—” Lucien was quick to clear his throat, cheeks coloured with an embarrassed blush as he gave Nara an almost disappointed look, though the effect was ruined with the rosy hue on his face. She glanced around, suddenly realising where they were, out in the middle of the street, not too far from the Blue Palace and directly outside the Bards College. “Sorry, Lucien, heat of the moment.”

“I know but just remember where you are when you’re talking, sometimes it’s best to not speak about those things out loud. Though I’m very sure that you actually haven’t told me about this ‘Nerussa’, yet.”

“Oh! Right, met her last week when we were in Riften, just after we spoke to Galathil. She’s really nice and lovely and very tall and very pretty- Nerussa, not Galathil - and we had a small chat before we parted ways and  _ he,” _ Nara rambled away before giving a pointed look to Kaidan as they walked along, “was staring for most of it.”

“Aye I was because you never know what a person in a hood will suddenly do, especially in a place like the Ragged Flagon.” Nara couldn’t help but snort at that, opening her mouth to say something only to think better of it and chortle quietly to herself.

“Uh-huh,  _ sure.” _ Was all she said before pulling her cloak around her shoulders a little tighter to shield herself against the sharp autumn breeze. “Anyway, before Lucien turns as red as a tomato we’d best get a move on! We’ve got a training date with Runa!”

“Fair point, wouldn’t want to keep a woman like her waiting, but why did you ask  _ her  _ for training?” Kaidan asked, matching her pace and staying by her left side whilst Lucien instinctively took to her right. She gave a thoughtful look for a moment, ignored how Lydia tutted behind her, and finally replied.

“Because... I like her?” 

“Aye, we’ve noticed that. But why?” Nara let out a heavy sigh, rubbing her eyes as they finally reached the Solitude Gates and stepped outside the city walls.

“I don’t know? I just, you know how I can be with people, sometimes it takes a lot for me to get to like them, if I don’t immediately click with them?” She stopped herself for a moment, her thoughts straying as she wondered if she had been wrong about Lydia when they first met. It was an odd thing, for the Nord walking behind them felt so much…  _ steelier,  _ than before. “And Runa definitely may seem a bit cold and sharp but from what I’ve learnt about her from speaking to her the last time we were in Solitude? And yesterday? I think she’s lovely, that she’d be a really good friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a Runa, she's an Dragonborn that I've had stored away for a long time, always wanted to write something about her but could never think of what. But now I have a reason to! And here she is!! Hecking weird things abound with her about.


	41. Learn...

Waves crashed against the shore, salt water mist hanging in the air just long enough to let the sunlight strike it at the perfect angle, casting a faint rainbow for a few seconds before fading and repeating when the waves crashed again. Endless ocean, dark and roiling on a clear autumn day, cold and foreboding with the icebergs and slabs of ice floating on the deep and yet somehow it was still so calm and tranquil even in its sheer, unflinching hostility. The Dragonborn sat there on the end of a long, jutted out spire of rock beside the Solitude Lighthouse, her legs swinging back and forth idly as she watched with devoted, undivided attention and let her boots get wet in the splashes of salt water.

They still had at least an hour or so to while away. So, with her journal in her lap, she drew everything she could see, even noting down the distant castle to the east which was held aloft atop a broken column of stone. Yet when she glanced over her shoulder when she was finished, she saw no red haired Nord in sight, the sun still hadn’t reached its peak in the sky. She hummed softly and carefully stood up, stretching her arms behind her head before sparing the distant horizon a final, curious glance and made her way back down to her friends.

“Any sign of Runa yet?” Nara asked, carefully placing her book back into her bag and casting a look around their surroundings outside the Lighthouse. All she could hear was the ocean and the distant creaking of the ship docked nearby. Nothing had changed, no one had come down the path.

“No, not yet…” Kaidan muttered in reply, leaning against the Lighthouse wall with his arms folded over his chest. He took a deep breath for a moment, his patience beginning to wear a little thinner. “Don’t see why you couldn’t have just asked Lydia to train Lucien, you know.”

“I did. She doesn’t want to.” She carefully shot a worried look at the dark haired Nord sitting not too far away on a boulder. She took a moment and finally decided, keeping her voice low as she continued speaking to Kaidan. “And from what we’ve both heard, Lucien and Lydia don’t get along. She doesn’t want to try and get to know him for some reason or try to ‘tolerate his presence’ or whatever. And it’s hardly my place to meddle, especially when nothing has happened like when you and Lucien were bickering… but that’s the thing though, I’m starting to get worried that something  _ might _ happen to get them arguing and if that happens… Well, it sounds Gods awful of me to say this but I think Lydia might just have to stay in Whiterun before anything  _ does _ happen.”

Kaidan shifted his weight from foot to foot, reading his friend’s expression for a moment and thinking on her words for a moment. “You were hoping Lydia would be another friend, weren’t you? That she’d be able to take the spot that Inigo filled?”

“What?” The question had caught her completely off guard, so entirely unprompted and out of nowhere that she was left reeling and staring at him like he had just shot her in the heart with one of his steel arrows.

“I know you miss him, me and Lucien miss him too even though we didn’t know him for very long. But remember what you promised him, that you’d be good to yourself and you’d stick to your rules and make more.” He took a step forward and placed a hand on her shoulder, gently squeezing as he gave her a soft but surprisingly firm look. “Trying to rush and find ways to fill the hole someone left behind isn’t healthy, and trying to force yourself and someone else into that is just as bad. I know that all too well, and I don’t want to see you trying to take similar steps as to what I took.”

Nara was curious to ask as to what he meant, how he knew what it was like. But she thought and mulled over his words, angrily rubbing at her eyes when they started to sting with fresh tears and forced herself to breathe… and nod.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, don’t apologise, pet. You’ve done nothing wrong, you’re still learning.” And there was that name again, soft and gentle but not at all uncomfortable. It helped her focus on the present, that she was there and not lost in her mind—

“Well, you lot are here fucking early.” The sudden, sharp voice cut across the silence, leaving them to look up and see that Runa had finally arrived as they had agreed to.

With a pair of twin, steel cutlasses on her belt and a strong leather coat on her back, the Nord swept her gaze across them all as she tied her long red hair back into a ponytail. She tilted her head to the side as Nara rushed forward to meet her, but the small Breton didn’t get the chance to say hello. “Thought you had a Khajiit in your group? Inigo, you said his name was.”

“We… we did. He wanted to move on, to find his friend that he hurt.” Runa’s sharp gaze softened just a touch, but her voice remained the same, cold and hard.

“As long as you parted on good terms, then that’s all that matters. Now, are you ready to watch me kick the shit out of your friend?” The Baker asked loud enough for all to hear, a knowing look in her eyes as she stared down at Nara who glared back up at her with a flare of anger flooding her voice. Nara was also sure to jab her fingers into the taller woman’s sternum as if to drive home her point harder.

“If you intentionally hurt Lucien, I’ll be making sure that  _ you’re _ the one that’ll have their shit kicked out of them.” Runa simply chuckled, her lips pulling into a crooked grin as she fussed and ruffled Nara’s hair, almost like she was a cat. 

“Ah, there’s that fire, almost mistook you for a wet blanket for a moment there, Kiddo. Let’s get to it then, aye?” Without another word, Runa stepped away and shrugged off her coat to reveal the older white shirt she was wearing beneath it with its rolled up sleeves. All across her forearms and the backs of her hands was the scene of a tentacled behemoth dragging a bow ship into the depths, inked into her skin with weathered green and black ink with the trace of faded bright colour for the ship.

Nara immediately let her eyes widen at the sight, a simple expression proving to her companions that she  hadn't seen the art on the Nord's skin until that very moment . She quickly rushed back to Kaidan’s side and sat by his feet whilst he kept his back to the Lighthouse wall, pulling out her journal once again and doodling across the pages.

“Right, come on then, Flavius.” Runa said with a beckoning wave, taking a good spot on the wide and sandy path as she drew a cutlass from her belt with a flourish and relaxed twirl at her side.

Lucien took a deep breath and stood up, putting away his notebook and sparing a glance at Kaidan, finding that the taller man was watching them both with intense focus which wasn’t  _ at all _ off putting. Then he looked to Nara, seeing that she was sat with her legs crossed and hunched over drawing away, but she clearly felt his gaze on her for she looked up and gave a thumbs up and a comforting smile. It gave a little reassurance, 

“All right then, shall we begin then? Of course, at your discretion, Runa.”

“Can’t get properly started until you show me what you can do, so fight me, I’ll go  _ real  _ easy on you.”

“Oh… Divines…”

* * *

Six full days of training the milk drinker. Gods, Runa could hardly believe that he hadn’t given up yet. He was tenacious, she’d give him that, either that or he was just worried he was wasting her time, sometimes even she couldn’t tell. But in between waking up, keeping her head on straight after a night of drinking and getting ready to train an Imperial how to sword fight... she still had a bakery to run.

With a low groan, she rubbed the back of her neck and kept wandering her way down to the docks. She gave a few nods in her hungover state to the few faces she could make out in her groggy state and found Vici at her stall, ignoring the group of five black leather clad people standing on the docks muttering away to themselves.

“Mornin’ Vittoria…” Runa mumbled, slouching against the stone counter with her head in her hand. The black haired Imperial gave her a funny look, as usual, but kept up the light conversation. Always thinking she was sweet on her, that Runa was just another listless Nord with an eye on an engaged woman, gods if only she really knew why she stared so much at everyone.

“Good morning,  _ Earlhart.” _ Vittoria snapped back, always testy in the early morning, always incredibly annoyed when she had to deal with a hungover customer. The Baker simply groaned wordlessly and hid her head in her arms.

“Oh har-har, poking at old wounds as always, why don’t you just poke my eyes out whilst you’re at it? Save me the bloody trouble of having to look at your sour face when I come down here.” She growled back, finally standing up straight and running a hand down her face, wiping away the final few traces of sleep before taking a deep breath of the ocean air. It filled her lungs, gave her the sudden burst of longing and nostalgia for her past, one that she could never return to. “Is my usual package here or not then? Or do I need to wait another bloody week? I’ve got three orders for the Blue Palace that need doing today and I really don’t want to have to explain to the Jarl why there aren’t any Summerset cakes in her pantry because you’re holding a petty grudge.” 

With that, Vittoria quickly huffed and turned away, looking in the back of her enclosed stall amongst the boxes and crates for the correct package. She might have been the Emperor’s first cousin but even she knew she had her own portion of the business to run, and despite Solitude’s allegiance to the Empire, unhappy customers were unhappy customers all the same.

Runa let out a heavy sigh as she shifted how she stood. Her back to the wall, her arms crossed, her eyes scanning the usual faces before finally settling on the group of five, the tallest of which had immediately taken an interest with her.

“Earlhart? As in Captain of the Odyssey?”  _ Oh that was not good. _ She narrowed her gaze, ignoring the itch beneath her skin and behind her eyes as she looked her kinsman up and down. Blonde short hair, wickedly sharp eyes… broken nose. She  _ reeked  _ of bad news. Runa didn’t say anything, just met her gaze head on and held it until the woman before her looked away first. Gods, she really didn’t care, she had no capacity to feel uncomfortable? “You did a few runs for the Edicius family a few years ago? I remember seeing your name in the ledger. Did a good run of smuggling and finding after that too, if the rumours are to be believed. Have a good job for you, if you’re up for it?”

With a hand held out to her side, the blonde Nord was immediately given an incredibly large coin purse absolutely stuffed to the brim with gold. Runa didn’t even look at it, just held her gaze and remained silent. The itching in her skin grew worse by the second, the familiar taste of salt and metal beginning to pool on the back of her tongue as her temper began to run rampant behind her steely facade.

“We’re looking for a Breton called Amarela, white hair, dark eyes, a scar on her lips, has a blue tattoo on her right arm. She’s about this tall.” The estimated gesture the blonde woman gave only made Runa clench her jaw even tighter, the description matching all too perfectly to the Kid. “She’s travelling with a blond Imperial milk drinker and a brick shithouse of a man with red markings on his face. And this gold would only be the first of as many payments as you’d ever want or need, believe me, money would be  _ no issue _ if you helped us find our little Ela.”

The hand with the coin purse was lifted, outstretched towards her in offering. A hand that was partly inked a cold blue. So, she took an extra moment to look over each and every one of them.

Twin Bretons. One male, one female. Black hair, fair skin and blue eyes, sharp features. Unnerving at a glance but they couldn’t have been any older than twenty with how fresh faced they looked. The brother of which had a large greatsword on his back whereas the others, except for one, didn’t noticeably carry any weapons that Runa could see. An Imperial man stood beside them both with dull brown hair and even duller brown eyes, tired and scruffy. He definitely had no interest in being there at all.

Beside the Nord of the group stood a short hooded figure with a bow on their back and a quiver strapped to their belt filled with Glass arrows. A wiry built person with calloused, faintly copper toned hands—  **_Bosmer…_ **

She quickly shook away the intrusion in her mind but thanked it nonetheless, letting herself mull over it all as the claws beneath her skin began to writhe even more, the itch behind her eye began to turn to burning—  **_Learn…_ ** Runa pushed off the wall, standing up straight and unfolding her arms, letting her hands clenched into fists by her side before she took a step close. Then another step, closing the gap so the outstretched hand was right in front of her. With a quick motion, she slapped the hand aside before reeling back and slamming her fist into the Nord’s face.

“I don’t go by that name and I definitely don’t  _ ‘find’  _ people anymore, and if any of you fucking think about trying anything right here, right now?” Runa snarled at the group as their leader leant against the wooden railing across the dock, nursing her bruised lip with so much hate in her eyes that quickly turned to horror when she looked at her assailant in the face. “There won’t be a single piece of you left to send to your Master, because  _ mine  _ will have consumed every last part of your very existence.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Runa is very hecking scary tbh but I love her.  
> Thank you to Gnewna for help with proof reading!!


	42. Fiercely Loyal

Five full days into the week and they had finally found their routine of meeting Runa for Lucien’s training. Wandering from wherever they would be, be it the Winking Skeever or after a quick jaunt up to the Museum just to check in on Auryen and his work, they’d set off and catch the ex-sailor at the Storm Gate where she had settled into the pattern of waiting for them.

Yet the sixth day started much differently, the red haired Nord had no weapons on her as she stood right outside the tavern door with her arms folded and her back to the wall. She visibly relaxed at the sight of the four adventurers stepping outside, all of them surprised to see her there sporting a bloodied lip and nose. She let out a long sigh as she stood up straight, suddenly wrapping her arm around Nara’s shoulders in a sudden display of affection that none of them would have ever expected from the woman.

Nara simply widened her eyes, thinking for just a moment before winding her arms around the taller woman’s waist, squeezing her tight with a big grin on her round face. She even took a moment to lift her clear off the floor before quickly setting her back down. “Hi Runa!”

“Hi Kiddo, don’t mind this,” Runa said as she pulled back, carefully wiping her bloody nose on the back of her hand, sniffing and making a face before spitting onto the street, “ran into some unsavoury types down at the docks. Anyway, I was just thinking that maybe we just take a break from training today, keep you lot company if you’ll have me.”

“Sure? I don’t see why not? Hey! That means we can go visit the Bards College today!” Nara was quick to lead the way, smiling brightly despite the change of plans and wandering up the street with her friends following closely behind. She didn’t notice how Kaidan had pulled Runa to the back of their group, face dark and shoulders tensed as he held her shoulder and glared at her.

“What’re you up—”

“Some bastard was asking about Nara.” Kaidan blinked, caught off guard with the hissed out answer to the question he didn’t get to finish. Runa glanced away from him at a moment, eyes narrowing and jaw clenching as she focused on Nara and Lucien. The pair were walking on ahead, chatting about what they thought they’d find in the Bards College that they grew ever closer to. She vaguely gestured towards her face before pointing at Nara.  _ “This _ was because someone was asking about  _ her _ but with a different name, ‘Amarela’ or ‘Ela’, they said.”

Kaidan felt his stomach drop to the floor, his face setting into a stony expression as he cast his gaze on their surroundings for anything out of the ordinary. He was quickly met with nothing. No changes, no shadowy figures lurking on the sides or archers on the rooftops. Just another day in Solitude. Despite the name,  _ the full name _ and not just the nickname, he couldn’t shake away the lingering distrust in the back of his head as he looked to the Baker. 

“Who asked?”

“Blonde woman, Nord like me, blue eyes, black leather armour, blue tattoo on her right hand. She was with three others. Twins, both of them Bretons with black hair and blue eyes. A right scruffy Imperial man, brown hair, brown eyes. And a Bosmer who I couldn’t get a good enough look at because of their stupid hood.” She replied, listing them off one by one and not even sparing him a second to reply as she grabbed his arm in a fiercely tight grip and pulled him to a stop for a moment. “Look, I know you don’t like me and I really don’t blame you for that because I fucking hate myself too but I can’t let a single thing happen to the Kid or I’d never be able to forgive myself. I don’t expect you to trust me, but  _ please  _ just trust Nara about me.”

“Is everything okay back there?” Nara’s voice pierced the brief bout of silence and Runa quickly looked away from  _ glaring _ into Kaidan’s soul through his eyes before she joined the younger woman’s side.

“Yeah everything’s fine, just a quick chat was all it was. But you’re looking to become a bard, right? Could help you with that myself if you want. Pretty decent with a lute myself.” With a piece of bait laid out, Nara was quickly distracted with the Nord’s arm around her shoulders and a warm smile. A blush crossed Nara’s cheeks but she smiled back either way, letting herself ramble away as they walked towards the Bards College. As soon as Lucien and Nara had stepped inside with Lydia never leaving the young Thane’s side, Runa turned back to Kaidan with all the warmth in her eyes completely gone. “We need to figure something out—”

“Why do you care so much about Nara?” He cut over her, keeping a wary eye on their surroundings and hoping to the Nine Divines that no one was trying to find another way into the College.

“Have you even met the girl?! She’s practically a ball of sunshine! But she’s so fucking naive! She might be strong and she might have you and Lucien to look after her but she’s- if she—” He swore he saw her left eye change for a moment, but she just looked away, rubbing her forehead and hiding her eyes in the shadow of her hand as she focused on her anger for a moment. With her anger calmed, Runa continued. “Look, I deal with the same people every day in this stupid city, it wears me down and you could easily say that I’ve latched onto Nara because she’s just a new person but it’s not  _ just  _ that. She’s bubbly and fiercely loyal. She’s the kind of person I’d love to have as a first mate on a ship but also the kind of person I’d dread to really piss off.”

A tired sigh left Kaidan as he thought for a little bit longer on her words. She had a point, he’d also fallen into Nara’s strange trap, but he actually  _ knew  _ the young Breton. He rubbed his eyes, trying to think of something else other than the dread that something was going on inside the College or that someone else other than Runa was watching him.

The door behind her suddenly opened and Runa was quick to plaster a fake smile onto her face but with a shift of the light, it looked completely real as she turned to face the trio that stepped back outside. Nara bounced down the stairs, dragging Lucien along who seemed particularly confused about something which they continued chatting about.

“I really don’t get it but like, we’ll probably get paid for it, right?” Nara asked, getting a small shrug from Lucien who looked as bewildered as she sounded.

“I have absolutely no idea, though I suppose being able to see another Nordic ruin would be a reward in itself, especially for my research. But doesn’t this raise the question as to whether all bards are hardened graverobbers?”

“Oh Gods, I really don’t want to know? Wait does that make  _ us _ graverobbers if we go and get this poem? Should I start worrying about the moral aspects of wandering through ruins and disturbing the dead just to find some lost book? Or should I just stop before I give myself a headache?” Nara rambled off all of her questions without a pause for breath, looking to Lucien as if he held the answers whereas he could only look at her like she had grown a second head as she caught her breath. “On second thoughts, I’ll just stop before I give myself a headache. Come on! We should see if Auryen has finally gotten those uniforms tailored for us!”

“Uniforms?” Runa piped up, easily keeping pace with the pair and Nara was all too ready and excited to reply.

“Yep! Auryen had some spare armour that has the Museum’s emblem on the pauldrons so when we’re picking up extra things for him it’s like a badge of “Oh hey we’re the real deal!”. That and it looks really good too!”

“Huh, I guess you’ll have to show it off then, won’t you?” Runa asked with a grin, resting her arm on Nara’s shoulders to which she visibly blushed again. But the small woman kept smiling and talking through it as she led the way just up the road, rambling away to the ex-sailor about anything and everything that had happened since they last saw one another.


	43. Polycoria

The day passed by slowly, too slowly for Kaidan’s tastes as he followed along and kept quiet, brooding over all he had been told. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going to break out, that someone was going to end up hurt. But he kept it to himself for the moment, waiting for the best moment to drag Runa into telling Nara everything that had happened. He knew it would ruin the Dragonborn’s day, but it needed to be done.

They had long since visited the Curator at the Museum, picked up the new, matching sets of armour for Lucien and Nara which they had been quick to take turns getting changed in the empty Staff Barracks. They also took a quick walk up to the Blue Palace and listened to the Jarl’s Court as they addressed an issue that had arisen at Dragon Bridge, something that Lucien and Nara were all too curious to ask the Jarl’s Steward about before speaking to the Court Wizard. With an extra location marked on their maps and two spell tomes bought each, they chattered away as they made their way back to their waiting friends in the courtyard outside the Palace.

“I have to say, Kiddo, that armour really does suit you.” Runa said with a soft smile, sparing the briefest glance to Lucien who was putting away the final spell tome in his bag. She caught the way he looked at his short friend, the little smile that appeared on his face when Nara gave a small twirl in her strong, brown leather jacket with its steel pauldrons and belts. Runa really wasn’t surprised, but what did surprise her was the confusion and large bout of worry that crossed Lucien’s face when he found her staring right at him. Though just a little bit of thought and it was enough to recognise from all the hours she had spent training him, and it finally clicked in her head. “And I guess you look okay in it too, Flavius.”

“Runa! Don’t be mean!” Nara was quick to scold though her voice was much lighter than the words, giving it a playful air about it before she turned to her Imperial friend with a bright smile. “I think you look very handsome in it, Lucien.”

A soft blush coloured his cheeks and accompanied his smile as he finished carefully rearranging his books and shouldered his knapsack. “Why thank you, Nara! I do think so myself… although we are matching.”

“Lucien, the fact that we’re matching is the best part! I mean, it’s like we actually know what we’re doing with this adventuring thing!” Nara happily explained, grinning all the while as she began to lead the way from the Blue Palace. She didn’t get too far, for Kaidan had quickly and carefully taken hold of her arm.

“Nara, give us a minute, yeah? Runa’s got something to tell you.” He said coldly, sparing the Baker a sharp look which made her smile vanish. The Breton glanced back and forth between them both, her bright and happy bubble being popped and replaced so quickly for reality and revelation.

Runa stepped forward, explaining everything that had happened to her that morning. How she had found the group of five uniformly dressed people on the docks and her encounter, all the blonde woman had said, how Runa had let her temper get the better of her to start a fight that didn’t last for long before the guards were called to drag them all - Runa included - up to Castle Dour.

“But trust me, Kid, we won’t let a single thing happen to you, I swear to you on that. You’ve got yourself a good group here, and whilst I’m not a part of it, there isn’t anything or anyone that’s gonna be able to get to you whilst we’re all here.” Runa said firmly, squeezing Nara’s right shoulder to which she flinched and pulled away. She rubbed her scar through the leather of her jacket and kept her head down, shrinking in on herself and suddenly looking much,  _ much _ smaller.

“I don’t want to be outside anymore.” Was all Nara could whisper, quickly looking to Kaidan who nodded and carefully wrapped an arm around her shoulders, letting her tuck and hide against his armoured side.

“Right, come on pet. Let’s get you back to the tavern.” With a nod to a quietly fuming Lydia, Kaidan began to lead the way with the Housecarl flanking Nara’s left side whilst Runa took a moment to breathe before following quietly behind with Lucien. And he couldn’t just settle with the silence hanging between them both, much to her dismay.

“I wouldn’t take it to heart, her flinching away like that… she has an old wound on her shoulder. It tends to pain her, from time to time.” Lucien said softly, keeping pace with the taller woman who grumbled under her breath.

“I shouldn’t have fucking told her—”

“And what? Have her be terrified and confused when they get out of Castle Dour’s dungeons?” Lucien asked, his voice just a touch sharper as they walked along and when she shot him a glare. He was quick to look ahead and take an extra step to the side out of the small fear of possibly being hit by the ill-tempered Nord. “What I mean to say, is that leaving her in the dark about it wouldn’t have done any of us any favours. Nara doesn’t react particularly well to sudden surprises, especially not with this type of…  _ gravity,  _ to them. But now not only do  _ we  _ have a way to prepare but so does she. I’m sure we can make a plan to keep everyone safe if anything does happen.”

Runa didn’t reply for the longest time, staring straight ahead with a stony-faced look as she scratched the palm of her hand, right across an inked tentacle. For a moment, Lucien almost swore that he saw the ink  _ move _ under her skin, that the painted appendages of the monster on her skin were writhing and lashing out at their surroundings. But she finally broke the silence just as they passed the cemetery.

“Should’ve just fucking killed those lot.” She muttered under her breath, the sudden mumble simply made Lucien gawk at her for a moment.

“And end up rotting in the dungeon for the rest of your days or being killed by them in the fight? Just to keep Nara safe and take away what could be one of the only chances for her to learn who she is?” Runa froze, stopping just under the bridge that led to the Emperor’s Tower of Castle Dour. She turned to face him, her face completely blank of all emotion for a moment as her eyes searched every little part of his own expression to the point of being incredibly unnerving, even more so when her left eye began to...  _ change _ . “Runa—?”

“Of course she doesn’t have any bloody memories. Enchanted tattoo, waking up in the middle of a prison not too far away from Kaidan, her face isn’t her own, and her soul is…  _ weird _ …” Lucien blinked, staring at her with a mix of fear, confusion and morbid curiosity only for her to blink and her left eye returned to normal. Not a trace of swampy green sclera, vividly glowing yellow iris or polycoria pupils in sight. He had to take a deep breath, utterly confused and filled with such sudden, primal fear that he had to take a moment to which Runa said nothing. She simply waited, and  _ stared. _

“How do you know all that? Nara knows to not just tell anyone anything, and we all heard her earlier on the way up to the Museum, she only told you about what we’ve been up to in our travels since we were last here in Solitude.”

“I have my ways.” Was all Runa replied with, looking back towards the market as they stood in the shade of the bridge, suddenly shuddering like a frigidly cold breeze had swept over her when the air was surprisingly still in the autumn weather. “Come on, need your help to grab a load of things from the bakery, need to make it up to the Kid somehow, might as well kill a flock of birds with one stone whilst we’re at it.”

With that, Runa continued walking, leading the way to her bakery whilst the door to the Winking Skeever closed shut behind Lydia up ahead. Lucien was simply left reeling, unsure what to think or assume or hypothesize as he followed the Nord into the Dough Re Mi and behind the counter, finding only a simple bed and a desk absolutely  _ covered _ in books, parchment, inkwells and quills. There was a mad, disorganised chaos and order to it all, and in a way reminded him of his own desk back home in the Imperial City after a late night of studying.

He watched her change her coat for a different one. Weathered dark brown leather emblazoned with a faded gold and silver sea serpent coiled around a ship on the back. She rummaged through her papers, throwing aside her business ledger without a care in the world and letting it slam against the wall behind her. She searched and searched before finally finding a black eyepatch that she was quick to put on to cover her left eye, finally at peace with  _ something _ as she grabbed a wicker basket and stormed back into her bakery.

* * *

She kept her back to the bed and her arms wrapped around her legs, her face pressed into her knees as she mulled over everything Runa had told them. A Bosmer, two Bretons, an Imperial and a Nord… it almost sounded like the start of a really bad joke. But Nara couldn’t think of any, let alone laugh at whatever silliness her brain would come up with as she sat on the floor, wallowing in her confusion.

A small knock on the door echoed out, catching her attention for a moment and she shifted her weight a little and watched for a moment. No one opened the door, no one stepped inside.

“Who is it?” She called out, watching the door open just the  _ tiniest _ bit and listening to the answer as it floated through the slither of a gap.

“It’s Lucien, can I come in?” She nearly nodded only to remember that he couldn’t see her. So she took a deep breath only to sniffle, surprising herself with the fact that she had been crying all that time without even realising.

“Yeah, come in.”

“All right, just... one second.” So she waited, hearing the muffled voices outside as she watched the door.

Lydia suddenly opened the door a moment later, her face holding only thunder as she let the shorter Imperial into the room as he carried two tankards and a basket on his arm. It was a curious sight. The door finally closed behind him just as he spotted her within the room, giving her a soft - if slightly sad - smile before making his way over to her.

“Runa briefly stopped by her bakery to pick these up for you, she’s feeling a little… put out, about what happened. An apology for not telling you sooner, I think.” With the tankards carefully set on the small table, he handed the basket filled with cakes and treats to her. She stared at it for just a moment, putting it on the floor by her feet before returning to her ball. Lucien made a small concerned noise at that, thinking for just a second before continuing to speak. Trying to fill the silence in some vain attempt to keep the awkwardness at bay, no doubt. “I also brought you some milk to drink with your cakes, if you do decide to eat something, that is.”

“Thanks.” Nara mumbled, sniffing and wiping her eyes on the back of her sleeve. She had completely forgotten about the soft leather she was wearing. Her new armour, treated and tailor to her. She was quick to let her frustration get the better of her, even more so when a brief feeling of claustrophobia clutched her tight, leaving her to feel trapped within the jacket and tunic beneath. With her armour tossed across the room and the steel pauldrons clattering against the wall, she quickly ripped off the sleeves of her tunic, feeling the tears well up in her eyes as she tossed the fabric aside and buried her head back into her knees. She’d completely forgotten that Lucien was still there.

“Oh Nara… can I sit with you? I’d hate to leave you by yourself right now.”

“Sure… kinda scared that I’m gonna do something stupid if someone doesn’t supervise me.” Nara replied with a broken, sobbed out laugh, trying to lighten her mood only to fail miserably in her attempt. She didn’t see his reaction, didn’t care to, because deep down she was certain it would break her heart to the point of it being irreparable.

“Any idea on what you would do, if I wasn’t here to keep an eye on you?”

She shrugged, drying her eyes again only to find the tears impossible to stop, her shoulders unable to cease shuddering with each shaky breath she took. She was a  _ wreck. _ “I dunno- currently my head’s set on legging it to High Rock, sneaking over the border or getting the first ship there. But I don’t want to go, Lucien, but I’m just  _ so scared...” _

“I can imagine, and I’m scared too, but I know we’ll get through it. You demanded that we hunt down  _ a dragon _ just because it was too close to Gilfre’s home—”

“But that’s not it though! I’m scared of  _ what I was,  _ Lucien, not of them- not of those people trying to find me, not because I’m instinctively terrified and absolutely filled with hate for that woman who I punched back in Riften—” She struggled for a moment as she looked at him, losing the words and clawing her hands through her hair as panic began to set in, her red cloth ribbon falling to the floor as she dug her nails into her scalp. “What if I wasn’t  _ good _ , Lucien? What if I did something really, really bad? What if I’m not good- what if I’ve done something so bad that I’m irredeemable and I can’t atone for something I can’t remember?”

Lucien paused for a moment, stopping to think of the best thing to do, the best thing to say as the fear of her hurting herself began to rise up in his chest. So he shifted himself around to face her and took off his gloves, carefully reaching out to take her hands away from her hair and hold them gently in his own. She luckily hadn’t reached the state of panic to completely lock up, to fight back against anything and anyone with her strength that outmatched his. So he held her hands - not too loose and not too tight - by her shins, letting her have the choice to let go if she wanted to.

“Nara, I’m not going to deny that it’s a possibility. For all we know, something like that could have happened but… deep down, I think it will only matter if you want to learn about who you were before you woke up in that prison. But I can’t make that choice for you, no one can, only you can choose what we do with this.”

“I don’t want to know but I feel like I have to find out.” Nara whispered back, her voice breaking in her throat as she looked up at him through her hair that had come to fall as a veil around her face. Her violet eyes were filled with so much pain and so many yet unshed tears. She swallowed sharply, looking away from him and back at her knees as her shoulders shuddered with a silent sob. “But I’m terrified of what will happen if I do- what you’ll think of me, what Kaidan and Runa and Inigo and just  _ everyone _ would think of me because  _ I don’t want to lose any of you.” _

“You don’t have to figure this out, not at all. Because simply at the end of the day, you’re Nara. Not the person that these people believe you to be, not this ‘Amarela’ character that they’re dead set on finding. It’s your choice to make, and no matter what, we will all respect your decision, whatever that might be.” He squeezed her hands gently, hoping the small gesture would help in some way. He didn’t know what, but the hope was still there. “And I won’t deny that I’m curious about it. You know me well enough by now to know that I’m curious about everything, but seeing this terrify you so much? I don’t care for it at all, and I only ever will if you want me to, and I know the same can be said for Kaidan, but I won’t speak on behalf of Runa, we hardly know the woman and she’s quite honestly  _ rather terrifying.” _

A tiny laugh left her at that, leaving him to smile just a touch as she pulled her hand away to wipe her eyes on the back of her arm. “Mightn’t have known her that long myself, but you don’t know her like I do.”

“No, I suppose not. She does seem to be rather comfortable in your company, that I have noticed. Though it does worry me just a touch that she calls you ‘Kid’.”

“She’s nearly thirty two, Lucien.” He blinked in surprise at that and yet couldn’t quite process the idea, not when Runa looked much younger to the point that he had guessed her to be around Kaidan’s age, or even just a little older than himself. He was quick to push that thought away, a trivial detail that he was lingering on for longer than was necessary.

“Well, that does make a little more sense, but it’s still a little disconcerting to me but as long as you’re comfortable with her, then I won’t say anything else on that matter.” Nara gave a small nod, realising that she was still holding one of his hands as she tried her best to clean herself up. Even though it had been just a small distraction from it all, it had helped more than she ever expected, just a tiny laugh to break through the crushing fear and dread of what was hidden in a past that she couldn’t remember for the life of her.

She took a deeper, steadier breath, staring at a patch of floor in front of her before glancing up to meet her friend’s gaze. He was still carefully watching, dark blue eyes filled with worry but also so much patience and care, and her question brought such a gentle and small smile to his face. “Can I have a hug, Lucien?”

“Of course you can, Nara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I legit drained myself writing this but in a good way though, rather pleased with how it turned out but Oof It Was Tiring To Write with all those Sad Vibes  
> Many thanks as always to Gnewna for help with Proof Reading!!!


	44. Curiosity is...

With shaking hands and a pounding headache, Runa remained vigilant on the last watch outside the rented room Nara was staying in. She kept her back to the wall and a dagger in her hand, just simple steel to twirl idly in her grasp with the occasional slip up when her hands would shake too much as she sat on the balcony. Perched on the balustrade with a foot pressed firmly on the floor and the other resting on the wooden railing in front of her, she watched as dawn broke and the very first few rays of sunlight began to pour in through the small windows. Natural light gave a certain warmth to the tavern in its quiet, empty state, and for a moment she could feel a little at peace...

The door she was sat beside suddenly opened, a small creak of the hinges making her sit up straight and clutch the dagger tighter only to see it was just Nara. Her hair was a mess, her violet eyes were still filled with sleep and her cheeks marred with the tears she had shed. A wave of guilt tumbled over Runa as she settled herself against the wall, watching the young Breton sit in one of the chairs in front of her to start combing her hair.

“Sleep well, Kiddo?” Nara shook her head, struggling to find the words for a moment before finally saying something, her voice weighed down with exhaustion.

“Scared, ‘n weird dream… took a while, got there in the end though… What about you?”

“No, didn’t have owt to drink so rough night. Had weird dreams too an’ all, Kid. Not surprised you go through them though, since you’re carrying a weight that you don’t know you have.” Runa replied, steeling herself for the negative reaction only to watch Nara fidget with the wooden comb in her hands for a moment or two. The younger woman took a deep breath, waking up a lot more as she processed everything the Baker had said and finished combing her hair.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Aye, I’m sorry to say it, but it really is, Kiddo…” With a shift, Runa sheathed her dagger and stepped closer, picking up the spare chair and sitting behind Nara, gently pulling her hair out of her face with just a question. “Want me to braid it for you?”

“Sure… but… is it bad that I just want to deal with these people and  _ not _ learn anything about who I was…?” 

**_Learn…_ ** The redhead froze and stared at the silvery white hair in her hands, willing herself to ignore the sudden flash of roiling  _ need _ that rolled up her spine and dug into the base of her skull. The itching beneath the skin on her arms grew ten times worse and she sucked a slow breath through her teeth as she shook her head clear and blinked her eyes a few times, hoping no change had occurred without her knowing like when she had spoken with Lucien.

“Not at all, Kiddo, but I won’t lie to you, leaving something like this untouched? Does my head in.”

“How come?” Nara asked, completely and utterly innocent in her curiosity, leaving Runa to sigh as she continued carefully braiding her hair for her.

“I’ve always been a curious bastard, always wanted to know anything and everything that piqued my interest. This? The amount of attention you’ve gotten? It’s definitely one of those situations.”

“Oh…” Nara couldn’t think of anything else to say as she crossed her legs, holding onto her shins and staring at her hands as they fidgeted with her new boots. “Would you leave it alone if I asked?”

“I’d do my best, but I wouldn’t be able to make any promises on it, sweetpea.” Runa immediately bit her tongue, feeling the tidal wave of bitter guilt crush everything else she was feeling. For the briefest moment, she swore she felt someone pat her on the back, making the guilt swell up even more as the nostalgia grew almost unbearable.

“I think I understand… but ‘sweetpea’?” With a tilt of her head, Nara looked back at her tall friend to find her staring at the blue tattoo on her arm. Not with intent, but with just a vacant expression.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to let that one slip. Been a long time since I’ve felt this close to someone, you know? Then that might just be me, being a silly piece of shit latching onto the first person being kind to her.” Runa said with a cold chuckle only to jump when Nara lurched around in her seat and lightly shoved her knee. Not enough for it to hurt, but just enough for it to just be a bit of a shock. Yet it was nothing compared to the disappointed glare that was sent her way.

“Please stop that, you might not think you’re good but talking about yourself like that isn’t good, it’s not healthy. Please be healthy, for me?” She wasn’t wrong, but Runa simply let out a long breath and leant forward just a touch.

“Kiddo, it’s not as simple as that.”

“I know but… please try? It hurts to see you being mean to yourself... Sorry, I’ll shut up now.” She turned her attention back onto her boots, toying with the laces whilst Runa kept quiet and finished the last of the braid before carefully wrapping and tying it up with the red ribbon. The silence dragged on for what felt like hours, they could hear the city beyond the tavern walls begin to come to life, the Innkeeper and his children slowly waking up to begin the day. There was not a chance in hell that Runa could leave them like that, sat quiet and upset with themselves.

“Your dream, what were it about, Kiddo?” The Baker asked, breaking the silence as she returned to her perch on the balustrade, clenching her hands into fists to hide the trembling a little better.

“Well, I think I was fighting myself again? Sorry you need context- basically I have these weird dreams from time to time, but they’re not  _ ‘Weird’ _ weird, they’re just... comforting, but really strange? Up on a mountain with a wall and a lot of snow and ice, and some shadowy thing trying to make its way up towards me at the base of the mountain.” Nara said, retying her boot again just to keep her hands busy. Gods she wished she hadn’t left her bag in the room, then she could have had her new dice to keep herself occupied. “And in the ice wall is another place, where there’s me? Or at least I think she  _ was  _ me, she has a greatsword and she’s covered in blood and has the same tattoo on her arm, and last night was just over and over again trying to fight her, to kill her before she kills me and kicks me back out onto the mountain… but what was your dream about?”

Runa let out a hollow laugh and shook her head a little, pushing back the sleeve on her right arm to show off the majority of the tentacled behemoth painted on her skin and tapped it a few times. “This lad right here. Him whispering things to me in my head whilst I’m breathing and swimming in the same water as him. Most of it doesn’t make sense, just the usual to make me want to keep learning about anything and everything. Normally when I pass out drunk I don’t get these dreams, but, well… I didn’t drink last night."

“Right…” Nara mumbled, trying to make sense of it as she kept her brow furrowed. “Did you get the tattoo first or the dreams?”

“The dreams, Kiddo. He saved my life after all—”

The door to the room Kaidan and Lucien were sharing suddenly opened, leaving them both to look up and tense and just as quickly relax again as Kaidan stepped out. He was already clad in his armour with a steely expression to match when he saw Runa there. She was quick to pull her sleeve back into place and return his greeting. 

“Mornin’ you two.”

“Morning Kaidan.”

“Morning Kai.” He gave barely a nod to Runa and gently patted Nara on the back as he took the seat the Nord had left free for himself, moving it to Nara’s right side and sitting down. The young Breton gave him a softly concerned look. “You look tired.”

“I bloody feel it an’ all. Though I’m not surprised, really. You doing all right, pet?”

“Could be better, weird dreams again. But anyway, what do we think we should do?”

“I’ve no bloody clue, can’t really do much of anything without one of us getting hurt or thrown in the Dour Dungeon. But I think we definitely need answers, and a way to stop them from doing whatever it is they have planned for you.” Kaidan replied, leaning back carefully in his seat and yet he couldn’t relax, how could he when Runa was staring right at him again. Never bloody stopping with the staring. He let out an angry sigh and rubbed his eyes, wondering when it would all stop. Not that it ever would, his ears were too well trained to listen to everything, and he’d heard their conversation whilst he was putting on his armour. They weren’t going to stop being friends no matter how much he didn’t like the Nord baker, but of course, that wasn’t his choice to make.

Nara let out a tiny sigh and nodded, pulling her knees up to her chest as she slouched just a touch in her own chair. “Already said to Runa that I don’t want to know about my past, who I was.”

“Not surprised, honestly. Seems like a wasp’s nest we don’t need to go prodding at.” Kaidan said with a small nod, ignoring Runa’s presence as she watched them silently.

“Yeah… so, just… try and carry on with the day? Go up to the Lighthouse or something? See if they come track us down?”

“Might be for the best, no point hiding away in ‘ere when they’re clearly after you, Nara. No point getting other people hurt if it breaks out into a fight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some quick character moments and a bit more of a delve into Runa before Things Happen...


	45. ... a Right Pain in the Arse

Despite the coldness of the day, the storm looming on the horizon to the north of Haafingar, the early morning was spent with a relatively calm atmosphere even with the building tension. They all had bought and eaten breakfast together before making their way up to the Lighthouse, all of them trying to at least pretend that they had a schedule to keep, that nothing had changed for the last day of training.

“So we’re just to sit here and just,  _ wait?”  _ Lydia huffed, leaning against the wall and as always, refusing to leave her Thane’s side.

“That  _ is  _ the plan, Lydia.” Lucien mumbled in reply, flipping through a new spell tome and learning its contents whilst Nara sat beside him and did the same. The Housecarl was about to open her mouth and snap something in reply but Nara was quick to interject.

“If you start an argument, Lydia, I won’t be happy. We have enough on our plate as is…” With a hand raised, Nara focused for a moment on the spell she had been trying her best to wrap her head around. Small flickers of lightning began to coalesce in her palm whilst Lucien watched with a small but curious and hopeful smile as the spell began to take form. Her somatic component and form for the spell was close to perfect with its own Nara flair to it all. “I think I’ve figured it out though- oh no maybe- Ow!”

A vicious spark of lightning crackled across her palm and along the back of her fingers, making her yelp and jump with the pain. She quickly shook the spell away and whimpered just a little, staring at the small fractal burns across her fingers for just a moment before quickly bringing Healing into her palm and—

“Nara, let me do that.” Without a second thought, Lucien had already reached over and taken her injured hand in his own and cast Healing Hands. The magicka burns healed over instantaneously, the spell taking effect and leaving a warmth in her hand that spread up to her face. She couldn’t quite tell whether it came from her friend or his magic. But Nara smiled and squeezed his hand in return.

“You didn’t have to, Lucien, but thank you.”

“Well, if we’re expecting a fight with these people then we all need to be in tiptop shape! And I dread to think what a little bit of magicka that you can’t regenerate would mean in a fight against five other people.” Lucien replied, ignoring the blush on her cheeks and the heat on his own face as he looked back to his spell tome and finished learning and comprehending its contents. Neither of them let go of the other’s hand, the pair just content to sit there side by side with their books on their laps and the ocean breeze sweeping past them, despite the shelter the Lighthouse provided them as they sat on the stairs.

“Yeah, well, thank you, either way. Do you want this? I really don’t want it anymore, bloody magicka burn  _ is the worst.”  _ He gave a little chuckle at the emphasis and looked at the spell tome she held out to him, taking just a moment to think.

“How about this, after we’re done here for today at the Lighthouse, I’ll help you figure it out? Sometimes all you need is an extra mind with these things, much like how you helped me with Healing Hands.” Nara bit back a reply, catching her tongue between her teeth when the fear welled up a little more. She had no idea how he could be so confident in that moment about how the day was going to turn out, if it was going to end up in a fight or not, or if any of them would make it out of there alive…

“Thanks Lucien, I’d like that a lot—”

“Kiddo, they’re here.” Runa’s voice suddenly cut over the young Breton and the pair instinctively let go of one another, somehow blushing even more and quickly gathering themselves. With their knapsacks handed over to the friendly Khajiit, Ma’zaka, for safekeeping, the door to the Lighthouse locked shut and they all took a deep breath before stepping outside.

“Well aren’t you two looking sharp in your fancy new armour!” The blonde Nord woman exclaimed with a grin, her injuries from the fight Runa had started were long since healed although her nose was still broken and crooked. She stepped down the slight slope, three of her companions joining her whilst the fourth remained not so sublty hidden away in the trees at the top of the small hill, Elven bow resting loosely in their hand. Nara just stared at the group before her…

_ She knew them all. _

It was like ice water had been poured down the back of Nara’s neck at that realisation, making her freeze to her very core and feel like she couldn’t breathe. A faint flash of faded memory tore its way through her mind for a moment, the memory of being drowned in the midst of her nightmares, thick and cold tar pushing its way into her lungs. She forced herself to breathe and looked up to meet the blonde Nord’s gaze head on.

It took Nara a moment to remind herself that she wasn’t so…  _ chaotic, _ anymore. That the riling anger was distant and controllable, that the fear was still there but manageable. She reminded herself that Lucien was there beside her, that Kaidan had her back, that Runa was there lurking in the background and Lydia was standing with shield and sword drawn. She spared Lucien a glance, meeting his gaze when he looked down at her in the same moment. The same worry she felt was present in his eyes and she knew it was because of the same reason, that Runa and Kaidan weren’t wrong.

This was going to end up in a fight.

“What do you want?” Nara asked coldly, directly holding the woman’s gaze only for the Breton man - gods he couldn’t have been older than Lucien or herself - to answer with a scoff as he folded his strong arms over his chest.

“We want you to come home, Ela.” 

“Don’t call me that! That is not my name. I don’t care if you know me- I’m not whoever you think I am, not anymore.” Despite what she originally thought, the anger was much closer than she thought. It was bubbling in her chest, a dark and corrupting flame that was going to grow out of hand the longer she remained.

“Nara… please be careful with this...” Lucien whispered to her, suddenly taking her hand and sparing a worried glance to the older Imperial man who was disinterestedly thumbing through a well-worn tome, his fingertips blackened and soot stained.

Nara nodded and squeezed his hand before letting go, watching as the Breton’s twin stepped forward to speak up, to plead with her, to  _ break her heart. _ “Amarela  _ please _ just come home.”

It was instinctual, a sudden need to reach out and extend her hand to the slightly taller woman who was watching her with so much heartache in her eyes as well as a few tears. Either it was honest emotion or the young woman was a brilliant actor, Nara couldn’t tell but it hurt her heart either way. But she kept her hands down at her side and clenched in tight fists even when the black haired girl reached out her own hand, pleading with her eyes whilst her twin scoffed again and shook his head.

“Stop being so weak, Lucy.”

“Shut up Kylan! She’s our sister and I want her to come home! Don’t you?!” 

“Now now, you two, let’s stay focused.” The blonde woman ordered, her voice slick with patience and venom, creating a disgusting sound of controlled calmness that had the pair quickly putting an end to their argument. “You heard them, Amarela, they just want you to come home.”

“And what do you want?” Nara snapped, shooting her question right at the Nord who kept smirking away.

“Oh I wanted you to do your job, you’re the reason why we’re even in this frozen hellhole of a province to begin with.” She dared to take a step forward, and in an instant Kaidan had reached for his sword, unsheathing the blade just enough to put his point across without words. She ignored him without a care in the world. “Now I just want you to do as you're told, so either come home and face the repercussions or  _ finish what you started.” _

The emphasis had a sharp shiver rolling down Nara’s spine, the frozen words making her stomach drop a mile into the earth, even more so when they were spoken whilst the Nord stared down Lucien of all people. She let herself instinctively stand in front of him, a small suspicious voice in the back of her mind beginning to piece it all together as the rage burned brighter in her chest.

“Oh fuck off you stupid bint, she’s not doing anything for you and she’s certainly not going anywhere.” Runa snarled as she stepped forward, sleeves rolled up and tattoos writhing  _ noticeably  _ on her skin. Just the smallest, worried glance was spared to her by her kinsman for just a second, and then it was hidden away with that dead grin. “So either fuck off or fight, because we all know you don’t want to see this end any other way.”

“Glad to see you’re still as fiery as ever, Earlhart. How’s Tanwyn by the way?”

“That’s it you stupid little bitch—” With an arm quickly placed over Runa’s chest, Nara managed to push her back and stare her down with a hard look of  _ ‘stop!’. _ She ignored the strange change that had come over her red haired friend, the change in her scars and the piercing glow in her eye. Just a look had all it had taken, and the ex-sailor took a deep breath but kept her jaw clenched and her shoulders set.

“Just leave. You’re not wanted here, and as much as some of my friends want to fight,  _ I don’t.” _ Nara said, keeping herself calm in the face of unpredictable danger, still holding back Runa with one arm and standing protectively in front of Lucien with her shoulders pressed to his chest. The blonde woman mulled it over for a moment, blue eyes narrowed as she glared right into Nara’s before letting a calm smile pull across her face and her hands raise up in surrender.

“Fair enough! We’ll go! You’re clearly not moving, and fighting you when you’ve a warlock on your side just reeks of disaster.” She moved to turn, waving for her own companions to follow only to stop and look back over her shoulder. “Oh, two more things that I think you should know before we go. First of all, I always knew you were weak, pathetic. Just someone to kick into the dirt over and over again. And  _ that?” _ The woman gestured towards her and Lucien, disgust filling her eyes and tainting her vile smile further. “Just proves it. Oh! And the other thing? I always knew Astrid and her Brotherhood wouldn’t be worth the money.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp things are going down and I am Worrying A Lot oh boy oh boy  
> Gracious thanks to Gnewna as always for help with proof reading!!!


	46. Soul Trapped

“...And the other thing? I always knew Astrid and her Brotherhood wouldn’t be worth the money.”

In an instant, Nara sprinted forward with her quarterstaff unsheathed and swung with her Orichalcum weapon. It clashed against the sudden burst of twisted, violet flames that finally settled and revealed to be a spectral blade, and the blonde woman gave her a vicious smile before kicking her back and into the sandy dirt.

She pushed herself up to see the woman towering over her, ready to plunge her sword down and end it all only to watch Runa step in between them both. The two Nords were matched in height, but the blonde stumbled back a little as she watched with  _ everyone _ how the tattoos on Runa’s arms began to spill out of her skin, becoming real and tangible.

The tentacles of the Behemoth became her own, writhing and lashing out at the space around them before settling on a shape, melding together as one and forming a familiar ebony cutlass that dripped black ichor whilst the gold and silver handguard latched itself around its wielder’s wrist. Runa raised her free arm and the tendrils there - hanging and obscuring her hand - suddenly shot forth and wrapped around her kinswoman before throwing her back a good ten feet where she tumbled across the ground.

“Right, get up and get ready to fight, I’m not having any of this shit anymore. We deal with this here and  _ now.” _ Runa snapped, looking over her shoulder at Nara whilst her scars, mouth and eye bled fresh ink. 

She didn’t even care in that moment about the monstrous change that had overcome her friend, simply sprung back onto her feet, picked up her quarterstaff and sprinted back into the fray whilst it kicked off all around her. Immediately she was hit with a spell that snapped closed around her yet did nothing to hurt her, leaving just a faintly violet aura around her body as she charged towards the Nord who cast it along with another Bound weapon. She shrugged it off, watching the glow crack like glass and vanish with nothing to hold onto.

* * *

With a flash of violet, Lucien watched for just the split second that it happened. Seeing the spell wrap around his friend only to quickly shatter, unable to take effect as he turned with his sword drawn to find himself face to face with ‘Lucy’. She drew her own dagger, hidden and strapped beneath the leather cuirass of her armour before she charged forward to meet him in combat. Part way she charged a spell in her left hand, swirling and tormented strands of crimson that she shot forth with a throw of her arm forward and he was quick to remember his new spell, hoping with all his might that it would work.

The Lesser Ward quickly formed in front of him, absorbing the bolt of light and he quickly dropped it, side stepping her swipe with her ebony dagger before turning the attack with his own. She quickly twisted around, managing to lift the short length of her blade just in time to deflect his attack off to the side, quickly using her weight to slam her shoulder into his chest and knock him off balance. But with just a quick correction of his stance, like he had been taught, he took the brunt of it and shoved her back.

“Please, I don’t want to fight!” Lucien shouted, hoping his voice would be heard over the chaos around him and Lucy gave him such a conflicted look as she changed the grip on her dagger and flicked the fingers of her left hand, quickly changing to a different spell.

“I don’t either but she’s my sister! And you’re keeping her away from me! From her family!” Lucy shouted back, dashing forward and slashing at him once, twice, three times. Each attack he dodged before being surprised by the rather weak jab of her left fist to his chest, just enough to catch him off guard before drawing blood. A flash of pain crossed his left cheek and he felt the blood pour down onto his neck but he couldn’t care for anything else, even if it did hurt. He just kept fighting.

* * *

Runa watched with a smirk as the Soul Trap latched itself onto Nara and quickly shattered, unable to take a hold as she cast her gaze across the battle. Lucy was an Illusionist? Well that was intriguing. Her blonde kinswoman dabbled in Conjuration? Sure, why not.

She turned her gaze onto the Imperial man, still scruffy and dishevelled, his book back in its holster on his hip and she growled, succumbing to the madness as she raised her left arm. Like whips, her fingers snatched forward, coiling around him and dragging him forward before he had a chance to fire off his Ironflesh spell and a… oh, a Thunderbolt?

_ “Well aren’t you an intelligent little mage…?” _ With a thousand voices held within her throat, writhing and screaming and whispering all at once as she spoke, her fingers pulled back and her hand wrapped around his neck as she pushed him onto his knees. Ever so slowly she watched the fear in his eyes grow more and more panicked as she crushed his windpipe and pressed her claw into his chest, through his thin leather garb and black robes. He tried so hard to scream, to say anything. His mouth moved but his voice was gone, added to her own in a cacophony of insanity as she laughed maniacally down at him. A single scream hidden amongst the chorus of laughter.

She pulled her claw - the Avarice, her inky blade and extension of His Will - away from his sternum, watching the blood drip from the shallow wound she had given him as time seemed to slow with each drop. Just for them. She twisted the Avarice around, revealing the eye on the pommel, one to match her left eye and for a moment it was her own, green iris and white sclera before becoming inky and dark once again. The silver and gold tentacles that connected her to the Avarice shifted with the movement, crawling and slithering to settle comfortably on her forearm as she pressed the pommel against his eye.

_ “Let’s see what I can learn from you… hm?” _

* * *

Some relief rushed through Kaidan as he watched the spell break, unable to take hold of Nara’s soul as he unsheathed his nodachi, quickly blocking and holding his ground against Kylan. The silver greatsword the Breton wielded was broken at the point, jagged and still blood stained along its edge. 

He was formidable, yet off balance, unused to the weight and strength of the enchanted blade as blue flames tried to spark and flare from the black crystals set within the guard and the fuller along the blade. Kaidan managed to lash out in the midst of Kylan’s stagger after he was knocked back, slashing the Breton’s side and making him strangle back a shout of pain as his blood splattered onto the ground.

But a shout caught Kaidan’s attention and in an instant he ignored his opponent and ran to his friend whilst Kylan took chase.

* * *

Each strike was another way to let loose her anger, each jab with a fist or swing of her quarterstaff just another way to see the fight end and for the misery to  _ stop. _ But it was difficult to keep up to the Nord woman. Every other slash was just another cast of the same spell but it always formed a different one handed weapon. Axe, sword, mace, dagger. It was maddening, every hit she landed with staff or fist was another two wounds to heal... if she would even survive the fight.

A sudden blast of crimson light flooded her vision when the blonde woman lashed out, her left palm quickly slamming into her forehead with her fingers gripping and yanking on her silvered hair. A bolt of magicka cast directly into her head that had Nara reeling and blinking it away the best she could. But all she could do was let panic run rampant through her as she watched the woman in front of her flicker back and forth.

She was distorted, shifting, changing and completely unable to stay still as her form snapped and broke and reformed itself, growing and growing as Nara staggered backwards whilst the Nord stepped closer and closer.

Her pale skin darkened, her lips pulled back to reveal rows upon rows of teeth and with a blink of the Nord’s eyes, they became nothing but cold blue flame. Familiar horns tore their way through her skull and curved forward—

A heavy hit slammed against Nara’s temple, making her blink the blood and tears from her eyes when she hit the dirt with a heavy thud. She couldn’t do anything but try to scramble back, do anything to run away as she shouted for someone,  _ anyone _ , to help as the Monster quickly descended upon her with its claws around her throat and its face in a permanent grin. Her vision began to blur, the air became thinner and difficult to claw for but she couldn’t think of anything else but the fear, the Monster on top of her.

A streak of grey suddenly tackled the Monster away, out of sight and out of mind as she struggled to remember how to breathe, panting up at the cloudy sky as flashes of lightning or spells flooded the edges of her vision. She tried to move only to feel a boot come down on her stomach, trapping her in her weakened state and she was left to stare up at the black haired man… Kylan?

She knew him, was… protective? Of him? She tried to push his foot away but her arms were sluggish, aching and bruised from the fight and he was too heavy. He was pressing too much of his weight down upon her and she had no strength left to fight back.

“Kylan- Kill her!”

The Greatsword-  _ Her Greatsword,  _ was lifted and she tried to catch the jagged edge between her hands, trying to stop it before it hit her sternum.

She was too slow. He slammed it down, making it pierce through her new armour and into her chest, breaking skin and cracking bone with a sickening noise. In an instant, all she could hear was the different shouts around her just before it all went black.

“Nara! No!”

“Amarela!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp...
> 
> Thanks for Gnewna for the help with Proof Reading!!!


	47. Cosy

Blood covered her blue and storm grey garb and the pristine white snow around her. All she could do was stare at the clear sky above, not a trace of clouds in sight, just the Hawk spiralling around and around. It was… odd. She was laid there staring at the sky but she could also see herself, like she was looking down on her own body. Violet eyes staring up at her, cold, distant and unable to focus, skin horribly pale and weakened, cracked and burned in some places around the massive wound in her torso.

But the Hawk finally dipped and came to rest upon the curved wall. Nara turned her attention just a little even though she felt so sluggish in her movements, in her concentration. It felt like she was wading through a swamp, or tar, or like her mind was dragging its feet. She managed it, however, and focused on the almost golden bird, its feathers shimmering in the sunlight as it preened itself like there wasn’t a dying Breton laid out before it in the snow.

A moment passed, and then another, of just watching the Hawk as it finished grooming its feathers. Sharp grey eyes looked up to meet her own, staring down at her from its perch before giving a sharp call that felt so distant, so worried...

A sudden warmth flooded her chest, like a violent punch had blasted pure heat straight into her body and she gasped with the change as her attention was snapped back to the only thing that connected her to the waking world. She was in herself again, she could move, she wasn’t staring at herself like she was someone else entirely. Pain rocketed through her entire system as the warmth grew stronger and sharper before ebbing away, stealing the agony away with a final pulse of heat that vanished just a split second later, leaving her gasping and confused.

She looked down and where she was once ruined with a ragged and torn cut from the bottom of her sternum down to just above her navel, was just a scar. She sat up, watching the way the line of silver moved with her, how it felt like nothing more than any other scar she had gained since waking up. So, Nara took a deep breath and let herself process everything she could remember, sitting with her legs crossed and hands clutching her shins. But it was difficult with the distracting burst of heat that would flood her chest from time to time, steal away the few lingering aches and pains and leave her muddled and confused as to what was happening.

So she took another deep breath and closed her eyes, willing herself to detach from herself once more, wondering if she’d ever be able to wake up.

Then she did. She woke up to find her vision filled with golden light, her head settled in soft pillows and her entire body wrapped up under a warm, soft quilt. The spell suddenly ceased, the light leaving her sight and showing only a blur of colour… familiar colours though, soft emerald and bright, sunny yellow and a hint of blue.

“Blue and gold…?” Nara grumbled, feeling so disconnected from her own head as her voice croaked out, sore and unwieldy from lack of use. She pieced it together a moment later, grinning as she sat up and leaned forward into the person sitting on the side of her bed. “It’s a Lucien…! Hi!”

He let out a shaky, relieved laugh as she wrapped her arms around his chest, pressing her face into the soft fur mantle around his shoulders and he was quick to wrap her up in return. “Hi! This is probably a silly question but how are you feeling?”

“So sore, like, probably how Kaidan felt when he was thrown about by that mammoth. What about you?” Nara asked, pulling away and looking up to see the scabbed over cut on his cheek. She immediately frowned and cupped his jaw in her hand, casting Healing Hands before he had a chance to protest or answer her question. She kept casting until the count of five - letting her magicka reserves become half depleted and not completely empty - and gently brushed away the gold dust that was left behind to reveal not a single scar or scratch on his face. Even she couldn’t help but feel a little proud of her work and gave him a bright smile that he managed to return despite the fierce blush on his cheeks.

“Thank you. Much better now, after that.” Lucien finally replied, clearing his throat briefly and sitting up straighter as he looked around the room for a moment. But he still kept a careful watch on her out of the corner of his eye. She was staring at her hands, fidgeting with the deep green sleeves of the overly large tunic she was wearing. “That’s Runa’s tunic, by the way. She was rather torn up about what happened to you.”

“Really?” So much fear filled Nara’s eyes in an instant, leaving Lucien concerned and just the smallest bit desperate to see it disappear.

“I wouldn’t worry too much, she’s been coming here everyday to check up on you. Even paid the majority of the gold needed to rent your room for the week you’ve been asleep.”

“Wait I’ve been out for a _week?”_

“Ah… I should have led with that, shouldn’t I?” Lucien asked with a sheepish smile, watching a tiny smile of her own appear on her full lips. “But, to catch you up on what has happened since…” He froze for a moment, wincing at the memory ever so briefly only to feel Nara take his hand and squeeze it gently. A physical reminder that she was truly there, awake and _alive._ “After Runa healed you, it got a little more... _chaotic,_ you could say, with the fighting. The Breton girl, Lucy, she ran off, I think seeing you injured like that by her brother had her torn, or maybe she just got so scared and decided to run away from it all entirely. Anella—”

“Sorry Lucien, but how do you know her name?” Nara butted in, still holding his hand and keeping her attention on the creases of his palm, tracing the lines with her thumbs to keep her hands occupied as she spoke and listened to him.

“Well, Runa _did something_ to the Imperial mage, Varus, in the midst of the fight. I couldn’t see what because I was fighting Lucy and, honestly, I think I’d prefer to _never know_ the full details. But by the end of the fight, she was ranting off their names and was practically frothing at the mouth with rage and madness. She has calmed down a lot since then, so I wouldn’t worry… _too much?_ Anyway, that’s something else to talk about later, I would think.” It was almost a little too tricky to keep himself focused with the feeling of her callused thumbs carefully drawing patterns into his palm, but he steeled himself through it and even took the extra time to focus on only gesticulating with his free hand. He didn’t dare to pull his hand away from her own, knowing she found comfort in it and he couldn’t help but find some of that same comfort too. A gentle reminder that it wasn’t a dream. “But yes, Lucy ran off, Anella and Kylan had to drag Varus away, he didn’t particularly seem to be in his right mind after what Runa did to him and I’m fairly certain that they teleported away. I truly don’t understand how though, since teleportation magic is largely forgotten and was also outlawed under the Levitation Act but considering the type of people that they are, I’m fairly certain using that kind of magic is the least of their concerns- and I just realised that you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

With a sheepish laugh and smile, Nara shook her head and ignored the heat on her cheeks, letting go of his hand to rub the back of her neck. “Nope, not a clue! But you can explain it to me, if you’d like?”

“I’d be more than happy to, though I will warn you, it will no doubt end up with me rambling.”

“So? Doesn’t bother me at all, and I like listening to you talk.” Nara said with a shrug and a grin, barely even noticing the blush on Lucien’s face as she climbed out from beneath the quilts to grab her knapsack. She was especially grateful for the fact that Runa’s tunic was _literally_ a knee length dress on her.

A moment later she had settled back into the bed, wrapping herself back up before she poured the contents of her bag onto the bed in front of her. She quickly found the leather pouch of purple dice and fidgeted with them, even grinning a little to herself at the sound they made as they clicked and clacked against each other. She patted the space beside her, letting herself sigh happily when he quickly sat beside her and rearranged the spare pillow so he wasn’t leaning against the cold wall.

It was a relief to be there again, away from it all. From the dreams, from the fear and anger. It was such a comfort to just be there with her friend, listening to him talk away about history and magic with her occasional question that he was more than happy to answer to the best of his ability. Time didn’t seem to exist outside of the room, and she wasn’t completely aware until the door opened that she had her head resting against Lucien’s chest and his arm around her shoulders. Of course, he had very politely asked whether she was comfortable with or not, simply because he didn’t want a dead arm. She had been more than happy to agree and it wasn’t until Kaidan opened the door and found them sitting there like that, that Nara realised it could look like something _much different._ But, she couldn’t care, she didn’t care, she was cosy and warm and with her friends, all of her worries didn’t exist at that moment.

“You’re awake…” Kaidan was quick to break the silence, letting that knowledge process through his mind and the panic melt away completely as a grin settled on his face. “Looking proper cosy there, you two.”

“Oh fuck off, Kai.” Nara grumbled, still smiling herself as she threw a dice at him, hardly expecting it to actually hit him, let alone his forehead. All the while, Lucien remained somewhat paralysed by the incredibly red blush on his face.

“Ow! Bloody cheeky git!”

“Don’t be such a twat then!” She laughed only to squeak and try to dive across Lucien to make a quick escape from Kaidan who rushed forward with a determined look. He managed to snag the back of her borrowed tunic and with a _“Hurk!”_ and a yelp, Nara was yanked back and wrapped in a headlock she had no hopes of escaping from whilst her tallest friend ruffled her already messy hair and chuckled all the while. _“ARGH!_ Lucien! Help!”

“I am not getting involved in this one!”

“You traitor- Kai! I’m sorry- I give up I give up!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow I've been really needing to write a soft fluffy chapter like this for ages oh my goodness  
> Many thanks to Gnewna for proof reading!!!


	48. One Hell of a Week

“Wait so if I’m understanding this correctly, Lydia killed the archer, you two were facing off against ‘Amarela’s’ siblings, I was against Anella who tried to _soul trap me,_ and Runa… did something to make a man even more weird than he already was?”

With her back to the mattress and her gaze on the ceiling, Nara picked at her half of the sweet roll Lucien had split with her. Her legs were strewn across Kaidan’s and Lucien’s feet were within arm’s reach as she let the events of the fight that she hadn’t seen whirl around her head.

“Aye, seems that way…” Kaidan replied, shuddering just a bit. Both he and Lucien had spent a good portion of the retelling describing the change that had come over Runa. The madness in her mismatched eyes, the stink of ink and salt water that had followed her like a cloud, the deep and viciously cold green and gold glow to the healing spell she had used to save the young Breton’s life.

“Huh…” Immediately, the two men looked at one another, worried and utterly baffled as to how and why Nara could barely muster an ounce of distress much like they had. “That’s… weird, I guess. I dunno- wait why’re you both looking at me like that?”

“Nara, you do understand that most of the imagery in her transformation can possibly mean that she’s tied in some way to a Daedra of some kind… right?” Lucien asked, utterly terrified of the idea and simultaneously worried about his friend’s reaction as she finished eating her sweet roll.

“Er…” Nara drew out, sitting up and scratching the back of her head and realising her hair was barely in the same braid Runa had put it in. “I… have no idea what you’re talking about?”

 _“Ah…_ well, that part may have slipped my mind. Sorry about that.” She shook her head and easily yanked the quilt out from beneath Lucien and Kaidan just to wrap herself up and settle between them.

“No it’s fine. But it sounds serious, though... I think? I don’t know. Either way, we’re all okay right? And since we are, that’s all that matters and I know it’s wishful thinking but here’s hoping we don’t bloody encounter those lot again.” Nara took a moment and frowned at the opposite door, briefly shaking her head and rubbing her eyes. “Sorry, think I’m a bit all over the place right now. My head feels a bit stuffy? Too warm in here, I think.”

“That’s all right, pet. How ‘bout this, me and Lucien will leave you to get washed up and changed, and we’ll all pop out for a walk? Can’t imagine sleeping for a week will have done your legs any good.” 

“Really? I thought you would’ve wanted to keep me cooped up for ages or summat?”

“Would’ve done, if you’d have woken up, say, five days ago. You weren’t in a proper healed state then, now you are. ‘Specially with this one spending an hour everyday healing you.” Kaidan said with a small grin, reaching behind Nara to pat Lucien on the shoulder to which the young Imperial blushed just a little. Although, there was a little pang of disappointment in his eyes when Nara leaned into Kaidan who happily let her rest her head against his chest with his arm around her shoulders.

“Well I had to be doubly sure that she was all right! For all we know the damage from that sword could have run a lot deeper than we expected.” Lucien said, hardly expecting Nara’s reaction as she suddenly snorted and fell out of her side hug with Kaidan to flop onto her back and laugh. He was quick to shoot his fellow travelling companion a confused look and in return got only a shrug before Kaidan asked his question.

“You all right there, Nara?”

 _“‘Sword_ running _deep’-_ oh _no—”_ She giggled, hiding her face in the quilt to muffle her laughter whilst Lucien shot Kaidan a confused look again, whilst the other man simply rolled his eyes and tutted. Then it clicked and Lucien couldn’t help but turn crimson, hiding his face in his hand and wondering if her laughter would ever stop. Instead it got even more uncontrollable. “Oh no- I’m so sorry I just- _not the kind of sword I want to run deep—”_

With a heavy sigh, the Imperial quickly stood up from the bed and made his escape, ignoring the smallest piece of guilt for having left as he closed the door behind him. The laughter was muffled behind the door and he let out a faint breath of relief, running his hand through his hair and deciding, despite all that he knew was sane and sensible, to go and visit the bakery.

* * *

A series of knocks echoed through the barely lit bakery, the only light streaming in came through the crack in the front door and even then it didn’t reach very far. Yet it wasn’t needed, why would the light ever be needed? All she needed was her ink and papers, her spiralling thoughts and a _need_ to write them all out. Mad chaotic scrawlings on the walls, pinned up bed sheets, anywhere- _anything_ to get it all out of her head so she could **_think._ **

An entire life in her mind, and the lives around that one, a spiral outwards of memory after memory and she finally got it all done. She could think. She was content. Sickened by her work, but... _content._ Finally able to breathe.

The knocking grew louder, more frantic and she finally realised, standing up from the mess and quickly stepping into her bakery. Each step was another puddle of ink, a slop of seawater onto the stone as she made her way to the door. She opened each and every lock with practiced, careful motions before peering out through the gap with her right eye.

“Sweetpea…?” It was difficult to separate hallucination from reality, but seeing the way the young Imperial gave her a timid smile was enough to prove he was real. It was enough to help her set her feet and force away the sickening feeling in her gut and feel like she existed. But her sigh wasn’t disappointed, rather, it was relieved. “Not sweetpea. Flavius.”

“Hello, Runa. I really do hope that I’m not bothering you, I just thought I’d come and check and see how you’re doing.”

She let out a heavy sigh and rested her forehead against the door, closing her eyes and feeling the blood still pour from her wounds. “Doing pretty rough, to be honest. I appreciate the thought though… how’s she doing…?”

“She’s awake now, and if I’m not mistaken still giggling away in her room after making a _particularly…_ unexpected reference…?” He gave as a reply, suddenly a little flushed in the face as he glanced over his shoulder at the tavern just down the road. It clicked all the same for Runa, and it was another piece of normalcy to add to her tether to reality. It even made her smile.

“Proper filthy minded lass, she can be. More than glad to hear that she’s doing all right. You still kept up to healing her, like I asked?”

“Of course.”

“Good. She’s got no issues at all or owt?”

“None that she’s made me or Kaidan aware of, it’s almost as if she was never hurt!” That smile didn’t reach his eyes, and with a brief narrow of the one eye he could see from his side of the door, Runa sighed again. She opened the door, and in the afternoon light he saw the full extent of… _everything._

Fresh ink still dripped down her left cheek, from her eye and her scars, and it looked almost like it wasn’t going to stop at all. The tattoos on her arm, the parts of paintings that weren’t hidden beneath the fresh stains of green and black ink had changed. The Behemoth was a mass of eyes, always writhing and moving as it masked the majority of faded, colourful ship. Whilst it was all so surprising to him, her soft words were what made him blink in confusion.

“Come in, Lucien, you look like you could do with letting someone listen to you.”

“I… I think you’re right. Thank you, Runa.”

“Don’t mention it, I could do with the company anyway. Don’t mind the ink and salt water, I’ll stop bleeding in a minute. Close the door behind you for me, would you?” He nodded and stepped inside, doing as he was asked only to watch from the small entrance way how she wandered further inside with a raised hand filled with green fire. A snap of her fingers and the candles were lit with a flash of deep emerald before they settled into a bright, healthy flame that he was much more accustomed to seeing. She waved over to a short bench as she stepped behind the counter, rummaging underneath the curved ship hull and pulling out a bucket and mop. “So, what’s rattling around in your head then?”

“Goodness. Well, where to even begin, you know?”

“Hmm, know that all too well. Need me to list off a bunch of things to help narrow it down?”

“Please, it’s been… it’s been _a week.”_ Runa chuckled at that, a hearty sound that made the eyes in her tattoos fade just a little as she set about cleaning up the mess she had dragged back and forth in her pacing. It was enough to make him smile a little too.

“Not wrong there, Lucien. How about the fight?”

“Well, it was certainly terrifying. And Nara being injured like that, with so much blood, and how she was barely breathing when we reached her… how pale she was...” Lucien took a very slow breath, feeling his throat begin to tighten and his eyes sting just a little as the picture of his friend laying in her own blood filled his mind’s eye. He exhaled heavily and rubbed his eyes, clearing his throat just a touch only to hear the gentle and soft noise the Baker made.

 _“Oh Lucien…”_ She set aside her mop and picked up a cleaning rag, wiping down her arms and face before sitting on the bench on his left side, so he couldn’t see the strange form her left eye had taken. “Come here.”

“What?”

“You, kiddo, need a bloody hug. And I know you’re scared of me, I know a lot of people are scared of me. But I do care, you know, about Nara, and it might not seem it but I care about you and Kaidan too. You’re good people, the pair of you, and you’ve done more than you’ve noticed for that lass.” With a strong arm suddenly wrapped around his shoulders, she pulled him close to her side. She also gave a gentle squeeze, surprising him with the care and caution she took when she could just have easily crushed the life out of him with naught but a tense of her arm. “Look, I might be more scars, saltwater and ink sometimes, that’s just how I am because of the choices I made. But I’m still human, despite the changes I might go through. I still have a heart in this here old, broken chest of mine.”

“You’re not _that_ old.” Lucien was quick to try and offer, getting another chuckle from the Nord whilst the small bit of worry began to build up in his throat. The worry that he’d put his foot in his mouth by letting it get ahead of him without him realising.

“Nara giving away my secrets, ey?”

“... Possibly?”

“Thought as much, I don’t mind though. Not really that much of an important fact about me, you know? Much like how it’s not important that you’re scared of me, because you’re getting braver everyday.” With a careful pat on his back, she pulled away and reached into her pocket, pulling out her eyepatch and covering her left eye as she continued speaking. “Things change, somethings just happen for what feels like no reason. But as long as you never harden or let your heart grow as cold as Atmoran Ice, that you never lose that spark in your eye and you keep your friends with you? Then what else do you need, other than a bit of comfort from time to time, a shoulder to lean on or a good ear to ramble off, huh?”

“You’re not wrong…” Lucien mumbled, staring at his feet for a moment and tried to process all she had said. “You know, you’re much easier to speak to when you’re not around so many other people, or worried sick about Nara.”

She gave a small huff of laughter. “I suppose I am, but it’s not that at all. Pack this bakery up to the rafters with people and I’ll be chatting till dawn. Lot of comfort in this building. Sometimes too much. Don’t get out all that often, if I’m honest.”

“Oh. I suppose that makes sense… though I do have one question for you, Runa, something that has been bothering me all week. And you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to, there’s no pressure to at all.” She gave him a curious look, her cheek now only stained with dry ink. Her scars no longer bled, and neither did her eye from what he could tell, but he wasn’t about to tell her that she didn’t need to wear her eyepatch, that was _certainly_ none of his business.

“Fire away.” 

“The _change_ you went through, during the fight, and when we spoke on the walk back to the Winking Skeever the day before the fight. Are… are you a follower of Hermaeus Mora?”

A smile crossed her scarred lips as she looked at him, and in that moment, all he saw was a Nord woman. A woman visibly impressed with something as she leant back on her elbows and chuckled. She stood up, leaving his question unanswered as she picked up her mop and finished cleaning up with a good flash of magic here and there to help out.

Though she was quick to ask a question that threw him completely off guard and got a response that had her laughing, not at his expense, but just… laughter, true and bright despite the darkness that seemed to follow her every footstep.

“And you’ve got a little thing for Nara, haven’t you?”

_“Excuse me?!”_

* * *

Hair bundled up in a damp, messy bun and the green tunic folded under her arm, Nara quickly led the way outside and knocked on the bakery door. She heard the muffled voices within, and a shout for her to come in. The door wasn’t locked - much to her surprise - and with Kaidan following close behind and Lydia taking a post by the door, they both stepped inside.

“Sweetpea? That you?!” Runa’s voice called out before she had the chance to ask for herself and with a small jog inside, she saw the Nord stepping out from behind the counter, wiping down her flour covered hands with a rag. Nara didn’t stop jogging, and simply sped up into a run to quickly wrap her arms around the much taller woman and lift her clean off her feet. A slam echoed out through the bakery and Nara managed to look up to see Runa bracing with a hand against the ceiling. “Whoa! Careful, sweetpea! Ceiling’s only so tall!”

“Sorry! Sorry!” A moment later she had placed Runa back down only to find herself met with a face full of chest with strong arms wrapped so tight around her. She was fairly certain that she was as red as the Nord’s hair, but with the small lean down and rest of her cheek against the top of her head, it was enough to make it all click in Nara’s head as she wound her arms around the older woman’s waist and returned the embrace. The strange embarrassment seeped away, leaving only comfort behind as she kept hugging her friend.

“No need to apologise, none at all. You good though?” Runa asked, gently brushing her hand over starlight hair, so much relief in her voice that she couldn’t help but keep smiling down at the small woman.

“Much better than I was! But that much is just obvious, isn’t it?” Nara chuckled, squeezing her tall friend and hearing the happy hum she got in response. “And thank you, for being there at the fight. Kaidan and Lucien told me that you saved me.”

“Aye, we couldn’t lose you to—” Runa stopped, biting her tongue and remembering what Nara had asked of her. So much knowledge on the tip of her tongue, ready to be spilled and shared to those that deserved to know, that were willing to know. She pulled back, letting her hands rest gently on the Breton’s shoulders as she looked down to meet her gaze. “Well… you said you didn’t want to know, so I shan’t tell you, Nara.”

Violet eyes softened so much, a grateful smile appearing on her face as she covered her tattooed hands with her own and squeezed. “Thank you, Runa.”

“Just keeping a promise the best I can. Go back ‘round the counter for me? Lucien could do with some help decorating those sweet rolls, I think.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some extra catch up times and well, I have to say writing Runa and Lucien chatting is a lot of fun (also I stan one Sailor Pirate Baker Mum tbh)  
> Many thanks to Gnewna for helping with proof reading!!!!


	49. Cats and Dogs

“But  _ Luuucien! _ It doesn’t make  _ any sense!” _

“But  _ Naaara,  _ it can make sense! You just need to stop forcing yourself to understand how it works and let it come to you. I’m fairly certain that you’re trying to brute force it, and you’re getting confused in the process. Here, these runes, think of them as the same for Healing Hands but instead of the Restoration focus, it’s Destruction.”

“I am though! And it’s not clicking!” With a heavy flop, Nara collapsed on top of the open Sparks spell tome. Her head was pounding, her eyes were sore from staring at the page for what felt like hours when in fact they had only been studying together for just the one. She let out a heavy sigh and shifted, resting her chin on the page and pouting up at Lucien with a very weak glare. “I’m not as smart as you.”

“Yes you are, you’re very clever in many different ways. So will you try it again, for me?” Lucien asked, even daring to pout at her in return and smiling to himself when she relented with a huff, ignoring the strange twist in her chest as she did.

“Urgh, it’s not fair when you pout at me like that but okay! Okay! Guide me through it again and I’ll try not to burn my bloody self…  _ again _ …” Sitting back up, Nara rested her forehead in her hand and held out her right hand in the proper position to cast the spell and kept her eyes on the pages. “Right so what next?”

With buckets of patience and intelligence still left to spare, Lucien helped guide her through the spell. Most of it was spent pointing to different parts of the page and explaining the best he could with several interjections from Nara to repeat it all again but slower, or different so she could make sense of it. He was more than happy to oblige with limitless amounts of calm composure.

An hour passed into two, and with them both incredibly sure that she had a  _ very  _ good and crystal clear understanding of the spell, they watched with bated breath as she aimed at the tavern wall and cast—

Nara immediately yelped in pain, tears flooding her eyes as the shock magic swirled viciously around her hand before quickly fizzling out, leaving behind only burned skin and fury as she stared at the tome. The silvery blue writing was still there, not in her mind like she expected with every other spell tome she had seen Lucien learn from. With a frustrated growl, Nara shoved aside the book, letting it bounce off the wall and slam onto the floor as she wrapped her head up in her arms on the table. She didn’t even notice the faint glow that her Amulet of Kynareth was projecting.

Lucien stared on, unsure for a moment as to what he was supposed to do now after his friend’s angry outburst. So he thought for just a second, worry filling every part of him as he stared at her bleeding hand. “Nara, please will you let me heal your hand?”

She didn’t reply, simply pulled her hand away from her head and placed it in his without even needing to look. Her shoulders kept shuddering silently with each ragged breath, but with a brief cast of Healing Hands, the pained element to her tears was taken away. Not even a single scar was left behind, like she had never been burnt by the spell. Though she was still crying, still wrapped up under her left arm and hidden away. So he waited for a minute, gently holding and patting her hand until her breathing calmed and he was sure she’d reply.

“Nara…?”

“Sorry! Sorry…” She quickly sat up, drying her eyes on the thin sleeve of her baggy grey tunic and taking a deep breath as she stared at the table. She gave him a watery smile, weak and barely there with so much sorrow holding it all down. “Didn’t mean to get mad.”

“It’s all right, you know, getting frustrated. Just as long as you don’t take that frustration out on me, or anyone else.” Nara gave a small but very sure and firm nod, squeezing his hand and turning it over to fidget and trace familiar patterns onto his palm much like when she had woken up a day prior.

“I know, I wouldn’t ever want to take my anger out on you or anyone. Wouldn’t be fair or Healthy of me.” He smiled at that, watching how she returned it with slightly brighter but still teary smile of her own before scooping up the offending spell tome off the floor and checking it for damages. “It’s still in one piece… you should take it. You’re better at magic than me anyway and might as well complete the set for Flames and Frostbite by adding Sparks to the mix, right?”

“... you’re not going to let me say no, are you?”

She grinned at that, closing the tome and placing it in front of him before sitting on the floor beside his chair and throwing her legs up onto her own seat. “You know me so well!”

Lucien couldn’t help but smile down at her for a moment, having long since grown used to her sitting habits and without a second thought, he reached down and gently petted her hair and immediately regretted it…  _ mostly _ . Her hands quickly found his and with his hand set firmly on top of her head, he was left stuck at a slightly awkward angle and also short a hand. He could only sigh, yet that smile was still there and more than visible in his voice.

“Nara, I need my hand to take notes.”

“You’ve got another hand, use that one!”

“But I’m writing with my right hand, I need my left to turn the pages.”

“But  _ Luuucien…” _ It was impossible to be mad at her, not with her bottom lip stuck out and her eyebrows pulled into a slight frown as she stared up at him. He’d backed himself into a corner from the moment he ever petted her hair back in Rorikstead, and he was probably going to end up a dead man if he wasn’t careful and didn’t stop her pouting in time…  _ wait what? _

He shook that odd thought from his mind and let out a slightly withered sigh, instead focusing on keeping a hand in her hair and the other holding the spell tome open. It strangely reminded him of being back home, reading away in his room with his cat sitting on his desk and so many papers and books around him. Yet there wasn’t any purring to fill the silence or cosy fur under his hand, just happy little hums, tiny little tuts from his friend and pats on his hand when he’d briefly stop fussing her soft hair.

“Careful, or someone might mistake you for a cat, you know.” Lucien found himself mumbling without realising, too engrossed in learning the new spell to realise he’d spoken at all.

Nara simply hummed again, rubbing the back of her head against his leg and thinking. “Think I’d like to be a cat much more than a rabbit… sure, I’d lose the  _ bounciness.” _ She was sure to snort at that whilst he sighed,  _ heavily _ . “But cats have good ears and eyes, pretty colours and patterns and soft fur, you know? Good stalkers, easier to hunt prey than to be the one being hunted.”

“But what about being a house cat?”

“Ooh, yeah that’d be good too, lounge around in the sun and have good pats and ear scritches, someone’s lap to cosy up on or snuggle up beside at night if they’d let me share their bed instead of sleeping on a pillow or in a cat basket or something.” She reached up again and patted his hand…  _ again. _ Lucien could only chuckle and shake his head, gently ruffling her hair and thinking a little more as he ran his fingers through soft platinum hair.

“You know, there’s a form of Khajiit called the Alfiq, they look like house cats but are brilliantly intelligent and have a particularly strong talent for magic.” Just like that, he had saved himself from hours of hair pats and watched as she gasped and quickly sat back in her chair, legs crossed and practically thrumming with energy with a bright smile and wide eyes to match. She was quick to fire off question after question at him about something so new to her and so interesting...

And, as always, he was more than happy to tell her all he knew.

* * *

Heavy rain poured upon the canopy as the carriage carried the four of them along, leaving them to depart just after Dragon Bridge when the other passengers were heading to Markarth. They travelled along the cobbled road, relying completely on Kaidan’s keen sense of direction and knowledge of Skyrim to find Dead Men’s Respite for their… quest? Job?  _ Task _ from Viarmo at the Bards College.

Rain water sloshed in their boots as they walked long, hoods up and cloaks wrapped firmly around their shoulders. Even Nara couldn’t complain about having to be wrapped up to keep herself warm - still matching Lucien in their sets of Museum Armour - despite her new and very apparent hatred for sleeves. With a heavy sigh, she watched her breath turn to clouds in front of her as she followed along behind Kaidan, Lucien and Lydia, having to jog every so often just to catch up when she’d get distracted…

Though that wasn’t a normal sound to hear in the wilds…

She looked around and spotted further in the distance, through the trees and wet underbrush on the northern side of the road, two groups fighting to the death. Half were garbed in familiar Legion armour, the type she had seen several soldiers wear around Solitude whilst on her walks. And the other half in blue leathers and scruffy furs… Stormcloaks, from the patrols she had seen around Mixwater Mill before she set off on her travels. A small burst of anxiety made its way through her chest. She  _ had  _ heard about the Civil War, it was one of the many things on people’s lips all across Skyrim. She had just never seen it for her own eyes.

But that anxiety was made even worse and quickly turned to fear at the sound of a dog frantically barking not so far away… and  _ for her? _ She halted in her tracks, finding it so incredibly difficult to explain how she knew  _ that _ .

Without a second thought, she sprinted off the path, into the trees to find a stray soldier trying to look through a shack… No, not a soldier, his armour was too mismatched, too much Legion and too much Stormcloak mixed together in a clashing mix. But more importantly, the dog in question kept growling at him and not at her, dodging the occasional attempt at a kick and hurled, angry insult from what was clearly a scavenger.

“Get away from the dog!”

“What the—” With a heavy and quick  _ crack  _ of her staff to his gut, he stumbled from the force of the blow. His back hit the surprisingly solid wall of the hut whilst the dog snapped at his leg and struck gold with a strong bite to his upper calf. In an instant, the scavenger was howling in pain whilst the dog growled around him, trying his best to rag him about like a toy before finally letting go to let the man limp away as quickly as he could.

It wasn’t until she was certain that the scavenger wasn’t going to return that Nara stowed away her staff on her back and crouched down, immediately met with kisses to her chin and neck from the dog. “Hi there! Oh hello- yes! Aren’t you just a good boy? Or girl? What’s your name, buddy? Oh you’re just so handsome!  _ Yes you are!” _

The dog simply kept cheerfully barking at her between kisses and frantic bouncing up and down. Yet it all made much more sense when she took a quick look in the  hut and felt her stomach drop. She was quick to cover her mouth and nose with her cloak, the horrid stench of death making her eyes water both from the nausea and… regret? Guilt? Pain? It was difficult to describe. But despite it all, she carefully edged closer to the corpse of a Nord man, lifted the journal from his side before quickly stepping back outside and reading the final entry.

She carefully stowed away the book and dried her eyes, crouching down to which the dog- no, no…  _ Meeko, _ sat down in front of her with a small whine and let her wind her arms around his neck, burying her face and fingers into his wet fur.

“You’re a very good boy, Meeko- no, in fact,  _ The Bestest Boy, _ and you can come with me if you’d like?” Nara asked, still crouched down and fussing his ears. He gave a happy bark, or at least the happiest one he could muster before licking her chin again and standing up with his tail wagging behind him. “Come on, I think you’ll like my friends. And I know for a fact that they’ll  _ adore you.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These hecking Nerds I swear, but hey!! That's one very good doggo


	50. Dead Men's Respite

“Who’s a good boy?! You’re a good boy! Yes you are!  _ Yes you are!” _

It was… relieving, to have an animal companion after a month of just being surrounded by people. But in a way it was also a little tedious, and Nara wasn’t sure why until she saw Meeko absolutely shower Lucien in affection and the Imperial returned the favour so readily. They’d only had the dog in their party for little under an hour and she wasn’t sure who she was jealous of.  _ Typical brain being so damn confusing. _

But the rain had long since let up, and after explaining what she had found at Meeko’s Shack whilst they sat on the stone steps just outside Dead Men’s Respite… Kaidan finally relented and gave up trying to tell her that the last thing they needed was a pet.

“Not going to be able to convince you otherwise, am I?”

“Kaidan, have you met me?”

“Aye, I have, and I guess I should have expected this to happen at  _ some point.”  _ She tutted and stuck her tongue out at him for that, getting a chuckle and a grin in reply before he turned and got his fair share of attention from their newest companion.

Yet she could - and most certainly would at every damn chance she could get - gladly, proudly and  _ ever so smugly _ declare herself Meeko’s favourite. And she wasn’t wrong. All she did was pat her thighs and the next thing she knew was that she had been knocked to the floor by the heavy mass of damp, grey fur that gave a cheery bark. She was left to laugh whilst being somewhat crushed under Meeko’s weight and all the while, without a care in the world, he slobbered kisses all over her face and wagged his tail.

“Who’s my bestest buddy? Ready to go find a book?” Meeko gave another happy bark and leapt off of her, knocking more wind out of her chest in the process but she didn’t mind as she quickly scrambled to her feet. “Come on, you lot! We’ve got work to do!”

“Nara, are you sure it’s wise for Meeko to come with us? Surely he can wait outside? Especially if there are draugr in there?” Lucien was quick to ask, the very last thing he wanted was Meeko getting hurt just because he went into a Nordic Barrow with them. But he took her hand when she offered it out to him, letting her help him up off the stone steps whilst she pulled her swath of blue cloth from her pocket. Wrapping it around her face and tying it at the back of her head, she was prepared and protected from the dust that had no doubt piled up over the centuries, and turned to the latest addition to the group.

“Oh he’ll be fine, Lucien! Ready to go re-kill some nasty, dusty zombies, Meeko?” Immediately Meeko lowered himself and growled, but still kept wagging his tail, leaving his new Breton friend to grin brightly and fuss his ears. “See! Come on you three, or we’ll both end up leaving you behind!”

Just like that, they followed after Meeko and Nara, heading into the depths of the Barrow and immediately encountering a ghost. Which totally wasn’t alarming at all, no, of course not  _ why would it be? _ But they still followed along, navigating their way through the old, cold halls with Lucien’s Candlelight keeping the shadows at bay and Meeko’s keen sense of smell spotting the resting Draugr before they’d stumble and wake the sleeping undead. Though the sudden appearance of Frostbite Spiders did nothing to help their nerves, and especially not Nara’s.

The first two were no bigger than Meeko, sat in a dead end and easily dispatched with a brief blast of Lucien’s Flames spell. One dealt with, Kaidan stepped forward and over a pressure plate to find only a few knick-knacks in a chest and a handful of old coins. And like that they continued on, hoping they wouldn’t encounter any more spiders but they all knew that, deep down, it was going to be inevitable.

They finally reached the only way to the next portion of the Barrow, into a room with two gated wells. The webs were barely noticeable at first, and Nara just shrugged and stepped into the center of the room, walking beneath one of two large holes in the ceiling without a care in the world. Her eyes scanned the walls, the collapsed arches that would have led into different areas of whatever Dead Men’s Respite  _ used  _ to be. History certainly wasn’t her forte and she didn’t really know what to think or imagine as she hummed behind her blue cloth, looking for the next way into the ruin. They had come searching for a book after all.

Then she heard it.  _ That Gods damned skittering… _

She managed to bite back  _ most _ of her scream and dove to the other side of the room as two spiders descended from the ceiling, both bigger than Meeko and both focused on her. Gods, it was a nightmare in reality, and with her quarterstaff in hand and her friends and Housecarl, all that was left was two splattered monster corpses and a trembling Breton. Kaidan was immediately there in front of her, an arm wrapped firmly around her shoulders and his sword lowered in his other hand as he pulled her to his armoured chest. Even he knew it wasn’t the most comfortable thing, but it was better than nothing as they stood beside the wall.

It didn’t take her long to stop trembling, not with the quiet comforting words he mumbled down to her as he patted her shoulder. “Good to continue on, pet?”

“Yep..! And, thanks Kaidan...” Nara replied, the final slithers of fear vanishing with the firm but comforting squeeze Kaidan gave her.

“Don’t mention it, they’re not the best things in the entire world. Can’t blame you for being scared of them. But as long as you’re good and not hurt, then that’s what matters.”

She nodded at that and took a deep breath, looking over to Lucien and giving him a questioning look and a hopeful thumbs up. He gave a nod and small smile in return before spotting something on the opposite wall between two iron structions. He stepped over and carefully burned away the webs covering the stone and iron to reveal a chain. With a pull, the furthest well gate suddenly opened and they all peered down into its depths, seeing a broken hole in the wall at the bottom.

Nara carefully shrugged off her knapsack as she looked down into the hole with everyone else, listening to Kaidan as he gave an incredibly heavy sigh. “Oh bloody hell… you’re joking, right..?” 

“I don’t think so, sorry Kaidan—” Lucien was quick to reply only to be cut off by a loud  _ SPLASH! _ “Nara!”

“Holy  _ fuck  _ it’s freezing! Lydia! Take Meeko back out and set up camp please! Can’t have him jumping down or he’ll hurt himself! The water’s only so deep!”

“On it, my Thane!”

“Come on, you two! Get yourselves down here we still have a book to find! Also drop me your bags! Just to make sure that they don’t get wet!”

With shared looks of disdain and a heavy sigh each, Kaidan and Lucien jumped down into the freezing water one by one after lowering their bags carefully to Nara as she told them to. They were quick to follow their short leader further into the barren depths of the ruin, lugging stale, cold water with them as they fought their way further inside and further down into the twisting, dusty depths.

And then behind a rock wall, they found a dead body and the Ghost once again, sat nearby with the book under his own corpse’s hand and a strongbox on the ledge next to his spectral form. He looked down at the book first and then ‘patted’ the box beside him before promptly vanishing, leaving the trio to look at one another in confusion. Nara simply shrugged, grabbed the book and wrapped it up in her grey tunic before stashing it away. The box, on the other hand, took a little bit of prying open, but with a good strong tug and a bit of a snort to herself at  _ ‘tug’ _ , Nara had the box open and poured out its contents. Just a single amber and silver ring.

She shrugged again, slipping the ring over her glove without a pause for thought and continued leading the way. Soon enough, they were back to following the Ghost again and came upon ‘the Hall of Stories’ as Lucien had mentioned them to be called. With a glance at the Ruby Claw, they had the puzzle solved and the iron door opened and they stepped into the final room, into the court...

**_“Olaf! It is time!”_ ** The Ghost shouted out, simply confusing Nara with more names that she didn’t know, but she shrugged and waited only to stumble a little when the entire room shuddered, trails of dust and pieces of ceiling dropping to the stone floor. The trio watched as at least a dozen Draugr stepped up from their thrones and charged with a variety of weapons, and so they met their foes with the same amount of zeal. Yet with the added presence of the Ghost, they cleared their way through the barely armoured group of undead with relative ease.

“Wasn’t so bad—”

**_“Arise, Olaf! My vengeance is at hand!”_ **

“Oh for fucks sake!” The Ghost paid the angry Breton no mind as the second group of four Draugr, better armed and armoured than the first, rose from their seats with different shouts in what sounded like Dragon, though she couldn’t be sure. Then again, she was far too busy focusing on making sure her friends were safe and alive.

Nara charged up the steps, wincing at the distant echoes of the shadowed Word Wall as she went, before swinging with two heavy  _ cracks _ of her staff into the first Draugr’s side and withered gut. It lashed out, swinging its war axe just slow enough for her to duck beneath as dust and old, stale air was pushed out of its rotten lungs with a snarled  _ “Dir volaan!”. _ She replied with her own wordless growl before slamming - without much thought - her fist into its pallid face, slightly caving in its skull before spinning and swinging back around with her staff and finishing off the job.

She let out a heavy breath, turning around just in time to see how Lucien easily thrust the Sword of Whiterun through a Draugr’s throat, almost completely splitting the head away from the rest of its shoulders. Nara blinked, somehow confused and yet not at all, her mind muddled by the sight but in a strangely comforting way. She shook her head and thoughts clear and pulled down the fabric covering her face to flash him a big grin. “Hi!”

He was more than happy to throw just as bright a smile back at her. “Hi!”

“Pay attention, you two!” Kaidan was sure to snap, helping the Ghost dispatch the final Draugr effortlessly, leaving the courtroom calm… for the moment. And that Word Wall was still  _ bloody chanting. _

“Oh bloody hell- I’ll be right back! Can’t focus with that thing…” Nara grumbled, sprinting up to the wall and easily passing through the Ghost as she went. She laid her gloved hand against the glowing, carved word, brushing away the dust that had gathered in the indents as she concentrated. A faint wind - one that had no right to exist so far beneath the earth - suddenly appeared, causing the loose strands of her hair to lift ever so slightly as she tried to comprehend the word before her and unlock its—

The seal on the sarcophagus behind her suddenly broke with a loud, forceful punch and she only  _ just _ managed to duck out of the way in time as the lid flew towards her, clanging to the stone floor beside her as the final Draugr climbed out of its tomb. The thick heavy breastplate matched the iron horned crown upon its head, dark and absorbing the light with a matt finish to the metal, and on its side was an axe to match its dark armour.

_ “Insolent Bard! Die!” _ The Draugr screamed out, and yet instead of focusing on the Ghost in question, it turned to Nara and revealed the one, glowing blue eye peering out from the shadow of its helm as it took a deep breath.

“Oh fuck…” 

_ “FO! KRAH DIIN!” _

She dodged and dove to the side as quickly as she could, left to take half of the shout. Feeling the freezing cold seep into her already chilly bones, Nara tumbled across the floor before scrambling the best she could back onto her feet. Kaidan and Lucien were already in combat with Olaf himself, landing attacks where they could against the hulking undead - which showed a more retained understanding of combat and skill - fought with axe in hand and frost lingering on its breath.

As a trio, with the added help of the Ghost, they brought the Draugr down to its knees… or rather Kaidan did with surprising ease. A deft slash of his sword and the Draugr’s axe arm was cut off at the elbow and with a twist and slash in the returning, opposite direction, Olaf was brought down to one knee. Dust and fragments of bone scattered across the floor and with a rasped out threat, the undead was cut short with Kaidan’s nodachi being thrust between the gap its armour, the blade being driven down through its spine - right between its shoulders.

“So…” Nara broke the silence, shivering and trying her best to keep her teeth from chattering too loudly, her back and legs still coated with frost. “Morthal?”

“Oh I bloody don’t think so, you’re not trudging through the snow looking like a drowned rat and half frozen.” Kaidan shot back, yanking his sword free from the corpse and glancing around in the light of Lucien’s re-cast Candlelight. He reached into the empty tomb beside them, grabbing the key laid at the bottom that he handed to the Imperial whilst he sheathed his nodachi on his back. Then he thought for a moment as he stared at the Breton, trying to read the quiet expression on her face, and he’d realised that he’d burst her bubble. So he held out his hand to her, managing to grab her attention. “Lydia should have finished setting up camp on the surface by now, so we’ll get warmed up, and if it’s still light enough we’ll head to Morthal for the evenin’, aye?”

She thought for a moment, pulling the strap of her quarterstaff over her head and quickly taking his hand, her gloved hand completely dwarfed by his in comparison but it hardly mattered… simply because it helped,  _ he helped. _ “All right, that makes more sense.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Very Good Boy to add to Nara's growing collection of Boys, I would think!  
> Gracious thanks to Gnewna for help with proof reading!!!


	51. Lesson Learnt

“Feeling any better?”

The question caught Nara off guard, but it was enough to snap her out from staring at the newest entry she had written in her journal. But so far all it contained - other than a quick and hasty, last minute copy of the Word Wall in Dead Men’s Respite - was  _ ‘Ghost???’ _ underlined several times in her confusion. She decided to leave it for the moment, closing her book on her dry quill and pulled her feet up onto the bench she was sitting on, even scooching over just enough for Kaidan to sit down beside her. He handed her a bowl and set down his own serving of stew, hot venison with leek and potatoes and a few carrots along with a loaf of freshly baked bread that he was quick to tear in half and hand a piece to her… specifically the larger portion.

But Nara happily took it and started digging in, feeling her body warm up some more when the large fire in the Moorside Inn could only do so much. And it was only when she had scarfed down half of her meal that she replied. “Much better. Not cold anymore. That frost Shout is a bastard, I can tell you that. You doing good though?”

“Yeah, I’m all right. Pretty good haul from looking through that Barrow though, wanna help me go through that in a bit?” His answer didn’t stick quite right with her, it was too quickly given for her tastes, but she nodded and quickly swallowed the large chunk of bread she was busily chewing through.

“Sure! But… you don’t seem so good? You say you’re ‘all right’ but… it’s not showing in your eyes?” He let out a small chuckle at that, finishing his own meal fairly quickly before sitting up straighter and leaning back against the table with his arms folded across his strong chest.

“I’m that easy to read then, ey?”

“I mean… kinda… sometimes. Right now you are, other times you’re not. So!” With a final tear of the bread loaf and a wipe of the bowl to get the last of the stew, Nara ate what was left and properly turned around on the bench to face him, her hands resting on her shins as she still had to look  _ up _ at him. “Talk to me! Please..?”

Kaidan chuckled again and let out a small sigh, letting the moment pass as he thought, gathering his thoughts and his words before finally saying something. 

“Well, how’s this doing?” He gently patted her right shoulder before tapping his own sternum. “And how’s  _ that one _ doing?”

“Oh, this scar’s fine, and so’s this one too! They haven’t hurt me yet, and I don’t think they will? That healing spell from Runa must have been plenty powerful.” She didn’t take a moment to think, simply grabbed the hem of her grey tunic and lifted it just enough to show her strong stomach and the silver scar that cut through the top and center of her abdominal muscles. He hummed, staring at her stomach for a moment before nodding to himself, looking away and staring at the fire instead whilst she put her tunic back in order. “You… you’re really not ‘all right’, are you?”

“You were unconscious for  _ a week, _ Nara…” Kaidan answered quietly, meeting her gaze with such an intense look in his red eyes, his jaw set and shoulders tensed. “I thought you were going to die- that you had died and Runa and Lucien were just preventing the inevitable or… summat… I don’t know but…”

“Kaidan…” She whispered his name whilst he sighed, heavily, staring at his knees as he hunched over just a little to rest his arms on his thighs and his head in his hand. Nara could only shuffle closer, frowning as she did and thinking more on it all. “We should’ve talked properly about this sooner…”

“Maybe so. But you needed the space, pet, you’d just woken up and you’ve got Lucien to talk to about this kind of thing. I would’ve been able to feel better about, in time—”

“No!” With an angry glare up at him, Nara folded her arms to add to her incredibly unimpressed expression. “We’re friends, we’re a team. We  _ talk _ about this stuff. When it involves being worried about each other, we talk about it. We don’t just let it blow over, it’s not fair on the others or each other and it’s not Healthy.”

He blinked for just a moment, staring at her. A tiny Breton girl with no idea who she was, telling him what to do with the intensity of an Imperial Legate… He couldn’t help but chuckle softly, moving his left arm and opening up the space to which she quickly huddled to his side, still always dwarfed by him. Yet, she didn’t care, for he wound his arm around her shoulder and squeezed her tight, leaving her to wrap her arms the best she could around his broad chest to return the embrace.

“Aye, you’ve got a point there, I’ll be sure to keep it in mind… But you’re still adding to that list, yeah?”

“Yep! Talking, thinking, planning, looking after my hair, looking after myself, looking after Lucien, looking after you, eating  _ healthily…” _ She shuddered for a moment, making him grin fondly at the memory of her ‘arguing’ with Lucien about how many cakes in an hour was a healthy amount. “Being strong - both physically and emotionally, making sure I go to sleep before midnight since I wake up before dawn no matter what, telling you and Lucien when I’m not feeling too great about whatever situation we’re in, being sure to safely remove myself from said situation or rely on you or Lucien to help with that - like when we stepped into Solitude for the first time with the whole, execution thing that was happening and you got me into the tavern… I think that’s what I’ve got so far?”

“Hm, good list. Glad you’re keeping up to it.” Nara pulled away, giving him a small smile as she sat up straighter, sitting shoulder to shoulder with him. Or rather, her shoulder to his upper arm.

“Of course I’m keeping up to it! If anything, it’s helping me figure out how to properly be  _ me, _ you know? Weird conversations with Kynareth only do so much..?” He was sure to nod, still always trying to wrap his head around that little detail… or rather a detail the size of a mammoth. But if she could mention it so offhandedly, then it was safe to say that she was more than content with the situation she was in with the Goddess of Nature.

“So then, Nara, who are you?” Kaidan asked with a bit of a grin, watching as she made a pondering face and stretched her arms behind her head.

“I’m…” She hummed a bit, stretching even more as she ‘thought’, happily sighing when she was finished and grinned right back at him. “Stronger than you.”

“Well, I think we’ve only got one way of testing that out.”

“Oh..?”

“Fancy a bit of a wager?”

She thought for a moment, letting a smirk cross her lips as she chuckled. “Well, you’ve piqued my curiosity now, Kai. Go on, let’s hear it?”

* * *

Despite the chilly weather and the brief stop to warm up in a pitched tent after slogging stale, frozen water with them through an entire Ancient Nordic Barrow, Lucien’s mood hadn’t been ruined. He had excused himself for what he expected to be a brief stop at Morthal’s resident wizard to pick up the Daedric Sanctuary Amulet, though it turned into an hour’s stay and conversation with Falion about the Amulet itself. But finally remembering that Meeko had followed him and that Lydia had been sent to accompany him - much to her annoyance - in the dusk hours, Lucien tore himself away. He safely placed the Amulet’s box away in his backpack and bid farewell to Falion before setting off back to the tavern, dog at his heels and moody Nord Housecarl glaring at the back of his head.

As soon as he opened the door, however, he wasn’t met with a sleepy, quiet tavern but rather what felt like the entire city crammed into the Moorside Inn. Meeko immediately started barking, feeding off of the excited energy and easily joining in whilst Lydia used her height to peer over the crowd and immediately smirked.

“Go on, lass!”

“Twelve septims on the big one!”

“Fucking hell- pet, what’re you made of?” Kaidan couldn’t help but ask, voice strained and locked hand in hand with Nara as they sat on opposite sides of the bar. He was given a broad grin as sweat clung to his brow and arms much like it did to Nara as she held them both in a stalemate. Their hands had barely shifted from being completely upright, and looked to be going nowhere fast.

“Sheer strength of will!” She gasped out with a strained laugh to match, muscles straining against her tunic as she tightened her grip on his hand to the point of him wincing but he didn’t falter, he remained steadfast and resolute against her. But she wasn’t entirely honest in her answer and mustered her secret storage of perseverance and closed her eyes tight, refusing to shift her elbow from the bartop as she pushed and pushed and pushed and—

With a heavy thud, cheers rang out through the tavern and she felt her victory wash over her as she raised her fists in triumph whilst Kaidan rubbed the back of his hand with a chuckle and a shake of his head. “So, best of three?”

“Oh go on then!”

“What on earth have you two been doing..?” After managing to push and excuse his way through the tavern, Lucien finally reached the bar and stood beside his short friend as she rolled up her sleeves. She startled just a little but quickly smiled so brightly, cheeks flushed from the exertion but still grinning nonetheless.

“Arm wrestling!” Nara replied chipperly, flexing her arms for no other reason than to make some kind of a point and to make her muscles strain against the confines of her sleeves. Though she didn’t understand why he turned a particularly vivid shade of pink and cleared his throat, glancing away for a moment as he shrugged off his satchel and reached into its contents for something. Then it clicked in her mind, the entire reason he was still wrapped up in his brown bear fur cloak and wearing the leather jacket portion of his armour over his dry clothes. “Oh! Hey! You got the thing! Sorry, brain’s all over the place.”

“Yep! Got the ‘thing’ in question, just as Auryen asked. Might I have a look at the Verse?”

“Yeah if I get to look at the Amulet! Come on, this way. Hold that space for me, Kaidan! I’ll be right back for the rest of our wager!” With a hop off the barstool, Nara squeezed her way through the busy tavern towards her room. She quickly unlocked the door and waited, letting Lucien in first and being sure to shove back one particularly drunk man who thought… Well, goodness knows  _ what  _ he thought but an effortless push, a slam of the door and quick turn of the lock had both Lucien and Nara sighing in relief as they sat in her and Lydia’s rented room. “So! Weird Amulet?”

“Ah! Right, of course, here!” A moment of careful rummaging later and Lucien pulled out a dark, square box, the wood polished and stained to almost match the dark iron latch on the front. Nara carefully took it from him, setting it aside on a table for a moment before looking through her own bag, finding the carefully wrapped book that she unfolded from one of Kaidan’s spare tunics.

She handed over the book, watching with a small smile as Lucien gently placed it on the table and procured his own notebook and writing implements. Whilst he added a new set of notes to his already vast collection, he mumbled to himself about how ‘fascinating’ it was and about how ‘surprising’ the condition of the book was, and Nara couldn’t help but grin a bit as she listened. But her curiosity  _ was _ getting the better of her after all and so turned to the latest item in their shared possession.

She moved the box from the table and sat with it on her lap across the small table from Lucien, carefully flicking and unlocking the latch to see the crimson crescent nestled within the velvet cushioning. She carefully picked it up, watching the ebony chain unravel as she inspected the Amulet closer, taking in the detail and strange crimson metal. It was unlike anything she’d ever seen, but then again, Nara hadn’t really seen all that much in her time awake. Certainly didn’t feel like anything she knew.

There was a strange magical element, hewn into the necklace, making it thrum ever so slightly in her hands as she stared at it. Wonder and curiosity abound, she focused a little more and found no answers, leaving her to frown and grumble before pulling out her journal to sketch the Amulet into the latest entry - right underneath  _ ‘Ghost???’. _ Then she remembered the curious ring they had found in Dead Men’s Respite as well and quickly added a drawing of that to her page as well… and then promptly got bored and put on the Amulet.

With his forehead in his hand and an incredibly worried look, Lucien finally took a deep breath and peeled himself away from studying the King Olaf’s Lost Verse and glanced up, seeing Nara there with her quill in hand and a look of concentration plastered across her face. All it had taken was a glance away, back to his notes to double check them and then back up and  _ she was gone. _

Lucien blinked, opening his mouth only to sit there for a second, completely bemused. He definitely didn’t hear the door open, no sudden loud burst of the tavern outside and certainly no turn of the key in the lock or even any movement. “Nara?”

No reply. So to be sure it wasn’t just her playing a trick on him, he checked under the table, finding only her knapsack, so then he moved over to one of the two beds, checking beneath it only to hear a loud _ thud!  _ behind him.

He whirled around, seeing Nara clutching the Amulet in her right hand and her upper arm in her left, her tunic sleeve ripped and bloodied as she sat there with tears in her eyes and a very angry scowl on her face.

“Nara!” He quickly rushed over and knelt down beside her, channelling Healing Hands into one palm whilst gently pulling away her bloodied hand to see the large, nasty slash across her muscular arm. It had become second nature to cast the Restoration spell, and yet he was left wondering whether it would be worth finding a better and much stronger tome when they got back to Solitude. “What on earth happened?”

“I was an idiot, put on the Amulet and ended up somewhere weird with men that looked like Dunmer but weren’t Dunmer. They had horns and red markings on their faces? And wore black armour with red glowy bits and one of them had this massive crescent sword that really bloody well hurt… and I think one of them tried to set my hair on fire...” Nara explained, albeit a little meekly, grumbling and mumbling out her reply as he healed the wound on her arm with care and ease.

“Ah, now that sounds like you’ve had an encounter with Dremora, or rather a few of them. But you’re _not_ an idiot.” Lucien said firmly, squeezing her upper arm lightly before he finished the last few pieces of the spell, pulling his hand away and finding the only blood that was left was stained into the sleeve of her shirt and ever so slightly on the palm of his hand. “Please don’t think of yourself like that, Nara.”

She thought for a moment and let a small grin cross her face, one he was more than happy to return when he replied. “... but I did make a fucking stupid mistake though.” 

“But now you know not to put on random, enchanted pieces of jewellery with only curiosity guiding your way, now don’t you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy oh boy this one was a treat to write, good dorky times and Nerds Being Pals, I love very much  
> Gracious Thanks to Gnewna for Help Proof Reading!!!


	52. Trust and Tunics

“It’s fucking freezing…”

“Yep… Someone end my bloody suffering...”

“Hopefully it gets colder! You never know it might even start snowing considering how far north we are!”

Immediately, Kaidan and Nara shared an incredibly annoyed and foul look with one another before returning to glare at the back of Lucien’s head whilst he chipperly led the way through the gates of Solitude. The only reason why they were both in foul moods was because they’d been awake since dawn and had trudged through snow, sleet, mud and up the hills towards Solitude from Morthal - all just because the carriage hadn’t given them a chance to catch up.

A bitter sigh left Nara but she was so utterly relieved to be back into a properly walled city, and to be so close to seeing Runa again. She gave Meeko a happy little scratch on the back of his head, getting a cheery bark before she jogged ahead and led the way further into the city and immediately veered right into the Dough Re Mi and pushed open the door. Met with warmth and the  _ divine  _ smell of sweets and cakes, Nara wandered her way further inside only to freeze after a moment, all because she heard…  _ singing? _

She never expected her tall, red haired friend to be much one for song. Yet it made more sense when she remembered the punny name of her bakery, the fact she had mentioned and offered free lute lessons and now  _ even more sense _ with how beautiful and strong Runa’s voice was. So, with a soft grin on her face, Nara quietly stood in the entrance way and listened whilst Runa kept her back to the rest of her home and kept making the next batch of food to sell. She was singing a song of the ocean and being beckoned by it, of being carried across the treacherous waves by the mere strength of the wind, having her fate follow her and not vice versa as she paved out her odyssey with the steps she would take.

It was something the likes of which Nara had  _ never  _ heard before.

After belting out of the final few lyrics with strength and enthusiasm, Runa nodded to herself and dusted the flour off her hands. “Right, there we go.” She turned and lifted the metal tray into the oven, spying just over the countertop the small gathering of familiar faces. She didn’t startle, only smiled at them all and the short girl at the front of the group. “Come here, Nara.”

The Breton didn’t think twice, didn’t spot the strange hint to the Baker’s bright green eyes and happily skipped over as Runa stepped out from behind the counter and-

Suddenly, she wrapped an arm around her head, madly ruffling silvery white hair and holding the young Breton in a headlock who could only yelp and squeal, utterly bewildered and shocked by the sudden turn of events whilst Runa kept up her special brand of torture that exactly matched Kaidan’s. “I knew you were there the entire time, you cheeky little snoop- Might’ve had me back turned but I could bloody well sense you were there!”

“I was being polite-  _ Argh!  _ Runa- didn’t want to interrupt you- Lucien help!”

“I am not getting involved!”

_ “Traitor!” _ With that exclamation, Nara remained stuck to Runa’s side with the Nord holding her in a firm, unbreakable hold. The Baker looked up to Kaidan and Lucien, her grin fading just a touch and becoming more curious than amused as to why she could hear something jumping up and down outside her door, the scrabbling at the wood and the barking to go with it.

“You lot got a dog whilst you were out?”

“... maybe?” Runa’s face immediately lit up, green eyes wide and filled with joy to match the biggest grin any of them had seen her wear.

“Bloody hell- let them in!” Lucien was quick to nod, opening the door to which Meeko quickly scrambled inside and started bouncing up and down in front of Nara and Runa. The taller woman quickly let go of the short Breton and crouched down, immediately met with plenty of kisses and happy hellos from the shaggy, grey furred dog. “Oh he’s  _ gorgeous!  _ Where did you find him? Will you sit for me, boy? Good lad! Shake? Oh you’re so clever,  _ yes you are!” _

Nara, despite her even  _ messier _ hair and frustrated blush, explained away in vivid detail and with great enthusiasm the adventure that they had in one whole day, including how she had found such a faithful companion on the road. All the while, Runa - whilst still listening to Nara intently and completely - cycled through all the tricks she knew for dogs and hounds, discovering that Meeko knew many and for the ones that he didn’t she was sure to begin teaching as they all listened to the tiny Breton ramble away. 

“- and now we’re up to the Museum again to drop off more things for Auryen and then after that I have no idea? Probably the Raiment? Then Wolfskull at some point- Oh! And back up to the Bards College with the Olaf Verse thing… though that is pretty damaged. Well, not damaged more so just... scribbled all over because welp turns out someone didn’t like the poem because reasons? I’m still trying to make sense of it.” Nara ranted, finally taking a moment to breathe as she scratched the back of her head and looked down at Runa who was still knelt before Meeko, fussing and scratching his ears, much to his obvious joy.

“Wolfskull, aye? Can have a bit of a scry for you, if you want? Don’t like the idea of you wasting your time, you know, going to a cave and finding out it is just superstition putting the locals on edge. Especially in this bloody weather, bet you owt it’ll be chucking it down every single hour before long.”

“But even the court wizard in the Blue Palace said that she couldn’t find anything in the area with her own scrying.” Lucien was sure to pipe up, blinking a little when the Baker scoffed and stood to her full height, almost matching Kaidan as she drummed her fingers on the wooden countertop.

“Aye and she’s a bloody stuck up cow hiding behind a Glamour for  _ some reason.” _ Runa countered, thinking for just a moment before lifting her right hand, rolling her wrist and rolling an invisible coin across her knuckles at the same time, summoning her sword with the simple gesture and a splash of ink… whilst the mounted cutlass on the wall behind her remained where it was. She changed her grip on the handle whilst the splash of ink vanished on the stone floor, the silver and gold tendrils of the handguard shifting and crawling to hold a better grip on her forearm as she closed her eyes and focused, whispering a few quiet words to herself as the pommel flashed a bright green for just a moment. “Huh… It’s warded, definitely all the more reason to go investigate, sweetpea.”

“Want to come with us when we do?” Nara asked, a bit of a hopeful grin on her face. Runa simply chuckled, flicking her wrist which caused her sword to swirl within itself and vanish back into her palm, becoming the main tendril of her tattoo across her palm and forearm once again.

“Nope, ‘cause someone’s got to look after this handsome chap whilst you’re out, don’t they?” Runa shot back with a surprisingly cheeky grin, patting her thighs to which Meeko leapt up and placed his front paws on her shoulders with a happy bark. “But I’ll come with you to the Raiment. Help you cope with the Sisters.”

“The Altmer pair, right?” Kaidan piped up, having been quietly stood by the entrance with his arms crossed over his armoured chest and a slight scowl on his face as he kept his watchful gaze on Runa. The Baker simply nodded, meeting his cold gaze with a rather neutral look of her own and for once it felt like she wasn’t prying into his soul with her too-bright eyes. Despite his own worries and possibly his own common sense, he relaxed just a touch. “Probably for the best you do, can’t have them wearing down Nara with their attitudes.”

“That we can’t. That and well, gotta keep a good eye on you, sweetpea, bet you’ve a horrible habit of spending all you’ve got without realising it.”

“That’s..!” Nara was about to defend herself, finger raised and about to be pointed to try and prove her point. Instead, she thought about it for a moment, and a sheepish smile pulled at her lips as she rubbed her back of her neck instead. “... a fair point. Head off now or do you have extra things you need to do, Runa?”

“We’ll go now. Oven’s enchanted so don’t have to worry about everything burning down whilst I’m out, made it myself, actually.” Runa said with a small proud grin on her face before stepping into the back room and coming back with her coat to find Lucien and Nara in the midst of sorting through items. They’d taken to using the clear counter, rummaging through their bags and Kaidan’s to find everything they had gathered on their adventure to Dead Men’s Respite. With all of the treasure and loot they had found gathered into three separate piles, they finally settled on what they’d keep, sell and what they’d give to Auryen for the Museum.

As soon as Runa reappeared, wearing her leather coat with its silver and gold serpent emblazoned and embroidered across her back, Nara looked up from looking over the handful of gems they had found and placed in between all three of the piles. Immediately, she snatched up the emerald they had found and raised it up as high as she could to Runa’s face, comparing it to her eyes and grinning after she had glanced back and forth a few times.

“Yep! Knew it! Your eyes are prettier than emeralds!” Nara happily proclaimed, holding the gem between thumb and forefinger only for Runa to quickly cover her hand and lower it. She thought for a moment, bright green eyes narrowed in thought before she plucked a different gem from the small pile and compared it to Nara’s eyes.

“And your eyes are prettier than amethysts, sweetpea. We heading off then?”

“Oh! Right! Yeah, sorry, got distracted. Shall we?” With the gems placed back on the Maybe Pile, Nara held out her hand on instinct to Runa who stared at it for a moment. She processed the simple gesture within a second, going through the motions in her head: how, why, when did she deserve it, when did Nara  _ think _ she deserved it— She snapped herself back to reality and carefully placed her hand in Nara’s, letting the younger woman’s fingers lace between hers and settle in her much larger grip. It…  _ helped. _

“Aye, that we shall! See you two in a bit! I’ll keep an eye on this one, make sure she doesn’t get into  _ too much  _ trouble!”

They all stepped back outside, Nara and Runa both giving Meeko a final fuss before letting him join Kaidan, Lucien and Lydia on their walk up to the Dragonborn Museum whilst they both turned and headed in the opposite direction. Just a quick meander towards the Radiant Raiment and a moment later they were back inside, out of the cold morning air and into the warmth of the tailors. As soon as they shut the door behind them, a sharp and annoyed voice called to them from the front as Nara stepped forward with Runa slowly trailing behind her.

“Oh, what a delight, the first customer of the day—” The Altmer woman behind the counter looked up - having been busy adding rather delicate embroidery to a dress - and let the words die in her throat as she watched the Nord step out of the shadows and tower protectively behind the tiny Breton. She focused entirely on Runa and swallowed only slightly, refusing to drop her negative attitude completely as she carefully set down her work. “Ah,  _ Runa, _ such a  _ pleasure _ to see you…”

_ “Endarie.”  _ Runa kept her greeting simple and as sharp as the Altmer’s, softening only when she looked down at her friend. “We’re just here to get a few bits and bobs, right, sweetpea?”

Nara nodded, clutching Runa’s hand a little tighter. She’d never heard so much distaste and venomous disgust in a person’s voice before and Endarie had definitely proved that such a thing was possible. “Yep… mostly essentials... I think?”

With a nod, Runa let go of her hand and instead held open her arm, letting Nara sidle closer and be protectively guarded with Runa’s arm resting gently on her shoulder. The extra protection let Nara properly relax whilst Runa guided her through the shop and looked through everything the Altmer woman had on display.

“Is it just me, or does Endarie not like you..?” Nara whispered up to her friend, taking a moment from looking at the soft tunics to ask.

“Everyone in this city doesn’t like me… people are weirdly scared of me.” Runa whispered back, shrugging a bit as she lifted a green tunic up for herself and carefully examined it for a moment before putting it down. The colour wasn’t  _ exact _ enough for her tastes. “I don’t get it but people just…  _ are.” _

“Is it because of…  _ that _ stuff?” Nara asked, carefully pulling back one of Runa’s sleeves to point at the tattoo across her forearms. The Nord shook her head in response and shrugged again, making a low noise in the back of her throat as she tried to figure it out.

“Dunno, people just are. No one but you and your friends have seen  _ That. _ So I guess people just instinctively know to not like or trust me.”

“Well, they’re idiots. I trust you, and I like you.”

Runa blinked, unable to find the words. There wasn’t a single way for her to properly think in the aftermath of such a revelation. That and also because the front door suddenly opened and Endarie’s sister came wandering in to wrap the pair up in a whirlwind of conversation that Nara was immediately  _ completely  _ lost in, whereas Runa could only just keep her head above the water and keep track of what Taarie was prattling on about.

With a shove and the baffling notion to return to the Raiment in the morning, both Nara and Runa were left to stand in the middle of the street, clutching what they had managed to grab and pay for and blinking in the early noon sunlight.

“What… just happened..?” Nara asked, scratching the back of her head whilst Runa rubbed her eyes and grumbled to herself in the midst of their confusion.

“Not a clue, sweetpea. We’ll find out in the morning though, aye?”

“Yeah, that sounds like a plan to me… want to stop over tonight in my room? Kinda feel like you don’t get out of the bakery enough.”

“Sure, why not. Or you could pop over and spend the night in the bakery with me? Get a hammock set up for you?” Nara's eyes immediately lit up, the confusion swept away to be dealt with later when she had a moment to properly think.

“Definitely! That sounds amazing! I’ve never slept in a hammock before, or really anything that isn’t a bed or on Lucien’s legs or on a carriage. Are they as comfy as they sound?”

Runa blinked, hardly expecting  _ that  _ detail to slip into the midst of Nara’s rambling, but she gave a chuckle, deciding to follow Nara’s example and ignore the confusion for the time being. “Aye, they are. Come on, let’s go find your mates.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof Bad Vibes from this one, was a hell of a slog to write but welp here it is! (I need to get to some actual timeskipping but argh character interactions, I Am Weak)  
> Gracious Thanks To Gnewna For Help With Proof Reading!!!


	53. Scrub Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick warning: Possible rather rough nightmare scene? It's one of those difficult to judge type things but it's better to be safe than sorry, I find. So just to be extra clear and safe for anyone who might be made uncomfortable by it.

With their bellies filled with hot, well cooked food, Nara and Runa wandered their way from the Winking Skeever for their ‘Girls Night In’ after bidding Kaidan, Lucien and Lydia farewell for the night. Meeko was quick to follow them both out, tail wagging as he trotted into the bakery to sit and watch them both string up the spare hammock Runa had stored in the chest at the foot of her bed. All the while they chatted away about nothing in particular, filling the silence with whatever they could think of before settling and getting ready for bed, kicking off their boots and getting comfy for the night.

“So… you just sleep in one of these things..? How do you not fall out?” Nara asked, having finally managed to clamber into the fabric with a spare pillow and thick blanket to cover her. Runa chuckled from her bed, grabbing the edge of the hammock to stop it from swinging wildly back and forth.

“Well, that hammock’s the type that’ll cocoon you a bit when you settle down, so as long as you don’t thrash about in your sleep? You’ll be fine.”

“All right… Did you have a hammock? On your ship?”  _ Oh, she should have expected that. _ Runa took a deep breath and nodded as she settled down and patted the bed. Meeko jumped up and curled up by her feet after spinning around and around to make sure he’d be very comfy indeed.

“I did. Well, before becoming Captain, but… yeah, had a hammock. Good stuff, really. Never got used to having a separate room on The Odyssey.”

“That was the name of your ship?”

“... yep.”

Nara nodded, thinking a little bit as she stared at the plain ceiling above her, counting the wooden planks to keep herself occupied. She couldn’t help but feel like she’d stumbled her way onto egg shells, wondering where the best place to step without making a mess would be. “It’s a good name for a ship.”

“Aye, Tanwyn thought so too. Aren’t wrong, either of you.” With a glance up at the hammock, Runa saw Nara watching her out of the corner of her eye. It didn’t take much at all to realise the Breton’s need in that moment as she twisted and wrung her hands on her stomach. So, she reached for the young woman’s backpack and fished around, finding the leather pouch and throwing it into the hammock for her. “Keep yourself happy, sweetpea.”

Nara gave her a soft smile, wriggling a little to get comfortable as she poured out the purple dice. She still wasn’t sure if they were stained glass or actually cut and shaped amethyst. Either way, she didn’t mind and happily gave her hands something to do as she kept talking.

_ “Anella,” _ Nara began, letting the blonde woman’s name sit and drip off her tongue like foul tasting venom with an expression to match, “said that name to you before... before the fight. Was he your friend?”

“My father, actually. Well, according to adoption papers and that, but also my friend. He was a good man. Redguard, strong as anything, both body and heart. Proper wry sense of humour, but just… he was always there to be a friend to anyone, you know?” Runa rambled away, briefly meeting her friend’s gaze when she peered over the edge of the hammock to look at her. The Baker grinned, chuckling to herself when she realised. “A lot like you, now that I think about it. Bet you’d have both gotten along like a house on fire. You’d have made proper steadfast friends, I think.”

Nara returned the smile, but couldn’t help but let it be tinged with sadness. “I bet we would have! But... he’s not around…”

“No…” Runa sighed, letting that same sadness cling to her briefly. But the grief had long since passed, and she let herself smile fondly at the memories that came rushing back to her. “No, he… he died peacefully in his sleep. Old age or old battle wounds getting to him, not sure which but... I think he died happily, or at least happier than he was when I first met him, when I was a kid. Think he was trying to set right something he’d done. He was a legionnaire or summat, in the Great War. Well, a lot of folks were in hindsight but… you know. But something hurt him, or he hurt something and he couldn’t properly forgive himself, you know? Swore off killing and war when the Concordat was finally sorted and got himself a ship, took to ferrying supplies up and down the coast from Anvil to Solitude and everywhere in between.”

“And he left you the ship after he passed away..?” Nara asked, keeping her tone soft as she quietly rolled the dice back and forth between her hands, feeling the different edges and corners press against her palms and relishing in how they kept her grounded in the moment.

“That he did. Left me my coat too, and a few other bits and bobs…” The Baker let out a heavy sigh, however, and sunk into her pillows to stare at the ceiling. “Everything but the coat’s at the bottom of the Sea of Ghosts, now.”

“Oh…” The silence dragged out between them, not because Nara felt like she had said the wrong things, or that she had pressed for too much information, but simply because she had no idea what else to say. She carefully sat up - making sure she didn’t swing the hammock too much and tumble straight out of it - and put her dice away before looking over at her friend who was still quietly staring at the ceiling. Meeko had long since shifted to rest his head on Runa’s stomach and he let out the occasional faint whine, easily sensing the worry and pain in the room as he laid beside her. So, with no other options left, Nara finally mustered the courage, hoping beyond hope that her words wouldn’t cause anymore pain. “Runa..?”

“Yeah, sweetpea?”

“Are… you happy..?”

The question should have been given a simple, easy answer. Instead, Runa was left to lay there and think for a few minutes in silence, green eyes slowly filling with tears that she tried her best to blink back before they could fall down her cheeks. She took a slow, shaky breath, quickly finding Meeko’s head and burying her fingers into his fur when his whining got a little louder and panicked. “No… no, I’m not, Nara. And, as shitty as it sounds, you’ve made these past few weeks a lot easier. But I don’t want to burden you with my happiness, it wouldn’t be right to.”

“I don’t know if that’s ‘shitty’, Runa, because I want you to be happy, and comfortable, and safe. It’s all I want for my friends, you know..? Because I know it’s what you’d all want for me.” Carefully sitting up and crossing her legs, Nara stared at her hands for a moment. So many scars from all the times she had punched someone or something, each strike leaving behind a scar - all because she was filled with the fear that her friends would be hurt or even killed. If she didn’t protect or help them through whatever battle they were in, then what kind of friend would she be? She sighed softly, no longer having the energy to care about the egg shells and she looked back at Runa, frowning just a little at the sight of the freshly fallen tears. “But I don’t mind if you rely on me for your happiness, Runa, I really don’t. Because I’ll always be there for you, no matter what. And maybe… it can be a way to help you find your own happiness in time..?”

The Nord shrugged, drying her eyes on the back of her arm and looking over to see Nara reaching out of her hammock, hand extended to her. So she took a deep breath and met her half way, holding her hand and humming when Nara gently squeezed her hand. Just a simple comfort, something she was allowed to pull away from before it felt like she was going to corrupt the young woman with just her touch. She settled back down, folding her arms over her stomach and closing her eyes for a moment, thinking away… and finally nodded.

“You’ve a point there… maybe one day…”

Nara immediately frowned down at her, naive certainty painted across her face. “Not maybe. Just  _ one day.” _

“If you say so, sweetpea.” The Baker said with a tired chuckle, letting herself yawn as she sunk and relaxed into her pillows. “See you in the morning..? I’ll make us pancakes?”

“... what’s a pancake?”

“Bloody hell, you’re in for a world of surprises in the morning. Get some sleep though, a lot of stuff to do tomorrow.”

“Yep! Night night, Runa!”

“G’night, Nara…”

* * *

Dry sand, no waves… just endless sand and endless bright skies. Nothing to break the monotony of yellow and blue and shining bright sun, but she walked along. It was close by, it had to be close by. She could sense it feel it touch it and yet it still wasn’t there but  _ she knew it was. _

She took a deep breath of the dry air, feeling a little sick to her stomach but she focused and kept walking, further out from the shore  _ but was it the shore? Was it the beach? Where was she? _ She walked and walked, slowly descending further and further down the sandy hill, watching the monotony become broken with pieces of driftwood, old bones, tattered pieces of sail cloth, rotten flesh, ink, paper—

**_Eyes._ **

In a blink, she stood before the wreckage, at the pit of it all. She must have travelled to the bottom of the world... The sun was so far above, so distant and bleak that she could barely feel its warmth, just the ghost of it. But she was used to ghosts. Ghosts haunted her every step, clung to her shadows and her mind… distant whispers and pin pricks of pain when they’d try to pull her into the depths. But she stood before the broken, faded, rotten and barnacle encrusted Redguard ship, and swallowed. She couldn’t move her feet any closer, she  _ wouldn’t. _ Then a green light - in the gaping darkness in the broken hull - suddenly shone, springing to life before her eyes before vanishing as quickly as it appeared.

She still couldn’t move her feet and she glanced down, seeing that seaweed and ink had wound their way around her legs. Then they shifted together, becoming coiled tendrils and tentacles that held her there by her ankles and shins. So, she stood her ground with no other choice, kept her breathing calm as she waited and waited, watching the sand shift just enough. Then the sand became damp, heavy and it settled, letting the water rise and rise and  **_rise._ **

It crawled up her tall body, slowly, achingly slow, keeping the fear just at the precipice and wearing her patience down to the bone. The freezing cold water finally rose up to her shoulders, sending chills down her spine as she stretched her neck up and counted. Over her collarbones, the crook of her neck, her throat, up to her jaw- her entire body was trembling with the fear and the stress of being so awkwardly bent to the tallest she could stand and—

She sucked in the quickest, sharpest, and fullest breath she could just before the water passed her nose and she sunk back down, blinking in the depths and the darkness as the water kept rising. She couldn’t see the wreckage anymore, she couldn’t see anything, just the faint glow from her own left eye. She closed her eyes tight, feeling the panic well up into the form of tears that briefly warmed her eyelids before disappearing into the inky depths. With a spell in hand and the familiar burning sensation filling her lungs, she flicked her wrist and saw the glow of her Candlelight through her eyelids. Then she opened her eyes, let them adjust to the sharp, bright light...

Dozens and dozens of eyes and tendrils and faces and all the names she ever knew all of them shackled to the seabed all of them rotten and reaching out and begging and arguing and laughing and bleeding and swimming closer and closer and closer with rotten bony hands reaching out whilst she remained paralysed by that same fear as sharp cold bones and nails clawed at her eye and cheek and down across her arms and forced her blood to spill out into the murky depths fathoms below—

**_And she screamed._ **

Then she woke up, tumbling out of her bed. Caught between screaming and retching, she gave into the latter and let what felt like gallons of seawater and ink tumble onto the floor from her guts and was about to collapse into it when she was done minutes later.

But she couldn’t collapse, something warm and strong had its arms wrapped around her, holding her fiercely tight but not to the point of pain. It trembled against her with panicked breaths and whispered terrified, confused but somehow comforting things to her?

_ “It’s okay, it’s just a nightmare Runa, you’re safe I promise, nothing will hurt you, not whilst I’m here- not whilst I’m alive. Nothing will hurt you, have to get through me first to get to you whatever it is- no one’s going to hurt you, not whilst you’re my friend…” _ The whispers continued, and she finally came back into herself despite the agony, despite trembling in the seafoam and water and feeling so weak and empty of…  _ everything. _ It wasn’t just literal, however, she had felt her soul weaken, just barely holding onto her corporeal body by a thread and she had no idea how to pull it back. But the whispers, the hold on her physical form, the warmth and the comfort… it all strengthened that thread, turned it to steel and reeled her soul back into her body and eased the pain away.

Then she remembered, turned her face just a little to the side to see violet eyes shining with tears in the green glow of her left eye. She remembered, felt the itching beneath her skin stop as her own tears began to pour down her cheeks.

_ “I’m so sorry, sweetpea—” _

“No.  _ Stop it. _ You’re my friend. Don’t apologise for that. Not  _ your _ fault,  _ not at all.”  _ The young Breton muttered, squeezing the taller woman tight and burying her face into her shoulder for a few moments. She pulled back, easily helping the trembling Nord onto her feet and sitting her back down to which she was immediately snuggled up with a familiar and so very faithful hound laying across her lap.

One thing led to another. The floor was scrubbed clean with a rag and bucket of soapy water, a jug and cup of water had been set on the desk and as a result the Nord was told to drink slowly and carefully. The grey furred hound settled at the foot of the bed again whilst the Baker did as she was told. She settled back into the tiny bed, letting the tiny girl lay down beside her and hold her so tight that she couldn’t help but relax and let the exhaustion take over her again.

* * *

Kaidan knew himself to be a cautious man. He’d been raised that way, lived that way, breathed that way for his entire life and wasn’t exactly in want of any other way to live. But he’d never had someone to be scared shitless and worried over before, not  _ properly,  _ anyway. So when noon finally struck and there was still no sign of Nara or even Meeko? His caution turned to worry, then to  _ fear and dread. _

He had listened to Lucien, forced himself to be patient just a little while longer. But there was only so much patience one man could have, and being one man worrying about the life of someone he’d sworn  _ a life debt to?  _ That only provided so much restraint, restraint that was worn away so quickly. “Right, up and out, Lucien. If Nara’s just forgotten then fair enough. If not? Then I’m bloody kicking that damn bakery door down.”

Lucien almost choked on his tea at that, quickly setting down the spell tome he was learning and grabbing his bag to take chase, all before his friend could set off and do something as impulsive as their little Breton leader would.

“Kaidan I really doubt anything has happened- remember they both said they needed to go back to the Raiment to investigate what Taarie had looped them into! Maybe they’re already there!”

“Aye maybe so but I don’t bloody well trust that damn Nord, do I?” Kaidan shot back, storming down the stairs in the Winking Skeever and stepping out onto the street and into the drizzling rain. Not that he gave much of a damn about it being a bit wet outside.

“And why not?” The young Imperial asked pointedly, managing to reach out and grab the taller man’s forearm and pull him slightly to a stop without being dragged over with the momentum.

Kaidan froze, staring down at Lucien, knowing that if he dared say anything… well, it would turn the poor lad’s hair as white as Nara’s. So he took a deep breath, focused himself and made a point of glaring at the bakery. “Because I don’t, and it’s something not worth talking about. Now come on, I've got a door to kick down.”

“Or! Before we start breaking other people’s doors down for possibly no reason at all! How about we see if the bakery is actually open first?” Lucien was quick to run ahead, putting himself between the door in question and Kaidan, carefully taking hold of the handle and trying—

It opened. So with a smug smile over his shoulder at Kaidan, Lucien led the way inside, finding everything plunged in darkness and silence, immediately creating a strange claustrophobic effect. With a quick click of his fingers, a Candlelight orb floated into the air above them both and flooded the main interior of the bakery with white light, revealing nothing at all other than the emptiness of the glass counter and the closed door to the bedroom.

Without another word, Kaidan stormed up to the door, not even giving Lucien the chance to whisper  _ anything  _ to him - for him to stop, to think it through. Instead, he opened the door and stepped inside, pausing and blinking at the sight before him. “Er… Lucien..?”

“What..? Is everything okay-  _ oh…” _

Sleeping peacefully with legs tangled and snuggled close to fit on the single bed, Nara and Runa laid together. The smaller woman was being spooned comfortably by the taller, Nara was quietly snoring away whilst Runa was silent and content in her sleep. And to top it all off, Meeko was taking up most of the bed, sprawled out with his head pressed against Nara’s stomach and his paws twitching every so often like he was chasing something in his dreams.

“What do we do now then—?” Despite his softer tone to match the quiet in the room, Lucien’s question still stirred the Breton awake, making her blink up through the mess she called hair and grumble incoherently before clearly ennunciating her words…  _ mostly. _

“The bloody hell you two doin’ ‘ere..?” With her voice weighed down with sleep and her eyes ready to drift shut once again, Nara stared at the Boys with just enough anger to even make Kaidan a bit sheepish in his reply.

“Thought something had happened.”

“What..? No..? Why would owt happen..? Safe with Runa and she’s safe with me…” Nara grumbled, carefully rubbing her eyes so as to not disturb the sleeping Nord behind her. Instead, all she got was a sleepy grumble and a tighter squeeze, further cementing her inability to remove herself from the bed. “Do me a favour, you two, and I dunno..? Get lost? Girls Night In, innit? No Boys Allowed…”

“It's noon, Nara.” Lucien countered, leaving her confused as to why he was blushing and staring at anywhere else that wasn’t her. An Imperial Thing, she decided upon after a second of thinking.

“So? Bloody… heck off, the pair of you… dreaming about cheese that tasted of apple pie and you bloody went and ruined it…” With that final grumble, she turned over and snuggled next to the sleeping Nord who rolled onto her back, providing a good space for Nara to rest her head on Runa’s shoulder before drifting back off and gently snoring once again.

* * *

“Oh now that won’t do, not at all!” 

Nara couldn’t help but balk and stare, wondering what on earth the tall Altmer woman was even prattling on about _now._ All she had done was get changed behind the partition in the Radiant Raiment, put on the dress they’d altered for the job that Taarie wanted her to do, and step right back out for the Altmer sisters and Runa to see. “Er, what..?”

“Your… dare I say ‘decoration’! Such a garish shade of blue- all it does it take away from the beauty of the dress—“

“Oi, Taarie.  _ Pack. It. In.” _ Runa snarled out, leaning against a dresser with her arms folded and her green eyes set in a dark glare. She had long since changed into her outfit for the deal. A strange, three piece arrangement the likes of which Nara had never seen before but  _ desperately  _ wanted one of her own for no other reason than for how brilliant it looked. A dark, emerald green velvet jacket with black angular lapels and silver buttons paired with a black waistcoat and trousers, a thin black tie and a white button up shirt.  _ ‘The latest of High Elven fashion straight from Alinor!’ _ Taarie had cheerfully proclaimed, only for Endarie to put a dampener on it all with the fact that Nords didn’t care for fashion, being better suited to  _ ‘looking like the pigs they were’.  _ Such a comment had earned her an  _ incredibly _ deadly glare from both Nara and Runa alike, leaving her to quieten and return to her work.

“Well, the point still stands! Her tattoo and scars will draw attention away from our work and Jarl Elisif won’t even care to order any garments from us with such shoddy modelling!”

“Ha! As if  _ that _ will be the distraction, more like these will!” Nara giggled to herself, flexing her arms and tearing a surprised laugh from Runa whilst Taarie couldn’t help but fret about the dress suddenly ripping at the seams against the Breton’s sheer strength. 

“Not wrong there, sweetpea, but do you mind if I cast a spell on you?”

“... what spell?”

“Just a temporary Glamour, nothing serious. Think of it like makeup but not actually wearing any makeup.”

She thought to herself for a moment and after giving a nod, Runa stood up straight and stepped closer, gently patting her bare shoulder and with a small ripple and shimmer of green light… the tattoo was hidden as was every single scar that was on display. Nara ran her hand over her arm, still able to feel each faint bump of the scars she had never treated with healing magic, and let out a tiny “huh” as the experience and knowledge of it all settled on her shoulders.

“I can dismiss the spell as soon as we’re out of the Blue Palace so you don’t have to put up with it for too long, sweetpea, don’t worry about it.”

“No- no, it’s fine… just a bit weird, you know?”

“I can imagine it is… shall we pop back to the bakery and get ourselves dolled up, then?” Runa asked with a grin, surprising Nara by holding out her hand. Without question, she took hold and let herself be led out of the Radiant Raiment, making sure to stick her tongue out at Endarie before she shut the door behind them both. Runa didn’t let that grin fade from her face as she slowed her pace down just a touch, and looked down to Nara with a hint of curiosity in her gaze. “So, ready to show off to your Boys your pretty new dress then..?”

“Yep!”

“Thought as much! Bet you owt Lucien’ll turn a right fetching shade of red…” Nara immediately cocked her head to the side, frowning in confusion whilst Runa kept grinning away and leading the way, even purposefully pausing to let a guard walk past… despite there being plenty of space for the three of them to walk together on the same side of the street.

“Dunno, maybe?”

“Hm… bet it’s those shoulders or summat, Imperial Upbringing, making him shy for seeing all that skin.”

Nara didn’t need to look up, that smirk was as loud as the city and almost just obnoxious. “Oh stop bloody talking out your arse, Runa.”

“Nah don’t think I will! Good fun! Or who knows… maybe he  _ likes  _ you.” She had to shoot the older woman a very confused look at that, pausing just outside the bakery and staring up at her like Runa had just grown a second head.

“Of course he likes me! I’m his friend and he’s my friend!” And with that she opened the door and stepped inside, leaving the Nord to stare at her in confusion as the door slowly began to close shut.

“I didn’t… mean it like that… blumming heck, useless sods, pair of them…” Runa muttered to herself, following Nara inside and wondering what on earth she was going to do with them both. Inside, she found Nara in the midst of her dramatic twirl, her soft black silk gown shimmered in the candlelight with the faint iridescent green sheen to match Runa’s suit. It was beautiful in its simple design and hugged Nara’s figure perfectly whilst keeping her comfortable with the lack of sleeves, something she was more than happy to display with a happy little flex, a little bounce and a quiet  _ “Tada!” _ to top it all off once she had finished her twirl.

“Huh, who knew you could scrub up nicely, pet.” Kaidan said with a grin, immediately getting a weak glare from the short woman but her slight disappointment was quickly forgotten when Lucien tutted from his seat behind the counter.

“Don’t listen to him, Nara. I think you look lovely!”

“Oh, so not ‘marvellous’?” Nara asked with a cheeky grin of her own, watching the way the Imperial flustered ever so briefly before giving her a firm nod.

“In fact,  _ very  _ lovely and  _ very  _ marvellous!”

“And you’re blind to  _ that..?”  _ Runa whispered to herself before gently wrapping her arm around Nara’s shoulders and leading her to the counter and patting the flat surface. “Well, anyway, we’re not done yet, lads. Gotta sort out her hair yet! You still got the ribbon I bought you, sweetpea?”

“‘Course I do.” With an easy hop, Nara sat on the counter and opened her hand, still holding the green silk ribbon in her palm. As she did, Runa disappeared into her bedroom and returned with a brush and mirror, quickly combing through Nara’s hair and tying it up into a simple ponytail. A moment passed with Nara looking in the hand mirror, and a moment later she had messed her hair just enough, pulling strands out to frame her face and hide her ears, all the whilst still looking rather presentable. “Thank you Runa!”

“No problem, sweetpea. Ready to set off?” The Baker asked, in the midst of combing her own hair back whilst Nara hopped down and landed with a thump of her leather boots on the stone floor.

“Yep! See you two in a bit for Wolfskull Cave planning?”

“Aye, and ignore me from earlier, pet, you do look good. I was just being a bit of a twat, as usual.” Kaidan replied with a chuckle, still leaning against the wall with his arms folded over his chest. “Go knock Elisif’s socks off, yeah?”

“I’ll do my best! See you in a bit!” With that, she quickly ducked out of the bakery whilst Runa trailed behind, taking just a moment to listen to Lucien’s small sigh. She couldn’t help but smirk to herself when she heard the hint of fondness in his breath.

“Well, I’ll go keep an eye on her for you both. And remember, no bloody snacking on the stock, Lucien!”

“I would  _ never!” _

“Better not! I’ll be sure to put aside some sweet rolls for you though… if they don’t sell out. Be back shortly!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For context: Nara's in the Divine Elegance Store's 'Midnight Elven Fairy Gown' just with the tweaks necessary to fit the situation, and yes three piece suits now exist in my version of canon because I am weak for Runa in a suit and that is my only reasoning for it really but welp! This is my existence now!
> 
> Oh! Also, spot the BBC Merlin reference because I'm a terrible sap for these kinds of things


	54. Wolves Among The Snow

_ “FO!” _

Vivid and sharp, freezing and clawing like pure ice into their veins, the first word of the frost Shout - for Nara still didn’t know the name or it or her ‘Force Shout’ - was just enough to end the life of the Dunmer and his heavily armoured, but weakened, Draugr Thrall blocking her path. Dust hung heavily in the air at the base of the tower in the cavern, everything lit with the light conjured from the  _ mad binding ritual  _ they had stumbled into. Either way, Runa had been right, Wolfskull Cave was certainly worth investigating.

But with bruised ribs, aching joints, a few too many cuts and burns and a very short temper, Nara stumbled her way up the spiral stone staircase with Lucien following quickly behind, the pair of them nearly slipping on the icy patch left behind by her Shout. Quarterstaff and sword drawn, they faced off against the three necromancers waiting at the top of the tower whilst the Ritual Master kept her focus on the mass of glowing blue lights that seemed to vaguely shift and resemble a woman for a few moments at a time. Without a single care in the world, Nara leapt up onto the altar just to get to the other side of the tower, facing off against the two furthest away that had quickly peeled away from the incantation whilst leaving Lucien to fight against the necromancer closest to the stairwell. 

All the while the Ritual Master stood, her attention fraying slowly. For even over the sounds of the magic coursing throughout the chamber, she had heard the death cries of her fellow Necromancers falling one by one along with their thralls and raised dead below the ancient tower. And now she was left with the realisation that one had just fallen to his death, having been drop-kicked over the battlements by the tiny Breton warrior who sprung back to her feet with the ease and grace of a trained acrobat before launching herself at the other mage. Desperation worked its way through her entire body, leaving her to hope that one hand would be enough to keep hold of the ritual as she charged Icy Spear in her right hand and—

A sudden flash of shock magics worked its way across her left side, wrenching her attention free from the ritual as her magicka was ever so slightly drained as the attack subsided a second later. But the attack wasn’t what made her stomach drop, but rather the sudden  _ snap!  _ and severing of the main threads of the ritual reacting to the sudden influx of outside magic. It had been instantaneous, just a swirl of blinding light for a moment before them both rejoining the fight, one that ended faster than either were expecting, especially where the Breton warrior was concerned.

As soon as the fight was over, the cave was plunged into silence, the mass of violet magic quickly vanished, escaping up through the gaps in the ceiling and stealing with it all the light in the cavern. Nara immediately froze, irrational and rational panic worming through her chest as an involuntary yelp left her lips and she carefully reached a hand forward and quickly stepped forward, searching blindly in the darkness.

“Lucien?” The fear was thick and heavy in her voice and immediately he reached out in the darkness, finding nothing but empty space. He could hear her whispering to herself immediately after she called out to him, but he couldn’t quite hear what she was saying, not over the distant echoes of Kaidan and Lydia speaking to one another at the base of the tower.

“I’m right here Nara, don’t worry, just a few more moments and I can cast Candlelight again—”

Her hand found his arm and in an instant she clung desperately to him, stepping closer and hiding her face in his chest. He blinked and slowly placed his arm around her shoulders, hoping that it was the right move as he focused and waited… Just a few more seconds…

With a click of his fingers, Candlelight formed and floated to hover just above him, completely draining his magicka reserves to nothing. He took a deep breath and remained as steady as he could on his feet without leaning too much against Nara who visibly relaxed and pulled her face away from his chest, opening her eyes and adjusting to the light. She rubbed her eyes a little and looked up at him, giving him a small smile whilst her cheeks flushed just a touch.

“Sorry, I don’t do well in the dark. You okay, though? You look exhausted.”

“I’m fine, it was just quite the tiring battle! But they always are, aren't they?” She let out a tiny laugh and nodded, letting her hands fill with golden light as she carefully patted his chest, giving him a sudden and very strong burst of Healing Hands which took away the vast majority of his aches and pains. She looked momentarily dazed but shook herself through it before giving him a good hug that he didn’t get the chance to return, much to his dismay.

Nara looked around, thinking and humming quietly to herself only to tilt her head to the side in curiosity when she looked at the dead Ritual Master. The corpse was slumped over the stone and iron altar, blood staining the dark engraved and still faintly glowing metal, yet that wasn’t what had her so interested. More specifically, it was the odd helm the corpse was wearing that had her stepping closer.

She carefully took the helmet and looked at it with confusion as she whispered to herself. “But she already had a skull..?”

“I think she was wearing it because it’s enchanted, Nara…” Lucien replied, wrinkling his nose just a touch at the twisted design with its protruding horns added to the distinctive trollbone helmet, and not to mention the horribly cold, magical aura that fell off the helm in waves. “And if I’m not mistaken… it looks uncannily like the Bloodworm Helm.”

“The what-what-what?” Nara blinked, and despite his exhaustion and rather avid desire to leave as soon as they possibly could, Lucien chuckled.

“I was taught about it in my days at the Arcane University, it’s another long tale to tell and explain to you if you want to know about it, but the long and short of it is that  _ this,” _ he pointed to the helm that she was still holding, “is quite possibly a particularly dangerous enchanted helmet coveted by Necromancers for its magical properties.”

_ “Right…  _ so just another item to give to Auryen for safe keeping?”

“Yes, I’d say so! Shall we find the others and get out of here?” Nara nodded only to frown, staring down at the bone helmet in her hands and thought for a few moments, letting a slow grin pull across her lips.

“Right! Yep, sorry, got a bit lost in my thoughts. After you?”

At first he didn’t pay much mind to it and began to lead the way down the stairs, his Candlelight orb shining down and lighting the way which Nara had an attempt at batting it out of the air. But that grin was still on her face, and it finally dawned on him. “What are you planning..?”

“Nothing!”

“Nara, I know that look anywhere. You always grin like that when you’ve thought up a terrible plan.”

She scoffed just a touch but didn’t stop smiling, stopping halfway down the staircase to grab him by the sleeve of his jacket. She was sure to lean in very close from her taller step, cupping her hands around his ear and whispering her explanation to him. By the end of it, he was grinning along with her. “... and you’re not allowed to give it away, okay?”

“Oh, of course not! I wouldn’t dream of it! Perish the thought and etcetera! Anyway, back to finding Kaidan and Lydia?” He asked chipperly, blue eyes sparkling in the glow of his Candlelight with the same mischief in her grin. It had her giggling and squeezing his arm in delight before she skipped down the stairs ahead of him, hiding the helmet behind her back just in case. She quickly ducked her head out of the crumbling archway of the tower entrance and looked around with the magical light spilling out of the room behind her, soon spotting the two other members of their group. So with a wave and an echoing call, she grabbed their attention before leading the way back up the stairs, quickly rushing past Lucien who did his best to keep a somewhat straight face.

They found their way across to the other side of the ruin after letting down the wooden bridge with a pull of the lever by the altar, searched the contents of the chest waiting on the other side before finding a convenient shortcut back to the beginning of the cave. Nara vehemently led the way, disappearing out of the mouth of the cave with Lucien following closely behind with Lydia behind him and then Kaidan taking up the rear. And of course their Breton leader tried scaring Kaidan by wearing the Bloodworm Helm and shouting  _ “BOO!” _

He barely even flinched, staring down at her with a deadpan expression that had her huffing and taking off the helmet with a disappointed pout on her face. “You’re supposed to be scared!”

“Oh, am I? Sorry, pet, didn’t realise, let me try that again. ‘Oh, shit! Nara wearing a skull! Fuck me, I’m bloody scared shitless!’” Her pout only grew bigger and much more upset with his sarcastic reply, leaving her to huff even louder than before as she shrugged off her backpack to put away the helmet. “Sorry, pet, but you need to get better at not giving the game away. So do you, Lucien.”

“But I didn’t say anything!”

“Maybe not but you were grinning as much as she was. Not the best pair of actors, if I’m being honest.” Kaidan said with a small grin, rolling his shoulders as he walked past Nara, briefly ruffling her hair only for her to lightly smack his hand away and pout even more. She grumbled quietly to herself before leading the way, feet crunching through the snow and over the broken bones of the few skeletons that they had fought before entering Wolfskull Cave.

But Nara’s pouting could only last for so long, and with her bundled up in her cloak and her hood pulled up, she walked shoulder to arm with Lucien whilst Kaidan and Lydia followed behind them. All of them trudged through the snow with varying levels of difficulty before breaking out onto the road, Kaidan and Lydia easily wading through foot upon foot of snow with Lucien just about managing behind them whereas Nara was briefly left behind, even following in her friends’ footsteps was still a challenge. But with a clear sky above them, the struggle was easily forgotten about as they brushed off the bigger chunks of ice and snow from their legs.

“So! Back to Solitude, speak to Falk, go check in on Auryen and see if he’s finished making the replica of the Verse and then… go see Viarmo?” Nara asked, looking up at Lucien with a bit of uncertainty regarding whether her idea was good enough or not.

“Sounds like a plan to me! Though, I do hope Viarmo isn’t too disappointed with the condition we found the book in—”

“Move outta the fuckin’ way!” A sudden shout pierced the air and with no chance to look up, a giant of a Nord man suddenly shoved his way between them all and kept sprinting down the road.

“Watch it, you fucking prick!” Nara yelled after him, letting Lucien help her up out of the snowbank she had been all but thrown into only to watch as a gingery red  _ wolf _ sprinted past naught but a second later, taking no interest in any of their group and then immediately after the wolf an  _ enormous armoured horse and rider _ galloped past.

The rider easily held on, dark silver armour glinting in the sunlight as they reached into the pack on their saddle, pulling out something they swung over their head once, twice before letting go with a flick of their hand. The object was flung forward, snapping with a  _ whip!  _ and  _ crack! _ around his legs, making him trip and tumble across the ground. The wolf pounced a moment later, snarling and growling with its paws between his shoulder blades yet its tail kept wagging back and forth.

“Gerroff me! Someone-  _ help!”  _ On instinct, Nara tried to rush toward, but Kaidan quickly grabbed the back of her cloak, pulling her to a stop as the rider did the same with their steed.

“Don’t interfere!” A feminine voice barked out with a metal echo provided by the wolf shaped helm. With a swing of their leg, they landed with a heavy thud in the snow, quickly placing their armoured foot in the middle of the man’s back before unwrapping the bolas that had tightly coiled around his legs. 

“Kaidan! Let go!” Nara exclaimed, trying her best to wriggle free. Instead, Kaidan lowered himself just a bit, muttering by her ear.

“She’s a Companion, I’ll explain what they are later but right now you’ve gotta be careful with her and her lot.”

“What? Who? Why?!”

“Later, pet, I promise.” With a pat on her shoulder, Nara was left to frown and follow along, slowly moving closer to Lucien and looking up at him, her face painted with confusion. He returned the look and gave a little shrug, holding out his hand with a silent, questioning glance to which she immediately took hold, squeezing his hand and staying by his side as they all walked forward.

The armoured woman finally finished tying the Nord man’s wrists together, easily hauling him up on his feet with one hand before lashing his rope to her saddle. She glanced to the side, spotting the group of four again and noticing that her wolf wasn’t growling. Usually he did… 

Then it clicked. She knew that tiger emblazoned plate armour anywhere. “Kaidan! Good to see you!” 

“You too, Wolfy. Still working with the Companions, I see?” Kaidan asked, nodding his head towards the decorative barding across her steed’s hindquarters - crimson cloth embroidered with gold in the pattern of a double bearded axe. 

“‘Course I am! A Shield-sister till the day I die!” Wolfy exclaimed cheerily, finally reaching up and lifting off her incredibly well detailed wolf helm, setting the piece of armour between her arm and her hip as she let her green-blue eyes adjust to the shift in light. A bright half smile pulled across her pale face as she scanned over the three he was standing with. “And here I thought you didn’t travel with groups.” 

“Been a while since you’ve last seen me.” Kaidan replied, shrugging his shoulders before he crossed his arms over his chest. Though his jaw tensed just a bit when the equally as tall and heavily armoured woman began scanning each member of the group. He glanced over his shoulder, simultaneously relieved and worried at the sight of Nara clinging to Lucien’s hand and how she quickly ducked behind the Imperial, hiding but peering out around his arm to keep a watchful gaze on the enormous woman. 

“You’ve a proper amalgamation of people in your group here, Kai.” 

“I’ve told you before, you’re bloody well not allowed to call me that.” Wolfy quickly raised her hands in surrender, a small smirk playing at her lips as she held his gaze. 

“Aye, aye, fair enough… still against joining us in Jorrvaskr then?” 

“And I've told you that before and all, I’m not joining no matter how many times you ask.”

_ “Tsk,  _ still a proper shame, that. Always got spare beds in need of filling and coin to divvy out for jobs well done! ‘Course though, no point in my trying to convince you, ey? Though maybe your own friends might be, huh?” Wolfy asked, grinning from ear to ear as she pushed a few stray strands of her dark brown hair out of her face, the tight series of braids on either side of her head beginning to become a little loose. “But where are my manners! Wolfy Theodorick, Shield-Sister of the Companions and Whiterun’s finest warrior! Sorry about keeping it all short, though, but I’ve  _ business _ to attend to.”

She gestured on ‘business’, jerking her thumb over her shoulder at the Nord man who kept himself stock still with the Companion’s wolf glaring and growling up at him, fangs bared and ears pinned back in anger. The wolf calmed at the sight of his mistress a moment later, however, when she suddenly stepped forward and  _ effortlessly _ hauled the man up and threw him across the back of her steed before mounting the saddle effortlessly. Her giant, armoured horse startled only a little, but with a soothing pat on his strong neck, he shook his armoured neck and nickered quietly to himself whilst his rider put on her helmet once more. “Good lad, Legs. Right! Come on Einarr! Oh! And you lot! Ever by Whiterun, come visit up in Jorrvaskr, aye? Like I said, plenty of jobs to go about if you join!”

With that, the Companion cantered off, ginger wolf following along side. A beat of silence echoed out between the group and Nara finally stepped out from behind Lucien, her face a picture of utter confusion.

“Er, Kaidan..?  _ What the fuck?” _

“It’s… a long story..?” Kaidan offered, thinking for a moment only to shrug and shake his head a little bit before deciding to continue leading the way instead of Nara. “Actually, no, not a long story. The shortest form of it all, pet, is that’s Wolfy’s another bounty hunter like me, but she works for the Companions out of Whiterun, you know, the big upside down boat on the way up to Dragonsreach? Anyway, I’ve run into her a fair bit since then.”

Nara blinked, thinking for a minute as she brushed the last of the snow off her shoulders before letting a smirk appear on her face. “Bet it weren’t just running into her that you were doing…”

“None of your damn business, pet.” Kaidan was quick to shoot back, giving her a small glare when she giggled and grinned up at him.

“You’ve just confirmed it with that, Kaidan!”

“Haven’t confirmed shite, Nara, like I said, none of your business.”

“Maybe so but still, she’s terrifying. You’re a braver git than I!”

Kaidan snorted immediately at that, shaking his head at the view of Solitude up ahead. “Yeah, she says, flirting with the bard in the Skeever last night, and the night before.”

“That! Was not flirting! That was me having a friendly chat with a fellow Breton! And she’s called Lisette, thank you very much.” Nara quickly defended, her face flooding with heat hot enough to make the snow melt before it even touched her cheeks, or so it felt to her. Gods why did she decide to chat about  _ that  _ of all things?

“Oh, is she now? Well, never would have thunk it, pet. And I guess you doing all those dreamy sighs from our table’s just admiration for her song craft, aye?”

“Yep..! Exactly that..!”

Kaidan chuckled once again, shaking his hand and reaching down to ruffle her snow flecked hair… before grabbing her hood and yanking it clear over her face, making her yelp and blindly shove him with a little  _ too much _ force and strength, nearly sending him slipping on a patch of hidden ice on the cobbled road and onto his arse.

“Bloody Tall Git! I’ll kick your arse for that!”

“Oh I’m sure you will, Trouble! Just bloody wait till we’re back i’n’t city for it though, aye? Too  _ fucking _ freezing up ‘ere for that.”

* * *

A tired sigh left Nara as she added the Bloodworm Helm to its new spot. She was still waiting on Lucien to get back from the Blue Palace, Lydia had gone to go get more supplies - healing potions and the like. Kaidan was…

“You all right there, Nara?” Behind her. She turned to face him, seeing he was leaning against the stone balustrade that wrapped around the top layer of the Museum in the Hall of Heroes which was bathed in the midday sunlight that poured in from the massive, glass dome ceiling above them.

“Huh? Oh yeah right,  _ that.  _ I’m just… bored.”

“Hm, makes sense. No mad adventures to take us on next?” He asked with a small grin, making her think and grumble and shake her head.

“No, got that Party Thing though coming up. The… Burning Man thing?”

“Olaf Festival.”

“Yeah, that’s the one. Though, still gotta chat to Viarmo ‘bout that one. Gotta give him the One Eye Book.”

“Hm, makes sense. He’s not gonna be too impressed like, but don’t let that worry you. You and Lucien will be driving me even further up the wall more than you already do with the added minstrel stuff in no time.” He managed to catch her eye with that one, making sure she saw his small grin which had her chuckling and nodding.

“Oh no doubt about it, cat being strangled and dragged back through a hedge, am I. I just wanted to join really because… well, why not? Might as well just stick with seeing about Runa giving me lessons instead.” Immediately, Kaidan’s grin faded, making her blink and frown just a touch. “You really don’t like her, do you..?”

“No, pet, I don’t. She’s good for what she’s done to help, be it saving you or speaking to you but… what she is and what she can do..?” He shuddered,  _ a lot.  _ Such a violent shiver rolling down his spine as he tightened his arms across his metal plate covered chest. “That doesn’t sit right with me.”

“Well, can you tell me why..? So I can understand a bit better..? Please..?” Nara asked softly, looking up at him and never ever acknowledging the markings on his face, only ever meeting his gaze. It was a bit of comfort, in a way.

“Sorry Nara, don’t think I’d be able to without bringing up the parts of my past that really don’t deserve to be spoken about… and you definitely don’t deserve to hear the kind of shit I’ve lived through.”

“Oh…” She whispered, deflating just a touch, trying to process it a little more. When she finally finished, she nodded and took a deep breath. “Won’t force you to bring it up with me then, Kai. Don’t want you being uncomfy.”

He chuckled softly, unfolding his arms and barely lifting his left arm. In an instant, she stood beside him, tucked against his side despite him still wearing his armour before hopping up to side on the stone railing and fidget with the edge of his black cape. “Thanks, pet.”

“No need to, you’re my best mate… but what will you tell me? There any parts of your past that you’ll talk about?”

At first he was caught off guard, wondering how and why she could just so nonchalantly refer to him as that. Then he mulled it over, letting it warm his chest as he nodded and squeezed her shoulder to his side in a half hug. “Probably the only best mate I’ve ever had, Nara. But aye… think there’re at least a few things I can tell you that’re worth speaking of.”

“Oh like your ‘warrior upbringing’ as One Sir Flavius likes to say?” Nara asked in her best impression of the Imperial, grinning and chuckling to herself enough to make him join in just because it was too infectious to stand there silently.

“Sure, better place to start than any, I suppose. I were raised by a Nord called Brynjar. He taught me how to be a bounty hunter like he was, so we spent lots of time criss-crossing Skyrim and wandering all about Tamriel. ‘Course, never as simple as that, is it?” He sighed a little, shifting his weight from foot to foot and looking around at the grand hall of the Museum. He still wasn’t entirely sure why Nara liked it so much, but even he could admit that it was starting to grow on him. “Shall we have a bezz about the place whilst we chat, pet?”

“Sure, don’t see why not.” With a light thud, Nara hopped off the railing and landed beside him, taking his hand and heading in a random direction and leading the way without question. “So he had you both wandering about for as long as you can remember? For some reason?”

“Aye, my whole life, constantly moving, teaching me how to live in the wilderness, training me everyday to fight. Learnt how to use a sword before I’d even learnt how to read.”

“Sounds… like something?” Nara asked, the faintest bit of sadness held in the centre of her voice and surrounded by so much confusion. He squeezed her hand gently, being careful where the short claws on his gauntlet were pointed as to not accidentally stab her.

“I suppose it was. You can’t stop thinking about what you were like before, can you..?” She shook her head, keeping her eyes down and as she scratched her arm through the leather sleeve of her jacket. The tattoo that connected her to a group of people who wanted her dead. Gods, now that was a thought she had no idea how to even understand. “If it's any help for you, pet, and it might sound a bit weird or naff but, I never knew my mother, so… you’re not the only one wondering where they’ve come from.”

“But I don’t want to  _ know—” _

“And I know, Nara, I do know that. It’s why I said ‘wonder’.” Kaidan said gently, pulling her to a stop and crouching down just enough to meet her eye line, hoping all the while it didn’t make him seem like a prick or condescending for doing so. But he knew she’d call him out on it if it did, she wasn’t one to let things slide or to let things go so easily. “Ain’t any shame in wondering, even when you don’t want to know. Sometimes our heads are just like that, you know..? Like to wander off and think away about all sorts without our permission, aye?”

“Yeah… not wrong there. I’ll try to remember that. Put it in my list.”

“That’s a good lass. Want me to keep nattering away for you? Keep your head focused?”

“Yes please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heck!! Sorry for vanishing for a month everyone!! It's been a bit of a weird month or so and this one had me collab-ing with my sister for her character Wolfy showing up!! But I'm back and I should be getting back into the swing of it all!!
> 
> Gracious Thanks to Gnewna as always for proof reading!!!


	55. No Such Thing...

“It wasn’t too much, was it?”

“Pft, no!”

“And you’re certain..?”

Nara let out a small sigh, turning around to look at Lucien as they stepped out of the Bards College after Viarmo. They had only just finished speaking to the Headmaster of the College about King Olaf’s Verse which they had handed over, completely aware of the poor, mostly unreadable state that it was in only to all come up with the idea of filling in the blanks. After a good hour and a half of workshopping it all and some Incredibly Outlandish Ideas from Nara and Lucien’s translations of them so they made sense… and they  _ somehow _ managed to convince Viarmo that their collaborative piece was to be about how King Olaf One-Eye was a dragon in disguise. She thought for just a moment, rubbing the back of her neck as she stared at the clouded sky above them. It had been such a long day, and it wasn’t even three in the afternoon.

“Of course I’m certain, because to me it’s not about it being Too Much, it’s about it making people happy, you know? It definitely isn’t historically accurate, we both know that but…” She thought for a moment, looking up and down the quiet street and wondering if the Capital of Skyrim was ever any livelier, or if it was just because people were working and hidden away. She wasn’t sure. “To me, I don’t care if it’s too over the top, or if it makes no sense. This place, this entire province? From what I know it’s all been through a lot and I don’t want to see anymore sadness… so, why not have a bit of madness and joy to brighten up the days, you know?”

Lucien gave a soft smile, nodding and humming as he thought over her words as he walked on her right side, up towards the Blue Palace. “I know. You’re really one for making sure other people are happy, aren’t you?”

“I mean, yeah? I thought that was obvious.”

“Oh, it definitely  _ is  _ obvious, I’m just curious as to why you keep that mindset. It's… inspiring, actually.” He admitted freely and for some reason she couldn’t help but wonder why her face felt so hot. So she reached for her belt on her right hip, missing the pouch of dice by an inch and ending up holding her half of the Resonance Sphere Set. She blinked, letting the cold metal soothe the palm of her clammy hand as she ran her fingers over the engraved patterns along its shell. Gods, why was she just suddenly so on edge..?

“Well, I don’t like seeing people feeling sad, or lost, or hurt. It… hurts me, if that makes sense? Kind of selfish when I think about it, I guess. But I just don’t want people to feel bad.”

“Nara, that’s not selfish, not at all. That’s just you being…  _ very  _ empathetic, from the sounds of it.” She hummed softly, dwelling on his words as she took the Sphere out of its pouch to fidget with it in both hands. Lucien glanced at her, smiling softly at the sight of her half of the Spheres in her hands and how carefully she held and ran her fingers over the patterns. Then it dawned on him. “You know, we should probably think of a code, or a set of signals that we can send back and forth to one another.”

“Oh? Nothing too complicated, though, yeah?” Nara asked with a sheepish grin and chuckle, “You know how I am with my memory…”

“Of course! Something simple and clear for convenience’s sake as well as something we won’t forget.” With a glance up the hill, Lucien let out a little sigh when he spotted how far away they had let Viarmo walk off without them. “Though it may have to wait until after we’re finished at the Blue Palace…"

“Yeah… well! At least we can have a sit down and chat about it, yeah? Oh! I can write it out in my journal too so I don’t forget it as easily!” Nara happily exclaimed with a bright grin up at him as she carefully put the Sphere back in its pouch, leaving him to chuckle and nod.

“Sounds like a marvellous plan to me! Come on, before Viarmo starts wondering where we’ve wandered off to!”

With a nod, Nara quickly took Lucien’s hand and started dragging him up towards the Palace, proving that despite her much shorter legs that she could easily outpace him when she  _ really  _ wanted to. Though, like lute strings being snapped one by one, their hopes for the rest of the day were broken.

At first, they both hoped that they’d hear from Viarmo after he finished performing the New Verse to the Court, that he’d pay them and officially declare them as the Newest Additions to his College, instead he turned to them and told them to tell another College member to finish the festival’s preparations. So they quickly hurried back to the College, searching it from top to bottom for the Nord man called Jorn. Once they told him the Festival was back on he sent them on even more errands, errands he was very polite in asking, and they were both much too polite to refuse.

Two hours out of three left before the start of the Festival ticked by with them both running about, helping prepare, running to speak to specific vendors all about Solitude. They both threw the door open and tumbled into the Dough Re Mi one after the other, their final stop for the moment and with no shame Nara collapsed onto the hard stone floor whereas Lucien quickly slumped onto the bench, the pair red faced and groaning in agony.

“Festival back on, then?” Runa asked from behind the counter, leaning over to look at them both. Even though she wasn’t wearing a grin, the amusement at their mutual suffering was present in her voice.

“Yep..!” Nara replied, her voice shaking in her throat with each ragged breath. A moment later and she was forced to exhale what little air she had in her lungs, for a happy hound had trotted in from the bedroom to smother her with affection.

“Going to go get yourselves cleaned up?” The Baker also asked, a grin finally beginning to form on her face as she rested her chin in her palm, looking so insufferably  _ smug _ about their agony.

“In a minute…” Lucien grumbled, face down across the bench and wondering if his legs even ever truly existed to begin with. He swore fighting dragons took less effort than helping put up decorations and ferry about chairs and tables.

“Aw, a proper poor pair of sods, aren’t ya? Lemme guess, though, here to ask me to bring some cakes for tonight?”

“Yep!” A final gasp out of a reply was all Nara could manage, not with Meeko collapsing heavily across her stomach and chest with not a single care or concern for her wellbeing.

“Aye? Right then, you can tell them to fuck off for me.” With that snapped out, Runa stood up straight and returned to her work, filling out her business ledger and mumbling under her breath about something to do with ‘bloody Vici’. Nara immediately let out a confused and concerned noise, unable to muster the words and instead just letting a questioning whimper float into the air. Luckily, Runa knew exactly what she had asked and was happy to answer. “Because the Bards are bloody cutthroat, sweetpea. Honestly, just non-stop bullshit from the lot of them. And that Viarmo is up to summat. Far as I know he’s been sending off talented enough bards as spies or something. There’s only so much he can ward from my Gaze. So I’m sure you can understand that I’d rather not do business with them, ey?”

“Suppose so…” Lucien managed to mumble, finally sitting up straight and running his hand through his hair as he caught his breath back. “Well, next stop the Winking Skeever, and we can get ready for the Festival, right Nara?”

“Yep…” The Breton said quietly, patting Meeko’s flank before sitting up and struggling onto her feet. She slumped against the wall, rubbing her eyes and grumbling quietly as she shook some feeling back into her legs whilst she waited for Lucien. “See you later, Runa! See you later, Meeko!”

“Aye! See you later, sweetpea. Keep an eye on Nara for me, Lucien!”

“Always do!” With two small waves over their shoulders, they stepped back outside and into the cold, early evening air. Nara immediately deflated as soon as they closed the door, her shoulders slumping and her arms winding around herself as she stared at the floor. “Nara..?”

“I thought Runa would want to come out tonight...”

He blinked, hating to hear his friend sound so quiet and upset. So he carefully placed his hand on her shoulder, hoping to provide a little comfort as they walked back towards the Winking Skeever together. “Nara, she only said she didn’t want to do business with them, not completely avoid the Festival altogether!”

“But what if she also meant that too?” She asked, looking up at him with violet eyes filled with sadness and so instead, he carefully took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Then we won’t see her tonight, but it  _ is _ Runa, after all. She cares a great deal for you, just like how you care a great deal for her.” Lucien replied, watching as his small friend mulled over his words as she pushed open the door to the tavern, her brow furrowed just a little and her bottom lip tucked between her teeth in concentration. Nara finally came to a conclusion in her head with the way she nodded to herself and squeezed his hand in return.

“I hope you’re not wrong, Lucien, but anyway, we should probably get ready?”

“That we should! I’ll meet you down here when you’re ready?” Just a simple, innocent question had Nara giggling and grinning from ear to ear, finally coming back into herself and no longer weighed down with the worry of the future.

“I think you mean the other way around, Lucien…”

“And what is  _ that  _ supposed to mean?”

Her grin broadened as she quickly let go of his hand and rushed for the foot of the stairs, up towards their rented rooms in the tavern, standing on the third to gain some height on him as she giggled away. “You know exactly what it means, Lucien.”

“I’ll have you know I  _ really _ don’t know what you’re insinuating, Nara.”

“You take  _ ages _ to get ready is what I’m insinuating… actually no I’m not insinuating anything because that implies it isn’t properly true when  _ it is!” _ Lucien blinked, watching her disappear up the stairs and into her room with an echo of her giggling left behind. He couldn’t help but tut and huff quietly to himself, mumbling about how  _ ludicrous _ such a notion was as he stepped into his and Kaidan’s room, getting changed into his fine tunic and coat as well as combing his hair into a  _ much _ neater state before carefully going through his beard care routine just to be doubly sure he was smart and presentable. Once he was ready, he stepped back outside, seeing that Nara was waiting at the stairs with an utterly smug grin on her face as she stood in her new blue tunic and her breeches tucked into her tall leather boots, her armoured Museum jacket over the top of it all and her arms folded.

“Told you so!” Nara chipperly declared, making him scowl just a little, though it didn’t last long in the face of her brilliant grin. She held out her hand, waiting patiently with her hands still wrapped in blue cloth, and he took hold, letting her lead the way. A few moments later they were down the stairs, finding Kaidan and Lydia waiting for them just where they had left them after visiting the Museum, sitting at a table by the fire and idly chatting about nothing in particular from the sound of it.

Nara managed at least a small smile at the pair, waving for them both to follow along as she and Lucien led the way to the Bards College once again. She still couldn’t understand Lydia, just a promotion and she’d been… different? Gods, Kaidan was right, trying to fill the space Inigo left behind with someone - whom it turned out that  _ only  _ Kaidan got along with, and only out of sheer understanding - was incredibly Unhealthy. A sudden stab of pain made its way through her chest as they walked along, her heart wanting to wrench itself free from her chest as she walked with her head down. It was only until they passed the graveyard to the Bards College that she even realised she was crying, that Lucien had gently pulled her to a stop and squeezed her hand tight. He didn’t even need to say anything, just give her such a concerned look and gently tilt his head to the side.

She managed a watery smile and sniffled, swallowing and clearing her throat as she dried her cheeks on the back of her cloth wrapped hand. “Sorry, sorry… don’t mind me, just missing Inigo.”

He let out a soft little sigh and reached into his pocket, pulling out his handkerchief and offering it to her only to spot a large tear she had missed on her cheek and dry it away for her. “Oh, Nara…” 

“I’ll be fine! Promise..!” She tried to quickly calm, but instead his concern only grew as Lucien watched a bright smile pull across her lips, though it wasn’t all there. It didn’t sparkle in her eyes like it had done minutes before back at the tavern, and he couldn’t help but remember how she had reacted to being forced to stand in the darkness back in Wolfskull Cave only a few hours prior.

“Nara, not to be rude, but you’re clearly  _ not  _ fine,” Lucien said with a slight sigh, his concern almost too overbearing in that moment. So instead, he took a deep breath, thinking his way through it for just a second before squeezing her hand again, “so how about when we find a moment, we’ll talk about this, yes..? I know you miss Inigo, I do too. I just hate to see you… waving away your emotions like this and before you say  _ anything _ , I know you  _ are. _ You did the exact same in Wolfskull and you’ve done it a few times before as well, and you’re doing it right now.”

She didn’t say anything and simply made a small face of annoyance, one that was not directed at him. With her cheeks and brow scrunched up, she looked at her feet and shrunk in on herself a little, her emotion directed back at herself and bringing down her mood at a steady pace.

“Nara you’re doing it again.”

“I’m not doing anything!” She tried to counter, but she was simply met with a raised eyebrow and an  _ ever-so-slightly _ disappointed look. Oh… their promise.  _ Shit. _ “Sorry, didn’t mean to lie… but… Okay, when we have a free moment we can talk about it. But not in the middle of the street, right..?”

“Of course not, hardly the right place to speak about such things. Now!” With the disappointment gone from his expression, he carefully dried her cheeks with his handkerchief before chuckling quietly to himself and gently tapping the tip of her nose with a finger which made her wiggle her nose and shake her head just a touch in surprise. “I’ll let you off for the time being, and we’ll speak about it back at the tavern. In the meantime, shall we go to a festival?”

She took a deep breath, and managed a nod, taking a moment to focus on her breathing before nodding once again, firmer, stronger. Nara took his hand and without a second thought, she began to drag him towards the Bards College, to meet Kaidan and Lydia who were both just waiting in sight, having watched the pair but given them space to talk. Each step instilled a little more strength, Lucien’s hand in her own was holding her spirits higher than she could by herself, and as soon as they rounded the corner and were up the stairs into the busy courtyard of the College.

She might have knocked herself down, and her friend had picked her back up just a little, but she sure as hell wasn’t just going to wallow. No. She’d pick herself right back up. Maybe another for the list, she guessed, beating herself up about things was probably Bad, right..?

They carefully weaved their way through the crowds, and with a set destination and task ahead, Nara actually managed to keep her fear and confusion at the large mass of people around her at bay. Before long, both she and Lucien were standing off to the side before the cloth and straw effigy and close by to Viarmo who began to give the world’s longest, most  _ boring _ speech that Nara had ever heard. Throughout it all, she muttered darkly under her breath with her forehead against Lucien’s upper arm, losing her patience faster and faster by the second. And it all came to a point when she nearly made her Imperial friend laugh, a brief tiny snort leaving him and then it was  _ a game. _ What would happen first? The end of Viarmo’s speech? Nara getting Lucien to laugh or  _ at least  _ chuckle? Or Nara losing her mind?

Much to the relief and welfare of her sanity, Viarmo finally finished his speech before Nara lost her mind and - much to her dismay - before she could get Lucien to laugh. She stood up straight and watched the Altmer light the effigy, the fire quickly spreading and consuming the sackcloth figure. Though she couldn’t keep her attention focused for long as she watched the other members of the College began to wander off to enjoy the rest of the Festival, for at the top of the stairs, leaning nonchalantly against the stonewall with a lute in one hand, a large satchel on her shoulder and a very good boy sat at her feet, was Runa.

The Nord gave her a curious smile when she saw how Nara was bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet, still holding onto Lucien’s hand and desperate to start dragging him away from the Headmaster of the Bards College. But finally, the Patronage was handed over - a massive coin purse that Lucien was  _ only just _ able to hold with one hand - and Nara was quick to begin dragging her friend up the stairs.

“You’re here!” Nara happily exclaimed, torn between holding one friend’s hand and giving the other a hug. She couldn’t help but make a small annoyed noise. “And I don’t have enough arms!”

Runa chuckled softly, shaking her head a little as she quickly fussed Meeko’s ears before wrapping an arm around Nara’s shoulders into somewhat of a hug, but mostly to place a gentle kiss on her platinum-white hair. A brilliant crimson blush worked its way across Nara’s face and up to her ears - the tips of which were poking out of the messy strands of her hair. But she clearly wasn’t displeased with the even brighter smile that pulled at her lips.

“You thought I wasn’t going to show up, didn’t you?” Runa asked, a little knowing look in her strange green eyes and a smirk on scarred face. Nara could only fluster and shrug, the words there but all in the wrong order in her head, leaving her to turn an even brighter shade of red. “Oh, sweetpea, next time if you’re not sure what I’m up to? Just ask, okay..?”

“Yep..!”

“Good good. Right, you two, ready to fucking party?” The Baker asked, eyes glinting with a strange but oddly comforting madness as she grinned at them both. Nara, finally recovered from the sudden shock of affection, grinned and punched the air above her head with her free hand.

“Fuck yeah! I am! Lets go lets go lets go!”

Despite the abruptness of the question and the blush it had brought across his face, Lucien gave a soft smile at the sight of Nara’s and Runa’s enthusiasm, and nodded.

“All right, me too... I guess..?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe nerds, the lot of them  
> Gracious Thanks to Gnewna for help with proof reading!!!


	56. ... As Too Much Fun!

The few Bards of the College had already set up to play, murmuring amongst themselves off to the side from the party, ready to begin playing once they had settled on a song. But a strum of the chords and an easily sung, absolutely  _ filthy innuendo filled _ verse about a farmer falling in love with a troll quickly cut over the hubbub of the citizens that had joined. Runa grinned at the Bards, eyes sparkling with spite as she wandered and found herself a free table and hopped up onto it, one leg thrown over the other as she continued to play and sing to the amusement of the crowd. But most importantly, the amusement of her dearest, little friend and her companions.

Nara stood and listened, her face almost stuck in a permanent, bright grin as she listened to such a strain of music she had never even heard before. But it graced her ears and made her ready to burst with laughter, the wonderfully Terrible quality to the lyrics making it all the more fun to listen to along with Runa’s wildly powerful voice. She giggled quietly to herself, only waiting until the end of the song to move and  _ only after _ glancing and giggling even more at the  _ intense  _ blush on Lucien’s face as he stood by her side.

“Turned a very pretty shade of pink there, Lucien!” Nara chuckled, reaching up and gently tapping his cheek before bouncing away, leaving him to fluster and shake his head for a moment before following after her. Pushing his way carefully and - most importantly -  _ politely _ through the crowd, he found himself standing before Nara and Runa as they both sat on the table, side by side. The Baker’s eyes immediately lit up at the sight of him, her conversation with Nara ebbing away with his appearance.

“Aw, blumming heck Lucien! Didn’t know you were holding out on me like this!” She exclaimed with a gesture towards him, leaving him to throw her a confused look as Meeko sat on his feet to which he was quick and happy to shower the hound in somewhat distracted affection.

_ “‘Holding out on you’ _ ..?” The Imperial echoed, tilting his head to the side and wondering what on earth the Nord was even talking about. 

At least Nara was quick to explain, leaning forward as she swung her feet back and forth, much too short to even touch the floor. “You’re wearing her favourite colour, Lucien.”

“Aye and a lot of it! Now  _ that _ proper suits you, kiddo. Much more than your Museum Armour, I think!”

“Oh, give over, Runa!” Nara scolded and glared lightly, getting a grin out of the older woman before she looked back at Lucien. “I still think you look very handsome in the armour, Lucien, and in these clothes, too! Actually, fuck it you look good in anything, posh git.” A small wink and a cheeky grin combined were enough to stop the familiar insult from stinging, leaving him to blush and chuckle before spotting a space beside his friend and sitting on the table beside her.

“And you look marvellous in blue, Nara.” He was sure to return the compliment simply out of politeness and  _ no other reason. _ A happy blush crossed his Breton friend’s face and she affectionately and gently knocked her head against his arm before Runa suddenly deposited the leather satchel she had brought with them onto Nara’s lap.

“What’s this, then..?”

“Open it!” Was all Runa replied with, face still painted with a grin as she played her lute and hummed along in time with her tune, watching as a few people in the crowd began to dance amongst the chatter and the music. So Nara did as she was instructed, opening the bag and peering inside, her eyes widening as an excited giggle left her at the plethora of cake boxes within. “Aye! For the six of us, and no one else, got it?”

“Got it! Want a sweet roll, Lucien?”

Lucien blinked and raised an eyebrow, a cheeky sense of sarcasm colouring his voice. “Are you truly asking  _ me, _ if  _ I want _ a sweet roll?”

“Always best to double check, I say! Offer going in three, two—”

“Yes please!”

The night continued on and the group spent it all chatting, laughing, drinking mead or - in Lucien’s case - milk, listening to and cheering Runa on in her little, spiteful competition against the other bards, something else that Lucien wasn’t one to partake in along with Kaidan. But despite some of the things they did and didn’t do, Nara getting drunk and having the time of her life were inevitable.

And so the hours ticked by eventfully. The satchel of cakes, treats and drinks was reduced to only a satchel full of empty cake boxes, crumbs and empty bottles. Kaidan was still sober and strong, remaining on the side and watching it all unfold as the madness drew a little closer and stronger in the party. The Nords that were there enjoying the festivities were simply egged on more and more by Nara’s non-stop cheering and somewhat tipsy to incredibly drunk proclamations of her ‘Being The Strongest Little Shit You’ve All Ever Seen!’. Her winnings from all the arm wrestling she partook in amounted to quite the pretty penny, gold and pretty trinkets that she was quick to hand off to Kaidan for safekeeping before wandering off and trying her hand at flirting with Lisette for the  _ first time ever. _

With a broad grin on her face, Runa watched from her table with Meeko now laid behind her, her lute at her feet and a cold bottle of mead in her hand that she was keeping cool with a simple frost cantrip. She called after her small friend, just a simple “Get it Nara!” before chuckling away to herself at the startled look and grin that the Breton threw back over her shoulder before continuing on with her current mission.

“You know, Runa, I’m fairly certain that you said you couldn’t stand bards.” Lucien said, gently moving Meeko’s tail out of the way before sitting beside the Nord, even taking a moment to double check and sigh a little forlornly at the empty void that was the inside of Runa’s satchel.

“Oh no, kiddo, I can’t bloody well stand them but if she’s taken a fancy to one of them then so be it! Her mistake to learn, ey?” Runa shot back, smirking before taking a sip from her bottle.

“Maybe so but I can’t see why you don’t like them.”

“Ah, I’ve already said, kiddo. Cutthroats, aren’t they? Always clawing over one another to be the best, that and Fucking Viarmo’s up to summat well sketch. Can’t stand smoke and mirrors for the life of me, so, I bloody well stay the fuck away from it whilst wanting so much to find out what’s going on!”

Lucien nodded, easily spotting the tall Altmer over the crowd and wondering what he was up to that was such a cause for concern for Runa. He had no idea, and so could only shrug a little as well before he focused once again when Meeko shifted around and placed his head in the Imperial’s lap.

A soft chuckle left the Baker beside them both and the grey furred hound happily flopped onto his side when she patted his flank. “He’s a proper good pup, in’t he?”

“Oh, that he is! Such a good boy!” Meeko was sure to cheerfully bark in reply. “I hope he wasn’t too much of a hassle for you whilst we were at Wolfskull today?”   


“None at all! Making me want to find or buy a dog for myself in actual fact! Though, I don’t think I’d be able to find a pup quite like Meeko. He’s a proper smart lad, proper gentle and all.” To prove her point, the dog in question rolled onto his back and was happily treated to lots of tummy rubs from both Lucien and Runa.

“Possibly, but you never know..!” Lucien said with a bright smile, glancing up for a moment only to end up watching Nara from across the courtyard. She was trying to lean nonchalantly against the College wall, arms folded and then clasped in front of her and then behind her back, she couldn’t keep still as she and Lisette spoke and had no way to channel out the nervous energy. The Breton Bard gave a small cheeky grin and said something, making Nara lock up and turn a truly fierce shade of red before replying with something else in a very bashful manner with how she looked at her feet and rubbed the back of her neck. He chuckled quietly and more so to himself as he ignored the sudden odd feeling in his chest, it felt strange, and he definitely knew he didn’t  _ want it _ . So he shook his head a little and briefly spotted Kaidan and Lydia through the crowd, the pair standing stoically off to the side together, arms folded, shoulder to shoulder and watching their Breton Ward with undivided attention as they spoke to one another.

So, Lucien took a deep breath, still fussing Meeko’s ears as he glanced away from his friends and back to Runa, letting himself smile at how content and happy she looked. “Runa?”   
  
“Aye?” 

“Thank you, for coming out tonight. It means a lot to Nara…” He paused for a moment, thinking over it all and chuckling to himself a little. “Possibly more than even she realises..? I don’t know, but you know how she can be!”

“That I do…” Runa replied with a chuckle, gently patting him on the back and squeezing his shoulder. “But do me a favour, kiddo, don’t ignore your emot—”

_ “Lucien!” _ The sudden exclamation cut across Runa, leaving her to blink and fluster as they both watched Nara bounce over, her drunken blush fiercer and brighter than before with the presence of a half empty bottle of Spiced Wine in her hand. She hiccuped and giggled to herself, placing the bottle down beside Runa - who shrugged, picked it up and took a swig from it herself - before taking hold of Lucien’s hands and pulling him off the table before he had a chance to react. “Lucien! Come on come on  _ come on!  _ Dance with me! Please?”

“Nara you’re most definitely in not a fit enough state to be dancing right now, you can barely even stand up straight!” Lucien worriedly protested, keeping a steady grasp on her arm as she swayed back and forth, unable to keep a straight line as she made her way towards the small cluster of couples dancing together. But she didn’t get very far, and had only managed to pull him just a few steps away from Runa.

So instead, Nara whirled around to face him, her full lips pulled into a very big pout as her eyes began to mist up with tears. “But Lucien…” Dammit, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he was the reason why she started crying...

“Well, how about this, when you’re sober and when we have free time, I’ll teach you how I was taught to dance..?” She pondered for a moment, still holding his hands in her much smaller, scarred ones. With a firm nod and a strong hiccup, she agreed.

“All right but I’m gonna hold you to that, Mister Flavius!” Nara said, trying her best to not giggle as she lightly poked him in the centre of his chest. He couldn’t help but sigh and chuckle, giving a solemn nod despite his small grin.

“Of course, Miss Nara. Shall I be the one to remember it as well, in case you forget?”

“Yes please! Also do we have any cakes left?”

“I’m afraid not, but it would be better that we found something more substantial for you, though. To help you sober up a little! I’m sure Sorex might have a meat pie left that you can have!” Yet strangely enough, even despite the lightness to his tone and the soft smile on his face, Nara still let those few tears fall as she stared up at him with her big violet eyes filled completely with firelight and stars. “Nara..?”

She sniffled just a little, quickly drying her eyes on the back of her hands before reaching up on her tiptoes, her hands carefully cupping his face so he couldn’t move or look at anyone else other than her. “Lucien Flavius, you are my favourite, and never,  _ ever, _ forget that.”

And then she pulled his face down to hers to bite his chin.

He faintly winced and blinked when she pulled away, unable to focus  _ not one bit _ for the next thing he knew was that something had caught Nara’s attention, making her turn around and stumble off into the crowd with an  _ “Ooh!” _

“Nara!” Lucien tried to call after her, only just an inch short of grabbing her hand on his first attempt and every other attempt after was just as poor. He really couldn’t think straight, not one bit. Confusion, shock, pain and…  _ pride?  _ All those feelings and  _ so many more  _ swirled through his mind, but most of all, worry clung to his heart which had kicked up a storm in his chest and was no doubt the reason for his face being so impossibly warm in the cool night air. He ducked his way through the crowd the best he could, only just able to use his taller stature to his advantage to spot glimpses of her white hair through the dancing couples before he stumbled out onto the street… “Nara?!”

Nothing. No reply, no giggling or call of his name. Not a single tiny Breton friend with white hair and violet eyes in sight.

“Oh dear…” Lucien mumbled to himself, running his hand through his hair and looking up and down the street once again for any hope or any sign of Nara only for there to be  _ none. _

* * *

Dust filled her nose and the cobwebs made her shudder as she wafted them all aside and marched (staggered) ever onwards with hipbone and key in hand. The maid who had given her the key, Erdi, was nice, very tall and very pretty. An adventurous spirit at heart but so very not in Nara’s park, so to speak. She grumbled quietly to herself, ignoring the occasional hiccup as she searched for a missing master, wondering why in hell or Oblivion that there wasn’t a woman or man or person out there that would like her in return! Then again, her options were fairly limited, and she had come to understand very quickly that her fleeting fancies were only that,  _ fleeting. _

First the Nord shopkeeper in Rorikstead, then Runa, then L…

She blinked, coming to a stop, wondering when on earth the Blue Palace became  _ a really weird garden. _ All dull and brightly coloured, it was beautiful and dreary and majestic and terrifying and glittery and empty and so dead and so alive  _ all at the same time! _ Nara couldn’t help but giggle, stumbling her way over to the table and barely acknowledging that two men were already sitting there together, discussing away about some matter or another that she didn’t care for because she was too busy picking which items on the table to eat for herself.

She decided to settle on her favourite food after clearing a space to park her bum beside the stack of cheese wheels, happily setting about devouring an apple as she looked back and forth between the two men. And then  _ poof! _ the more dully dressed man vanished in a swirl of violet light, leaving her to sit there and wonder what was going on more so than she usually did. Probably magic or something, she decided, leaving herself to shrug and continue eating away, reaching for another apple from the bowl and staring at the remaining man who stared right back.

Nara tilted her head to the side, and he did the same, mimicking her actions before getting bored, leaving her to shrug and enjoy the silence for a moment. The white haired man in front of her only leaned forward, focusing on her with strange eyes that she couldn’t place whether they were like a snake’s or just completely white or if they were filled with the stars themselves. It was very odd, and left her to stare and think the best she could and smother as many hiccups as possible.

“Now what are you doing here, little mortal..?” She was quick to scoff at that, making a face at being called ‘little’ and sticking out her tongue for good measure.

“I dunno! Delivering a message or  _ -hic!- _ some shite? Bloody hipbones and keys from pretty maids...”

_ “Tsk! _ The sheer  _ vulgarity!  _ If I had half a mind - and mostly I don’t - I’d cut out your tongue and give it legs!” Nara quickly snorted at that, giggling quietly at so many different ideas as she poured herself a tankard of wine only to get distracted and drink straight from the bottle instead.

“Pft, I’d like to see you try, mate.” The strange eyed man before he let a faintly fond look cross his face for just a moment, as if recalling a distant memory as he leant back in his throne, throwing his feet up onto the table and steepling his fingers together under his bearded chin.

“Oh and a cocky one, too! Would you look at that! It’s ever so rare for little spitfires such as yourself to come wandering onto my path. Now,” he happily exclaimed with a cheery grin before growing only a little serious, holding her gaze in a tight grasp with his own, “are you going to answer my question, little mortal?”

“No, you didn’t answer mine and I asked first!”

“Didya now? Well! By all means, let me answer yours! You’ll just have to refresh my memory, little one…”

Despite the maliciously mad grin that curled across the man’s bearded face, Nara sat up straighter and cleared her throat, willing her body to stop hiccuping for just a few moments as she put on her own serious face. “If I have five cakes, and my friend has nine, but a seagull has none, then why do I have weird dreams about cheese and pies and monsters?”

“Ooh! Good question, my dear! But that’s simply because you’re a broken little thing with barely a grasp on reality let alone a strong enough grasp on the very core of her being.”

“Fuck! I thought that would be it but that’s just  _ so... boring!” _ With the added emphasis of her collapsing across the table, Nara grumbled and stared at the grey sky above, scowling at it like it was the source of her woes. For all she knew it actually was! After all, she didn’t know much. She sighed and looked over to her new friend, wondering why she was there in the first place to begin with but she couldn’t care anymore, not when they were having the most delightful of conversations! Finally someone who actually  _ understood! _

Though the time ticked by, as it always did, and even her new friend began to realise. “Look at you, you tricksy little drunken thing! Had me talking for so long that I almost forgot that you were sent here with a message!”

With the reminder, Nara sat bolt upright, accidentally throwing aside her bottle of wine which never seemed to grow any emptier when she drank from it. But she blanked for a moment and then blinked. “Oh! Yeah! I were sent here ‘cause you’re to come back from your holidays!”

“Were you now? By whom? Wait! Don’t tell me! I want to guess! Was it Molag? No, no… Little Tim, the toymaker’s son? The ghost of King Lysandus? Or was it… Yes! Stanley, that talking grapefruit from Passwall. Wrong on all accounts, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, pretty much...”

“Ah, no matter! I don’t want to know! Why ruin the surprise? But more to the point. Do you - tiny, puny, expendable little mortal - actually think you can convince me to leave? Because that’s…  _ crazy. _ You do realise who you’re dealing with here?”

“My friend!”

“Ha! Possibly! If you’re up for the every century wine and dine in New Sheo, of course! Still can’t believe my sister won’t answer my invitations for them!” The man rolled his eyes and tutted for good measure, shaking his head before springing back into action with all the madness about them both. “No, you - my dear half mad, half broken and completely drunk little Breton lass - are in the company of your Auntie Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance! Now…” He leant forward, his mad grin becoming even madder as the energy around them both began to crackle and pop with so much potential chaos that Nara couldn’t stop herself from bouncing in her seat from anxious excitement. “Fancy a bit of fun and the chance to get a new whacking stick?”

* * *

All four of them had split up in different directions, all of them taking a corner of the city and searching from top to bottom. Even Runa sobered up immediately with the news, quickly casting her scrying spell and swearing foully to herself when it didn’t take for “too strong a  _ fucking  _ ward” was stood between her and Nara, blocking all sight, sound and possible ways to track the little Breton down.

But in his desperation, Lucien couldn’t help but hope that the Resonance Sphere could do the job as he wandered past the Hall of Lost Empires, the brief glimpse of a Dwemer statue reminding him that he had the Sphere in its pouch, on his belt. He quickly took it out, hurriedly activating the tracking function, letting the small metal ball buzz in his hand before it stopped for a brief moment, the buzzing taking a focused direction and pointing… North? He blinked, turning around as the hope began to grow and grow, the Blue Palace was just straight north of where he was at that very second. He didn’t even need a shove out the door for he quickly took off at a sprint and made his way into the still -  _ thankfully - _ open Palace and followed the Sphere’s directions without a second thought.

But all he found was a pile of Nara’s clothes in a dusty corridor along with her belt, her war horn, her pouch of dice and her Resonance Sphere pouch. Dread filled every part of his soul, body and mind, the idea that she was just  _ gone _ leaving him unable to think. And then all he had done was blink and the next thing he knew was that Nara was standing  _ right in front of him. _

She turned around, garbed in the strangest set of purple and orange clothes that he had ever seen, and happily gasped at the sight of him, dropping the strange, dark silver stick in her hand and stumbling into him.

_ “Lucien! _ Hi! Hello!” Nara giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck to which he could still smell the mead and wine on her breath with the close proximity of their faces. He had no choice but to bend in accordance with her height, staring confusedly at the stick on the ground with its three faces staring back at him and…  _ laughing screaming roaring at him in his head—  _ He shook his head and looked away, ignoring the foul,  _ definitely Daedric  _ thing on the floor and tightly wrapped his arms around his small friend’s waist as she swayed and giggled, holding on tight to him as she sang a little but very disjointed song to herself that she was clearly making up on the spot…  _ about him. _ “Yes you are my favourite, yes you are! Yes my favourite, yes you are! What a lovely Imperial friend in the whole wide world! Bestest, tallest, loveliest pal!”

He came back to his senses, the worry finally gone with her there alive and safe in his arms and instead replaced with some… strangely worried sense of disappointed anger and confusion that didn’t last long in the face of her still  _ being there. _ “Nara-  _ Nara.”  _ Lucien pulled back, just enough to put his hands on her shoulders instead and to give her the sternest look he could muster, which after an hour or three of searching for her in a blind panic was Very Stern Indeed. “Where have you been? I’ve been searching all over for you!  _ Everyone _ is searching all over for you!”

She hiccuped and grinned even wider and wilder than before. “With Auntie Sheogorath! We had a  _ great time!  _ And I got a new stick for hitting things with!”

She reached down and would have tumbled straight over onto her face if he hadn’t caught the back of her strange outfit, just strong and worried enough to hold up her weight before hauling her upright. But instead she teetered straight into him, her face hidden in his chest once more to which she gave a very happy hum, wound her arms around his waist and mumbled into his tunic. “How’re you so lovely..? Not possible, silly and improbable and still very rude. The Rudest Imperial… doing my brain mischiefs all the time… why aren’t you hugging me back?!”

Nara tilted her head back to throw that question at him, her chin  _ ever so slightly  _ digging into his chest and her eyes misty with soon to be shed tears. Lucien wrapped his arms around her again, making sure to stifle his heavy sigh the best he could before looking down at her, squeezing her as tight as he possibly could. “Nara, please don’t  _ ever _ disappear like that again.”

“Oh…” It finally clicked with her, breaking past all the alcohol in her system and she nodded, slumping and shrinking in on herself, hiding her face in his chest and trying her to stop her shoulders from shuddering with each tiny, smothered sob. “I’m sorry…”

His sigh was much softer the second time as he gently pet her hair, running his fingers through the white strands and pulling out bits of twig and petals as he went. “Come on, let’s get you back to the tavern…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was such a treat to write and I love Auntie Sheo very much and instead of just the usual Gracious Thanks to Gnewna for Proof Reading, also MASSIVELY Gracious Thanks to them for letting me include Nerussa and all the wonderful things that come with Nerussa in Nara's story like Auntie Sheo!!


	57. Comfort and Respect

Slumped on the bench and the hood of her cloak pulled up over her head, Nara sat in the Museum entrance in  _ agony. _ She had been hungover before, yes, but this was something  _ horrid. _ To make things worse she could barely remember any of the previous night after meeting Auntie Sheogorath, everything swirled in on itself into a menagerie of colour in her mind and would make her wince and grumble if she thought about it for too long. So after a little while, she resigned herself to curling up on the bench and wallowing in her pain.

She hadn’t even seen Lucien that morning. She woke up in her tavern room, met with a bollocking from Kaidan over breakfast for her drunken shenanigans, leaving her to poke and prod at her food more than she already had, her appetite thrown out the window and replaced with the annoyance that came with Lydia glaring at the back of her head. The Housecarl wouldn’t say anything about what had happened, but she was definitely making up for that fact with all the glaring, huffing and eye rolling.

The door to the Museum opened and she didn’t move, resigning herself to try and sleep on the little bench Kaidan had left her on, but the familiar footfalls had her wondering if Lucien was finally there to tell her how disappointed he was in her. Instead, he crouched down by her head and gently moved the edge of her hood out of the way so he could peek inside, keeping his voice gentle and soft as he spoke whilst she kept her eyes closed. “Nara..?”

She grumbled and groaned, curling up even tighter and wrapping her arms over her head to try and provide herself some comfort. He sighed softly and kept hold of the edge of her hood. “So, you don’t want any hair pats, then..?”

Nara opened and narrowed her eyes at that, wondering what he was up to but the offer  _ was _ there, after all… She slowly sat up, wincing at the aches in her mind and in her back, having been curled up for so long whilst waiting for Kaidan to be finished chatting with Auryen. Lucien sat down where her head previously was, letting her lay back down with her head on his lap instead and he carefully pulled her hood out of the way to begin gently brushing his fingers through the tangles in her messy, bedhead hair.

“What’re you up to..?” Nara grumbled, her voice shot and aching in her throat as she looked up at him out of the corner of her eye. He gave her a genuinely surprised look, caught off guard by her suspicion and untrusting mood.

“Helping my friend..?” Lucien answered back, a little unsure to the point of even asking: “Why? Shouldn’t I be..?”

“Well… no? You were well pissed off with me last night, I do remember that before blacking out…” A strong heat washed over her face as she remembered how she  _ sang  _ about him,  _ to him,  _ in the Pelagius Wing. She tried her best to ignore the memory, settling instead for taking some comfort in the better pillow that were his legs and the gentle feeling of him carefully brushing the knots out of her hair.

“I was a little cross, yes, but more than that, I was just… so incredibly worried about you, Nara. You had wandered off! Disappeared and missing for four hours! Of course I’d be a little cross and disappointed when I found you, but I was more scared for you and worried about you than anything.” Just a small pause, his hand coming away from her hair and instead settling on the top of her head. “Do you want a little healing, by the way..? Your throat sounds dreadfully sore…”

“It is…” She mumbled, doing her best to clear it with a closed mouth cough, but instead that only bore her more pain, making her grumble. “But yes please.”

Before she knew it, Lucien had cast a spell. One she was very unfamiliar with in a sense. It felt like Healing Hands but all at once, a sudden shock of warmth through her skull that spread out into the rest of her body, washing away all the aches and pains with one blast. She slumped into his lap, completely relaxed and slowly unfolding from her ball, processing it all before carefully rolling onto her back to look up at him. “What the hell was that..?”

“Ah! Yes, well, I was speaking to Runa a little while ago, before I came here, actually. She’s very knowledgeable when it comes to magic,” he paused for a moment, thinking of how best to put it with a flicker of concern crossing his face briefly, “well, we’ve both seen what she can do, that’s just Runa. Anyway! She gave me some notes as to how to make Healing Hands faster without it being an entirely new spell. Very intuitive work. So, if anyone needs healing immediately, say in the middle of a battle, then I can quickly help!” Lucien explained, looking very pleased with the new addition to his arsenal of spells and Nara simply stared up at him with unashamed pride and a small smile on her face. But she noticed the faint trace of exhaustion in his eyes, and tilted her head to the side, brow furrowed and eyes narrowed in a silent question he was quick to answer. “I will admit, it is  _ very draining. _ The application of it is definitely for when it’s desperately needed, I think. Because the conversion from a concentration spell to a fire and forget makes it all a little tricky to balance, and Runa definitely isn’t one for fine tuning her spells, from the looks of it!”

“Makes sense, I guess..? Still, it’s bloody brilliant… Though… it doesn’t  _ completely _ explain where you’ve been this morning.” Nara said, giving him a small concerned look when he blushed and cleared his throat a little.

“Well… I went to the market, and the Radiant Raiment, too,” he started to explain, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small box that he carefully held in both of his hands. So Nara sat up, knowing the look on his face to be one where she needed to listen to him and to look like she was, instead of being half strewn across his legs, “last night, I couldn’t help but feel  _ dreadful _ for having been the reason why you started crying… I honestly felt like I had ruined your first night out, your first festival and party. Even though you were absolutely drunk at the time, I still felt awful for it. So, I got you something I think you might like, to make it up to you.”

He held out the box to her, letting her gently take it from him and with a lift of the lid, she blinked at the sight of three different coloured silk ribbons - sky blue, light grey and royal blue - but she couldn’t help but blink even more at the jingle bells in the box. She lifted up the sky blue ribbon, finding that it was short and tied in such a way where it would be able to be adjusted to fit around her wrist, the three bells looped onto the fabric gently ringing with the movement. She glanced at Lucien and he gave her a sheepish but hopeful smile, watching as she shook the bracelet a little, her violet eyes widening as the bells chimed out, echoing in the space and he had never before seen her move so quickly to put something on.

With the blue bracelet on her right wrist and the grey on her left, she giggled quietly to herself at the jingling she created with just the movement of her hands before letting herself take a closer look at the royal blue ribbon in the box. The longest of the three, she carefully pulled it out from the box and ran it through her fingers before wrapping it up in her hair to create her usual, messy bun.

“I love them so much, thank you, Lucien!” Nara said, quickly throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him so tight for a moment that he definitely couldn’t breathe. But she softened her hold on him, kneeling beside him as he returned the embrace. After a small moment and a happy sigh, she pulled back, keeping her hands on his shoulders so she could properly look at him. “But you don’t have to buy me things, you know, to make me feel better. I’m not really that kind of girl..?”

“Of course, but, well…” Lucien began, blushing a little more and letting a small cheeky smile appear on his face. “It’s an apology with a possible ulterior motive attached to it..?”

“Wait what..?”

He gave a sheepish chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck as he explained. “Mainly the bells, so I can listen for you if you ever decide to wander off again!”

Nara thought for a moment, looking at her right wrist and at the bells there before letting a big grin cross her face. “Just one step closer to me becoming a cat! But thank you, Lucien,  _ so much,  _ they’re brilliant.”

“Well, I’m glad you like them! And you’re very welcome, Nara!” Lucien replied, happily letting her hug him once again. Though, when she pulled away and sat beside him with a faint thud and a jingle of her new bracelets, he was sure to remember another detail. “Oh! And we also need to discuss the matter of the Patronage that we were given by Viarmo?”

It took Nara a few seconds to click, to remember what he was talking about but she got there in the end, the realisation dawning on her face with an accompanying: “Oh! Yep! That we do! Half and half?”

“Pardon?”

“Well, we’re both Bards of the College and it is for both of us, so a fifty fifty share of the Patronage each sounds good to me?” Lucien blinked, taking his turn to take just a small moment to piece it together before finally giving a reply.

“Yes, Nara I know that but I also received a letter this morning as well, from my parents along with my stipend for this month. So—”

“I’m sorry but,  _ what?” _ Nara quickly cut him off, leaning closer with a slow grin pulling across her face and he knew. He knew he wasn’t to clarify but it was in his nature, and he was simply A Fool who most certainly  _ wasn’t  _ blushing (he was).

“My parents sent me this month’s stipend…” She giggled at the word, leaning her head against his arm as she laughed away.

“Oh Gods, Lucien, I think you mean ‘pocket money’.”

He flustered briefly, the blush on his face growing and becoming ever so slightly annoyed and offended more than embarrassed. “It is  _ not  _ pocket money, Nara.”

“But it is, though! You don’t even have a job so it’s definitely not a stipend! Bloody hell Lucien! Mate, pal, my bestest friend in the whole wide world,” Nara proclaimed, resting a hand on his arm whilst she kept her grin almost  _ unbearably  _ bright, “you’re so  _ unbelievably _ posh!”

“It’s for my re _ search! _ And  _ living expenses!  _ That’s what a stipend  _ is, _ after all…” Lucien grumbled, trying his best to not pout over the matter even though deep down he knew it was another lost battle in the making. Yet Nara refused to stop giggling and grinning away.

“Living expenses? I’m the one that pays for everything when we’re in town!  _ And  _ I bought the tent!”

With a huff, Lucien kept up his defense the best he could. “Yes, although you’ll remember I’ve  _ tried  _ to chip in..? Besides, that’s rather my point - as I was trying to say, I don’t actually  _ need _ my share of the money.”

She refused to budge, folding her arms and pouting as she remembered something that had been weighing down the back of her mind. Gods, an entire month had gone by and she had completely forgotten. “Yeah, well, maybe you don’t  _ need _ it but  _ I  _ need to pay  _ you  _ back!”

“Nara, if this is about what happened in Riften, I’ve told you before - you don’t have to pay me that back. Yes, at the time I was annoyed with you for getting yourself into that mess but I definitely won’t mind it if you don’t pay me back now or ever.” What had once been amusement in her eyes had quickly turned into a serious and almost desperate sense of pleading, a look that he was very unused to seeing from Nara as she turned in her seat to face him fully, bringing her feet up onto the bench with her and crossing her legs the best she could.

“Yeah but Lucien it’s not just about paying it back, anymore. At the time we had no idea who Anella was or who she was with or anything, we had _no idea_ of her intentions or how _really_ terrifying she is. If things had fucked up more than they did… If _I_ had fucked up more than I did… Who knows what could’ve happened…” The bells around her wrist chimed gently as she fidgeted with her hands, straightening the cloth wrapped around her knuckles and fingers. She took a deep breath and looked up to meet his gaze. “And you’re my _best friend,_ Lucien… I know it’s just my head being unhealthy but I don’t want to keep feeling like I’m letting you down. So let me have this, please..? Let me be comfortable?”

He thought for a moment, taking all she had said into consideration carefully before coming to his conclusion. He held out his hand, watching how she briefly paused before taking hold, letting him give her something else to fidget and focus her hands on whilst she listened to what he had to say.

“All right, I may not understand it completely but if it helps you to feel comfortable, then by all means. But Nara,” he began, very gently squeezing her fingers against his palm with his own and catching her gaze in a way that didn’t make her tense, “if something like that is needed in the future..? Say if the same thing happened again? Please let me help, without it being something that you need to pay back or return or whatever your head says is needed for the situation. I want to be there for you like you have been there for me!” Another gentle squeeze of her hands and she returned the gesture, still listening completely and undividedly to his every word. “I understand very well that I’m absurdly privileged, you and Kaidan and Runa have done a fair bit to cement that fact for me ever since I arrived here in Skyrim. So let me do what I can, in my own way, to help… please?”

Nara took her time, letting it all sink in as she drew patterns on his palm with her fingertips, allowing herself a small smile when he clearly found it too ticklish, his hand tensing just a little yet he refused to pull away from her very gentle hold. She nodded, and met his gaze again. “All right. Keep each other happy and comfortable?”

“Exactly.” Lucien answered with a happy nod and a seemingly proud look in his eye. She wasn’t too sure, but the weight in the back of her mind finally cleared and lifted, leaving her with a bright grin and a happy blush on her cheeks.

“Great! Got the money with you?”

“Of course! Just a moment!” He turned away, rifling through his bag which he had placed at their feet beside her own, soon pulling out the coin purse in question that they had been given the night before. He placed it in her waiting hands, watching as she quickly set about counting out the correct coin, mumbling the numbers under her breath as she did. He patiently waited until she was done, dreading the thought of being the reason as to why she lost count, and a much smaller but still rather heavy coin purse was handed back, and he couldn’t help but ask as he tucked it away in his bag, “So, what are you going to do with the Patronage? It was rather a lot that we were given, after all.”

“Dunno,” Nara said with a shrug, dropping the money into her bag with a heavy thud and muffled clatter of the coins within being jostled in their place, “I was originally thinking share it with you and Kaidan and give Lydia her fair share but I know those two won’t accept a penny of it, so… it’ll probably just sit and weigh down my bag, really.”

Lucien couldn’t help but chuckle. “Well, that’s hardly an inconvenience, considering how strong you are! See! Exactly the reason why you should take the majority of it. I wouldn’t have been able to carry even half of that in my bag.”

“Yes you would! You don’t give yourself enough credit! You’ve been getting stronger!” Nara was sure to reach over, a cheeky grin on her face as she squeezed his upper arm, giggling to herself at the rosy hue that coloured his cheeks along with the briefly surprised look in his eyes. He was quick to wipe it all from his face, giving her a faintly stern look that barely lasted more than a handful of seconds before he was smiling back at her.

“And I rather think that you don’t treat yourself often enough. You’re always spending on everyone but rarely ever for yourself… unless it’s on cakes.”

“We’ve been over this, Lucien! Cakes are A Necessity, not A Treat!”

“I… really shouldn’t agree but I’d be lying if I said you were wrong,” Lucien admitted with a chuckle, watching as Nara settled with her journal in her lap and her quill in hand. She glanced at him and quickly shuffled closer to lean against him.

“Arm?”

“Hm..? Oh! Of course!” He lifted his arm, gently wrapping it around her shoulders and letting her settle against his side instead, a very happy hum leaving her as she turned to a new page, marked the date and got to sketching. Lucien definitely wasn’t one to read or look over anyone’s shoulders whilst they were writing or drawing - he wasn’t Kaidan, after all. But there was a charm to be found in watching Nara’s process and he couldn’t help but watch anyway, and with each line her sketch grew more and more elaborate until… “You’re drawing a coat..?”

Nara paused and looked up at him, a smile on her lips and a sparkle in her eye. “Yeah! You said I should treat myself so that’s what I’m doing! I’m going to get myself a very fancy blue coat and I will look Truly Marvellous!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many Gracious Thanks to Gnewna for the assistance with Lucien for this chapter!! It do be a struggle sometimes to get his dialogue written out and they're always fantastic help with that and proof reading!!!


	58. Beginning of the Hunt

A day had been spent recovering from the madness of the festival, and so the next they got back to truly existing in the world instead of sitting around reading, studying, drawing or idly chatting and generally relaxing in the Museum or the Winking Skeever. They all woke up bright and early simply because Nara had done so, as she always did, and went knocking on each of their doors before quickly dragging Lucien out so he would go shopping with her. For company, she had said, but it was more so for support, even he knew that despite his occasionally oblivious nature.

Their first stop at the Radiant Raiment went on for much longer than either of them had anticipated. Nara’s new standing with the two Altmer sisters had gained her a little leeway to gain much nicer greetings from them both, but Lucien’s presence and charm shifted the dynamic entirely. Taarie hardly found a chance to be critical about Nara’s sketched coat design and Endarie was even  _ warm _ to speak to, leaving Nara to decide that maybe she really needed to give people more chances instead of just settling with only the people she immediately clicked with.

The back and forth over the matter of Nara’s coat took them into the late morning hours, the Altmer seamstresses and the Breton too busy finalising the designs and colours to realise that Lucien had wandered off. They only realised he had disappeared when he returned with breakfast for himself and Nara along with Altmeri cakes for Endarie and Taarie to have whilst they worked over the blueprint. It didn’t take long for the Sisters to start insinuating  _ something, _ however, yet Nara was much too focused dotting out the details of the embroidery to go along one of  _ many _ coattails to really understand what they were trying to say. It also didn’t take them long to give up with the flair and the hinting, realising that Nara was either too dense or oblivious to pick up what they were putting down. So they gave up, for the moment.

With the blueprint complete and half of the commission paid for with the deal of Nara paying the other half on completion of her coat, she and Lucien both bid farewell before heading once again into the bakery. They waited the few moments it took for Runa to be finished with another customer, a bard they had briefly remembered seeing in the College, somehow shorter than Nara and with even  _ redder _ hair than Runa.

But as soon as she left, Runa collapsed onto her counter with a long, drawn out groan and ran her hand through her hair as she propped herself up on an elbow. “Please tell me you’re here to put me out of my misery..?”

“Nope!” Nara happily announced, bouncing up to the counter and pulling Runa up straight, “Also I don’t know what you’re huffing about, Runa, she seems nice.”

“I’ve told you, sweetpea—”

“You don’t like bards, I know. But have you ever considered that some bards can be good too?" Nara asked, watching the scowl begin to form on her Nord friend’s face. So she waved a hand with the accompanying jingles - the bracelets being something Runa grinned at Lucien for, for some unknown reason - and continued on, “Anyway that’s not the point! I want to talk to you about something!”

“Oh..? About..?” Runa asked, the grin still there and Nara returned it all the same but for different reasons.

“Meeko!” Immediately, the dog answered his name, scrambling at the bedroom door behind Runa’s counter and managing to open it just to trot outside, barking as he went and wagging his tail. Always happy to see So Many Friends, as he’d say!

“Oh? Well, all right..?” She was a bit taken aback at first, clearly surprised about the topic whilst the dog in question jumped up and placed his feet onto the counter, standing tall and looking back and forth between the two women whilst Lucien tried to usher him down only for his attempts to be ignored.

“Well, I’ll be honest, I love him to pieces, but he loves you more than he loves me..!” Meeko was quick to bark in agreement, staring up at Runa with such big and loving eyes that she could only look back with a similarly fond look for just a brief moment, for Nara’s next question had Runa blinking, completely dumbfounded by the idea. “So, I was wondering if you’d want to keep him?”

“What..?”

“Remember the talk we had, when we had our Girls Night In? I’ve been doing a bit of thinking to myself when I could even get the chance to, and he’s a very good boy but with the places we end up going? It’s not good for him to come with us, and he deserves lots of love, not to go wandering and getting into fights with us when we’re treasure hunting.” The rational part of her reasoning had been explained away, but with a glance over her shoulder she looked to Lucien, nodding for him to back up. He realised what she was asking and nodded in return, moving to step in the small entrance hallway instead to provide them both some privacy. So Nara turned back, her voice lowering and softening even more. “I know you don’t feel happy, and you said you’ve been relying on me for that, and I’m more than all right for you to, but… Maybe having Meeko with you will be a good step towards you being happy in your own time, you know..?”

Runa was silent and completely still for what felt like the longest time, simply staring at Nara with an unreadable expression on her face. But she finally moved, swallowed past something in her throat, standing straighter but so much more relaxed than she’d usually be, all just to lean over the counter and place a gentle hand on Nara’s left shoulder. “And you’re sure..?”

“Never been more sure about anything in my life, Runa. I want you to be happy, and I think Meeko’s more than happy to help you with that.” The hound in question gave yet another cheery bark, his tail wagging even faster than before as he hopped down from the counter and sat down in front of what he was hoping to be his new owner who crouched down in front of him.

“You want to stay, Meeko..?” Runa asked, gently fussing his ears and chuckling softly as his tail began to drum a beat on the wall of the counter.

“He really does because he won’t stop yelling ‘Home! Home with Runa!’.” Nara piped up, hardly noticing that what she was saying was rather strange. But Runa simply nodded, standing up straight and stepping out from behind the counter, Meeko following her along faithfully as she stepped to stand beside Nara and gently cup her cheek in her hand. Just a gentle and loving gesture, sure and kind and for once lingering, leaving Nara to feel so proud when she knew deep down Runa struggled with just… everything, when it came to her emotions.

“I bet you’re not wrong, sweetpea. But thank you, really. Can’t get the words right, but… Thank you.”

Nara shook her head, carefully taking Runa’s hand from her cheek to hold them between her own, squeezing them gently as she spoke. “Don’t need to thank me, Runa, I’m always happy to help, especially you. You’re like a big sister to me… or like a mum? I’m not sure but you’re very important to me, so I want you to be happy and I know Meeko does, too.”

* * *

After chatting away for an hour or two more, Runa had finally shooed Lucien and Nara away with the direct instruction to take Meeko out on a walk with her. She still had a business to run, but it was the beginning of at least something for the Nord baker. So hand in hand, the pair of adventuring treasure hunters led the way out through the side gate by the market, heading north towards the Solitude Lighthouse with Meeko making sure he didn’t leave them too far behind.

Yet once they arrived, Nara blinked, realising as to where they were, and remembering all that had happened. Her smile faded and her hand fell from Lucien’s, instead coming to rest on her sternum as the faded, delirious memories from a moment of being choked half to death came back to her mind. A sudden flash of the Monster that Anella had transformed into crept into her mind and she struggled to breathe, only to feel an arm wrap around her shoulders, continuing to lead her forward and away from the Lighthouse. Each step was an easier breath, and once she had her mind and memories back within her control, she rested her head briefly against Lucien’s chest before continuing to lead the way.

“Feeling any better..?” Lucien asked as they walked through the snow covered forest, each breath turning into a cloud in the late autumn or early winter air. Nara wasn’t sure what season it was anymore, they were even harder to keep track of than the days.

“A little. Will you tell me about what you were studying yesterday? Help take my mind off it all..?” They stepped further into the snow, following Meeko who was more than happy to bounce, play and eat his way through the white fluff. A moment later, they had both found a fallen tree to sit down on, clearing away the snow, setting their weapons at their feet and sitting side by side.

But the world grew a little too quiet, the air becoming so still that even Lucien stopped before he truly began, the tension becoming so thick that Meeko started growling at seemingly nothing. Then they heard it, the wing beats in the distance, and then they saw the shadow passing overhead, blotting out the sun above the canopy of the trees around the three of them.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me…” Nara muttered under her breath, picking up her quarterstaff and standing, anxiously twisting and turning her weapon in her hand as she watched the skies through the trees whilst Lucien quickly buckled his sword back to his belt, his hand resting on the hilt in preparation. Meeko quickly trotted to their sides, growling between every breath as he kept his teeth bared in anger.

Like stacked dominos, several of the trees around them were knocked down effortlessly beneath the dragon’s giant body. His green scales bore signs of age, the faintest chips, cracks and scratches along his thinner body. He wasn’t as large as the ones that they had seen and fought against before but he was definitely different, holding a stronger bearing despite his lither, sail-finned nature.

A low, echoing snarl left the dragon as he towered over the pair, letting a wicked, fang filled grin cross his scaled face as he did.  _ “Dovahkiin,  _ look at how you hide. _ Lir, aar faas!  _ A weakling, a slave to her fear!” The dragon snarled before laughing cruelly, staring Nara down with wicked and cold yellow eyes.

“‘A slave to my fear’? Oh fuck off! I’ve killed three of your mates already and here you are fucking trying to gloat like you’ve got summat to say! And all I’m hearing is jack-fucking-shit!” Nara shouted back, not even acknowledging the fact - unlike Lucien - that a dragon had sought her out to _talk,_ or rather, insult and laugh at her. The grip on her quarterstaff tightened, her face set into a scowl as she glared up at the beast and saw nothing but just another thing to kill, a low burning rage settling in the pit of her stomach, a quiet and fiercely angry disbelief that _he was in_ ** _her_** _territory._ “Now either you fight and die or you fuck off away from my city and my friends!”

“Ha! So much fire within such a tiny body! I will be sure to devour you last after I’ve consumed  _ hin mal joor fahdon,”  _ he laughed in reply, his giant head turning ever so slightly to look upon Lucien who clenched his jaw and set his shoulders, keeping the fear at bay the best he could as he stood beside his friend, “I wonder if I will feel the heat of your stolen soul within my gut before I take it for myself…  _ FO! KRAH DIIN!” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like writing Dragon Dialogue, why do I put myself through this pain? I be tired But Things Have To Occur very quickly so this is basically the beginning of a Series Of Kicks Up The Arse For Nara.
> 
> Gracious Thanks As Always To Gnewna For Proof Reading!!!


	59. Chasing Dragons

I swear to fuck I’m going to hunt that fucking dragon down and make a necklace out of his spine how fucking DARE HE FLY OFF???

**14th Frostfall - Turdas**

Okay, start again. Had a good day to begin with! Good new bells like I said yesterday, got a coat commissioned from Taarie and Endarie and they’re nicer than I first thought, turns out we just got off on the wrong foot! Meeko’s happy with Runa now too! They’re getting along like a house on fire but not on fire because Runa’s got an enchantment on her oven to stop that from happening and then me and Lucien took Meeko for a walk and I ended up

Okay, starting again… again. We took Meeko for a walk and I had a bad feeling at the Lighthouse. I think the fight that happened with Anella and her crew left something… bad, in my head. Lucien and Kaidan agree that it might be a bit of trauma from nearly being killed but I don’t think it’s that at all. I think it’s the spell Anella cast on me, not the Soul Trap, the Fear spell, I think it fucked my head over something fierce. But Lucien got me away, and we sat and started talking in the forest north of Solitude whilst Meeko played in the snow, it was nice and it helped, but we didn’t get very far before a dragon showed up and started _mocking me._ Fucking dickhead, honestly.

Of course one thing led to another, the dragon Shouted, I Shouted back, I punched the dragon, he tried to bite Lucien, Lucien dodged really bloody well and then fucked up the dragon’s face with a really good blast of Flames and then the scaly prick decided enough was enough and _flew. Off._

I’m really not happy right now and sure, I’m possibly in A Really Big Mood and yeah, the only direction we know he went in was South but a direction is better than nothing! Who’s to say what kind of shit he could be up to! It could be like Rorikstead all over again but with Dragon Bridge or with another village out there! I’m not just going to sit and ignore the fact that a dragon found me, _threatened to hurt my friends_ and then took off like it was No Big Deal. So, I definitely have some anger issues still, sure, but I have a point, and no one else is disagreeing with me. So we’ve set off for the moment, first carriage out of Solitude to Dragon Bridge, see if we can pick up anything there before night falls.

**15th Frostfall - Fredas**

I’m ready to pull my hair out. A dragon showed up, different from the first prick but just as strong and doing the same Gods damn tactic. They’re trying to get something out of me, I have no idea what though, and I’m going bloody well find out or kill the lot of them, I swear.

We’re in Whiterun now. Course, there wasn’t a carriage out of Dragon Bridge because of the dragon attacking, everything put on standstill, like. So we had to walk a lot of the way to Whiterun before we could catch a carriage that was heading in the same direction. Driver said they’d come from Markarth.

\- **Reminder:** Take Lucien to Markarth when we’ve got a free moment. He was rambling away on the carriage to Whiterun about the city and everything that he could think of about the Dwemer again and as much as I love to listen to him, I keep forgetting about all he says.

\- **Reminder Number 2:** Ask Lucien for books on the Dwemer? Or for a sit down and proper chat about it all? They sound proper interesting, that and _really_ terrifying so of course I have to know!

Going to visit the Temple in the morning. I want to chat to Danica, see how the sapling is getting along. It should be strong enough to plant, maybe, but soon to be the middle of winter, anyway. But first thing’s first, I need to chat to everyone… also figure out a way to tell Lydia to stay here in Whiterun without pissing her off or getting any ‘Smart’ comments from Lucien about her.

* * *

An early start to their day had led into yet another dragon attack, mocking and subsequent fleeing of the third great, scaled beast that visibly flew for the mountains north-east of Whiterun. With a determined anger set into Nara’s heart and the information and location of Shearpoint demanded from a guard, she stormed off out of the city, still patched with soot in places and followed by Kaidan and Lucien with Lydia left within Whiterun’s walls.

They both watched and followed on as she stomped with every step, and Lucien was the first to break the silence, keeping his voice low and hoping deep down that the anger in Nara’s veins was loud enough that she wouldn’t hear him, “Should we say something..?”

“Aye, definitely thinking that we should… No idea how, though, never seen her _this_ pissed off before…” Kaidan replied, his face a painting of quiet concern as they followed her off the beaten path and up into the mountains overlooking Whiterun and its tundra.

Despite himself, Lucien couldn’t help but recall one of the more vivid outbursts of Nara’s anger - the memory of her covered in blood, snapping horns from helmets and throwing bandits from towers into the river below. He shook his head, clearing his mind of the memory the best he could and stopped himself from yawning. A much too early start after a late arrival into the city had left the three of them with only just the bare minimum of sleep and at that point, they were only surviving on adrenaline lingering from the sudden but brief fight against the third dragon. “The last time I saw her this cross was over a month ago the day before we found you… I’ll admit, not exactly the most brilliant introduction to how brutal she can be, nor what fighting against bandits is really like…”

“No, I suppose it wasn’t… Oh, bloody hell, she’s muttering to herself now,” Kaidan sighed, even taking a moment to make a small face when their little leader angrily kicked a stone aside before continuing on stomping her way up the hill and into the increasingly snowy mountains. So with a deep breath and a steeled will for whatever onslaught was going to head his way, Kaidan picked up his pace, almost leaving Lucien behind, “Nara?”

“What?” She whirled around, tired eyes glaring at him for a brief moment before she took a breath of frozen air and relaxed her hands from their tight fists. She focused for a moment more, working the feeling back into her wrapped fingers, “Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to snap. Everything okay..?”

“We’re fine, but we’re incredibly worried about you, Nara… I haven’t seen you this furious about something since before the Watchtower…” Lucien said - having finally caught back up - only to peter out a little bit as instead he focused on that little detail regarding their first ever encounter with a dragon. Nara couldn’t understand what was so interesting about it and instead focused on explaining.

“Yeah, I’m pissed off because it’s the third day in a row now that a dragon has found us, each one of which has flown off after calling me a load of degrading shit and I’m not letting anyone - or _anything_ for that matter - fucking _demean_ me like that,” she began, folding her arms and ignoring the cold of the wind rushing over the three of them and her voice was just as sharp, “that _and_ it’s a bloody _dragon._ The three of us saw what had happened to Helgen, what could’ve happened to Rorikstead, to Dragon Bridge, to Whiterun not even _two hours ago._ I’m not letting monsters like that remain in this world and _especially not_ so close to innocent people.”

“Aye, and we understand that, all for it, really. But you’ve got to talk to us about it.”

“I literally am talking to you about it _right now,_ Kaidan—”

“No you’re bloody well not, Nara!” The older man cut off, _“This_ isn’t talking. This is you with a half made excuse trying to justify why you’re being such a damn idiot with a wounded pride. Talking would’ve involved a plan as to what we’re to do when we find that wyrm, talking would’ve at least given us some sort of idea of what we’d do after we’d killed it and we bloody wouldn’t be running in blind and exhausted!”

Nara visibly bristled, clenching her jaw and squaring up to her tallest friend with her eyes narrowed and her voice a growl, “‘Wounded pride’?! Oh yeah it’s totally _my_ fucking fault, innit? _I’m_ the one with the injured ego, _I’m_ just another vain idiot with a temper and a grudge–”

“Will you two just stop it?!” Lucien finally snapped, flustering for a moment when they both blinked and turned their attention onto him, both surprised by the outburst from the gentlest of their trio, “There's no use at all arguing with one another. Yes, we're all tired, we're all incredibly _sick_ of the dragons and how they've been acting these past few days but we _need_ to keep our heads on straight and not take our frustrations out on one another…” Kaidan and Nara both remained silent, unable to say anything and so they settled for both looking particularly embarrassed. Lucien definitely did have a point, and continued to have one but for something else entirely, “And on a slightly related note, Nara, I… I really think now might be the time to go see the Greybeards at High Hrothgar…”

“What? Why?” She immediately challenged, folding her arms and trying her best to not glare, but her anger was still lingering in her eyes.

“Haven’t you noticed how you’ve been reacting to the dragons and when we kill them? Before the Watchtower you were much more reserved and much less affectionate than you are now! And since the Watchtower you’ve become much brighter and have grown into yourself!” Lucien explained before taking a breath and hoping that it would all be enough to persuade her, “Doesn’t that at least seem a little odd?”

Nara didn’t reply, simply settling on keeping her arms crossed and her eyes on the snow beneath their feet. Quiet, thinking, or maybe just not at all wanting to believe the truth of his words. Neither Kaidan nor Lucien could be sure as to what she was feeling.

So instead of waiting, Kaidan stepped closer, letting out a small breath and gently placing a hand on her shoulder as he spoke, “He’s got a point, that and you did say a while back that you were feeling numb, that everything didn’t feel all there for you. Maybe it’s time to go and at least see what the Greybeards have to say, hey pet..?”

She glanced over her shoulder, up at the mountains that they had been heading for and the dragon they— no, that _she_ had been chasing. She let out a sigh of her own, defeated by logic, her temper completely cooled down and her anger replaced with the bitterly quiet feeling of having lost something she hadn’t realised she had set out to win. So, crestfallen and quiet, she nodded and pulled up her hood, the white fur cloak not being enough to hide her dejected little pout. Kaidan wrapped his arm around her shoulders, providing shelter from the sharp wind with his tall and strong frame whilst Lucien held out his hand, letting her take hold as they wandered their way back down the path, out of the snow and on a different course all together.

Onwards to Ivarstead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting somewhere towards Nara getting back onto the MQ which is at least something!! Bloody nearly 60 chapters is all it took to get her towards that damn mountain, whoops..!


	60. How Things Used To Be

"Feeling any better..?"

Nara blinked and looked up at Lucien, having spent a good hour staring at nothing but the crackling campfire in front of her and the melted snow around it. They had made camp on the snowy mountain pass that Kaidan knew. He had promised that it would cut their travel time from the eastern plains of Whiterun to Ivarstead to little under a day, rather than the few days it would take had they taken the road, like she originally expected. But with treacherous, wintry winds and a thick blanket of snow clouds above them for the entirety of their journey, they had to make camp or they would have frozen to death before they ever reached the end of the path. Yet, Nara couldn't immediately think of a way to reply to Lucien's question, simply settling on shrugging and slouching heavily against the cliff wall they were sheltering beside.

Lucien couldn't help but sigh softly and dithered for a moment, wondering when Kaidan would return from scouting the area, "Mind if I sit with you?"

"No, I don't mind. If anything, I proper need a hug. Feeling like I'm splitting at the seams a bit..." Nara admitted. It had become so commonplace to be _incredibly close_ to always honest that it wasn't even that alarming to her, anymore, and it was even more commonplace to feel so at ease about it. As soon as Lucien sat beside her, she leant her head on his arm which he was quick to move and loop around her shoulders, letting her rest her head on his chest instead, "Was I really that different before the Watchtower fight..?"

"Well, yes. You were reserved, and sharper. You're still quick to anger on occasion, of course, but you were much more… _Volatile,_ I suppose would be the way I’d describe it. There wasn’t much chance of getting you to calm down, and there wasn’t anything that could be said to help you think it through, or at least that's what I thought about it all… I'd also use the word 'taciturn' for how you used to be too, now that I think about it…" Lucien rambled slightly, spotting the faintest smile on his friend's face when she tilted her head back to look up at him.

"Got plenty of opinions on how I used to be, don't you..?"

"Of course I do! After all, I am a very opinionated person..!" He managed to muster a little chuckle out of her with that, and a warmth accompanied it which flooded his chest. He was doing his best to help her feel better, and at that moment that's all he wanted… Along with a warm cup of tea and a mountain of blankets to hide inside, of course!

"Very true! But that makes you, _you_ , so I definitely can't complain!" Nara replied, giving him the brightest smile she could which was more just a small flame in the dark compared to what she would usually give, but it was still _something._

“No, I suppose not..! Though, at least you don’t complain like _Kaidan_ does..!” Lucien said with a soft grin and a joking tone, all the while keeping an eye out for the Swordsman in particular in case he came back to the camp at the mere mention of his name. Nara chuckled a little more, slowly devising plan after mischievous plan that she knew all too well she could rope Lucien into helping her with. And he caught on, quick as anything, “What are you planning now..?”

“Nothing!”

“Nara..!” It didn’t take much else to get an answer from her, for with a bright grin and a giddy chuckle, she drummed a small beat on her thighs and bounced a little in her seat, unable to get the excitable energy out any other way.

“Just the idea of getting a jar of snow and filling Kaidan’s boots but _only_ when we’re out of all of this snow. Want to prank him, yes, but don’t want him to get hurt! Confuse, bemuse and startle, never hurt or embarrass, that’s my rule..!”

“It’s a good rule! And if you ever need, say, a certain Frostbite spell to keep the snow all, _snowy,_ then _I suppose_ I’d be willing to lend a hand..!” With a smile he tried so desperately to hide away to maintain an air of mystery and plotting, Lucien couldn’t stop himself from grinning at Nara, his dark blue eyes sparkling in the light of the campfire with the very same mischief bubbling away in her.

“Brilliant! I’ll be sure to leave you A Very Secret Note when the time comes for you to aid me in my Incredibly Innocent and Not At All Mischievous Plan!” She cracked just as easily, their cheeky game of planning and devising such dreadful trickery was too much for her to bear before she collapsed into a fit of giggles, her cheek - once again - back against his chest and her arms wound securely around his waist. And he laughed along with her, chin resting on the top of her head and his arms secure and snug around her shoulders, the pair keeping one another warm in the sheer, frozen wilderness of the northern mountain pass. Eventually, their laughter died down but they didn’t pull apart, both of them comfortable and content to remain close and warm in one another’s arms.

After a small while, Nara turned her head just enough - sighing softly as she did - to stare into the campfire for a moment before swiftly getting bored and turning her attention to the dark sky above. Making a small face to herself at the thick blanket of snow clouds hiding the moons and stars, she wondered when it would pass so she could see it all again. There was so much brightness hidden away by that brewing storm, something both simultaneously comforting with the ever close presence of Kynareth but it was also so… _stifling._ Like that blanket of clouds was weighing on her own shoulders, much like the weight of everything else that was ahead of her and was no doubt yet to come. So, she sighed once more, turning her gaze back to Lucien only to blink and realise he was all the light she needed when the stars weren’t there. He really was her best friend, after all!

“Lucien?"

“Mhm..?”

“Could you cast Candlelight? It’s very pretty…”

Lucien blinked for a moment, wondering why a thought in the back of his mind had leapt forth with the idea of her being pretty, too. But he ignored it easily, nodded and carefully moved his arm, holding out his hand in front of them both, charging the spell and clicking his fingers, letting the sparkling orb of light manifest and float into the air above their heads - but only after Nara attempted to bat at it with her hand, as always. He chuckled softly and absentmindedly squeezed her closer to his chest as they stared up at the second light source, “It is very pretty, isn’t it..?”

“Yeah. All the spells you know are pretty, I think. I like your Lesser Ward, it’s a nice light shade of blue, and then Healing Hands is a nice sunny gold, but it’s not as pretty as your hair, but still good..!” Nara rambled softly with no aims or even any real points to make, just a series of compliments she wished for him to know, because she felt in her heart that he _needed_ to know them.

“I also recently finished studying Courage which is a lovely teal colour..!” Lucien added, letting the spell fill his hand in front of them both, the wisps of light swirling into his palm and settling in a twisting spiral that wrapped around his hand. Yet - for a reason Nara couldn’t place - she locked up, stiffening and becoming as still and rigid as a statue. He immediately realised and dismissed the spell, letting her see the magics vanish from his outstretched hand before winding his arms back around her and pressing a small kiss to her hair in his worry, “Gods, I’m _so_ sorry, Nara. I didn’t think… I should have realised...”

“What..?” She asked as she snapped back to reality, blinking away the tears in her eyes and trying to understand why her heart was slamming against her ribcage, why she felt unnaturally cold and why the back of her neck and her spine felt so clammy.

“I should have remembered what you said about Anella’s Fear spell that she cast on you, I should have realised that other Illusion spells might… scare you..?” She blinked, letting his explanation settle in her head and she only gave a small nod in reply, pulling her knees up to her chest and holding on tight to herself. “Do you want me to keep holding you..? Or to stop..?”

“More hugs, please…” He didn’t reply and simply wound his arms tight around her once more. The tension in the air hung heavily over their heads, ready to snap at a moment’s notice as she stared off at the mountain pass around them, at the few gentle flakes that began to fall and dance through on the wind, at the small whirlwind that rushed past with a flurry of snowflakes in its spiral that made them flutter and spin before them…

A sudden snap rang through her ears and she flinched as a heavy but somehow empty feeling flooded her torso - almost as if something so vital and precious to her very being had been ripped away with the knowledge of _Wuld,_ or ‘Whirlwind’ as she had come to suddenly understand. Like her skin was being peeled straight off her back, she shuddered and whimpered into the cold night air, holding her head tight in her hands and letting her nails bite into the flesh of her scalp. Lucien’s voice felt miles away, his worried hugs nothing but a ghostly touch around her as she trembled in her small, curled up ball.

Then she heard it, felt it - like the burning, freezing sensation of plunging her cold body into too hot water - across the back of her head, like claws scraping against her skull and fangs sinking into her ears…

_“There you are, little one…”_

Scrambling to her feet, Nara shoved Lucien over in her effort to stand up, her hands in shaking fists at her sides as she spun around, searching for something that wasn’t there. All she could see was the faintest outlines of the distant, mountainous ranges of Skyrim, the slightest glimmer of the firelight of Whiterun. There was nothing of note, just the campfire, the tent and Lucien, standing just on the edge of her vision as she scoured the near pitch black shadows around them.

A gentle hand carefully touched her arm and she lashed out without thinking, slapping it aside to snatch hold and grip the familiar dark, bear fur cloak and brown leather jacket her worried friend was wearing. And she _glared_ up at him, ignoring the fear and panic in his eyes as she shoved him back as she let go, not even taking the time to watch him stumble briefly before he caught himself on the rock wall.

“Nara—”

“Will you just shut up and _fuck off_ , Lucien? I don’t want to fucking talk.” Nara snapped, not even raising her voice above a low growl before she stormed into the tent, hiding herself away in the darkness of both the fur canopy around her and her large cloak hood. She sat down, staying like that with her arms wrapped around her knees as she listened to nothing but the sudden surge of vicious, _unhealthy_ thoughts whirling their way around her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! I just had to take a small break from Nara because oh yikes Things Occurred and also I just had next to no energy, really. But I'm back and woohoo! Chapter 60!! She's finally getting towards High Hrothgar!!  
> Many Thanks As Always To Gnewna For Proof Reading Assistance and also for Writing Motivation to get 60 done!!


	61. An Eerie Type Of Silence

A soft summer breeze carried the ever present scent of the ocean along the golden shores, waves pushed forward and pulled back in a constant rhythmic melody that couldn’t drown out the squawking seagulls above. Heated to a gentle warmth in the light of the sun, the sand shifted with her movement as she woke up into her dream, left to stare up at a beautiful blue sky with not a cloud in sight. Pushing herself up to lean on her elbow, Nara dusted her shackled hands on the leather covering her thigh and sighed, wondering bitterly to herself as to what madness she had been thrown into.

Instead, she was left to hear the quick steps of someone rushing past her and further up the beach.

She quickly looked, seeing the person in question was a young boy, hurrying to two girls sat on a large white towel. Skidding to a stop and accidentally throwing sand all across the towel, the boy knelt down and held out his hands, hiding something between them. The older girl - but no older than ten, Nara was certain - sat up straighter, a small grin slowly pulling at her lips whilst the smallest girl quickly held out her hands to her twin brother. They were all uncannily silent. They spoke but no sound came from their moving lips, the only sound that existed was the waves washing up and down constantly. That, and Nara had no talent for reading lips, so she was left to guess - and Gods, how she hated guessing.

The boy carefully emptied the contents of his hands into his sister's and with a flinch but a bright grin and a silent giggle, she held and gently petted the tiny mudcrab. Their eldest sibling laughed, made a comment with a teasing grin that had the young girl yank her new friend away and protectively hide at her side…

With a blink, Nara realised and placed together a few fragments of the puzzle. That was Amarela, Kylan and Lucy. All together, younger and bearing… innocence? She had no idea, but whatever all of it was - a hidden memory or a vision of another world - Nara didn't know what to make of it. So, she stood up, letting the chains clatter around her wrists as she dared to step closer, wondering if she'd have the chance to hear anything of what they were saying.

But that step sent her into quicksand, the beach beneath her feet suddenly swallowing her and with a thousand ragged spikes, it began to  _ eat her whole. _ Crying out in agony, she clawed at the loose grains and found no purchase, forced to watch through the tears and flashes of white hot pain as the spikes wrenched free from her legs and tugged her a little closer to her demise, clawing higher and puncturing her body once again. 

Two figures in black made their way down the shallow hill and onto the beach. An older, brunet man and a teenaged, blonde girl. They spoke, all five on friendly terms, all unaware of the strife happening not even ten feet away from their place. Until something snapped in the air.

With the teeth and quicksand now up to her sternum, Nara was forced to watch as the blonde girl - a young Anella - turned to face her. Her lips pulled back to reveal a maw of bloodstained, crooked fangs that grew to unnatural proportions the closer Anella stepped, and with each step she aged. Older and older until Nara was face to face with the same woman she had such a deep,  _ unyielding _ hatred for. A flash of violet filled Anella's hand, a Conjuration spell which formed into a spectral battleaxe, one that had Nara locking up with fear.

Just one overhead swing - one that lasted for minutes and seemingly never came but happened in an instant - cut through her scarred and tattooed shoulder, ripping a scream the likes of which Nara had never heard herself make… Because it…  _ wasn't hers..? _ With a disgusting, wet sound of her muscles being shorn asunder, Anella swapped her grip on her weapon and braced her foot on Nara's left shoulder and pushed and pushed and  _ pushed,  _ speeding up her descent into the mouth. Sand filled her mouth and smothered her nose, making each breath impossible and with a final tug, darkness surrounded her in an instant as the top of her head was completely covered, and then she was spat out and left to fall for what seemed like millennia...

Her back suddenly slammed into the ground, hard enough to make her bounce and tumble across the freezing stone. Retching and eventually throwing up sand and bile, Nara remained on her stomach and trembled, managing to glance around and see the sand that wasn't bloodstained was actually… some sort of obsidian coloured grain. None of it made sense…

Clearing the last of the strange sand from her mouth the best she could, she dragged herself up onto her feet, finding herself in the middle of an enormous vestibule sporadically littered with cages and corpses. All of it, all the death and the slowly dying grew in amount the further ahead she looked, finding an enormous throne on which the Monster sat. Slouching in its throne of jagged ebony and decorated with bolted, shackled and still somewhat alive Dremora, Elves and Humans, the Monster sat up, the boredom in its cold blue eyes fading away as a wretched, disgustingly  _ slimy  _ chuckle bubbled in its chest, growing louder and louder until it was all Nara could hear.

A frozen feeling crawled through and into her heart and stomach, holding and keeping her completely still as she kept her jaw clenched and her fists trembling by her sides, making the chains rattle with the movement. She glared with all the anger she held despite her terror, letting the fire rage and burn through her veins and warm her against the cold cackling. Sick of it all, Nara swallowed and turned on her heel, looking for an exit, trusting that the nightmare would end soon, that it was only in her head, she would be fine when she woke up… She  _ would  _ be fine when she woke up...

_ Right? _

* * *

Sharp, bitter winds rushed all around them all as they continued on their path to Ivarstead, the sunlight hidden behind thick clouds and the massive bulk of the mountain. Towering impossibly high into the heavens and looming over all, the Throat of the World stood, waiting, silent and threatening yet somehow all at the same time… it was  _ peaceful. _ But such a fact couldn't be acknowledged as they trudged on up the hill, exhausted and scared for two separate reasons.

The fear of the unknown, and the fear that they were losing their friend.

"Kaidan?"

"Aye..?"

"What… what do we think we should say to Nara..?" Lucien asked quietly, watching the young Breton leading the way and all the while, he couldn't shake the memory of her scream when she lurched awake that morning. He couldn't forget the memory of her hiding with a bloodied nose in her bedroll, trembling for almost a full hour before finally calming down.

It seemed that Kaidan couldn't shake similar thoughts and memories from his mind, either. His face set with permanent worry and crimson eyes unable to focus on anything else but the smallest of their trio, "I've no idea, Lucien. I mean… What can you even say to what's happening with her? I've no bloody clue as to what's going on with her, and I don't think she has an idea, either…"

"I think I might..? It's only a hypothesis really but—"

"Lucien, don't treat it like one of your experiments…" Kaidan said with a knowing look, his voice remaining low as to not let their leader catch on that they were speaking about her.

It took Lucien a moment to understand, but he nodded and tried again, rubbing his eyes as he did, "Anyway, I have an idea that Nara with this supposed Dragonborn business is… affecting her emotional state?"

"Pretty sure that was already confirmed, Lucien…"

"Yes yes I know but… I—  _ We _ have no idea how far it goes..! For all we know these dragon souls or whatever it is she's absorbing from the dragons, any of it,  _ all of it _ could be killing her, or it could be making her a different person or… Divines, I don't know…" Running his hand through his hair, Lucien rubbed the back of his neck and sighed, unable to wipe the frown off his face as they kept climbing the hill towards Ivarstead. The lack of knowledge, of information and understanding was really beginning to claw its way through his brain and was making easy work of shredding his nerves to be much more frayed - almost how they used to be before he ever even set foot in Skyrim.

"I think whatever's going on..? We'll figure it out in time, it's the reason why we're heading up to High Hrothgar, at the end of the day."

"True. I just hope we can find the answers soon."

"Aye, me too. Come on, before she leaves us behind and forgets about us."

A sharp rush of pain and fear ran its way through Lucien at that idea. It was just a simple comment, and he knew that Kaidan meant nothing by it but he was speaking about an  _ amnesiac. _ The idea of being forgotten by Nara was so terrifying a thought that despite  _ knowing  _ that it was just a comment, just a saying and nothing more, he couldn't help but speed up a little more and pass by the taller man to catch up to Nara. 

With her head down and Lucien’s map in hand, Nara kept on leading the way. Never stopping for breaks, never waiting when asked, she kept pushing on up the path without realising the aching in her muscles or the tension in the air around her. What did it even matter? She was probably going to learn something stupid and useless at the top of that mountain when she got there. Muttering and grumbling quietly to herself, she kept pushing onwards, soon cresting the peak of the hill and spotting the small village. It took her a moment to realise that she had been there before - a whole month ago - leaving a quietly distant feeling to weigh her down even more, that they were still missing Inigo...

She shook it all from her mind, grumbling quietly to herself and ignoring the  _ stupid _ sadness that tried to dig its way into her heart and stepped towards the bridge, to begin her useless trek up the mountain for answers she didn’t want to find. Then, like the past three days, in an  _ infuriating,  _ predictable turn of events.

Another bloody dragon had shown up.

In an instant, Nara whirled around to face the direction of the distant roar, unsheathing her quarterstaff from her back and baring her teeth as she waited and listened as the wing beats grew louder and faster. The sun vanished from sight for a brief moment, blotted out by the beast’s giant form and with a resounding tremble through the earth, it had landed right before her. Its claws scratched and splintered the stone bridge before her, sending large chunks of grey stone into the raging river beneath it, its wings perched half on the bridge itself and along the walls - barely able to contain the beast’s size. Viciously dark, matt purple scales covered the dragon, leaving it to look like a shadow had come to life with no light to reflect except for the faintest trace hidden beneath the oppressively thick clouds above - which finally began to pour with rain.

“And here stands the  _ Dovahkiin, _ my  _ zeymah _ were not wrong about your weak spir—”

“Fuck. OFF!”

Charging at the dragon, Nara swung her quarterstaff up,  _ cracking _ it under the dragon’s chin - forcing its jaw closed with a sudden lurch and  _ whack!  _ of orcish metal against scale. A low growl left the dragon, its eyes narrowing as blood slowly trickled from its mouth and in an instant it snapped at her with bloodied fangs. Her quarterstaff broke within its maw and was wrenched from her grasp, thrown aside in two pieces. But she didn’t care, and set about clawing at it with her bare hands, slamming her fists into its enormous form with no care for her well-being, no care that every hit sent pain through her arms and drew blood and cut her hand wraps and her flesh to ribbons against sharp and rain slick slate purple scales.

The Ivarstead Guard were quick to react, to join the fray with the trio, and from a distance the small handful of men and women peppered the dragon with arrows. All whilst Kaidan tore a gash large enough through its wing to make it falter as soon as it tried to take off - unable to fly too far without crashing down back into the earth on the eastern side of the village. Easily taking chase, the trio of adventurers followed, splashing through the rain and back into the fray once more.

With fear for his friend’s safety clinging to his heart, Lucien simply couldn’t leave her side whilst Nara was tearing herself apart with every punch and Shout. So he stayed close enough for Healing Hands to be able to reach her, to stop her from passing out from blood loss or from the pain that she clearly wasn’t acknowledging. It was only in sporadic bursts - when he was close enough, when there was a break in the dragon’s onslaught, when he could take a moment from trying to find the best place to strike with his sword. He finally landed a blow, one directly across the dragon’s eye which immediately clouded with the blood dripped down its scaled face and it snapped back, fangs clamping around his forearm before he had the chance to pull away and tearing a pained shout from the young Imperial.

But the pressure began to lessen, the dragon growled - confused and trying desperately to rip Lucien’s arm out of its socket. Yet, no matter how hard the dragon tried, it could bite down any further and a second later its jaw was pulled down against its will, and on the other side stood Nara with one bloodied hand gripping one of its canine’s - pushing up - and the other hand yanking down its jaw as hard as she could. Trembling against the dragon’s strength and holding strong, she freed Lucien’s arm and as soon as he had pulled away, she let go of its jaw and tore its fang from its mouth and  _ struck. _

Thrusting the tooth into its eye with a furious scream, Nara gripped the dragon’s horn for leverage, pushing and pushing the tooth past flesh and scale and pulling and  _ pulling _ the dragon by its head onto its own fang until it finally  _ stopped. _ With a final crack and shudder, the dragon fell dead and dragged Nara with it for her arm was still in its skull - all the way up to her elbow. Hitting the ground knees first with a wince, the corpse smoldered and burned, turning to glowing wisps as always and quickly engulfing Nara in magical fire-like light. She blinked and pulled her arm free without much effort, letting blood and viscera slop onto the ground as she fell back onto her arse, dazed and awake to  _ everything. _

Blinking past the tears, she looked around, bottom lip trembling as the panic grew louder and louder in her head. Violet eyes immediately fell on Lucien, standing just a few feet away with the dragon’s skull between them both and with a sob she scrambled to her feet, quickly tripping over herself to wrap her arms around him and hide her face in his chest. She couldn’t even hear his barely stifled shout of pain past her own distraught sobs.

“I’m so sorry Lucien— I’m so so  _ so  _ sorry I’m so sorry—”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof heck, poor Nerds  
> Gracious Thanks to Gnewna for help proof reading as always!


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